OMG DOES THIS CHAPTER SUCK. It's so undeniably whiny and sappy and gross. Sasuke cries a lot, and not enough ItaKisa! I CAN FEEL THE ANGRY CHI REACHING IT'S PEEEEAAAAK!!!! Nah, whatever. I hope the next one is better. I think. Just so you know, I'm making this shit up as I go along. Don't expect me to tell you what happens next, because even I don't know. xD
LAWL WATCH OUT IT'S A PARTIAL LEMON. I'M SO FUCKING LAZY. CAPS LOCK.
I crossed my arms and tried to bury myself into her stupidly soft red couch. She only glanced up at me suspiciously and continued scribbling on her stupid clipboard.
"...So," she sighed out when she finished, "I can tell you don't want to be here."
"Brilliant deduction, Watson," I spat, turning as far away from her as I could. She groaned in her stupidly sweet voice and took off her red-rimmed reading glasses.
"...Attitudes will only let you stay longer."
"I could care less. I'd rather sleep through it anyway."
She stopped berating me for a moment, probably thinking of a nerve to hit.
"...You know, Jiraiya and I are very good friends and-"
"Please don't tell him!"
The room went quiet after my outburst. I stayed tense, staring at her until my eyes grew dry. She blinked at me, honey eyes observing me with all manners of shock.
"...And why shouldn't I?" she pressed, her own arms crossed over her excessive breasts. I slid off the red couch onto my knees before her, still not losing sight of her.
"...Grandma, please. Please don't tell him," I pleaded, begged. She was much older than she looked, and her old wrinkles were shown as she frowned.
"I'm no grandmother to you," she harrumphed, eyes twitching, "and as Jiraiya's good friend and colleague, I should be more inclined to tell him everything."
No. No, no, no.
I wracked my brain to think of a way to make Tsunade keep her lips shut. I felt my personalities clashing, and I was on the verge of screaming.
Fuck her! She can go to hell! We can take whatever the fuck that old man gives us!
No, no! Please no! I can't! I can't do it again! Please!
I clasped my hands over my ears like I could actually stop the voices. I gritted my teeth and tried to decide her over.
"...He's going to..." I couldn't even finish the statement, the voices quarreling even louder than before. She watched me quizzically.
"What's he going to do?"
"...It's going to hurt," I said quietly, clawing at my head. Right then, I thought about Sasuke, the way he did the same last week at the hospital. The way he looked, trying to stop Kyuubi from threatening him. It only made the voices angry and guilty.
Don't think about that fuck hole! That cute little ass of his is waiting for me!
Don't do that! Sasuke will never love you now! Stop it!
It wouldn't matter at all if I was beaten to death by Jiraiya, now would it? I'd never see Sasuke again, much less fuck him! I looked away from Tsunade down to the floor.
"...He's going to kill me," I said. Tsunade scribbled away, not even stopping as she asked her next question.
"Don't you think that's over exaggerating?" I wanted to laugh so hard, but I only let a snicker escape, shaking my head.
"I wish I wasn't," I answered quietly, pressing my palms to my eyelids and watching stars sparkle behind them.
"...Well, I know Jiraiya can have quite the temper when he's drunk, but he's never done anything remotely life threatening to anyone."
"You don't seem to know him very well, then."
She frowned, still writing. "I know him perfectly; we've been friends since we were only ten."
"...People change," I whispered.
It was quiet. I realized she hadn't written that, and was slightly curious, but couldn't lift my head up to face her. But I didn't have to, because she was kneeling beside me, her black stilettos looking painful and her breasts ever so big, staring at me intently.
"...You remind me of my little brother, brat," she said softly, falling back to sit on the floor with me. She looked out her giant window with the view of the city, sighing.
"...Always being a little fucking prophet. Thought he knew all there was to know about how people felt. Sensitive kid...You would have liked him."
Brought out of the tryst with myself, I let my hands down and had to ask.
"...What happened to him?" She glanced at me before returning her gaze to the city below.
