A/N
Hey guys! Sorry about not updating in ages, I give you permission to slap me, you probably will want to after this chapter, cliffy!!!! I'm so nasty!! Heehee, anyways, the boring stuff-comp broke, documents lost, computer fixed, chappy up!!!! Thought I'd cut it short, enjoy! This could be the last chapter, I think I like it ending like this, but if enough people want me to do one last chapter, then I most likely will, but think about it from my point of view, I know you will want to find out what happens, but this way, it can end however you want it to, your way, it just won't be written down. Enjoy! xx
It had been nearly a month since Gabriella had first met Harry, and she was now back in America. Or, 'the United States of America' as Harry imitated in an accent, making Gabriella crack up every time.
Unfortunately, they had been forced to separate, due to the Royal Family. Apparently it wasn't 'fitting', for the future king's son to be dating an American supermodel. They remained friends, and constantly emailed and texted. It ruined Gabriella's plan but she figured she'd have to find another way.
Tomorrow was the day she'd be returning to school. Facing the school, media, and Troy. The latter being what she dreaded most. And Summer, Gabriella could already tell that she hated her, even if she was lovely.
So, Gabriella settled herself down into bed, wrapping the covers around her, and crying herself to sleep, just as she had every night since her and Troy ended.
East High
It was very similar to the first day Gabriella entered East High. Everyone was crowded round the entrance, waiting for the Queen of their school to return, although many considered Summer to have been that for the past 4 weeks. She was dating their King, Troy Bolton, after all. But now Gabriella was back to reclaim her title, and she had no means of doing it nicely.
Troy was stood in exactly the same place as last time, with Chad, Zeke and Jason in the same spots. He was nervous, and excited, he couldn't wait to see her. But he had to hide it, because she wasn't his anymore, he was Summer's. Summer. He couldn't stand her any longer, but what made it worse, was that she gave him no reason to ditch her, she was lovely and caring, and never put a foot wrong, she just wasn't...fun.
His heart leapt as he saw her car pull up. It was the same as before, tinted windows, driver, everything. He'd missed her, and he knew it was his fault. She'd shown she didn't want him to leave, but he'd insisted, and now he was miserable.
She stepped out, and he stopped breathing. Because of not only what she was wearing but that she seemed to be even more beautiful than when he'd last seen her. (picture in profile)
Applause erupted and she gratefully accepted it, this time, instead of giving her dirty looks, cheerleaders hugged her. Gabriella wasn't too sure on this, she liked her own personal space, but made exceptions just this once. She caught her breath when she noticed Troy stood at the entrance, holding court, as always.
She continued her walk which seemed to be never-ending, but finally, she got there.
'CHADDY!' she yelped.
'GABI!' he responded.
She jumped in his arms and hugged him, much to Troy's dismay. Since when did they become such good friends? He thought.
The answer was ever since Chad had text asking her if she was ok and did she need anything when he'd heard Troy had left her. They'd bonded rapidly and were now quite close.
When they'd finished their reunion, she turned to Troy.
All that time spent on finding the perfect thing to say went out the window.
'Hi' she managed.
'Hey' he replied.
There was an awkward silence as all of East High held their breath, hoping and praying they'd kiss and make-up. Gabriella was about to open her mouth when a voice drowned hers out.
'Honey!' It was Summer.
The students seemed to let out a unanimous groan. As did Troy on the inside.
Summer pecked Troy on the cheek and looped her arm through his, leaning her head on his shoulder.
Gabriella was disgusted, Summer was flaunting him, the sick bitch.
ok so there was no way I could make summer nice, it's too hard! And excuse my language for this chapter!)
'Hi Summer!' Gabriella said over-enthusiastically.
'Hi Gabi!' came the response, in the same tone.
'How are you?' Gabriella continued, ignoring the fact she'd just been called her nickname by a complete cow.
'Not too good actually, I have a bad cold, but Troy's being really sweet and helping me through it, aren't you baby?'
Troy didn't answer, he was still staring at Gabriella.
'Troy' Summer snapped, nudging him.
'What? Oh-yeah' Troy said, confused.
Gabriella smiled, inside, she was screaming, her heart was being battered and she was letting it.
'Well if you don't mind, I have a call to make' Gabriella said.
'Sure, bye, oh hey Keeley!' Summer said running off.
Gabriella and Troy stared into one another's eyes, Troy's heart and throat burning, then she pulled her eyes away and walked inside.
Chad motioned for him to follow her, he knew how much he still wanted her.
Troy got the message and ran after her.
'GABI!' he yelled.
She sighed and turned around.
'What Troy?' she said, nearly in tears, seeing him again had been harder than she thought.
