"Sir, your mail is here."
I swiveled my chair to look over at my mousy assistant. Jenny was her name, and she was only 20 years old. She wore her hair up, had little black glasses, and looked mature for her age and figure. It was almost hard keeping the office in order, with all the men being drawn to her desk. But that's why she wanted to be my secretary in the first place.
She knew my preference.
"Thanks, Jenny," I sighed, sipping from my nostalgic coffee. Her green eyes flickered as she used her middle finger to fix her glasses.
"...Is there anything troubling you, sir?" her little voice questioned. I swiveled in the chair again and groaned.
"...I forget why I came here," I told her, glancing out the window-wall at the city below. It was dull and gray, with streets littered with the wrong kind of people that could only survive in L.A. It was dirty and disgusting; but I was born here, and moved to Japan when I was just a little bugger. Only now do I realize how wonderful that place was.
"...Is this about your boyfriend, sir?" she quickly took a seat in a chair before my desk and I almost laughed at her. Her interest was a little unnerving.
"I guess you could say that," I said. She wiggled in her chair and stared at me with sparkling emeralds, waiting for more. I gave it to her.
"...He was beautiful," I started, staring at the ceiling. "Kind of little, like you. But he was bossy and demanding."
"Is that why you left him?" she asked. I stared at her with slight malice, but of course she didn't understand it. She snapped her mouth shut.
"...No. I wish I hadn't left him at all. I wish he could have come with me. But he was never any good at English, and I doubt he'd like it here. He also had a large corporation to run, and a little brother to take care of."
"...But don't you have a little brother too?" So many questions.
"...Yes. He stayed back in Japan with my dad. But Itachi's parents are dead, so there's no one for Sasuke except him."
"So why did you leave him, sir?"
"...Because...I needed something to do other than lay around Itachi's house. I didn't have something to live up to. And now I do."
"Why didn't you take a different job?"
"Because this one was favorable, and could lead me to better places, higher status. And now that I'm up at the top, I want to go back down."
I stopped, my lips clasping tight and my eyes glancing to the window again.
"...But there's really only one thing I want...And I've lost it."
---
"You've got to be kidding."
He slowly turned, looking me over with dead black eyes. He didn't say anything, just like the months before, and just kept staring at me. I was still standing, but my knees were getting shaky.
"...California?" I rasped, my emotions running rampant. Naruto and I had just started getting back into it, and now we had to break up? I was at the top of school again! I was more in love with Naruto than I ever had before!
"Leave me!" I cried. "Leave me here! I can live with Naru-"
He thrust a finger at me and I shut up.
"I promised." His broken voice had to regain momentum. "I promised I would protect you." He turned to look out the window. "And I am."
"This isn't protecting me! You're doing this for your own gain; it has nothing to do with me at all! I'm old enough to care for myself!"
He took a slow breath.
"...You're never old enough," he said. "You think you can...But you can't."
I grew angrily frustrated, and I almost thought about taking a swing at him. But I snapped back, and looked him over. His frail skinny legs could barely support the rest of him, and his pointy kneecaps trembled under the strain. His hair had become frizzy and had lost its gloss from lack of care. Eyes the color of oil were low-lidded and tired, and his cheekbones could be seen from malnutrition.
You're never old enough to care for yourself.
I didn't have a comeback. I couldn't ever think of hurting him at this point. He blinked with a sleepy visage, and filled his lungs with air.
"...That kid isn't any good," he told me, his voice only getting worse and worse; I could barely stand listening to it. "Don't tell him you're going."
"What?" I screeched, my anger coming back full force.
"...I have a bad feeling about him."
"First you're making me leave to some other country, and now you won't even let me say goodbye to him! Protect me, my ass!"
And I ran. I blasted out of that kitchen before I could think of hitting him again. I didn't want to see my broken brother anymore, didn't want to see those sad eyes asking me things I could never comply to. It was too hard.
---
From then on, I didn't talk to my brother. But he would occasionally say something to me along the lines of "We're leaving in a week" or "Don't say goodbye". I wouldn't answer, because I'd just get angry at him for saying it.
Only a day left until we left, I went to Naruto's apartment. I had learned the secret knock for when Jiraiya was over or not, so I had rapped in our special order. I heard the lock click, and there was his big blonde head with the gorgeous blue eyes, and his ten mile wide smile.
