Alright! I feel like I'm on a roll! Here's Chapter 42! Prepare to laugh your ass off! Secrets will be revealed! Results will be had! Reviews will be written! (Hopefully) On with it!
WARNING: This chapter requires a little more maturity than the others. You've been warned.
"So it may not be ready to be tested. Interesting. Let me know when they are done." A click was heard in the dark room.
This was going to be a long one, Gendo Ikari figured. He had hoped to have the S2 organs at least tested to see if they could be activated this weekend. Apparently, these Angels were and are still very much beyond the human way of comprehension. Over the weekend, he decided to schedule a sync test. Everyone's scores were virtually the same except for Zack and Elly. Those two were still battling injuries and it affected their scores.
"So, all we can do for the moment… is wait." Hopefully another Black Angel wouldn't be on its way soon. This is why he preferred a scenario he could control. This time, the outcome was completely up in the air and beyond.
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Misato's Apartment (Sunday Night)
Ivana cringed at the sight in front of her. Apparently Zack had a found a new interest. His latest interest was a brown shoebox. "What are you up to?"
"I'm checking out the secret inside my secret box," replied Zack. "And the contents inside are a secret." Zack and Ivana were the only ones up right now.
Ivana shrugged. "Whatever." Ivana figured it whatever was likely to be inside to be a stash of adult magazines. She decided that she would figure it out right now. "Hand over the box."
"No," came the obvious reply.
Ivana then figured that if she was going to see inside the box, she would have to coerce him. "You are in no condition to be refusing my demand," she said while cracking her knuckles.
Zack knew what he was up against, and the condition he was in. So to avoid pain that could be compared to excessive torture, he gave in. "Okay, you win. But you only get to look once."
"A wise choice." Ivana then took the box and opened it up. She frowned at the contents of the box. "Where'd you get this?" She removed the box's content. It was a single photograph. Not just a photograph. But one of Misato… drunk.
"I got that with my camera just yesterday," replied Zack. "She was funneling beer when she was with Kaji. The bonus here is that her jacket is half off and her bra is unhooked. But as you see, not off though."
"Now what would happen if Elly were to see this picture?" Ivana decided to try blackmailing Zack. She knew he came from a rich family and could get some money out of him.
Zack saw it coming. "Nice try Ivana, but that won't work. Elly was the one who told me to take the picture, and then use the evidence against Misato some time in the future."
Ivana decided to try again. "How about I show Misato this picture tomorrow morning?"
"Go ahead. If I die, you'll be charged with accessory to murder. Besides, I'll just get a better picture for my secret box." His eyes turned towards Shinji and Asuka's room.
Ivana knew immediately what he was going to do. "You won't do that. That is sinking to an all-time low. And one you would get caught. You are like a rabid rhinoceros in a jewelry store."
Zack made a challenge. "And what makes the all-mighty super uber macho girl Ivana think she can do any better?"
Ivana couldn't turn down this challenge. "You had better be paying me for this."
"Payment will be upon success and quality of your photo."
Ivana then crept over to the sleeping couple's door. She was so quiet that one wouldn't be able to hear the wheels on the door move. Once she could see Shinji and Asuka sleeping, she whipped out a camera, a very quiet click could be heard, and she shut the door as quietly as she could.
Ivana turned around to see an impressed Zack. "Not bad," he said. "Now let's get that data uploaded onto Misato's laptop and we'll see how impressive it is."
And using a few computer gadgets Zack had the photo onscreen. Now Ivana spoke again. "So how was it? Better than you thought huh? This photo would definitely get you murdered by Asuka if she found out this photo was shown around school."
"Especially Shinji too. He would also be dead. Look where his hand is."
"Not entirely," countered Ivana. Take a better look at Asuka's face."
So Zack did as she suggested. And he was shocked at what he saw. "What? She's awake? And she's smiling too? I think Misato and her behaviour is starting to rub off on her. This is definitely going in the secret box!" And with that, he snuck his new secret picture in.
"Pay up." Ivana wanted her money that she deserved.
Zack then whipped out a checkbook with Canadian flags in the background. "Pay… to the order of Ivana Kharlamov. One thousand dollars and nine cents."
