Author's Note: It is extremely hard to write Bella when she is supposed to be numb inside. But I imagine that Christmas time would be a little harder for her. In this fic I describe her as asleep, as opposed to awake. When she starts hearing Edward's voice in her head she wakes up, but the rest of the time I figure she was between waking and sleeping. I hope that makes sense.

The Winter of Our Discontent

Chapter Two - Bella
December Dreams

I shrugged off my parka as I entered Newton's; ignoring the ecstatic wave that Mike sent my way. He was perched up by one of the higher shelves where we kept the excess hiking boots, doing who-knows-what. Mike had been particularly hyper the past few days, a fact I was sure I had to blame on the quickly approaching holiday. I sighed heavily, trying not to think about it. I'd been more alert than usual, which meant I had to be more careful around everyone. It wasn't the easiest thing to do this time of year, what with everyone so…cheerful. I glanced up at Mike in horror, finally registering in my mind what he was doing. He was nailing "boughs of holly" along the tops of the isles. I groaned involuntarily, making my way towards the back, trying to avoid him as much as humanly possible. As I heard a large grunting sound, something that sounded suspiciously like someone hitting the floor, and loud footsteps following me, I knew that he wasn't going to make this easy.

"Hey Bella," he called happily. I flinched.

"Mike," I acknowledged with a little nod in his direction. I busied myself resituating items on the shelves.

"So my parents are having a Christmas party," he began. I detected a sense of nervousness in his voice, and that was never good.

"That's nice," I replied casually, drifting into thoughts of end of term tests.

"There's going to be a whole bunch of their friends there," Mike went on. "And they said that I could invite a few of my friends—you know, mix things up a bit. I was wondering if you wanted to come." I looked up at him stupidly for a moment, an image of a happy little Christmas party floating through my mind. Holly, red ribbon, gingerbread cookies, eggnog, mistletoe... Oh, boy.

"I don't think so, Mike." I didn't know what my excuse should be. School would be out; the Newton's would probably give me the day off work…

"I really need to spend some time with my dad," I finished, almost pleased with myself. Mike's smile dimmed a couple of kilowatts, but he quickly recovered himself.

"All right," he said. "Just thought I'd offer." He walked to the front of my store to help a customer, and I was left alone with my thoughts—never a good thing. Obviously he hadn't expected me to say yes. That was good at least. Less disappointment that way.

I'd like to be able to say that the rest of my shift went without anymore uncomfortable situations, but that obviously isn't the truth. Towards the end of the night, I was sitting up by the register, watching the clock. I'd brought a book with me, but Mrs. Newton was there (decorating the store) and she wasn't fond of her employees entertaining themselves on the job—even if the place was dead. The bell above the door rang, signaling a customer. I turned to ask if they needed assistance. I was puzzled to see Angela and Ben enter the store, hand in hand. Neither of them were much of hikers, so I knew that something else must be up.

"Bella," Angela greeted happily, dragging Ben towards the counter and myself.

"Hey, Angela," I said with a half-smile. "What can I do for you?""I just came by to drop off an invitation for you and Mike," she said, handing me a small envelope with my name scrawled across the front.

"I'm having a Christmas party," Angela smiled happily. Happy, happy, happy…why was everyone so happy?

"Er…thanks," I offered, taking the invitation. "I don't know if I'll be able to make it, though." Angela's eyes softened; her smile understanding, though I hadn't given her an excuse yet.

"That's okay, Bella," she said. "I just thought I'd try." Funny…Mike had said the same thing. Honestly, she seemed pleased that I had actually talked to her…I didn't allow myself to dwell on why that might be. At that moment, Mike rounded the corner, a large Santa hat on his head.

"Ho, ho—hey guys!" he called, walking towards Angela and Ben.I was tired of groaning, so I just held my head in my hands for a minute. Angela, Ben, and Mike chatted cheerfully for a couple of minutes, oblivious to me. Again, I didn't let myself wonder why. Mike's cry of delight brought me back out of my stupor, and I looked up to see one of Ben's hands grasping the handle of the door, the other holding Angela's, a look of confusion on his face. Angela looked confused as well, so I figured Mike was just being a nutcase again.

"You guys are standing under the mistletoe," Mike said, pointing to the small clump attached to the bell above the door. Who had put that there? How long had it been there? What where the chances that I could take it down without being caught? Ugh…pretty slim. Angela blushed furiously and I knew she wasn't really one for public displays of affection. Ben, on the other hand, grinned stupidly.
"It's Christmas," he reminded her softly. She nodded her head a fraction of an inch, and he leaned in. It was like watching a car crash—I couldn't look away. As Ben brought up one of his hands and rested it gently on Angela's cheek, my heart stopped. For a moment, I was far away from everything, from Newton's, from Forks, from the horrifying scene before me. The only thing that mattered was a painfully beautiful boy and his cold lips on mine. It only took an instant, but I struggled to hold back a sob. Angela looked up at me, unsure.

"Are you okay, Bella?" she asked worriedly. "You don't look very good."

"I'm fine," I tried to say, but it came out sounding forced and weak. "I just need to go sit down for a minute."And I was gone. I couldn't stand there anymore, watching all the happy people in the world. It made me sick—made me like this. I leaned up against a wall toward the back of the store, trying to steady myself, but somehow I ended up on the floor, holding my knees to my chest. Something had happened this week, something horrible. For the past few months I had been stuck between waking and sleeping, but now I was asleep. I didn't want to sleep. Those who sleep dream…and dreaming was far too dangerous. Against my better judgment, I allowed myself one final thought before I stopped dreaming. I knew it would be painful, but I couldn't help myself. As much as I would deny it to anyone who ever asked, I'd always wanted to be kissed under the mistletoe. With a small smile, I indulged myself with one final image. His cold hands holding my face tenderly, his breath so sweet, and his cold lips smiling gently against mine. In this dream he hadn't left, he loved me beyond words, and he would never think of going anywhere without me. In this dream I loved mistletoe. And then I stopped dreaming. I stopped feeling. The magic was over, and I would not fall asleep again. How ironic, I laughed coldly. I did not dream again.

I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't very good. Bella is very hard to get right during this point in her life...for me, anyway. Please review and tell me what you think!