"Sasuke!" he had exclaimed happily, flinging the door open to me. I found myself becoming nostalgic, of how I would miss him smiling at me like that. I looked over at the couch, the one we did it on just last week. And I looked over at the kitchen, where we did it on the countertops. As I looked around, there wasn't a single place where we hadn't done it, and it made me feel all the worse.
"What's with the little surprise visit, baby?"
Baby; I would miss that the most. I turned around to him, his tall back leaning against the closed door, muscular arms crossed. I grew depressed, and I wrung my clammy hands thinking of how to tell him. But his cerulean eyes distracted me, and his tan skin looked so warm, I wanted to touch it. I gulped, and he eyed me wearily.
"...Is there something you want to tell me?"
"...I..." I stopped, feeling nauseous and dizzy, "...I'm moving."
Next thing I knew, my shoulders were in his grasp and his big blue eyes were gaping.
"What?" he cried, gripping me tighter. I nodded, my face turned away.
"...I'm leaving tomorrow."
"...No! No, no, no! You...You can stay here! With me!"
"I have to go," I told him, "I have to go with Itachi."
"...Well...If...If it's still in Kyushu, or maybe even Hokkaido-"
"California," I choked out. He didn't say anything for a while.
"...What?" he whispered. I angrily jerked my head up, feeling cold tears on my cheek.
"California! America! I'm moving to America!" I screamed at him. He was silent, as was the apartment. All that was heard was my little sobs and sniffles. His hands grew loose and they fell from my shoulders as I leaned up to kiss him softly, or as softly as I could without choking up again.
That was our last kiss.
And I touched his face for the last time; the golden skin was as warm as it looked under my pale fingers. And his lips were still so chapped.
"...Good bye," I whispered over his held breath. He made no move.
I couldn't take it anymore, so I walked quickly to the door just behind us. But as I clicked the lock, and then turned the knob, my whole body was smashed against the door with a strong tan hand over mine. I stared into the wood pressed against my cheek, and could only listen as that long lost voice sharply cut through my eardrums.
"...No one said you could leave yet...Baby."
---
I felt my hands slip off his shoulders and to my sides. Sasuke was moving to America, a place I could never afford to go to. I watched as he leaned up for a kiss, his cold white hands on my cheek and his soft pale lips on mine. I could still see the little tears on his face, feel his lithe body tremble as sobs attacked his lungs and escaped his lips to my own.
"...Good bye."
He slipped around my frozen body. But it was then that time started to slow, and my head started to burn. A deep muffled sound kept booming, and as I concentrated I realized it was a voice. The deep angry tone could be heard brokenly, only a few words at a time.
"...Going...Get...Quick...Fucking get...Will pay for this!"
"Who are you?" I asked, looking around. Everything had gotten blurry and red, and I looked to where the voice was coming from. I couldn't see anyone.
"...Hear me...Finally?" It asked.
"Yes, I hear you! Who are you? Where am I?" I called out. The voice laughed heartily, and it was then that I saw someone. They were still blurry, but I could tell he had really red hair and all black eyes. I took a step back, but he took a step forward. Everything became clear as he smiled at me charmingly, and the empty room with red walls became solid.
"...Crazy kid!" he said, deep voice betraying his face. He didn't look a day older than me. "You trapped me! I'll give you credit."
"What are you talking about? Who are you?" I asked again. He craned his tan neck to reveal even more red hair, blaringly spiked and messy.
"...This is all in your head, you know. You created me. But after little miss bitch over there moseyed into your life, you locked me up, so of course you don't know me."
He displayed his clawed hand proudly.
"The name you gave me is Kyuubi."
I eyed him wearily but slowly took his hand and shook it. He smiled again, his sharp teeth glistening dangerously.
"...So why am I here?" I asked. He blinked his hollowed out eyes, and I couldn't tell what he was looking at. The most I could tell were his furrowed red brows.
"...I am free," he said. "So I have come to speak with you. Now that Sasuke is leaving you, I can do all the things I've always wanted to do. And this time, you can't stop me."
