(desperately begs for forgivenness) I'M SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY I HAVEN'T PUT A CHAPTER UP IN SO LONG! FORGIVE MEEEEEE!
school got really hectic and i was betaeing someones story... and, to the whims of the muse, even when i did have time, Djari (my muse) was dry. She was argueing with Urgo...
Djari: Was not!
Shay: Oh reaaaaally...? (disbelieving look)
Urgo:Dj scares me, she argues too much. (eats pie)
Shay: Do I have to separate you two?
Dj and Urgo: Noooooo!
Shay: (sigh)
i digress...
Romulus Magnus - i shall not bash Sergeant Canada, this is him getting back!
SalanTrong - anything you like... since its online, order yourself some! iSoda sounds lovely
atlantian - lol, dont hurt yourself... and the responses will come, and you went to England with me, in spirit!
flubber - glad you liked it! and iPi has pi shaped cuts in it and its nerdy-like, have all the iOJ you like!
Christieanne-Anna - lol, i had to be pissed off enough to do it... had to be the right mood otherwise would have sounded bad
AFoE - glad you think i got him right! you know, coffee would make him more strung up, but then again scientists thrive on it...
McKayLover - lol, i did read that poem, nice job! and thanks you for your kind words (hugs)
stevewraith - glad you thought the ego was dead on! lol, i hope your carpet is soft for landing on
drufan - totally agree with you, hes an ass... and the Genii will come come i promise!
Beach chickJASSNL - very happy you enjoyed it! and yeah, Kavanaugh does ramble, doesnt he?
Port-of-Seas - very glad to have your company through this story! and i hope you look for more, lol!
PeoplePerson - let me say "hello!" and welcome to the club! glad you liked the story and i bet your ideas are great!
Yarrharr - if he knew how to use a gun, there'd be no show by now... ooh, more chapters!
Earllyn - hello new reviewer! and the responses of the others will come, probably next chapter!
prue - oh yes, they will be added! oh, welcome to the show! if you want a total listing, go to the bottom of chapt. 10!
AkimaDoll - oooooh the president writing one! that would be great!
nightpheonix - iPhi! the symmetry of life and everything! because Phi is one H of a lot better than Pi! yeah
mt. girl - comtraya to you and welcome! yeah, i've heard the iPie is delicious! thank you for your kind words!
Delka - lol, Kavanaugh in a new light? is it the godly light with the "aaaahhh!" or a strange light? lol
Gatemage - thank you very much for your continued support! hope you enjoy this chapter!
001ElvenWarrior - lol, yes write your fics, but still read here! yeah Kavanaughs an ass... hyperbole... (thinks hard) OH! thanks!
dwparsnip - hello hello hello to the Pegasus Galaxy and hope you enjoy you're stay... LOL! ooh how to kill Kavanaugh? has potential!
fififolle - anything i can do to make ya happy! and yes, Sgt. Canada will have his moment! actually, this is it! hope you like!
Erikstrulove - OMG! CUT THE PONYTAIL OFF! I LOVE YOU! (whittles furiously at a story)
SilverRider - well, technically, its because of Sheppard that another chain will start, well it never ends... so yeah, he's starting it!
(stares at large amount of reviewers and mouth drops open) oh my god... i love you people! you really make my day! its so much fun getting all these ideas!
and now... chapter 13!
The man sat at the advanced control panel while idly scanning through the systems he watched. He, the sergeant with no name, sat waiting and watching for the next big event in Atlantis. He leaned forward, hearing voices, and placed his elbows on the console.
Something interesting, huh? Huh?
The voices faded away. Apparently nothing interesting was happening today, not even a simple wormhole activation. He sighed; god today was BOOO-OOORING! It wasn't like the Canadian thrived on the chaos, fear, and pain that came and went through the Stargate, but nothing had happened. There was only so much one could do to keep one mildly entertained.
The unnamed Canadian sergeant (who was proud of his unnamed status… it was mysterious…) had attempted to divert his attention with Solitaire on his laptop. Quickly checking over his shoulder for his superiors, Sergeant Canada started his 378th game. Bored of out his mind, the sergeant had started to guess what the ratio of a win to a loss was.
Surprisingly, you lost a lot more than you won in Solitaire. Cheap game…
At any rate, email interrupted his Solitaire train of thought. It had popped into his head suddenly; the sergeant hadn't checked it in quite a long time. Long being ever since his predecessor and friend Peter Grodin died. The man sighed and opened it up and the first 26 emails were those of his colleagues. They were all titled "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy" or "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy for " and most had the heading RE: or FW: in the subject line. Absolute madness.
Feeling intrigued, Sergeant Canada read them all. Well, all the original Guides and being the mischievous soul he was… just let me tell you he quickly pulled up a Microsoft Word document and put a little black on white.
OOO
The Techie Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy
1. When shit hits the fan, get down. Fast.
... a. Most likely, the 'shit' will be bullets and plasma shots and weird things like that.
... b. Oh yeah, close the iris on the Stargate. It just might save your life from all those weird things shooting out of the gate.
2. Don't, whatever you do, DON'T remove the self-destruct crystal from the control panel! Even if it is for teasing Dr. McKay…
... a. Yeah… not saying I did it, but it's not labeled as dangerous or essential to Atlantis.
... b. In fact, it's the same clear color and shape as all the other control crystals. Unless you work at my station, don't touch!
3. Get the ATA gene therapy. It's worth it.
... a. It means you can play around with the coolest stuff in Atlantis.
... b. This also means that you can find some wicked cool stuff and do things that others can't.
... c. Besides, it looks like magic. The chicks love it.
4. Have excellent reflexes.
... a. You never know when that surprise call comes and you suddenly aren't allowed to hit the button that dials the gate.
... b. Hey, you can look like Neo if you can dodge those plasma shots.
5. Get out of Dr. McKay's way when asked.
... a. If you don't, you will be shoved out of the way and probably yelled at.
... b. The only reason he will probably want to see you is if you screwed something up or if he needs your station to save Atlantis again.
6. Pillars are your friends.
... a. Learn to love the pillars near you. They will protect you from most everything.
... b. You can hide behind them and pretend you're invisible.
...c. Of course, if you actually are invisible then no need to pretend behind your pillar.
7. Make good friends with your local Stargate,
... a. If you don't, it may not work for you very well.
... b. This is time honored stuff here, Sgt. Davis did it and so did Peter Grodin. So obviously it works.
... c. You really don't want a misbehaving Stargate.
The sergeant stopped his things-to-obey-by list. He scrolled up and scanned his work lovingly. This had been a great way to get rid of the stress and the boredom of the last two hours. Sergeant Canada checked his watch. It was time for the weekly reports to Earth… which meant Dr. McKay was going to bound in here (hopefully in a decent mood) and order him to push the big, white, Ancient buttons on the big, blue, Ancient DHD.
That was fun.
He grinned. The sergeant loved to dial up the gate and announce who was coming home. He did want to go home eventually… but he was WAAAAY too important to this mission, right?
Sergeant Canada tapped his Send button and out it went into Atlantis to all the techies that dreamed about his vitally important position.
The sergeant scowled briefly. It was his position, HIS! And no one was gonna take it from him!
like it? LOVE IT? hate it? TELL MEEEEEE!
oh and nightpheonix, when Kavanaugh one day goes SNAP (snaps fingers decievely) not only are we gonna be screwed, but he'll make himself Emperor of the World and Two Galaxies! I mean, tell me, how many people can hold THAT title! not only that... but Rodney and him will constantly go at it for the ego title...
For the rest of you: an iFeast with every possible efood under the iSun! Loosen up your bandwidth!