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Prologue Two

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"I needed you more
when we wanted us less
Could not kiss, just regress."

- Bush

He finds it somewhat ridiculous that he's getting married, which probably isn't the best attitude to have on his wedding day. He'd feel guilty if he did guilt, but he tries not to and, also, his attitude is always inappropriate for any occasion, even at 25. Kendra knows this, always has; she loves it about him. He loves her too, though he probably doesn't tell her enough, because his aversion to talking about feelings hasn't gone anywhere, but he's here, isn't he?

She proposed to him, of course, though he's sure he probably would have gotten around to it eventually. Maybe. He's never really thought about it, seriously. The marriage thing. Not that he isn't perfectly happy that they got together again, just over a year ago, right before everything took off very suddenly and the money started pouring in. Even after they broke up in High School, they'd stayed friends. It seems perfectly natural that they picked things up again when they ran into each other.

They fit together. She's hot, and the sex is good and always interesting, and he knows it's not about the money with her. She has her own career in fashion, which is nice, and she's not clingy or high maintenance. There's a familiarity about her that's comfortable, and she puts up with him, and looks after him. All in all, she's kind of perfect for him - even in her flaky, silly moments, and the pet names she still insists on using -which is why he said yes to her proposal. He certainly didn't want to end things, and they'd already moved in together, anyway. It was the next logical step.

Even so… marriage hardly seems like a Derek Venturi thing to do. Committing one hundred per cent to one woman, starting a family (well, that can wait a few years), and everything else that goes with having a wife. His feet are definitely cold, but he'll go through with it anyway because she looked at him the way she looked at him this morning and, fuck, why the hell not? He's a child of divorce; he knows his options. This might be the biggest mistake of his life, or it might be the best thing he'll ever do. He'll find out one day, and he'll know what comes next. He thinks.

Casey is a bridesmaid. Kendra asked her in front of the whole family over dinner – "It's tradition to ask the groom's sister, which actually works out nicely because we're friends!" – and she'd been unable to refuse. Derek saw her hesitation at the beginning, but her control freak ways kicked in soon enough to get her heavily involved with the details of planning a wedding. And, she's walking down the aisle now in a flattering red bridesmaid dress on his friend Kyle's tuxedoed arm. She's beautiful and single, and he knows that most of his friends will hit on her at the reception. He doesn't bother to pretend this doesn't annoy him, and not for any brotherly feelings, either.

It's an inevitably whenever they see each other that residual feeling from years gone by will rise again to the surface and they'll be immature teenagers once more. She's his "what if" and thus exists in a place where they have to remain stunted, because they can't progress with the big question hovering between them. She'll always be unresolved. Even when every feeling fades, and life removes them from one another's immediate sphere, he'll always wonder.

He winks at her when she takes her place in Kendra's corner, in a smirking fashion, and she glares because she's blushing. Still a blush, now, years later, on his wedding day. Still a glare, because he's able to elicit things from her. Blushes and glares. Significant looks and just-barely tears. Sighs and shouts.

Everything between them is too inappropriate to deal with, and he can't believe his thoughts are taking him there today, of all days. He looks at Kendra, now that it's her turn to come down the aisle. She's beautiful and smiling at him, so he smiles back, and he notices tears in the audience – Kendra's mom, Nora, other women in attendance – and some of the bridesmaids are starting to sniffle too. He won't look to see if Casey is one of them. If he sees tears on her face, he'll wonder about all the reasons she's crying.

Later, at the reception, he's a little buzzed. Casey asks to cut in as he's dancing and laughing with Nora, and his stepmother smilingly turns him over to her daughter.

"Derek," she smoothly steps into his arms, at a respectable distance, and smiles, "You've got a great wife; don't screw it up."

"Impossible," he assures her, "the girl's obviously far too in love with me to think of leaving me. I'm golden."

She sighs and rolls her eyes, but she's used to him being an arrogant asshole, so she pushes out and he spins her under his arm.

"In spite of your… you-ness," she says as he pulls her back, "I can tell that you and Kendra are perfect for each other, and I wish you all the happiness you can stand. I mean it. So please just shut up, accept my sincere congratulations, and dance with me."

He wonders why she's always the one extending the olive branches every now and then, stripping the hostility away to show a piece of real feeling, or intent, or something entirely mature and… her. She's looking at him directly, a certain resolve in her expression, and it's sincere and perfect. He thinks he loves her a little when she's like this, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with the 'what if' – it's just something whole, and affectionate, and familiar.

Even so, if the circumstances were even slightly different, he'd kiss her right this instant. Because he can't express things like this with words, and they're better left unsaid anyway. Her hand squeezes his slightly, pulling him away from considerations that do make him feel guilty in spite of himself, and the song is ending.

"Thanks for the dance," she tells him as they separate and he notices that there might be a slight catch in her voice.

It makes him flinch, but this is his stepsister, and this is his wedding reception, and she'll always be the things he's never said or done. So he smirks at her.

"I do have a great wife," he says, "But, I wonder why she picked out such slutty dresses for the bridesmaids."

He catches her fist before the punch can connect, and holds on a little longer than is appropriate.

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