"What?" I cried, jerking my hand away. He raised his hands innocently, his sharp grin growing more and more intimidating. "What do you want to do with him?"
"...Well, for starters, I'm going to fuck him. Then, I'll finally get another taste of the Uchiha blood. But then again, those might not be in the right order."
"Sasuke doesn't deserve that!"
"But he's leaving you. This is the last time you'll ever see him, and you're just going to let him walk out that door? You're not going to give him one more time?"
I shut my mouth, looking around nervously. Sasuke wouldn't like that, so why would I let this guy do it?
"I can't let you do that," I said boldly, "Sasuke has to leave and he can't help it."
It was then that the walls turned a stark white, and I grew confused. I looked over at Kyuubi, who had an angry scowl on his red lips.
"Of course. Who was I kidding? I tried to play nice, but that obviously doesn't work. You should have just said yes!"
Then, it was all gone. I couldn't see, couldn't hear anything. But I felt the slightly familiar burning sensation, and I felt so hot, like my skin was being peeled off from the heat. And then, I couldn't feel my body, only the burning.
"What are you doing? Stop this!" was what I wanted t cry out. I wouldn't have known if I had said it anyway, seeing as I couldn't hear anything. And I couldn't really say what happened after that. There was no answer.
---
There was a silent shift of his thigh to spread my legs only slightly, my head still pressed painfully to the door. I could barely breathe, and I could feel his hands roaming places I didn't want them to be. My tears were still coming, but my voice had gained strength.
"...Kyuubi," I growled. He gave a triumphant thrust of his hips against mine, his hand squeezing mine tightly.
"...Good job, bitch. But you'll definitely remember me after this."
"I thought you were gone," I said. He pressed against me harder, and I grunted in pain.
"Naruto kept me locked up, so I couldn't escape and do this." He emphasized by thrusting again. "But now that you're leaving, and poor little Naruto is heartbroken, I was strong enough to break out. And here we are. Blame yourself, baby."
I jerked my hand out from under his and tried to smack him off, but he kept me pressed to that door.
"Get off!" I screamed, kicking at him. He just took my legs until he had them over his shoulders and my back supported by the door. He grinned maliciously.
"You think you can get away again? You think it's that easy?"
I started to wiggle until I slipped up against the door and I could fall back onto the floor. Needless to say, Kyuubi face planted into the door and he let go of my legs. As I scurried away on my hands and knees, I once again thanked Lee for the gymnastics competition. Flexibility comes in handy.
I quickly got up and bolted to the kitchen, trying to find another exit. Or at least somewhere to hide until Kyuubi let up. As I saw him running right after me, I started to dash to another room, but slipped on the linoleum tile and fell on my back. With adrenaline still coursing in my veins, I tried to stand up as quickly as I could. But Kyuubi was already there. He pounced, and we skid on the waxy flooring. His sharp fingernails drove into my upturned legs and drew little speckles of blood. His angry eyes shone down like light bulbs and I knew I was finally caught.
"You better stay the fuck down, or else this will be even worse for you."
He started ripping at my shirt, and even nicked me a few times. I felt around blindly for anything, but there was nothing. Not even a stray fork. I looked up to see Kyuubi grinning like an alley cat that's caught the bird.
"...Sorry, baby. Jiraiya hid anything remotely sharp in his room."
I gave another rough struggle, rocking back and forth and rolling my legs away, but he slapped me right across the face. I had never been hit by Naruto before, and that fact hurt more than the sting, or the blood in my mouth. Kyuubi could tell I was bleeding, and immediately went to drink it. But I head butted him before he could, and it only gave me a headache. He shook me by the shoulders and the back of my head hit the tile with a crack.
"The fuck did I tell you?" he yelled. I gave a groan, everything spinning, swirling. I couldn't tell what he was doing at that point. After a short moment, I could feel the cold linoleum under my naked back and his dirty hands at my legs again. He opened his big stupid mouth, and I closed my eyes, finally trapped in a corner.
"Sorry, bitch, you won't like this at all."
---
I woke up; on what they told me was the third day, to unfamiliar walls. I slowly sat up and looked around.
And there he was, at my feet. His poor pale body was in a chair as his head rested limply on my ankle. The lines under his eyes had only worsened, looked longer. His boney hands looked ready to break, and his eyelids were dulled and a dim brown color that was unhealthily natural.
