Moments Chapter 4: Those Damn Glasses, a naruto fanfic

Yay! I wrote another one. I'm working on What I Never Had, I swear, it's just... eck, it's going slowly.

Theme # 23: Journey

A take on Kiba and Shino's possible path in life, and where that journey might take them.

Those Damned Glasses

Kiba hates his new team, hates the way Hinata stutters and Kurenai bosses. Hates Shino and his silences and his calm indifference and his creepy crawly bugs. But they're his teammates, so he listens to Hinata stammer her way though sentence after sentence, does what Kurenai tells him to do, albeit with much complaint, and talks to the unresponsive Shino, who only reacts when he mentions the glasses, reaching up to take them away. Shino always catches his wrist in a painful grip with a stern, "No," like Kiba is a bad dog that must be scolded. "No," is all Kiba can remember Shino saying to him.

Kiba doesn't mind his team so much, anymore. It's been a year, and Hinata doesn't stutter as much when it's just them, and Kurenai doesn't boss as much, sometimes letting Kiba have the driver's seat. More often, she gives the wheel to Shino, and Kiba is jealous. He wants to be alpha, but Shino is always stronger, calmer, better. Kiba is jealous, and he watches Shino all the time. Watching and waiting for Shino to make a mistake, so that he can laugh and take his peer down just one more peg.

The Chuunin Exams are a mess. In their aftermath, Kurenai is occupied with mission after mission, and Hinata is either at the hospital or under lock-and-key, tight surveillance at the Hyuuga estate, from which Kiba has long since been banned for his noisy habits. He finds himself spending a lot of time with Shino. Mostly it's just him talking and Shino ignoring him, but sometimes he says something that will catch Shino's interest. Then he listens to Shino ramble softly, and he realizes that he really likes listening to Shino talk. Kiba reaches for the glasses, and Shino catches his wrist; "No."

It is after the failed Sasuke-retrieval mission, and Kiba realizes how cute Shino can be, sometimes. Hinata spends a lot of time with Neji and watching Naruto deal; Kurenai sits with Asuma as Asuma sits with the brooding Shikamaru across the table at the barbeque restaurant as Ino complains about how quickly Chouji's regained the weight. Kiba doesn't mind, hardly even cares, because he's busy watching Shino, trying to figure out how else Shino can be cute: sulking, worrying... petting Akamaru when he thinks Kiba isn't looking. Before Kiba's hand has traveled have the distance to those damned glasses, Shino has caught his wrist. Kiba winces and the "No" goes unsaid.

It is two years later, Kiba is dating Hinata. He likes her well enough- she doesn't stumble over her words so much, anymore, and her hair is long and silky, and Kiba enjoys running his hands through it, while he listens to her not stammering. But Kiba watches Shino, more often than he probably should, because, admittedly, he's still intrigued by Shino, still a little bit jealous, still a little bit hateful of those damned glasses Shino never removes. Kurenai watches him watch Shino, as he sits next to Hinata, listening to her speak, combing his fingers through her hair, and she looks like she knows something he doesn't. Kiba doesn't care if she does or not, because sometimes Shino is staring back, and Kiba thinks he looks just a little jealous, watching him with Hinata, and that makes him feel good, because he's finally one-upped Shino.

Naruto returns, and a week later Kiba lets Hinata go, because it's obvious she's more interested in Naruto, and they were never really in love, anyways. Hinata follows Naruto around like a stray cat that's been fed- because Hinata doesn't make Kiba think of lost little puppies, but rather of a cat hungry for something more- and Kurenai is always with Asuma. As usual, he isn't bothered, opting to spend his afternoons with Shino, talking or listening or just watching. Shino is a very interesting person, past the indifference and the archaic manner of speaking which Kiba finds both cute and annoying. Opting for a new method of removing those damned glasses, Kiba leans in, kissing Shino through the collar he hadn't thought to pull down and out of the way. Shino is surprised, and doesn't catch Kiba's wrist until his fingers are already wrapped around the frames of Shino's glasses.

