Starsky drove home. His mother was cleaning, when he entered the house. "Hi Ma" he called wearily. Rachael, hearing the sorrow in her son's voice, stopped what she was doing and said "David, honey, what is it? You thinking about Venna again?" "Starsky smiled and nodded, "Things have sure got screwed up haven't they." He slumped onto the sofa, "Oh God Ma, ything feels like it's falling apart" "David, what's happened? You were doing so well yesterday. What's wrong?" "Hutch he..." Rachael was instantly concerned, "Has something happened to Hutch?" She couldn't bear it and she knew her son wouldn't either, especially not so soon after Venna. "No Ma, Hutch is fine. Well sorta fine" he replied. "What do you mean, sort of fine?" She asked, even more concerned. "I think I'm losing him Ma. It feels like he's slipping away. I thought our friendship would be forever. I thought Hutch felt the same way, now, I'm not so sure." "David Starsky whatever is happening between you and your friend you make sure you sort it out. You need him and Hutch needs you. You fix whatever is wrong. You hear me?" she demanded. "I hear you Ma, I just don't know how. Hell, I'm not ready for all this yet." Starsky put his head in his hands and cried. The thought of losing Hutch was hurting. Probably more than losing Venna. Hutch had promised him when Venna died that he wouldn't lose him. Okay Hutch maybe not in death, but I'm losing you anyway thought Starsky.
When Starsky collected Dylan from school, it felt strange. Venna wasn't there and neither was Hutch. Starsky felt truly alone. The boy's teacher had said that he had settled in well. She was please, to report, that Dylan seemed to have made a special friend, in Michael. She thought maybe Dylan was using Michael as a substitute for Ray. She explained, to Starsky, that Dylan had not just lost his sibling, but a twin. They had a bond since before their birth. Starsky felt almost the same way. Losing Hutch was like losing his twin, but Starsky was pleased for Dylan.
On the ride home the little boy was full of tales about school. "...and Michael, he's my best friend. I saw his mommy today. Her name is Rose" "Dummy" said Starsky playfully, "that's not his mommy, that's the lady that looks after him." "No, no Starsky, she came too. His mommy has got long hair." "Oh" replied Starsky, "You like Michael huh?" "Sure. Hey Starsky." "Yes Dylan?" "Can Michael come to my house to play?" "Sure Dylan maybe we can invite him to your birthday." Starsky smiled. "Am I having a party?" "We'll see. I'll try." "Mommy used to have parties for me and Ray. We would..." the little boy stopped. Starsky looked at him. "You okay champ?" he asked. Dylan, with his head down said, "I'm really not going to see them no-more, am I?" "No Dylan. But hey, you still got me" Starsky said brightly. Dylan thought for a moment. "Starsky?" "Yes babe?" "Did Hutch die?" Starsky was taken back. "No Hutch didn't die. Whyd'you say that?" he stammered. "How come we don't see him no-more?" asked the child. "Dylan Hutch is just busy. We'll see him soon. We'll invite him to your birthday too, huh?" "Great!" said Dylan, happy to have been reassured.
On arrival at the house Starsky's heart leapt when he saw Captain Dobey's car in the drive. He immediately thought of Hutch. His face paled. "Come on Dylan." he hurried the little boy out of the car. Opening the door he was relieved to hear his mother and captain laughing. "Hey Cap'n." "Starsky" answered his superior. "Your mother here is a fine woman." Starsky noticed that Edith Dobey and Cal and Rosie were there too. "Hello Edith, kids. Captain is this a social call?" "Starsky are you going to introduce us to this fine young fellow.?" Starsky had almost forgotten Dylan who was clinging to Starsky's leg, unsure as to who all these people were. "Oh yeah right. Sorry" Starsky picked Dylan up. Captain, everyone, I'd like you to meet Dylan" Starsky grinned "My son" "Hello Dylan" said Edith gently. "Dylan why don't you take Cal and Rosie up to your room. I'm sure they'd love to see your toys?" prompted Starsky. "Okay Starsky" smiled Dylan. The children went upstairs. "Okay Cap'n what's going on?" Starky asked. "Nothing is going on. Your mother called and said that your boy has a birthday coming up and you haven't got anything organised yet." "Cap'n I..." Edith interrupted "Dave no-one could have expected you to, but maybe I can help. Rosie is almost the same age as Dylan. She has friends we can invite. Has Dylan got any friends?" "Ah yeah, he's got one special friend, Michael. Actually we were just talking about his birthday and he said he want to invite Michael." "All right then. Dave we'll book Chucky Cheeses. Rosie had her party there last year and she loved it. I'll take care of the booking. Talk to his teacher, she may know more of his friends. I'll get some invitations. When is it?" Starsky thought for a moment. "Umm next Tuesday" "Okay, we'll get the booking arranged. The invitations can be given out next week and we'll arrange the party for Saturday. How does that sound?" she smiled. "Edith, you're a life saver. I'd never have got all that sorted. I wouldn't know where to start." "Starsky" said his Captain, "Don't beat yourself up over it. Most of us get at everleast nine months to get used to the idea, you've been thrown in the deep in" "Sure have Cap'n" replied Starsky.