'Are you ok?' he said lamely.
'I'm fine'
'You sure, you look a bit, peaky' he insisted.
'I'm fine!' she snapped.
'You're still thinking about me and you aren't you?' he asked. As soon as he did, he knew it was wrong, but he didn't really care, he wanted to hear what she thought.
Gabriella closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
'Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it isn't about you. I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I didn't ask for it to begin. For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets.'
This infuriated Troy, why couldn't she just say 'Yes Troy, I miss you, and I love you, but we can't be together'. He lost his rag and shouted -
'Fuck what you know. You need to forget about what you know that's your problem, forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me.'
Then he stormed off. Leaving a very upset and tearful Gabriella behind. She ran into the bathroom and leant over a sink, exhausted.
Out of her bag, she drew a razor, she touched it and shivered. This was what he'd brought her to. Self-harming.
Slowly but determinedly, she entered a cubicle and drew up her dress. On the inside of her thigh were already several cuts, some healing, some a day old, in a place no-one could see.
It was over fairly quick, she mopped up the blood and flushed away the evidence, replacing the razor into her bag. She composed herself and walked out, to find….Chad.
'Chad! What are you doing?' she asked.
'I was going to ask you the same thing' he said, studying her.
Gabriella found she couldn't look him in the eye, and busied herself with washing her hands.
'It's not the answer Gabs'
'What's not?' she asked, faking innocence.
'Don't play with me, I know what you're doing' Chad said, his face showing no emotion.
Gabriella stared at him, unable to speak.
'Are you running away from something you don't want? Or running away from something you're afraid to want?' he asked her softly.
'I can't stop crying... I don't understand, and it's not the loud, screaming crying... it's just the tears continuously roll down my face, and I can't do anything to stop them.' She whispered.
'If you forget all else remember just this, there are people who love you and want you happy... without you their life would be empty.' Chad told her.
Gabriella looked at him, her cheeks wet with tears.
'I have no clue why I do what I do. It feels good to have cold metal press against my skin as my problems tear at my soul. The blood drips softly and I cry silently. No one will ever understand me except for other people like me.'
'But I understand you, listen to me Gabi, Close your eyes, and imagine 5, 10, 15 years from now. You are with your husband and maybe 2, 3 or so kids and you're a very happy family, and very self-full-filled and your life is perfect just the way you had always dreamed and hoped, and then your little 5 year old child asks you: "mommy, why do you have all those white scars ?" and then what will you say? I used to take a razor and pull it down real slow and carefully and watch the blood drop out of my skin so that I could see that I am still alive, or so I could feel real physical pain instead of emotional pain. No, you can't say that to your child. And even if you do then your child will learn from you and do the same to themselves whenever they are feeling down. You don't really want that now do you?'
She slowly shook her head, and he pulled her close to him.
'Don't let yourself become so angry that you stop loving, because one day, you'll wake up from that anger, and the person you love will be gone.' Chad whispered, stroking her hair.
'He already is' she told him, and then he knew.
He knew Troy meant everything to her, he knew she was infatuated with him, but worse, he knew she thought he didn't love her.
'Wait here' he told her.
This time, no mistakes, no lies, no secrets, he was going to find Troy, and make him realize his true love was hurting herself because of him.
This was exactly what he told him, and Troy's face drained of all color, Chad took him to where he'd told her to wait, only to find her…gone.
'FUCK!' Chad yelled.
Troy sank to the floor, his head in his hands.
'What are you doing? Get up! We have to find her! You have no idea what state she's in!' Chad yelled.
They searched the school twice to come to the conclusion she wasn't there.
'Ok, split, you take the left side of town, I'll take the right' Troy told him.
They raced to their cars and set off.
Troy was the one who found her, on the cliff, by the beach, on the edge.
'Did it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I don't exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I'm not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am?' she asked, surprising him seeing as he thought she didn't know he was there.
'Yes' he answered simply.
'Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and suffocating. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'nothing' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because... You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait?'
'Yes' he repeated.
'It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away.' she said, not even looking at him.
Troy edged closer to her, his heart beating so fast it hurt.
'It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been longing for something. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't?'
'I know' he spoke, not recognizing the sound of his own voice; it was mixed with fear, regret, and…love.
'Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago; it's hurting ten times more.'
Troy felt his heart lurch, her words were causing him pain, but he knew it hurt a whole lot less than the pain he'd caused her.
'I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get though anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left.'
Gabriella took one step closer towards the rocky edge, she looked down and surprisingly, didn't feel afraid. Everything she'd ever feared, had gone, there was no more fear, no more terror, no more panic, no more trepidation, just…knowledge. Knowledge that not everything is to be feared, that life isn't what it's made out to be, that love, doesn't always last forever, and isn't made for everyone.