Kiba loves Shino, loves the way he fits in Shino's arms and the way Shino fits in his. Loves the way Shino shudders and grips his upper arms tight when he presses Shino against a wall, bodies flush against each other. He loves the way their bodies fit together- shoulders, hips, erections, and all- and the way Shino can send shivers down his spine with just a moan or the brush of cool fingers on his neck. It's been two years since that week after Naruto's return, and Kiba still sometimes kisses Shino through the collar of his jacket, almost chastely. It's been two years, and he thinks it's about high time he got into Shino's pants. First it's just hands, and when Shino doesn't say "No" and minutes later cums into his palms, he grins and drops Shino's pants, kneeling and giving it another go, this time with his mouth. Somehow, they stumble back to a bed, and the sex is better than in any of Kiba's fantasies. Except Shino keeps his glasses on.

Kiba wonders, sometimes, at how easily he let go of his need to be alpha, to dominate, and writhed under Shino. Wonders, occasionally, at how Shino can top, while still letting Kiba dominate enough that his pride isn't threatened. It's been a year since their first time, and now Kiba thinks it's high time he got those damned glasses off. For once, he dominates entirely, and while Shino revels in the experience of being uke, reaches out and grasps the glasses. There is a moment of hesitation before he grins and collects his prize, ripping the spectacles off as Shino cums. It takes Shino a few moments, as he catches his breath, to realize that his glasses are absent.

Shino has the prettiest autumn-brown eyes Kiba thinks he's ever seen. Then Shino blinks, gaping at the glasses clutched in Kiba's hand. Suddenly, Shino's eyes aren't so brown anymore, as kikaichu begin wriggling their way out. Kiba didn't-doesn't-won't know that an Aburame's eyes are the only place from which they cannot control the coming and going of the kikaichu, that the glasses blind the insects (though not the user) and without them, Shino cannot stop the bugs swarming towards the sight of Kiba. Shino can only call them back, but they leave far faster than they return. "Kiba," Shino says hoarsely, and Kiba doesn't hear the rest; he's cloaked in kikai and he's screaming and flailing and crying, "Call back your bugs, Shino, call them back, damnit!!" until he's drained of his chakra, passing out, and Shino shouts for help.

Kiba wants to stop blaming himself- he didn't know- and he wants Shino to stop blaming Shino- he didn't tell- but most of all, he wants to stop being angry at Shino for not warning him preemptively. He wishes he weren't, wishes he weren't, wishes he weren't! In the meanwhile, he growls at Hinata and snaps at Kurenai. He won't speak with Shino when the guilty Aburame finally visits him at the hospital, because he doesn't trust himself not to growl or snap or shout or yell at Shino. So Shino leaves, feeling worse than before, confused and afraid.

Kiba's recovery is slow, because he can't sleep enough to regenerate chakra. His nightmares keep him awake, making him scream and flail and sob, "Call back your bugs, Shino, call them back, damnit!!" until Shino stands by his bed, the sleepless circles under his eyes nearly as dark as Kiba's, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have said something, should have warned you!" Until Kiba can't stand it any more, and lashes out, hurting Shino, even as he carefully avoids those damned glasses, and the doctors label him Unstable and Violent, moving him into the mental ward.

Tsume sighs while Hana cries. Akamaru whines and loses his appetite. Shino can't sleep, while Hinata and Kurenai can't understand. It's been four months, and Kiba can't remember why or when he went crazy, only that he doesn't like to sleep unless it's induced by the pretty nurse with the pink hair and aqua eyes who brings him a syringe every night at ten. Otherwise, sleep, to Kiba, means nightmares that wake him with a start, shrieking and howling and something in his small room broken- and only two breakable things exist in his room; a clock and his mind- and a feeling of creepy-crawly all over his skin.

Kiba doesn't know why he's angry all the time, or why Shino makes him even angrier. It makes him angry not to know why he's angry or why he's crazy or why Shino visits the most, and it makes him angrier that trying to figure it out so he can stop whatever it is that's making him angry makes him angry. Shino comes to see him, starting off with the same greeting as always. "I'm sorry, Kiba. How are you today? I'm so sorry." And Kiba pushes him roughly. "Shut up!" he shouts, angry like always, "Stop coming to see me! I hate you; I never want to see you again!" Kiba watches silently in calm triumph as Shino turns and leaves, adjusting those damn glasses that Kiba can't remember why he hates, and suddenly he's angry all over again.

