DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not mine. This piece of chocolate is however .

Jack stood motionless as the rest of the crew including his irate wife left the ship in favour of land and the earthly delights that only Tortuga could properly provide. All the crew, except for Gibbs who was sitting on deck sharing a bottle of Rum with Mr. Cotton, both giving Jack a look he was beginning to know very well. The 'you stupid man' look. He was beginning to feel very unpopular on his own ship.

"I know."

He burst out yelling spinning around to glare at them before storming into his cabin and slamming the doors behind him.

"Nice weather."

Gibbs commented blithely as he and Cotton continued to share their drink. Cotton remained silent as he usually did and so did his parrot.

Despite the varying layers of debauchery that seemed to cover Tortuga surprises of the clean nature had surprised Alex. Anna had shown her a Chinese laundry, fresh local goods and a trustworthy butcher. Part of her longed to buy all she could, go back to the Pearl and cook up a magnificent feast. The Jack part of the Peal put her off. Way off. Though according to Anna her solution was close at hand.

"Sleep at a brothel? No offence but I don't want some punter to mistake my room for someone else."

Anna shook her head grinning at the misconception.

"Run by my sister."

"Really?"

Anna lifted and eyebrow and shrugged.

"We've known each other long enough that we're just about related, close enough for me. She lets out private rooms, away from the main business, very comfortable, baths and all."

Alex gave her a questioning look as she shifted her grip on her supplies and stepped over an unconscious drunk.

"Anna she's not…"

"Not Jack friendly if that's what you were about to ask. He did, after all, steal my boat and she's never forgiven him for that."

The house loomed in front of them set comfortably on the side of the hill above all of Tortuga's regular activities. To her it looked like a big old southern mansion and considering the time she'd landed herself in she was probably on the money, without the whole southern plantation part.

"Ai! Anna-Marie my darling, I knew I'd be expecting you soon."

Lucia turned out to be a larger woman, no nonsense very business smart despite her chosen profession and very accommodating.

"Of course you can stay here, I have plenty of rooms. I won't be opening my doors for that no good buccaneer if that is the underlying question."
She'd quickly sat them inside plying them with iced tea. She seemed to live a very comfortable and opulent life for that of a Tortuga Madame, but business acumen will get you anywhere with the right mindset.

"We'd rather not discuss Jack."

Anna motioned seemingly trying to end the subject, Alex let out an annoyed sigh at the mention of his name, they had as yet avoided telling Lucia that the infamous and unpopular pirate was married to Alex.

"And yet he's the only thing you're talking about."

Gulping down the contents left in her glass Alex threw her head in her hands as Anna chose not to reply to Lucia's comment. The 'Gig' was up.

After several hours of pretending to be looking at maps another hour rifling through what clothes were clean enough that Alex had left behind he found himself in some semblance of order.

"Tortuga, here I come."

With that he exited his cabin and the Pearl all the while Gibbs and Cotton watched on only speaking when the captain was clear out of earshot.

"I hope when she catches up with him…"

Cotton nodded and his parrot merely squawked

"Shiver me timbers."

Much to her ire there was nothing funnier than seeing Lucia spraying her mouthful of ice tea across the room.

"How in the name of God and the saints did you marry Jack Sparrow."

The shocked look on her face was getting too much, as much as Alex had been looking forward to land the contents and population was much to be desired.

"Jack was drunk and Alex was,"

Anna turned her attention to her, Alex let out a long suffering sigh.

"I was out of my mind."

"Yes and so they both woke up on the Pearl the next day married."

A very awkward silence descended on the party for a few moments before Lucia threw back her head laughing, much to the embarrassment and annoyance of Alex. Alex crossed her arms and 'harumphed' back onto the couch while Anna managed to calm her 'sister' down.

"I'm sorry, but he got his just desserts marrying a woman like you."

Alex lifted an eyebrow but was yet to say anything.

"He's terribly charming to the girls that is when they haven't wizened up to him. He has redeeming qualities somewhere deep down I'm sure but our town isn't going to bring any of that out in him. He should be thanking the stars you were given to him, set him right you will."

The praise however masked in Jack's questionable character was recognised by Alex and she was reasonably appeased.

"You'd think that if you think that, that he'd think that too. Jack only thinks of his crotch when it comes to the matter of us. I'm thinking of the big picture in relation to us, but the him of we in the us isn't living up to his part."

Lucia nodded and poured more tea while Anna simply sat back taking everything in knowing that Gibbs would want notes when she got back to the ship.

Alex took another sip of water and sighed.

"You know we were this close last night."

She gestured with her fingers, pinching them in tight.

"He was delicious and charming and a gentleman and then my piratical prince turned into a big fat pumpkin in the morning.

"That would be a frog, Alex."

Anna interjected, smiling at Lucia who seemed to be taking a motherly role in this telling of confidences.

"No a pumpkin, they sound better when you stomp on them."

Lucia nodded and after draining her cup for a second time leant over and patter Alex's hand.

"We'll clean you up, sweet. You can have a lavender bath, I'll do your hair and when that undeserving pirate finds you he'll beg twice as much to forgive him. Trust Aunt Lucia. She understands men, pirates or not."