I sat up and stretched, my back feeling tight and stiff. But I realized not too later that the rest of me was too. So, scooting the blanket off me, I went to stretch that all too.
Bandages.
I looked down at my hips. White stripes of cotton covered here and there, mostly at my thighs. My hips were wrapped in it, and bloody patches had formed at each hipbone.
Then it hit me.
I clutched at my face as I stared at it in horror. My legs ached and trembled as I tried to move them. My stomach was patched too, as well as my collarbone. I could only imagine what that bloody thing had done to me.
Where else had that beast touched?
I shifted a little, and the blood patches grew. The shift immediately woke my brother, whose eyes shot open faster than humanly possible. He stared at me with wide black eyes, and I stared right back. I hadn't used my voice in a while, so I didn't know if I could say anything. So I let him speak.
But all he did was stare at me. Either he had nothing to say, or he was just too speechless. His eyes spoke enough.
"...Sasuke," he called out hoarsely, launching his skinny little body at me and embracing me with all the might his frail white arms could muster. I slowly lifted my stronger arms around him, feeling him tremble from excessive movement. It felt like so long since I last hugged my brother, years even. But I held him as he held me, and I smelt his now coffee-less scent, felt his oily black hair, heard his raspy dying voice.
"...Sasuke," he echoed. His shaky hands were at my hair, stroking and touching it. I sighed into his cold neck, finding my safety in his ironically weak arms.
"I missed you," I whispered, my unused vocal chords protesting. He gripped me all the tighter.
"...I missed you too."
Moments flew by, and we lay still, entangled in a brotherly fashion. He finally lifted his head, and looked at me with eyes withholding so much pain; it rivaled my own physical ache.
"...I wasn't there," he told me. "...I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
I gripped his arm tightly, staring at him with a smile.
"...It couldn't be avoided," I said, "And I don't...Really mind it much."
Eyes the size of the moon glared at me, asking me to repeat that. He stared at me like I had just grown another head.
"...What are you talking about?" he screeched as well as he could, "You can't tell me you're okay with this!"
I shrugged, turning my head to the window. I blinked.
Los Angeles.
I snapped back to Itachi, ready to voice my anger. But he beat me too it.
"I took us here so he wouldn't come back for you!"
My mouth closed immediately, seeing Itachi's miserable face wishing for no more than my safety. I gave a slow nod after a minute, feeling slightly betrayed and dismal.
It wasn't like I blamed Naruto or anything. I probably couldn't face him after what happened anyway. But just being away from him, knowing he was so far away, was like poking an open wound. I missed him so much.
"...Please just accept this," Itachi whispered, sliding off me and limping to the door. I realized I was in a hospital room only after he left. Hands to my face again, I finally cried. I wasn't to be with my friends, go back to school, or see Naruto ever again. I was never going to see his gorgeous face, of hear his wonderful voice, or see that smile. I only cried harder.
Californication.
---
"...Sir...I..."
I looked over at Jenny, her glasses in her shaking hand. She looked confused, frightened.
"...What is it, Jenny?" She just stared at me, tilting her little blonde head.
"...There's...A man...Here to see you."
"...Well, what's wrong? Why don't you let him in?" She grew nervous looking again.
"...He says...His name is I...Itachi."
And I just looked at her. Her eyes gleamed with secret excitement, but her body twitched as if she was scared. She had finally seen Itachi.
"...Please let him in," I asked. She nearly tripped over her own clicking heels as she stumbled out the door to get him. I stayed seated, composed. I knew he was going to show up sooner or later.
The door creaked open.
There stood Itachi, his boney legs barely keeping him up. His face was long and his eyes were heavy and teary. I finally stood up, walking around my desk to embrace him. But he took an unexpected and painful step away, eyes clouded and down.
"...Why'd you have to leave me?" he asked. And I couldn't answer. I only crushed his tiny body to mine, feeling his pale skin for the first time in almost half a year. I heard a sob escape his dry pale lips and onto my neck. I brushed my thick fingers through his frizzy untamed hair and pressed my black lips against his white cheek. It was like we were new to this all over again, except this time; I was the one crazy in love.