Four years later, no-one has visited Kiba in eight months, though Shino sometimes stops by to read Kiba's medical reports and sign off on any new drugs Kiba needs, because Tsume and Hana can't face this reality. He reads the two different occasions Kiba has attempted suicide in creative ways, until Shino wonders just how much of Kiba is really left. Just as the pen leaves the paper, another anti-depressant for Kiba's medley of cures, a nurse- not the pretty one who gives Kiba sleep- bursts in, informing Shino of Kiba's most recent, half-hearted, on-a-whim attempt at death. They've caught this one early, and the man will be fine by tomorrow, so Shino gets up and leaves, wondering just how fair this is to Kiba, when Kiba isn't really there.

The next day, Kiba gets a visitor. "Goody!" he says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He doesn't think he's ever had a visitor before, and he's very excited. There are no dark circles under his eyes, because the pretty nurse is very good about bringing Kiba sleep every night. Kiba doesn't even remember why he needs her to sleep, but he doesn't complain, because she comes from outside his little room, and he likes to grin goofily as she smiles sadly. So pretty, so the only face he knows, except for the other pretty nurse, blonde, who gives him his medicine twice a day. This one who comes in, he isn't pretty like the nurses, but he closes the door behind him, just like the nurses. Kiba is still bouncing on his heels, grinning a crooked grin. It's Shino, but Kiba doesn't remember Shino. He hasn't seen him in four years of heavy medication and induced sleep.

"Hi!" Kiba chirps with his goofy grin that Shino's never seen before, "I'm Inuzuka Kiba!" Shino cringes at Kiba's medicated exuberance. Kiba sends him a confused look, because the nurses always praise him for being happy. There are no bags under Kiba's eyes, but Shino's still do, and Kiba notices. "You look tired," Kiba says, "What's your name?" It takes everything Shino has not to react to the pang deep in his heart that Kiba has forgotten him. Instead, he produces a single syringe from his pocket, checking it. "It's not time for sleep, is it?" Kiba asks, and he says nothing. He steps forward, until he's right up against Shino, practically hugging him, and he tries to memorize this one last time when their bodies will fit together perfectly- shoulders, hips, everything- and it makes him want to cry. "Sleep?" Kiba repeats, grasping Shino's arms as he inserts the needle to a vein in Kiba's neck. "Oh," Kiba gasps. "I'm sorry-" Shino whispers. "Oh," Kiba repeats, "It's... it's warm..." Shino embraces Kiba tighter when the syringe is empty. "I know," he says, "I'm sorry-" "I feel..." and then, whatever remains of Kiba had been left are limp in Shino's arms.

It's not long before Shino finds himself in the mental ward. He's in the same room as Kiba had been in, because Hinata thinks that he'll appreciate while he's still sane enough to understand. It's torture. She doesn't know what Shino did, neither does Kurenai. Only his dad knows, and Shibi refuses to sign off on even the sleep aid. Shino's ever persistent nightmares of removed glasses, kikaichu swarming tanned skin until he can see nothing but occasional tufts of brown hair or a finger. Kiba's shouts echoing around his head, needles and syringes full of lethal doses dancing in his eyes, Kiba going cold against his chest. Shino is too dignified for suicide; even as his mind slips away, he holds on to that part of himself, along with the part that knows neither Hinata nor Kurenai will come and release him like he did for Kiba. They're too afraid of ending up like him, or Kiba, and Hinata has a clan to run, Kurenai a child to raise.

So Shino is left alone, because after two years of insanity and waking nightmares and crawling inside himself, the visits have dwindled to none. There's no Shino left to visit. He's preoccupied with nightmares, remember everything that Kiba had forgotten, hating his name, Aburame, and everything that comes with it. Hating his damned glasses, until he tears them off and stomps them to pieces. With no-one else present, the kikaichu fall from his eyes like a million black tears and smother him. He doesn't scream or flail or cry, just crumples to the floor when there is no more chakra left in the body that used to be Shino.

. : Wish I hadn't taken them off : .

It started out so fluffy and nice and a bit humorous, and I thought I was doing so well... but then... it all kind of imploded, and by the end of it, I thought, "Curses! The darkness will never leave me!"

So there you have it... more evidence of my morbid fascination with insanity and character death.

Also note the cameo-appearance of my own theory on why the Aburame clan members always wear glasses. All of one really long run-on-sentence in the middle, then a bit of ref in the last section. Sorry if it didn't make any sense.

Flames will be doused so that they do not brighten any of the dark corners in my morbid little mind.