"Died of a brain tumor at the age of 11. What was the worst, though, was that my boyfriend had died only a day before in a car accident. I didn't think I could really live after that; my parents were dead, and then my little Nawaki and what would have been my husband too. Dan was studying to be a doctor with me...He was supposed to be there with me when I got my medical degree. But he wasn't, and all I had was a stupid certificate. I couldn't save Nawaki, I couldn't revive Dan. So to get away, I got myself into psychology with Nawaki's dreams and beliefs with me the whole way. I became a famous therapist, and here I am, trying to help you with your little problems and all because of a man like no other, and a kid just like you..."
It was silent again, and she shifted, resting her weight on her palms.
"...Feel special?" she asked softly. I was a little speechless, but had to nod.
"Good. To feel anything is good. I'm sorry I can't understand any of patients. I haven't had a single person walk in here that I could fully understand, and I ask myself why I'm so famous, why everyone wants me as their therapist. There isn't anything special about me. But I changed all the people who came to me. They tell me what's wrong, and I tell them how to fix it; there's nothing about it that takes skill, or makes me different. But it works."
"...You can't fix my problems, Tsunade," I sighed out, "There's nothing anyone can do to fix them."
"You'd be surprised, kid. Lots of people have your same problems, and people with your problems get them fixed, and can tell other people like them how to fix it. It's a chain reaction in the form of society. But in this city, I guess it's hard to find help, huh?"
"Damn straight."
She smiled, her blonde hair so like mine dancing across her ears.
"You're probably the most interesting case I've ever had. I thank you for giving me an interesting job to fulfill."
"...You're welcome?" I shrugged, grinning. But then I remembered our earlier topic and dropped it. She smirked a bit.
"Don't worry. I'm not telling Jiraiya. I bet you have enough problems with that douche."
I groaned in relief, slumping against her red couch. Her painted lips drew up even higher.
"...And I expect you to be compliant with this, or else I'll revoke my decision."
I nodded my head quickly, really not wanting to be beaten again. Any questions she had, I would answer, or face the crop. I slowly laid myself back on the red couch, looking over at her expectedly. She let out a hushed laugh.
"Not that compliant; then it's just too damn easy."
I frowned. "Well which is it, willing or not?"
"...I'd like some challenge," she admitted. I huffed and curled back into the couch. There were so many better things I could have been doing.
"First question, what's Jiraiya been doing to you to make you so scared?"
"I'm not scared!" I cried, glaring over at her, "What's your problem?"
"I could tell. I've been a therapist for years and years, you can't fool me."
I huffed again, not wanting to answer less she grow apart from Jiraiya, and I had a feeling that if she left him, he'd take his anger and sadness out on me.
"Beating me," I answered quickly under my breath. She nearly dropped her pen.
"...What?" she growled. I turned away; I shouldn't have answered anyway.
"He beats me up," I repeated angrily, "If and when he gets his hands on me, I regret living...If you tell him I told you, he'll slit my throat. And that is certainly not an over exaggeration."
She didn't say anything, and I just crossed my arms tighter around me, huffing. Of course I didn't expect her to answer; fuck, she just found out her best friend abuses me, her little look alike brother. I watched her try to calm down, setting down her blue ballpoint with a snap of plastic against mahogany.
"...Does he...Have his reasons?" she asked in a forced voice. I tilted my head against the soft red plush cushion.
"Of course not. He doesn't even see me, and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Usually, he only catches me when he's had a few beers and the floozies wouldn't give him anything. He's quick and strong, for a drunken old fool."
"...Wouldn't give him any..." she whispered to herself before returning to me, "...Does that mean...He's ra-"
"Once," I cut in; I despised the term for it. It sounded like I was some helpless little girl, crying and screaming all the time over it. "Only once."
It was awkwardly silent again, and I scratched my elbow, waiting for another question.
"Care to explain? Would that help?"
I gave a slight nod, scowling at myself. I'd never told anyone before.
"...I don't know how he did it," I started strongly, "He's usually so slow and uncaring. But he came home one night after trying to hook a few and didn't get any. I kept my door locked all the time, so he wouldn't break in, but he kicked it down and jumped me. I could tell he was desperate; when he didn't catch anything, he'd just knock me around a little. But that time, there wasn't any going back. No matter what I said or did, he just...Kept going."
