HIYA! it's been awhile, i know... but this one is slightly longer and will probably leave you feeling good... i hope - you tell me!

Mackensie Jackson - oy, i know... 6 chapters and counting... amazing, yes?
The Mythical Pen - ah.. ideas, but you will see... it might go that way!
Atlantian (Anym.) - mind if i still call you that? anyway, thank you very much and congrats on the account!
Estel Kenobi - i loved your review! made me laugh really hard, i think i'll use it later on! thank you!
Stargate-Luver - well... since everyone's been buggin me about Heightmeyer... guess..! lol, thanks
LetNys - Zelenka be next or soon after next! thank you
Christieanne-Anna - (blushes) thank you... you're good at making me blush...lol
HyperCaz - glad it made you laugh so hard! no prob
Knightgirl4Jack - of course i saw fridays episode! LOL, great epi there... (what a pansy)
Peppermint4 - eventually i'll have to.. b/c i cant keep track of all the stories
stevewraith - oh he gets the email... and we'll see more of him later...
The Fiction Spider - soon perhaps...
nightpheonix - very glad you liked it too... keep it coming!
fififolle - Caldwell NEEDS to be wary of women... its one of the few things he's not wary enough about...
Lorency - of course! it was written for Jack as well as Caldwell, glad you liked it!
Spice9 - thank you for your kind words
Vecturist - sheppard's puppy dog look is incredible! and thanks for the good luck (i know it helped)
TheNaggingCube - glad you liked the intro! lol, it lived up to the Guide? whoa...
SilverRider - wouldnt most love to shoot kavanugh? but if you find him first, he's all yours!
McRaider - glad to be of the anti-stress service, any day!
BeachchickJASSNL - the pulling weapons from nowhere had me staring at the TV like 'jeez, wtf?'

wow, thats a ton of you! i love you all! i cant believe you all like this story so much! and because i like my faithful reviewers... the story goes on for you!

Chapter 7!

Today had been a bad day for the city's resident slime-ball. He'd sent off emails to Caldwell and his "friends" complaining, again, about the leadership and trying to get Weir and the senior staff in trouble with their childish follies. He expected an email back from Colonel Caldwell about how he was absolutely right and the military should take over.

Grinning at his own ingeniousness, the hated man quickly opened up his email. Among an inbox full of hate email, 483 of them, and stupid ideas, 87 of those, was a letter from Caldwell. Opening it, he read it smiling, knowing that Weir was about to be kicked off her podium.

That grin very quickly fell off of his face as he read the newest installation of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy" series.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" he cried.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Down on the other side of the city, a doctor worked. She never really checked her email, but something that day told her to. She usually listened to herself and her instinct because it usually told her whether a person was truly nuts or something.

The computer beeped indignantly. It wanted her name and password.

She typed in: "Name: Heightmeyer, Dr., Password: wraithscareme." And suddenly her overloaded email inbox appeared on the screen.

Heightmeyer had heard rumors of some "Guide to the Galaxy" or something and how it sick, perverted humor almost. Sounded like some people needed a serious checkup.

Picking up her recently acquired Coca Cola, Heightmeyer took a sip and stared at it. Someone must have spiked it or she hadn't drunken it for so long her body had gotten used to normal un-caffeinated levels, but this stuff gave her a bit of a buzz.

In her email, there were six letters with the last couple words being "to the Galaxy." It seemed the dreaded documents had been forwarded so many times it had finally reached her. Heightmeyer's eyebrows went higher and higher while reading the "Guides" until they almost disappeared into her hairline.

Deciding she needed another sip of Coke (and a slight buzz); the doctor diagnosed these poor people and their state of mind. She giggled unexpectedly and with it came a strange idea, one that would have never even occurred to the "normal" Dr. Heightmeyer, but this was "slightly high on Coke" Heightmeyer.

OOO

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy for Psychologists

1. Bring plenty of tissues

... a. This is because things here will blow your mind and if you're not mentally strong enough to handle that pressure, you better have lots of tissues.

... b. Make sure they're Puffs because "every good nose in need deserves Puffs indeed." They're softer.

2. No one is dead unless you actually see his/her/its body. And even then, miracles CAN happen.

... a. I mean come on, IT'S AN ALIEN GALAXY!

... b. Besides, a doctor can reap in the increased umber of clients after such a happening.

3. Just because an alien or an alien entity has taken over a staff member does not mean that you stay around to watch it happen.

... a. This is potentially dangerous to your health. Get out of the way when this happens!

... b. If you die, who will take your place as Head Shrink?

4. Don't ignore nightmares.

... a. After all, you could be Wraith. Or something.

5. Normal diagnoses on mental behavior probably won't be useful on about 80 of the patients that will come in to see you. But it makes you look smart/concerned.

... a. Get creative with your diagnoses, but make sure that no one else knows what you're talking about.

... b. If someone finds out you were bullshitting the whole session with your patients, lie or do something as equally devious.

6. Never ever take that last turkey sandwich in commissary. The consequences may be fatal or mentally disabling.

... a. Trust me. Do you have any idea how many cases have been about the trauma of the last "something" in the commissary?

... b. Oh and if Rodney comes in every day (pretending or not pretending) because he's taken that last piece of food for "the good of everyone," he's probably just trying to hit on you.

7. Never never never go offworld.

... a. Period, end of story.

... b. Do you know what could happen to you out there? All the unexpected influences and inputs from the environment is enough to make any person mad – including the Chief Shrink.

... c. It's a scary place.

Shuddering with the last thought, Heightmeyer wrapped up her letter and sent it out to as many people as she knew which included Zelenka, Weir, Sheppard, Beckett, and that really hot 'new' guy in the Control Room.

"Yes, fear the power of the shrink's email!" she shouted.

"Uh, Dr. Heightmeyer? You have an appointment with Lt. Hinsley today about her nightmares?" a voice called. Heightmeyer sighed and deflated from her 'rule-the-planet' status.

Atlantis first then galaxy-wide psychologist stations.

sooo... how'd i do this time? like it? hate it? comment about it? leave a review after the beep and i'll get back to you as soon as possible, thank you. (beeep)