ooooooooo This is the second last chapter. Review and enjoy.
Tomorrow had come, and Buffy decided there would be no talking.
For once, Buffy had woken up before Angel. She watched him sleep for a few minutes. He
looked really peaceful. Buffy smiled sadly before quietly getting up.
If she still had a beating heart, it would be breaking right now. She was leaving.
She had thought a lot the night before. She'd made up her mind to leave. She concluded that
she wasn't supposed to be with Angel. Willow may have said that her being turned wasn't a
sign that she and Angel weren't meant to be together, but Buffy wasn't buying it... Out of all the
possibilities, she got turned on her way to seeing Angel, to tell him that she wanted him back.
That was no coincidence. It was a sign, it was a message, from a higher power that Buffy was
not going to get what she wanted. She wasn't going to get to be happy... There was that, but
there was also Buffy's own uncertainty of Angel's feelings. He had been so good to her. He took
care of her, and he had comforted her. But she felt like something was different on his part.
She noticed that he had looked disappointed a lot lately, almost always while looking at her...
Buffy didn't question that he cared, not for a second. But she felt like his old feeling s were
gone, or at least different. Something changed in the way he looked at her, something must
have changed in the way he felt. She wasn't going to stay around and make him feel
obligated to be with her. Buffy was too late. She had made him wait, and this was her
punishment... And it was punishment. She wanted him so much, even after everything they
had been through, all the previous heartache and pain. If it was possible, she felt like she loved
Angel even more than she had before, and now she wasn't going to get to be with him.
She grabbed a pad of paper, and scrawled out a short note. Thank you for everything. Thanks
for keeping me from going insane. I won't forget what you did for me. I'm gonna give you a
break now. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. Take care of yourself.
Buffy put the note next to the bed. She bent down and kissed Angel's forehead softly. "I love
you," she whispered.
And that was it. Buffy grabbed her bag of clothes and weapons and quietly headed out the door.
She was going back to Rome, to face the music. She didn't know what to expect but she needed
to get back into some kind of routine. She needed to feel useful, she needed to do good. She
needed to keep her mind off of Angel.
Buffy had promised herself one thing before she left Ireland. She was going to find as many of
those vamps that were involved in attacking her and turning her as possible, and she was gonna
take them out.
She wanted them to hurt. She wanted them to feel pain like she was, but she would settle for
them being dead, instead.
She remembered what Angel had said, about her being stronger than other vamps, and this
made her smile. She was gonna annihilate them. She was feeling strong.
Buffy grabbed a stake out of her bag, and gripped it tightly in her hands. She didn't know where
exactly she would find any of those guys, but she remembered their scents, and would use that
to track them down.
Buffy wasn't surprised when she tracked the scent to not far from where she was turned. They
weren't the ones who actually changed her, that guy was dead, thanks to Angel. But these guys
helped, and now they were gonna pay. There were only five of them, not even a quarter of the
total of vamps that were originally there, but Buffy didn't care. She'd take what she could get.
They were all just hanging out in the alleyway, laughing. 'Probably about me,' Buffy thought.
"Hi boys. Remember me?" she asked.
They turned towards her and looked shocked.
"You look surprised to see me," she said, in a falsely sweet voice.
"You're still alive," one mumbled.
"Well technically I think I'm un-dead, but hey, call it whatever you like. I'll give you that last
freedom before I kill you, as in really dead," she growled.
Buffy morphed into vamp face, and lunged at the group of 5, nothing but death and revenge on
her mind.
She snapped the neck of one of the vamps with such ease, it was kind of frightening, even to
herself. She quickly staked the next one, who attempted to land a blow to her temple. Another
one was now attempting to stake her. Buffy kicked this one hard, sending him flying, straight
into a sort of spike on the ground. He was dust within seconds.
This was too easy. Buffy wasn't even breaking a sweat. She grabbed another stake, and planted
one into each of the remaining two vampires.
That was it, they were gone. And Buffy didn't really feel better. She kind of felt worse actually.
She shook it off and picked her bag back up. She took one last look around. "Bye Angel," she
said quietly.
She began to walk, but was quickly stopped. Someone grabbed her arm, and spun her around.
It was Angel.
"Where the hell are you going?" he asked her.
"I... I thought you were still asleep," was all she could manage to say.
"What is this?" he asked her, showing her the note she left for him.
"I'm leaving," she said quietly.
"Why?" he asked her, somewhere between anger and sadness.
Buffy couldn't do this. He was supposed to be asleep. There was not supposed to be any
conversation. There was just supposed to be her leaving. No heart-wrenching talks, no
goodbyes.
"You were supposed to be asleep," she repeated. "I have to go."
"Why?" he asked her again.
"Because," she said.
She was crazy strong now, but Angel could still make her want to cry, even with the simplest of
words. But she wasn't going to cry, she couldn't. It was going to ruin her exit plan.
"That's not an answer," he told her, trying to remain calm.
"Yes it is. And that's the answer I'm sticking with," she said stubbornly.