Before I knew it, slim pale arms were around me, pressing big plump breasts against my own chest. It didn't give me a reason to stop.
"...I've never felt so much pain in my life as I did, that night. I've got scars to prove it. He hasn't done it since, though, because he knows he crossed the line."
"Oh Naruto..." she whispered in my ear, arms getting tighter and tighter. I put up hands to push her off, but it was only met with soft squishy mounds. I shivered a little; I really didn't want to be molesting my therapist.
"Get off me, Tsunade," I asked softly, pushing against her dangerous chest. She backed off, but only slightly. She loomed over me in a protective manner, and before my eyes, I remembered my poor, poor mother, that same look and feel and glow and...
"...I wish you were still here," I whispered to her, the feeling of loss and grief taking a hold of my eyes as they watered. Her quiet breath hitched as I grabbed her by the waist and buried my wet face in her full bosom. All I could do was draw in her unfamiliar smell and imagine it was her, her soft tan skin and her bright red hair and her big grinning face that so mimicked my own. I could imagine her calming voice and those big brown eyes that promised such happiness. But here I was...
"...Why'd you have to leave me?" I cried out in her chest, "This is all my fault!"
"...Naruto!" I heard my mother call out, smiling down at me, "You are such a strange boy, just like your silly father!"
"Mother! Don't you blame me? I'm the cause of your death!"
"Oh no, Naruto. I could never blame you. Neither could your father. We will always love you, Naruto. Naruto..."
"Mother..."
"...Naruto!!!"
Tsunade flashed to view and I immediately let go, shrinking into the couch. Kushina wasn't there. She hadn't ever been there. I pressed my forearm against my eyes as I began to shake with sobs. The Dead Naruto was surfacing, and I realized just how long it's been,
"...Naruto," she reached out with her soft old hands, stroking my shoulders carefully. I could only cry all the louder, and remember better days.
---
19,789...19,790...19,791...
I sighed as I counted the lead paint chips I had peeled off the wall with my dulled fingernail. I couldn't bring myself to knock on his door. It wasn't that I was afraid of Jiraiya, or even Naruto's homicidal other, but I was afraid of the very boy. What would he think of me, of my little stunt I pulled at the hospital? Is he beating himself up over it as much as I am?
Gulping, I closed my eyes and shakily rapped my knuckles against the wooden door. I almost ran away, suddenly growing frightened of seeing his stupidly beautiful face. But I waited timidly for an answer, and finally got one. The chains rattled as he unhooked the lock, peeking out the crack with a big sapphire eye.
I was taken aback; all around his eyes were red and puffy from crying. I even saw a few stray tears crawling so pitifully down his face. But I immediately remembered the days after school, when he'd give me that big curious look and have it dashed when I said something hurtful, or he grew too sensitive to speak to. My heart was sinking faster than the Titanic.
"...I umm...I...I just wanted to...a...apologize," I admitted, not meeting his dreadful eyes. I heard the door creak and watched as he leaned against it, like he wasn't aware of the tears trailing down his scarred cheeks.
"...I should be the one apologizing, stupid," he gave in a quiet murmur, a soft sniff, and a quick wipe with the back of his hand against his sad blue orbs. I struggled to form words, but my lips trembled. I couldn't take it.
"Look!" I cried, "You shouldn't be blamed for something...He did!"
He leaned down to me, as he was at least half a foot taller, if not an entire foot. I shrank under his piercing cobalt.
"...We're one in the same person," he said with a deep hint of anger, "I'm blamed, because it's my fault."
I frowned. They were different...
"...Then...Would you do those things...?" I asked under my breath, finding it gone. He stared at me with such strange and dominating eyes as he backed away into his apartment, sliding the door closed.
"...I would love nothing more. But I have reserve."
In a moment of fury, I kicked the door back open before he could close it on me. The knob smacked against the wall and I stormed in, pointing a shaking finger at him.
"So that's it? You're hiding behind 'split personalities' so you don't admit your fears or desires and whatever else you keep from me!" I shouted. His frown creased and his now angry eyes narrowed to a sliver. He stomped his foot loudly and I stopped my tirade.
