Little Pieces of Her Heart

by Sarai

A/N: This hasn't been betaed so again, any and all mistakes are mine. Please R&R, I'd love to know what you think! Special thanks to Wendy and Joe for help with this fic, thanks guys!

Chapter Two

FLASHBACK

"Thankyou Sir."

"For what?"

"Being here for me."

He paused, trying to contain all the love that threatened to spill from his heart.

"Always."

"This is great."

"I told ya."

"I can't believe we didn't do this years ago."

"Yes, well, let's not dwell."

Jack brooded in the privacy of his own office. The trouble General relayed such moments and conversations over and over in his head to see if there was anything he had missed in Carter's behaviour. Nope, there was nothing he could think of. No sign or clue that he had failed to pick up on. Fear of insubordination he supposed. Either that or she doesn't actually give a toss about me.

It had been four and a half weeks since he'd taken his 2IC and former team fishing. Revelling in the fact that they'd managed to get so much time away from the base, Jack had busied himself with taking Carter's mind off the difficult upheavals in her life. He wanted to ease the edge off the grief at her father's death. He even wanted to make her feel better about the whole Pete situation, although that was a far harder subject to broach.

For Jack the trip had another aim; ascertain whether the woman he'd fallen in love with eight years ago reciprocated his feelings at all. Jack O'Neill was hopelessly in love with Sam Carter. It was a fact he'd become aware of very early in their friendship and had long since stopped trying to deny it to himself. At the same time Jack was loyal to the Air Force. He knew the rules, would break many of them on a day-to-day basis without a care in the world, but with this one it was different. He respected the Air Force, and Sam, far too much to break the frat regs flippantly.

Still, he figured he'd done a pretty good job of concealing his feelings to everyone else. They'd come through some fairly dire circumstances sane and confession-less but Jack wasn't really sure that this wasn't down to his fear of those sticky emotional conversations more than anything else. The kinds Daniel always tried to involve him in. He repressed a shudder.

Jack thought of himself as a fairly simple man. He wanted to put forward the idea of a relationship to Carter, as soon as they were in a position to be able to do so. Jack enjoyed his job but he would be lying to himself (again!) if he said he enjoyed it as much as he used to. Try as he might he couldn't help but miss the thrill of going offworld; a new planet, a new species, a new bad guy. Jack sighed, leaning back in his comfy General's chair.

Throughout the week-long fishing trip he wanted to talk to her, he really did, but the proposition sounded so clinical in his head that every time he began a conversation with her, in those rare moments when they were alone, began with "So, Carter" and invariably ended with "fancy a beer?" or "just gotta pop to the bathroom". He was fairly sure she either thought he was an alcoholic or had a bladder problem. Great, he thought, juusst peachy. Two things that really back me up when you add them with my age and busted knee…

Nevertheless, the plain fact of the matter was that Jack loved Sam. Pure, elating and heartbreaking love. He respected her more than anyone else he knew. She was fiercely intelligent, personable, kind, sexy and not bad with a P-90 either. And through everything she had been through, harder to deal with than his record, or at least he thought, she had taken everything like the tough capable soldier she was. Instead of send her over the edge it only served to make her stronger.

And because of all of this, Jack knew what he had to do. The time for second guessing himself and their 'relationship' was over. He hated clichés and winced literally and figuratively as he got up from his desk.

"Do or die."

FLASHBACK

Banners flapped idly in the breeze on a cool, clear day. A long bugle note rose up on the wind. The sound carried on the crisp air, its tone reflected on the faces of the many uniformed people below; it was not the first time any had been present at an AF funeral, nor would it be the last.

As the bugle finished, General George Hammond stepped out in front of the assembled crowd. He took a deep breath; Jacob had been a good friend and George wasn't particularly prepared to speak at his funeral. In fact, George had thought wryly, he had resigned himself to their respective roles being reversed.

Surveying the sombre crowd George took in the four figures standing directly in front of him, on the opposite side of the grave. He allowed himself a small smile; Daniel, Teal'c and Jack were grouped around Sam in a protective human shield, guarding her without even seeming to realise it. Colonel Carter herself was looking straight back at him. George focused on her and began to speak.

Sam was amazingly calm, calmer than she had been in the days immediately after her father's death. But she could only focus on two things. Faintly registering what her former CO was saying, she could really only hear the slow, steady beat of her own heart. The only other thing she felt was the warm presence on her left side. The General had been very good to her in those past few days. He'd done virtually all the organising for the funeral, seeing that she needed the help. She glanced at him quickly and then away. Sam felt awful, thinking about Jack like 'that' on a day like today but it just wasn't fair of him to look so good in his dress blues.

Sam blinked, the coffin was being lowered into the ground and George stood before her, holding a rolled-up flag. She accepted it. Another little piece of her heart broke away.

Jack's face remained impassive. This was hard for him to, not just because of the pain he felt radiating from the woman on his right, but also because Jacob had been a good friend. To the outside observer Sam appeared to be handling everything well. To Jack, who had danced this one with her too many times, she was crumbling inside. He almost felt as though he should reach out to catch her, except that she was not actually falling. Instead he shifted a tiny bit closer, not to be obvious to the entire gathering but just to strengthen his presence at her side.