The children were very all having a great time at the party. Dylan and Ray were chasing each other up and down the slides and throwing balls at each other, in the ball pond. Starsky kept looking towards the door. Captain Dobey noticed. "Starsky, he'll show, give him time. It's early yet, party's hardly started." "What if he doesn't Cap'n? I can't figure it out. It's like... It's like when I lost Venna, I lost Hutch too. Why?" Starsky questioned. "Nothing's happened. We were fine. Hutch has always been there for me. Maybe that's it. Maybe I've always expected too much from him. Maybe he's tired of me." Starsky slumped. Edith, overhearing the conversation interrupted, "That will never happen David. Hutch is your friend." "Yeah well friends don't abandon friends when they need them most" Starsky said, hurt.
Finally Hutch did arrive. He walked sheepishly over to where his friends were sitting. He looked awful. Starsky was beginning to think that there was something seriously wrong with him. Maybe Hutch is ill? Maybe I'm being selfish he thought. He smiled as Hutch approached. "Hey buddy, glad you came. You wanna drink or somethin'?" Starsky asked, trying to look cheerful. The atmosphere was strained. Hutch was beat, quietly he answered "Ah, hey Starsk' no, I'm not staying. I just came to give this to Dylan" he pulled out a small packet, gift wrapped from his jacket pocket, "Will ya give it to him, for me?" Hutch asked. "I can get him Hutch. You should give it to him" Starsky answered. "No, I...I have to go..." he started to walk away. "Hutch?" Starsky called. Hutch looked back at Starsky, he looked sorry and then he left. Starsky was about to go after him but their Captain stopped him, "Let him go son." he said, holding Starsky's arm. "Captain you don't understand..." Starsky's eyes filled with tears, "Did you see him?" "Dave, he'll be back. When he's ready. He came here didn't he?" reasoned Captain Dobey. "I can't just let him go like that. Something's wrong. I've gotta go after him." Starsky got up, "Edith, watch the kids can you?" he asked. "Go, go see your friend" she replied.
Starsky ran outside. Hutch had already gone. Starsky could see his car. Oh Hutch. What is it? What's wrong? He slowly went back inside. Starsky remained solemn throughout the party. He was desperately missing Venna and he had no-one to share it with. He was worried about Hutch and he couldn't tell what pained him more. Truthfully it was probably Hutch. He had known Venna eight months. He had a ten year relationship invested in Hutch.
When the party ended parents came to collect their children. Edith knew most of them. Each child was given a piece of birthday cake, a voucher for a free pizza, a balloon and a small toy. Michael was the last one left. Captain Dobey, Edith, and Rosie had already gone home. Huggy, who had popped in with a book for Dylan had left with a hot looking waitress, who happened to be getting off duty and Dylan was getting tired and wanted to go home. Starsky decided to let his mother take Dylan home, in a cab and he would wait with Michael. After they had left he treated the little boy to an icecream whilst he sat and had a coke. "So Michael, you say your mom is collecting you, right?" "Yeah, she don't work on Saturdays, but her car's been acting up. Probably why she's late. Mr Starsky, how come Dylan don't have a mommy?" "Well maybe the same reason you don't have a daddy" smiled Starsky. "My mommy said that my daddy left. Did Dylan's mommy leave?" asked the little boy. "Kinda. Hey why don't we go and see if we can see your mom's car from the window, huh?" suggested Starsky. As they were about to get up Michael's mom came rushing into the restaurant. She stopped dead and gasped when she saw Starsky. "David..." "Rosie...Rosie Malone" stammered Starsky. "What are you...what are you doin' here?" he asked. Michael looked from one adult to the other, "Mom, can we go now?" he asked. Neither acknowledged him. "David I..." on hearing Michael, "David I have to go now. I'm sorry I was late collecting him. Thankyou." she took her sons hand and went to leave, "That's it?" asked Starsky, "no explanation, nothing?" "What do you want me to say David? It's too late for us. You've obviously moved on. You have a little boy." she challenged. "I...I never stopped loving you Rosie. I never stopped thinking about you." "David, don't" she said. "Don't what? Rosie you walk in here after nearly 6 years and you say don't. God damn it Rosie, I love you" "David I can't deal with this right now" she pleaded. "You can't deal with this right now! Lady the past month I've been through hell, you've no idea..." he was raising his voice and Michael became frightened. "Mommy?" he looked up to his mother. "It's okay Mikey. David and I just need to talk. Tell you what honey, go play." Michael looked at her, "Go on it's okay. Everything's fine" Michael reluctantly went to play.