"Real mature, Buffy," Angel commented.
And with that one comment, something came over Buffy, old memories came flooding back.
She needed to let everything out now.
"There you go, Mr. High and Mighty. It's always about me not being mature, right? We fight,
and I'm never the mature one. It's been like that since I was sixteen with you, Angel. I was never
mature enough, I never thought things through, but you know what? I grew up. I did mature,"
she told him, emotion beginning to rise.
The conversation had taken on a whole new twist, a whole new meaning.
"What are you talking about?" Angel asked, confused now.
"You left me before Prom even though I begged you to stay. Basically you said that you
weren't good for me, that in the long run, you leaving would be the best thing. I didn't
believe you, but I knew you were trying to do the right thing, to be the mature one, to think
with your head. So I accepted it, even though you tore my heart open. I cried my eyes out
for you, and then I told myself to stop, because I knew you wouldn't want me to cry. I did
the mature thing. I saw you again, and you wanted to talk. I saw you and I wanted you
again, but I kept my cool, I tried to be distant, tried to stay mature, and it worked for a
little while... Then you came to Prom and I loved you so much for it. You came to give me
my perfect high school moment, and then you went away again. It was cruel and kind. You
kept popping in and out, and my emotions were going wild. But I held fast. I stayed mature."
"Buffy-"
"I'm doing the talking now, not you... Then you get shot with an arrow, and I really start to
lose it. Faith was all psycho and I was gonna kill her for you. I was gonna kill her so that
you could have her blood, so that you wouldn't die... I knew that you would still leave, even
if I did get you her blood... But it didn't work, I didn't kill her. I didn't get her blood... No
way in hell was I gonna let you die, so I come back, and I see you. You were lying in that
bed, so close to death, but your face lit up a bit when you saw me... Anyway, I had my mind
made up before I got there. I was gonna be the one to save you. I was gonna give you my
blood and trust that you wouldn't kill me-"
"Buffy-"
"Please, just be quiet. I'm on a roll here, Angel," Buffy said, continuing. "So I got you up
and I made you drink. It was hard to control yourself. I knew my blood was driving you
crazy. I could tell you were trying not to hurt me, and honestly, you didn't really. I can tell
you this now, because I'm a vamp, and not really a proper Slayer... It felt, not good, because
that sounds kind of creepy, but, it was like beautiful relief. I felt everything leaving me, the
stress, the worries, the sadness. In a way, it was beautiful. You held my head in your hand,
you didn't let it touch the ground. I was saving you and you were taking care of me... The
next thing I know, I'm lying in a hospital bed, and you weren't there... I know the sun was
coming up, so I wasn't mad about that, especially since I know you brought me to the
hospital... I remember thinking 'Holy crap. That actually just happened. I let him drink me. I
made him drink from me. And I'm still alive. He really does love me. There's no way he's
just going to leave now. He can't, not after that. That was intimacy and connection on a
whole new level. He can't just do that and leave, not right away... But you did. When you
saw me, you asked how I was doing. I remember that I told you I healed fast, like you.
Then you told me that you weren't gonna say goodbye, that you were just gonna leave, if
we survived the Ascension," Buffy said, tears in her eyes now. "I couldn't believe it. It was
like you stabbed me in the heart... But did I cry when you told me that? Did I make a scene?"
She asked Angel, angry, sad, and calm at the same time.
"No. You didn't," Angel answered, feeling disgustingly guilty for things that had happened a
long time ago.
"I was mature. I did it for you, and me too, this time. We had a war to fight, and there was
no time for our personal bullshit, even though I was mad and hurt. Honestly, there was no
more energy for it... So we fought our own little war at the high school. I was still mad at you while
we were screwing up the Mayor's Ascension, but somewhere in the middle
of it, I stopped being mad. Partly because I shouldn't have been thinking about that stuff
while we were trying to take down the Mayor, and because I was just happy that I did
manage to save you, and because no matter what you really did, you proved to me
countless times, that you loved me... When it was all done, and I saw you through the
smoke, that last look, I could tell that you didn't really want to go, but you still thought that
it was the best thing. Those few seconds had me doing a lot of thinking. You didn't leave
right away to be cruel. I thought that maybe you were ashamed of what had happened...
With that last look, all the anger was gone. I wished you well, and I knew still, that I could
never stop loving you, ever. But I had to begin to say goodbye to you, to tell myself that
you really were leaving, and not coming back. Because if I didn't do that for myself, I was
probably going to go crazy. Another mature thing I did."
"Damn anyone who tells you that you aren't mature," Angel said, not really knowing what to
tell her at this point.
Buffy laughed, wiping her eyes now. "Sorry, after the first few times, I just kept throwing
that word in there to be a bitch... My rant has a point, besides to remind you how mature
I've become. And now that I've started I have to let everything out. I need to say everything I
have on the inside, before I lose my nerve again."
"I'm listening."
"You might want to sit down. I have a lot to say."