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Next Day
Today was like any other Monday morning. The kids were getting ready for school. But as everyone was sitting at the table, Shinji, Asuka, and Pen-Pen were wondering what Zack was doing with a shoe box.
"What the hell are you doing with a box?" snapped Asuka as she always did at Zack.
"It's my secret box," replied Zack. "Within this box lies a very great and powerful secret."
"Whatever. Let's see this great secret of yours." Asuka tried to reach for the box, but Zack made sure to stay out of her reach.
"NO! Nobody can know my secret! It s for me only to bear witness to." Zack had now gotten up from the table and ran back into the living room.
"Whatever," said Asuka. She grabbed Shinji's arm. "C'mon let's go already!" And with that. She dragged Shinji out the door.
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Atop a rooftop
A hooded man watched over the city like he always had. The fact that Oholah and Ohlibah were beaten had definitely surprised him indeed. He had honestly thought the 3rd and 4th would actually defeat the EVA pilots.
"Ah, what a glorious day this is," said the man. "A glorious day for disaster." The man then whipped out a cell phone. A few rings went by when a gruff voice on the other line answered.
"Yes Master. What is your request?" It was Keel, the head of SEELE
The hooded man then proceeded with his demand. "I believe the time for Saul to awaken is near. What do you think?"
"I see. He can be awakened soon then." Keel paused for a moment. "What is Saul like anyway?"
"Saul is definitely different from the others so far. Sometimes not having a solid shape and actually be a being of pure plasma can have its advantages. Summon him when you're ready." The hooded man then hung up. "I wonder Keel, I wonder if you know what I'm really planning."
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Shinji and Asuka had already taken off for school, leaving the others behind back at Misato's apartment. Shinji was focused on getting through the day. Asuka though was rather distracted. Shinji noticed this and decided to inquire. "What's on your mind Asuka?"
Asuka snapped out if her thought and responded. "Oh it's Casanova and his stupid secret box. I just can't stop wondering what's inside it."
"It's probably a bunch of adult magazines. I've seen some of his magazines lying around. Surprisingly Misato hasn't found any of them yet."
Asuka looked him in the eye. "You don't get it do you?" She got more hysterical. "What if that pervert has a picture of us where I let you feel a little more than most guys should?"
Now Shinji thought about that for a moment. If Zack really had a photo of him and Asuka sharing a very odd moment, it would be the end of their reputations. But they still had a factor on their favour. "Don't worry Asuka, he wouldn't dare. I'm sure Ivana wouldn't let Zack show a picture like that around the school."
"But look who he's hooked up with. Miss Pink! She'll flap her flapper like 4th Impact is tomorrow!" said Asuka.
"Why don't we ask Ivana to help us out?" suggested Shinji. "If he talks, Ivana will crush him."
This made Asuka feel better. "Yeah, and she'll send his cracked ribs out his back and onto a barbecue! Thanks for the assurance." To Shinji's shock, she pulled him into a deep kiss.
Little did they know that a few of their classmates from their first period class were watching Shinji and Asuka kiss from across the street. And they knew of the rumours of Shinji's alleged psychotic girlfriend.
"Oh my god! It's Asuka!"
"She's the psychopath!"
"We'd better stay away from Shinji or she'll kill us!"
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First Period Japanese Class
The regular sexy teacher that Zack, Ivana, Toji, and Hikari had was ill today. So some miserable grunt in his sixties was taking her place. While he was teaching the class, he noticed that Zack had a shoebox on his desk.
"Harper. What is that container?" the substitute asked.
Zack spoke up as if what he was saying was really important. "Whadya think? It's my secret box! It carries a great and mighty secret!"
The teacher was not impressed. "Would you then mind showing your great secret to the class?"
Zack gave the teacher a look of mock shock now. "Absolutely not! I must protect my secret at all costs!"
The teacher was still not impressed. "I will give you two choices. Hand over the box, or go to the office."
"Way ahead of you asshole!" Zack was already on his way out the door.
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Office
The principal was not happy about Zack causing trouble over the contents of a shoebox. "Now Mr. Harper, I've heard all about your exploits throughout elementary school. But I am willing to compromise with you."
Zack was intrigued by the offer. "Go on," he replied.
"Simple. Hand over the box and its contents, and you can walk out of here. Or refuse and certain people will know of your extremely BAD school records, and you'll have trouble progressing in post-secondary education."