"David why don't we sit down?"
They sat, in silence, for what seemed like an eternity. Rosie looking at her son play, avoiding Starsky's gaze. Starsky couldn't stop staring at her, but was afraid to say anything. Presently, she laughed, uncomfortably. "So David, how have you been?" It was strained. Starsky didn't know how truthful he should be. His heart was so vulnerable right now. He was scared that if he began to talk he'd never stop. He really didn't have anyone to share with how he was feeling. He was exhausted, hurt, angry, lonely and needy. He missed Venna, the life they could have had. He was confused about Rosie. What now? He missed Hutch. More than anything he missed Hutch and he was scared about what was happening.
He smiled at her, gently, lovingly. "I'm okay, I guess" "You don't look it David." She responded, sympathetically. "I heard about the shooting. How are you?" "I'm fine now." he said, closing his eyes remembering the day when Gunther had him gunned down. "How'd you find out?" he asked. "David it was all over the newspapers." she smiled. "I...I thought you were in Mexico, with your father." He stammered. "My father died three months after we got out there. Heart attack! I tried to stay, but in the end I returned to New York." "Is that where you met Michael's father?" Starsky asked. Rosie nodded, "Yes. His father is from New York. Are you really okay, David? You look tired" She looked at Starsky's face. There were a few more lines and he'd put on a little weight, since she had last seen him, but he was still a very handsome man. Still got eyes that can melt my heart she thought to herself. "It's been a hellava month" he grinned at her. "Listen Rosie, I think I'd like to see you, talk to you, but not here, not now. Can we meet up? I really need to, there's a lot to say." He begged. "I'm not sure David. What do we say to each other, after all these years? You want me to say sorry? You want me to say I made a mistake? You want to hear that I never stopped loving you? I can tell you that here." " Is that what you're saying then?" Starsky looked at her. "What?" she asked. "That you still love me." Starsky responded. "Of course I still love you. You'll always be part of me." she looked down. Quietly she said "And I'll always have part of you" Starsky barely heard. "What are you telling me Rosie?" but he already knew. Michael. Michael was his son. He should have guessed before. The age, the looks. He looked across at the little boy. "Michael?" he asked her. "Yes David" she nodded. "Michael is your son" "David, I'm sorry" she looked guilty. "Rosie don't..." he was too tired to be angry with her. Starsky was confused and elated. He had a son. "I understand it's okay" he soothed. She looked at him, confused, "But you should hate me" she said. "How can I hate you. Rosie you did what you had to do. Does he know?" "No" "So what happens now?" "David you have a child and probably a wife somewhere, nothing can happen now" Starsky knew he had to explain about Venna and Dylan. "Rosie, I'm not married. Dylan is not my son. He was my fiancée's child. She died. I'm hoping to raise him. I'm hoping he will be mine, someday." "Oh David, I'm so sorry, when?" "Recently. I'm doing fine. Really I am. Dylan's all I care about right now." "I suppose Hutch is helping?" she asked. "Ah, Hutch has been great" he replied but didn't sound convincing and Rosie noticed, but decided to say nothing. "Look David I'll call you. I've really got to go. Michael is getting tired." "Rosie, I really want to get to know him. I'm not going to disrupt your world. He's your son and one hell of a kid. I'm not going to upset him. He doesn't even have to know who I am, I just want the chance to know him. Will you give me that chance?" "David I'll call. I promise." With that, she took Michael and left. Starsky sat wondering what would happen now. I wish I could call Hutch he thought and sighed, because he knew he couldn't.