"...You come to my home to apologize, yet you disrespect me and accuse me of lying about my serious mental conditions. Thank you, Sasuke. I think that's all I need for today." I felt in horror as he grabbed my collar and hauled me out the door. I struggled and flailed my arms, trying to think of something to make him stop.
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!" I cried out against his grip, "I shouldn't have said those things! I'm just scared!"
He finally stopped and dropped me to my feet. My wobbly knees faltered for a moment, but I finally gained my ground. I didn't have the guts to look up at him.
"...I didn't want you to be like that," I whispered, clenching my fists by my sides. To feel like this for even a little while was driving me up the wall and out the fucking window. I felt the urge to run again.
"...You don't know anything about me;" he said huskily, "So don't assume I'm like that all the time."
"But I...I want to know."
"There's nothing to know," he ended, turning away. The Naruto I had come to "think I know" was gone. This was someone else. Maybe it was his personalities fused, or...
Maybe this was the real Naruto.
He was already half way down the hall when I jumped him, sending us tumbling to the floor. He laid on his back with an annoyed face, staring up at me. I sat on his lap firmly, grabbing handfuls of his shirt in my fists.
"Talk to me!" I cried out to him. He looked at me indifferently.
"What would you like me to say?" he said after a pregnant pause, "That I love you more than living, or that I've wanted to fuck you since the moment I saw you? Whichever one makes you feel better."
"...Are you making fun of me?" I jerked him up a bit, lifting his head off the floor just to drop it back down. He nodded.
"You're the one making problems. Take it as it is, or get out." The last part was growled out, eyes angry and unmerciful. I felt myself shake as I sat on him, holding him down. I just wanted things to go right for once.
"...Stop it," I whispered, "Stop pulling me around like this!"
He didn't answer, turning his head to the right and his nose twitching out of reflection. My throat started to hurt, and I had trouble talking to him.
"...Is this funny to you?"
We lay there; as I waited for him to look at me, but he never did. Out of complete and udder distress, I felt myself cry. Not like he took notice. I stood up shakily and stalked as quickly as I could out the door.
"Wait! Sasuke, what's wrong!"
I did a 180 and stared him down. He had sat up, looking at me with...
...Big curious blue eyes.
My lip trembled as I watched his eyes dance with hurt, compassion, confusion, and love. He stood up, looking around warily.
"...What the hell?" he whispered to himself, rubbing his head, "Last thing I remember, I was watching TV!"
I flung myself at him for the second time that day, but this time, it was out of pure relief and love. I clutched to the back of his shirt so tightly. Was he joking? He couldn't possibly be serious about not knowing what the hell he's been doing to me. It didn't seem right, but my mind wanted it to be the truth, and I hoped.
"...Why're you crying, Sasuke?" he asked with a drowning amount of concern. I shook my head, wiping the tears on his shirt and turning my eyes red and puffy. I hated that feeling, feeling like I was the only one who knew what was going down, when you can't tell anyone or they just don't get it. I had nothing else to say on the matter.
"...Please just do it," I whispered with my taut throat. He stood frozen to me, his big tan hands stilled at my lower back. I felt like this was the only way to break the spell he was under. Even if having sex with him would bring out the "other", I couldn't bring myself to stop. Now was the time.
"...Godammit, Naruto, just do it," I spat, pulling him impossibly closer, groins barely touching. He twitched.
"...For your safety-"
"I don't care!" I cried out desperately, "I would never ever care if it was you!"
He pursed his lips thoughtfully, eyes meeting the ceiling. I held tight to him as he contemplated.
"...Kyuubi isn't one to just sit back and watch when it comes to you," he admitted, "He wants nothing more than to have you."
"Well..." I sighed, eyes meeting his head-on, "...If you've got me, then it's practically the same."
"He hates when you say that," Naruto murmured with a joking smile, slowly descending on my lips, almost hesitantly. I met them forcefully, giving him the reassurance he so badly needed. His familiar tan arms gripped my whole body in such a way, I felt I was just a kid again, and a simple embrace felt like I was being swallowed. I felt small and safe. I tried to do the same to him, but he was so much taller and bigger than me, my arms barely met each other around his torso. I couldn't give him the feeling of being safe.