"...I love you so much," I whispered in his tiny cold ear. He just fisted my suit as tight as he could in his small boney hands. This man I was holding was a different person. He was not the strong and temperamental boy I had loved for so long. This person was cold and frightened, weak and small. The only thing I could remember of my lover was that black gaze, and apparently, it was the only thing left. He lifted his eyes to me, and I was once again lost in those deathly depths. They weren't as I had remembered them: They were tired, melancholy, and were all but at the surface. There was no mystery anymore.
He was just a scared little kid with nothing for him to keep going.
"...Now look what you've done," he whispered brokenly, his voice betraying him as well. "This is what I am without you."
I grimaced. Of course this was all my fault. I was selfish, arrogant, misleading. But most of all, I was supposed to be a lifeline. I knew Itachi had bluffed. If he really loved me as much as he said he did, he would never break up with me just because I wasn't with him all the time. If I knew him, because I do, he would chase me.
And he did; Even to America.
"I know, baby," I said, clutching him closer. It almost felt like the closer I was to him, the healthier he became. I wished for his creamy soft skin and his silky strands of darkness around his perfect white face. But all I saw was teary ebonies and a chapped smile.
"...Feel proud of yourself?"
I shook my head into his collarbone as I chuckled as heartily as I could. I felt tears brimming in my very own eyes. If I made him this way, I must really be something. My shoulders shook as I laughed even louder.
"...Just a little!"
---
And this was the end.
It was all over.
It was my fault!
I could still smell the blood all over me. It wasn't in anyway pleasurable as my other half had thought it would be. It was sticky and smelt like fermentation, like it was already old and absorbing into my skin. Blood was on my hands, face, all over my body, and of all places, in my mouth. It crusted under my tongue and layered over my teeth, like my teeth were naturally crimson. I could feel it caked under my blunt fingernails, as I had scraped at Sasuke's skin until it bled out and flesh had torn. It was all over my clothes, drying like splattered scabs, especially on my pants. Kyuubi had been so much of a monster that he had done those things to Sasuke without even taking my pants off.
I smacked my face.
What the hell was I thinking? As if I could really bitch about him not being naked while doing all that. I felt sick thinking about it.
But after the incident, I burned those clothes and took three scalding showers. And still after, I could feel the blood. Days, weeks, and a month later, and I still felt him all over me. Either it was the guilt, or the guilt. Yes.
A month and two days after the last time I saw Sasuke, I had a few too many drinks. Of course it was illegal, but I couldn't bring myself to care. After being in my room for so long, in my drunken rage, I tore down all the pictures in my room. I watched groggily as I tore up my father's doomed face, ripped his body in half, and screamed at all that was left. By the end of it, my carpet was hidden under shreds of paper and the blood I had used as my medium. Everyone just thought it was red paint, but no, it was me. My breath was heavy from my mouth as I looked down at all the paper remnants. But then I looked up.
Only one picture remained.
I stared at it the best I could, trying to get through to myself whether to destroy it, or keep it as a horrible reminder.
Beep. Beep. Beep
I looked over at my bed, to where my phone was blinking and beeping. In my rage and angry cries, I hadn't heard the phone. Slowly moving to it, I flipped it open.
NEW TXT MESSAGE
I frowned. Texting was such a waste. But I pressed the OK button, and could only stare at it. I felt my eyes get wet. It might have been the alcohol getting through to my emotions, but I knew better. I knew what this was. I've felt it since the first day of art class, which I had later quit altogether. I realized it wasn't the art that kept me coming. It was this other thing. And that other thing had just made my millennium. I threw down the phone with a sob of happiness; my eyes finally letting the salty tears swim down my tan face. Finally...
With newfound love, enthusiasm, and utter bliss, I grabbed the dusty old canvas from beneath my bed. I hadn't touched anything artistic since he left, and here I was, doing what I had vowed to never do again. I took up my forgotten brushes and paints, and with another choked sob of joy, I left for the living room: My personal art studio, my beautiful blank canvas, and my unused horsehair tips.
My muse was back.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
TXT MESSAGE FROM: Sasuke U.
Paint a picture. It'll last longer.
CALL BACK #: N/A
SENT: 12/14/08 17:43
--- --- --- --- --- ---