Taking the flag, Sam detected the increase of pressure on her left arm. She looked up into the eyes of her General, and smiled.

Later that day, Jack's house was a mass of blue as various guests from the funeral gathered for the wake. Circulating the room, Jack played the perfect host, talking to everyone and checking on drinks. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks, scanning the room. Noting Carter's absence he caught Daniel's eye and jerked his head outside. His friend nodded, watching as Jack moved quickly out of the room. He looked across at Teal'c. The big Jaffa simply smiled, nodded and continued his conversation with General Hammond.

After checking the crowded deck, where a confused Jack found General Francis Maynard telling an amusing story involving the young Major Jacob Carter, a cucumber and a tennis ball, Jack made his way onto the rooftop balcony where he kept his telescope. Carter was sat next to it, hugging her knees and looking up at the darkening sky. He figured she was there to look at the stars as they emerged but she looked freezing.

Jack sat down next to her, wincing as he knee popped. Sam jumped, startled by his stealthy approach; she'd forgotten how quiet he could be.

"Hey Carter." She sighed, revelling in the gravelly tone of his voice.

"Hi Sir." He smiled, thinking how adorable she looked sitting like that before gruffly clearing his throat and asking, "Whatcha doin'?"

He mentally kicked himself; it was pretty obvious what she was doing. But, to his surprise, she answered quickly and honestly, clearly not noticing the stupidity of his remark.

"I was thinking about my dad. Something he said to me last year." She frowned. "Or at least, something I thought he said but it wasn't really him saying it…" She blinked and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Attempting a smile she said, "Never mind Sir."

He looked at her for a moment before loosening his collar. Looking up at the sky he said, "You know Carter, you can tell me anything. Right?"

Following his cue, she looked skywards.

"Of course sir, I always have."

Silence stretched out between them. He wondered how cold she was and if he could justify putting his arm round her. Just as his fingers twitched, she spoke.

"I broke it off with Pete."

Silence.

"Huh." Jack tried not to kick himself, literally this time. "Sorry, I mean…oh, you did?"

"Yes." More silence. Sam winced, this was so hard. "It just wasn't…well it wasn't working out. It occurred to me I was making a big, HUGE mistake."

"You said."

"What? Oh…right." That memory was still fresh in her head; the day she'd finally plucked up the courage and gone to Jack's house…

"How's Kerry?" Sam asked before she could stop herself, her hand nearly flying to her mouth.

Jack swallowed, deliberately looking upwards.

"She's ok. As far as I know."

"As far as you know?"

"We…err…broke up." Now Sam really looked at him. Still, she couldn't actually think of something to say. A minutes silence passed before she eventually managed a quiet, "Oh."

They lapsed into another silence, though this one was a lot more comfortable.

Suddenly they heard Teal'c's loud, raucous laughter. Apparently he had just told another Jaffa joke. That and the increased sounds from the party snapped Jack out of his reverie. He jumped to his feet more quickly than either of them thought possible, holding his hands out to her.

"Come on Carter. On your feet. Let's go!"

Jack didn't realise it but a silent war was raging within Sam. What were they doing? He was free of Kerry, she of Pete. So why were they still dancing around each other like this? Something inside of her, stretched to breaking point as she thought about her Dad's words whilst she'd been stranded on the Prometheus, snapped completely at his choice of words.

They reminded her of another 'hallucination' she'd had on that ship.

Sam let Jack pull her to her feet, although he'd noticed the shift in her eyes. Eyeing her warily he stepped back a little.

"Sir, why did you come up here?"

"Err…" he stalled for time as she quickly readied herself to repeat what had been a very painful conversation for her to have the first time round.

"Did you come to give me a pep talk?"

He smiled slowly. "That's what friends are for."

She sighed. "Friends." It was a statement and she injected as much venom into the word as possible. Jack looked more and more confused. Still, he wouldn't break eye contact with her.

She steeled herself. "What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?"

At this he stepped forward.

"What?! Carter…I…" Jack stopped, looking at her carefully. She was calm, waiting for his answer. Jack knew what he was about to say would infuriate her. But he also knew that he wasn't about to push her into anything she wasn't ready for, especially after the day they'd had. Hell, he'd waited eight years; he could wait a bit longer. Jack sighed.

"I would never ask you to give up your career."

"Because you don't feel anything for me?"

"Carter…"

"I'd let you go right now if I knew." This startled him. He kept his face carefully blank.

"That easy?"

"I didn't say it would be easy."

He took another step closer. Their faces were inches apart. She could smell him and breathed in deeply. She loved that smell. There was no other way to describe it. It was just. Jack.

"Then what's stopping you? If you really wanna know?" His eyes flicked down to her mouth, then last vestiges of his control fading with the light. He closed in as she turned her mouth upwards. He could feel her breath on his lips…

"JAACK!!" It was Daniel, shouting from downstairs.

She pulled away, going to stand at the balcony railing; he bit the inside of his cheek. Jack was thinking about glorious ways to hurt the younger man, but stopped as he saw Sam's face. She looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Jack blinked, swallowed and called out to Daniel, "COMING!"

He walked over to the railing, touched her hand and turned back to the ladder.

She glanced over her shoulder, a small smile on her lips. "Still wanna take me fishing, sir?"

Jack grinned and continued down the ladder.