"...I never noticed how tall you are," I murmured when our lips disconnected, while his dropped to my neck to suck big black and blue marks into it. I heard him scoff lightly, and I smiled, standing on my tiptoes so I could still hold him. I guess it boosted his ego and my willingness, because we were both on his bed in a matter of seconds. I grasped at one of his pillows as he slid my shirt up my chest and fiddled with my nipples. I was usually really ticklish, but it felt so wonderful, I wondered how he had pulled that off. I wiggled around under his much bigger body, and he twitched again. He frowned at the distraction, but laughed when he did the same as I, and I accidentally let out an excessive moan. I couldn't help it, I was a virgin. Not at heart, of course, but everything I felt was so good, it was drugging me up. I was high off Naruto.
"You okay there, Sasuke?" he purred deeply. His voice was getting deeper, and out of memory, my brain wanted me to get away. But I squeezed the arms that propped him above me and nodded shakily. He gave a soft grind, and I arched just as softly, slowly, hesitantly. His dark hands slid over my pale arms like water, feelings of love and heat bursting out in my veins. I let out a long breath I had been holding, closing my eyes in the warmth.
"...God," I whispered as he thrust against me again. We still had all our clothes on, and maybe it was fear of what was going to come kept them on. Naruto didn't seem like he was in a hurry. There was finally the distinctive snap of a button coming undone and I came back down to earth. I watched as his shaking fingers pulled down the zipper too, and my pants were open. I hadn't even realized he was undoing my pants until I felt the cool air hit my ankles, and was naked from the waist down. I, on instinct, clasped my knees together. He looked up at me with a soft grin.
"Afraid?" he asked. I jutted out my lip, immediately spreading my legs as far as they would go without breaking off. Naruto let out a soft 'whoa' and pulled them together again, if only slightly.
"Don't hurt yourself now," he laughed, running his big hands down my thighs and toward the prize. In a show of extreme lust, he gripped it tightly.
"Holy fuck!" I screamed. He jerked it a few times and chuckled.
"You sound like you've never done this yourself," he said, squeezing it again. I gave a whimper, not able to reply.
"...I...Ngh...I never...Liked it! Ah!"
"...So me doing it makes it good?"
I arched in answer, feeling lightweight and crazy with pleasure. He rubbed his thumb over the top and I bit at the pillow above my head. I had tried to masturbate many times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. No amount of porn could get me off. And then he comes along with the sexiness I had never seen, and I got a woody when "Kyuubi" gets me in the hall. Just thinking about it made me all the crazier.
That day, I was no longer a virgin. Popping my cherry was an understatement; He blew it up with fucking dynamite. It hurt a lot, oh fuck did it hurt, but it was so worth it. I actually wanted him to take me a second time, but he was so excited the first time, he had nothing left to keep it up. So all I could do was tell him I love him, and touch him in the gentlest way, even if I was the one who needed it more. He gave his part, but I guess he had been as nervous and sleep-deprived as I had been. He fell asleep still in me, like he didn't even have enough energy to pull out, and snored into my chest. I couldn't breathe at first, but I got used to it and soon wrapped my own arms around him as best I could.
I felt even smaller this time, with his big body crushing mine in every way, and my hands still not able to meet over him, little kisses on his stupidly scarred cheek, little nothings whispered into his stupidly tan ears. I lay there staring at the ceiling as his chest pulled and pushed against me in breath. My eyes switched over to stare at his peacefully drained face, and stared at for what seemed ever, or what I wished. My pale hands pushed away a blonde chunk of hair from his cheek to tuck behind his ears. His lips twitched. I started to think too deeply for my desire, little pieces of the past telling me I couldn't do what I wanted. I felt myself choke up, trying to keep my depression down in the pit of my stomach. It didn't work, and I felt my shoulders shaking. Naruto didn't take notice, nor did he wake up as I started to cry. His snores accompanied by my sobs and the light serenade of crickets were the melody of the night. Arms circled his neck as I pulled his warm limp body impossible closer. Sadly, it was probably the only way I could fall into sleep.
Please, whatever you do, don't wake up.
Don't wake up.