Zack got freaked out. He knew he was… troubled throughout his early life. Those records needed to be destroyed and fast. "Can I make a few calls first?"
The principal knew he was squirming and wanted him to keep squirming. "Go ahead."
Zack went into a private room and whipped out his cell phone. He dialed a number. And then pushed a few more numbers. And listened to the catchy tune as he waited for the call to go through.
The call went through. "What," was the answer.
"Ah Commander. Just who I needed to talk you," said Zack into the phone.
"What is it? Hurry up." Gendo had no patience.
"Uh… can you your intelligence to delete my school records? They're coming back to haunt me."
"No. Do not bother me with this again." Gendo immediately hung up after that.
Zack was determined to not give up. "I won't give up. This bastard will not screw up my school life, and I won't give up my secret box!"
Another number called. This time, he called Vice-Commander Fuyutski. "Yes."
"Can you delete my school records?"
"No I can't. Sorry." He hung up too.
"I'm not out yet!" So Zack dialed another number. Later… "Dr. Akagi?"
"No."
"Lt. Ibuki?"
"I'm not authorized to do that."
"Kaji?"
"I'm a little busy at the moment! Laters!"
"Damn! I got one last card left though!" Zack dialed another number.
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It had been about 20 minutes since Zack had left class. Ivana figured he went down with the ship trying to protect his secret box. Well, the teacher was an asshole she figured out, because he kicked out another student for contradicting him.
Suddenly, she heard a quiet tune. The tune was of the Russian national anthem. She then remembered it was her cell phone. Damn! She had forgotten to turn it off. So she quickly answered it. Being at the back of the class, she could hide behind several people and yet take the call. "What is it?" she whispered into the cell phone.
"Hey Ivana. Did I mention you looked great today?" It was Zack.
Ivana frowned. "Why are you calling me?"
"Because you're the only person left I could call. The principal's forcing me to show him the contents of the secret box. I called the Commanders, Dr. Akagi, Lt. Ibuki to see if they could delete my records, which I should mention he's trying to use against me, and now it's just you," replied Zack over the phone.
Ivana had another question for him. "Why couldn't you call Misato?"
Zack had an answer for that too. "If Misato found out about my secret box's contents, she'll tell the lovebirds and I'll be screwed. She goes through all my stuff anyway. So I have to protect my box. I wouldn't be surprised if she found my stash already."
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Misato's Apartment
Misato was feeling bad about her body. She went snooping amongst Zack's stuff. And she had come across his collection of hidden adult magazines. She was staring at the pictures and she felt disappointed with what she saw.
"You know Pen-Pen, I wish I had a body like that," she said as she flipped through the pages. "What would you think if I had a body like hers?" she asked showing him a page with the suggested picture on it.
"WARK!" came the penguin's response as he was looking at another magazine.
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"Point taken," said Ivana. "So what do you want me to do?"
"You got connections to the KGB. Can you eliminate my school records? Or at least all the bad parts?"
Ivana's frown quickly turned into a smile. She could have Zack at her mercy again. And get more money out of him. "It'll cost you, you know that."
"Fine. Can you do it though?"
"Just give me a few minutes." Ivana then hung up the phone, tucked it away, and raised her hand.
The teacher saw this and answered. "Yes Miss Kharlamov?"
Ivana asked in a sweet voice. "Can I be excused for a few minutes?"
The teacher replied with a gruff "Hurry up."
So Ivana left as quickly as she could. She darted outside where she could be alone for a few minutes. She dialed a number into her cell phone. She began to speak in Russian with the person on the other side of the conversation.
A/N: For the moment, the italics will be Ivana speaking in Russian.
"Yes. That is what I need you to do. I want you to delete all negative records that have to do with Zack Harper." A pause goes by while Ivana listens to the details. "Good. So you can do it?" Another pause goes by. "Thank you Sergei. Do you think you could retain for me a copy of all the bad things he has done?" Ivana listens some more. "For entertainment purposes. I wouldn't mind knowing what that bonehead has been up to during his school life."
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Principal's Office
The principal was still looking as smug as ever when Zack came back into his office. "So Mr. Harper, will you hand over the contents of your secret box?"
Zack gave him the same look. "No."