And with that Alex's sweet plan for joyous comeuppance was hatched.

One Captain Jack Sparrow was rather restlessly perusing the streets for his lost and possibly still moody wife. He'd managed to get some idea of where Alex and her female pirate accomplice Anna had been. He'd tracked them from spices to laundry where Jack was meted with a quick,

"We no clean you Laundry. Lady tell us bad things. Get out! Get out!"

She had been busy indeed.

At Gibbs insistence Jack had endeavoured to look form Alex's point of view, albeit it was very hard. They had been so close last night, surely she couldn't have been that upset with his carousing with his crew at seeing one of the famous scarlet ladies of Tortuga. However considering how long it had taken her to simply warm up to his amorous advances she was rather insecure with the more sensual things of life. She was afraid to lose him, him Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl. In Jack's mind she didn't want to lose what she'd stumbled on to any other woman, diamond in the ruff and all that. No one ever said Jack was particularly quick in relations dealing with a feminine mind and what he had concluded when attempting to ponder the workings of Alex's inner workings was sadly lacking in any real substance. Perhaps in Jack's mind he considered that if Alex though he had lost him she would come to him. These conclusions however were based on a brain that had become rather rum-soaked as the beginnings of his pondering coincided with the entrance to the nearest pub.

Alex was in heaven. Back in time but heaven. Lucia's bath was a monstrosity of a thing, large to fit her filled out form, claw footed and steaming with warmth and lavender oil. With Alex calmly soaking Lucia took it upon herself to apply something to her hair to clean it. All her aches and pains were slowly being drawn out and her leg was much improved.

As Alex finally stepped out of the, now, lukewarm bath and was towelling off Anna strolled in with a rather defeated look on her face.

"Jack is an idiot."

Alex and Lucia looked up with an expression that screamed 'duh'. But Lucia motioned for her to continue.

"Your husband has decided that you're jealous and that making you as green as possible is what will drag you back to him. He's decided to find himself another woman to entertain himself with."

Lucia herself screamed out a large "What!" and began trading and calling in her best girls to spread word that no one was to even consider Captain Jack Sparrow as John for the rest of his or their natural life. Whereas Alex simply threw her hands up in defeat.

"Why should I even bother. If he's acing like this it's clear he's not my husband anymore, not that we'd actually gotten to the consummation."
"Ring him out of rum and he'll come to his senses. He thinks he's lost you he simply want's you back."

Alex wrapping a towel around herself didn't look believing.

"If Jack that quick to throw me aside for someone else, let alone some prostitute, No offence Lucia."

The larger woman waved off the offence with a smile.

"What makes you think that if he does wizen up I should entertain the thought of taking him back, let alone letting him near my body again or worse my heart. He's a good for nothing adulterous pirate and I for one don't want to allow him to even consider me going back to him."

She fought it but she could feel the moisture in her eyes. There were times when they were on the ship that she truly thought he'd felt something for her. The attack by the Spanish, his tirade against her when he thought he'd lost her, the way he held her only the night before. Everything was crumbling under her fingers. Just like Lyle. They'd been happy then he'd found his alternative lifestyle, the séances, the witchcraft books and then Angelique she didn't fit in. Well, she didn't seem to fit in here either.

"Alex,"

Anna moved to where she stood motionless going through everything she'd done, every failed relationship up to this one.

"I'm getting dressed. Then I'm going to cook dinner."

She announced and swept herself from the bathing room to her own so she could compose herself before dealing like she always had.

Well this update came more toward the end of Jan than the mid that I promised and I apologise but again my life dared to interfere with my writing. My Gran died early Jan and only last week my Cousin dies of cancer to I've been pretty down. Last week I was also in a car accident which injured my right shoulder so I was incapacitated for about a week. Not the best start to the year but I deal.

soaringphoenix86: Well here it is phoenix. You should be happy I was in the mindset to write today or it would still be sitting on my comp waiting for more. This is what a day off does to me. Here is the next instalment dedicated to the advancement of my education with the beginning of another Uni year. So I hope you enjoyed it and I hope I can update again soon. hugs

Second Star to the Left: Kill your alter ego?! A vicious threat indeed, here an update. Still niet on the consummation front but in the relationship sense there is advancement, plus I wanted to take this time to explore more of Alex's character and show her vulnerabilities. How you enjoyed my favourite crazy reviewer.

Nerd's United: Well thank's for patiently waiting. I really haven't taken a hiatus from writing but I've been concentrating on some of my original work and research more than this one. Even if I get more appreciation from this. joy keep reading luv.

mar1966: Pantless but no cigar. Sorry Mar but I enjoy writing the torture and UST too much, maybe in the next chapter or so.

Calypso Calista: This actually isn't a self insert. I'm not as cool as Alex. I think she's been hurt emotionally far more than me. The butchering and cooking is partly from me I enjoy it and had a job at a butchers for a while, which help in the writing. I may take long silent breaks from the fic but I try not to give up I'm just waiting to get inspiration again. Thanks for reading, and for hopefully continuing to read and review.

Xbluxmoonx: Hope you're enjoying it. Please keep reading and reviewing.

SparrowsVixon: Hope you're enjoying, please continue to read and review.