A/n: Edited. Again I'm not going to change that much, only spelling mistakes and etc.

Music Box: 10: Dear Diary, Swiss Cheese

He had a copy of her key. He would, being the pervert he is and she had no idea. He had a plan for it all.

"Hawkeye I need you to get me this stuff on the list. It is of importance." He handed her the list. She scanned the list and Riza's right eyebrow rose.

"Shaving cream? Hold up…..I am not getting shaving cream for you!" Riza glared at him, he gulped. He grabbed another list up from his desk. Roy handed it to her and waited. She glanced at the list and she stopped when she saw.

"A THONG? You must be kidding me. This is IMPORTANT? I refuse to believe this!" Riza held her gun up and leveled it to his head. "Tell me sir. Why do you need a thong?" She pretended to ponder and then glared at him again. He was panicking and Riza grabbed his collar. Her gun was pointed at his forehead and her grip was tight as iron.

"Not need….."Riza tugged harder and Roy choked out words. "Tho-ng….N-not need." She smiled an evil little smile and chucked a bit.

A few minutes later-

"I'll be on my way!" She put her gun back and exited the room with the list. The list was covered in little red proofreading marks and Roy's neck was almost as red as the list. On the list about 78 of the 80 things needed were found...Err…unnecessary which means more incidents like the thong incident.

At Riza's house-

Roy opened the door and ran in. On the living room table he saw a diary. This was real diary and her real diary meant real secrets! He picked it up and flopped himself on the couch. On the cover it said "Welcome to Riza's world! Stay out if you want to live!" 'Finally!' He flipped to the fourth page until the end.

"Dear Diary,

Quote pg.56 "Eric is a totally jerk and a womanizer! I can't believe I have a crush on him! He's only a pervert!" Unquote. Please replace Eric with Roy Mustang and what do you get? Roy Mustang is a totally jerk and a womanizer! I can't believe I have a crush on him! He's only a pervert! I have an atom crush on him. Okay maybe a crush the size of the sky.

Love,

Riza"

'The sky is pretty big……….That means She……'His thoughts were unfinished because at that very moment five words filled him with dread.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Riza asked, sounding very deadly. Then she saw the diary and she glared, she ripped him apart with the look on her face. " I will give you five seconds to run."

"Bye!" Roy cried, running for his life because he was running for his life. Her bullets never touched him even if she was the best shot in the military. 'I hope this tree can hold out. I don't want to die.'

2 weeks later-

Riza walked into the office and found Roy groaning. "Having pains, sir?" He whimpered before he answered. He looked horrible and he felt horrible.

"Yes, everywhere." She hid a smile and replied.

"Do you believe in voodoo?" She asked. He stared at her blankly; the question was a bit off topic not to mention weird.

"Not really." He said puzzled. She again had to hide a smile.

"I'll fetch some coffee and tea." And with that she was gone the moment Hughes appeared. Roy could see a photo peeping out his pocket and Roy groaned.

"I have the answer to your pains!" Hughes announced.

"It is the cuteness of your daughter?" Roy asked tiredly, he was not in the mood.

"Yes! Well, that would cure you but I mean why you have pains." He flipped out the picture and Roy flinched. "They found you in the nearest river." Washed up on the banks of the river was a wax figure of Roy but you could barely tell. Bullets were on every inch of his body, he looked like Swiss cheese. Then there was an area between his legs…..Completely destroyed……..

"Ouch!" Roy whimpered. Riza walked back to the room and smiled at the two men.

"Don't you love Swiss cheese?"