The principal gave him a look of mock disappointment. "Oh well, I guess the certain people will have to know about your bad records."
"What bad records?" asked Zack with his grin growing bigger.
"These records." The principal tried to bring them up. But there were no bad records at all. "What? What is this? But how?"
"You see," said Zack. "I'm a good boy. Now I'll be on my way." He went out the door and returned to class.
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SEELE Meeting room
SEELE 03: So. It's time for the 5th to show himself.
SEELE 09: According to the boss, this will happen tomorrow
SEELE 12: It's about time.
SEELE 06: Relax. NERV is a much more formidable adversary than we gave them credit for. Planning their destruction will take careful planning.
SEELE 10: So tomorrow, we get to watch NERV squirm for another plan to defeat our newest ally.
A/N: I figure that this chapter may be relatively disappointing. I'll make it up by making sure that the next chapter will be a battle. If you haven't voted on the Zany Antics, then you have until November 25. The Pen-Pen idea is looking very strong, and I have an idea in the works, but if you wish, you can vote for the others to catch up. Until 43, be cool!
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Epilogue Misato's Apartment (Late at night)
"Okay Zack, pay up." Ivana had helped him out with the student records, and was now demanding the money she deserved.
"True, so true. Since you helped me out, you get extra." Zack got out his Canada themed checkbook and wrote Ivana another check, this time for two thousand dollars and nine cents. "Okay I'm going to bed. Hopefully there won't be a Black Angel tomorrow. G'night!"
"Good night comrade." Ivana made her way to hers and Rei's room. Once she shut the door, she changed into some pajamas, turned on her reading light, pulled some papers out of her bag and began to read the contents on the page.
This is what she saw.
Dear Ivana,
These are the records we have gotten. We only gave you all the bad records we found. This was a real riot with the guys here at the KGB. We hope you had as much fun reading these as we did,
Sergei, your commanding officer in Moscow
Zack Harper's Major School Infractions
Told principal to f-off on first day (J.K.)
Beat up kids who tried to steal his snacks (J.K.)
Mooned a speaker during an assembly (J.K.)
Broke a window with toys he was throwing around the room (S.K.)
Hit several kids with chalk filled erasers (S.K)
Threw raw eggs at kids (S.K)
Punched a schoolyard monitor (Grade 1)
Urinated on a teacher's car (Grade 1)
Urinated in the class aquarium (Grade 1)
Fed test mice to a stray cat (Grade 2)
Tried to bribe teacher for a good mark on a test (Grade 2)
Shot at birds with slingshot (Grade 3)
Shot "nerds" with a slingshot (Grade 3)
Flushed a cherry bomb down the toilet (Grade 3)
Exposed the ignorance of the school faculty (Grade 4)
Sexually harassed a teacher with a meter stick (Grade 4)
Belched the national anthem (Grade 4)
Dueled another student with meter sticks (Grade 4)
Organized a gang that threw snowballs at other students (Grade 5)
Planted a bee hive in the teacher's desk drawer (Grade 5)
Set off firecrackers in the teacher's lounge (Grade 5)
Detonated theSanta Claus sculptureduring the Christmas concert (Grade 6)
Belched during school church ceremony into the microphone (Grade 6)
Buried students in the sand pit (Grade 6)
Sold adult magazines to students (Grade 7)
Fought with student over a bottle of whisky with whisky bottles (Grade 7)
Filmed his own version of "Jackass" using other students as actors (Grade 7)
"Teepeed" the entire school (Grade 7)
Coordinated an uprising of kindergarteners (Grade 7)
Ivana was now laughing out loud. It eventually woke up Rei. "Why are you laughing?" Rei inquired.
"Oh I'm just reading about all the bad infractions that Zack committed," said Ivana. She handed the papers to Rei. "Ignore the top bit because it's in Russian. Just read the list."
Rei did as Ivana suggested. As she read the list, she seemed slightly shocked at some of the infractions. "Some of these infractions could cause expulsion. How many times was Pilot Harper expelled?"
"According to his records, about four times despite the good grades."
"I see," said Rei.
"Don't tell Zack that we know about all of us. It would cause… problems," said Ivana.
Rei agreed. "Understood. We should get some rest now. Good night."
"Good night Rei."
And the two pilots quickly found rest.