'One of the worst feelings in the world is loneliness. Sitting in the dark by yourself in the late of the night till the early hours of the morning gently crying. Nobody knows what's going on with you. How could anybody realize what's happening? Everybody you know is resting peacefully in their bed awaiting the new day tomorrow. But for you, there's no difference in the days. They pass monotonously. And before you know it, it's all gone.'
'I love you Gabi' Troy said.
'Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.' She said, ignoring him.
'I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to hug you, I have the ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart that's aching to see you smile again.' Troy told her.
'Difficult or easy, pleasant or bitter, you are the same you; I cannot live, with or without you.' She said simply.
Troy felt a surge of guilt. He had to make her come down from the ledge, she was all he wanted, all he needed.
'I love you. I love every little thing about you - your smile, the sound of your voice, the magic in your eyes. I love your gentle touch and the warmth I feel at your side I love dreaming about you. I love discovering you and letting go with you. I love each and every once in a lifetime moments I share with you today, tomorrow, forever, please don't leave, don't do it Ella, because once you do, you can't return, and that's what I dread the most, losing you'
'You never had me, Troy' Gabriella spoke, saying his name for the first time.
'Well you had me, you still do, and you always will; please don't do this' Troy pleaded.
'Everyone has a song, just one song that fits perfectly with them, with their life, even you have a song, but me, I don't have one, and that's all I want, because music, music is what life is all about, and without it, you don't mean anything, if the whole world were to put a compilation together, I wouldn't be on it, because there isn't a song on this earth that fits, because I don't belong here.'
'What's my song?' he asked.
'You don't know?' she asked him.
'No'
'Leader of the Pack', 'fits nicely doesn't it?'
Troy smiled a little, 'I guess'.
'He sort of smiled and kissed me goodbyeThe tears were beginning to showAs he drove away on that rainy nightI begged him to go slowBut whether he heard, I'll never know
I felt so helpless, what could I do?Remembering all the things we'd been throughIn school they all stop and stareI can't hide the tears, but I don't careI'll never forget him, the leader of the pack'
'It must be nice to have a song' she murmured.
Troy remembered a song he'd written for her, ages ago, before she left for England, he'd change it, but he was good at improvising.
So he began to sing, never taking his eyes off her.
My gift is my song and this one's for youAnd you can tell everybody this is your songIt may be quite simple but now that it's doneHope you don't mindI hope you don't mind that I put down in wordsHow wonderful life is now you're in the worldI sat on the roof and I kicked off the mossWell a some of the verses well they've, they got me quite crossBut the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this songIt's for people like you that keep it turned onSo excuse me forgetting but these things I doYou see I've forgotten if they're brown or if they're greenAnyway the thing is what I really meanYours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seenAnd you can tell everybody this is your songIt may be quite simple but now that it's doneHope you don't mindI hope you don't mind that I put down in wordsHow wonderful life is now you're in the worldHope you don't mindI hope you don't mind that I put down in wordsHow wonderful life is while you're in the world
He finished, gasping for air, he'd been singing with so much force.
Gabriella spread her arms out and let the wind rush past her, she had a song.
'Here, take this' Troy said, removing his Hollister hoodie and holding it out for her.
'I don't want it' she told him.
'You must be freezing though'
'I am, but for once, I feel like I'm flying, and maybe, just maybe, I can fly heaven' moving closer, as if she were to jump.
'NO!' Troy yelled.
Gabriella slowly turned round, backing up a bit, and looked at him for the first time.
'What would you do if I jumped?' she asked.
'I'd jump after you' he answered instantly, without even thinking.
Gabriella studied him for a minute, and then laughed.
'No you wouldn't' she told him, turning him back round.
'Yes I would' he insisted.
'Why would you? I mean come on Troy, give it up'
'BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!' he yelled at her, all the hurt, fear, pain and love mixing in.
She jumped, so close to falling but not quite. Did he really love her? If he did, why would he treat her like that? She thought.
'You know, for a second there, you actually made me think I meant something to someone' she spoke, tilting her head to the sky.
'That's because you do, you mean so much, so much to me'
'That doesn't mean you'd risk your life for mine, or because you couldn't live without me' she pointed out.
'Yes, yes it does, because I love you'
'You don't know the meaning of love Troy'
'I do now'
'Explain it then, explain to me the meaning of love'
'ITS YOU! YOU ARE THE MEANING OF LOVE, I LOVE YOU!' he screamed in desperation.
Slowly, she faced him, looking into his face, into the eyes she'd dreamt about ever since she first looked into them.
Holding her hand out to him, she whispered,
'Then fly with me'