hello hello and comtraya! i'm very glad everyone loved the last chapter! you all honor me with your words of praise!

ALL READERS, YOU MUST READ THIS:

Okay, this is the point where the story splits into two veins. One, starting from Atlantis' Guide, will go onto the Daedalus and go off to Earth from there, resulting in another story. The other, the one starting from the Atlantis Stargate's Guide, will head off into subspace to be read by all the known races of the Pegasus Galaxy. I will alternate between the two paths. Obviously, the Guides on the Daedalus will end soon, cascading into another story, but the Guides that are bouncing around the Pegasus Galaxy via subspace will be around for awhile.Remember, those on the path starting from the Stargate will not know about Guides that are being created on the Daedalus. So please don't ask me why someone's Guide isn't in the lowdown if they're not supposed to be there! Got it? Good.

okay... i just wrote that three times due to internet difficulty... grr.. stupid computer!

flubber - lol, it can be for whoever you like! sorry i updated early and made you miss the lineup! but thanks for your reviews!
Whirlwind-2005 - brilliant? i'm touched! thank you so much! thanks for reviewing this time too! welcome!
Gatemage - i promise, i'll get people's reactions eventually... probably after the Guides leave the Daedalus or something!
Sea Fire - thank you! glad you think it's that funny! hope you didn't hurt yourself laughing... like some other ppl i know...
SilverRider - LOL! well, i had no other way of it getting there, so hey the Daedalus looked nice! omg, sam's gonna flip!
Grub5000 SJ Fan - if you email me about the confusing ones, i'll clear you up, but other than that - thanks for reviewing!
AFoE - yup, arynn is from Get On Board... hehehe, thats okay, i know you're reviewing in your heart even if doesnt let ya!
EVS - okay, thanks... your name is one of the longest here.. so yeah... anyway, thanks for the thumbs up!
Sepik - as if it wasnt before? yeah atlantis is kinda cruel... thanks for your review! you're new - welcome!
stevewraith - well, i guess to have such a legend behind it as Atlantis does, one has to have a heck of a personality!
sqwrath - lol, glad you find this sooo much fun! i'm having fun writing it too because of all you guys! thanks!
Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith - HEY! you're back with Steve Plushie! the wraith guide will be dedicated to you and steve!
Delka - (sigh of relief) i'm very happy to hear that the last one stood up to the test, thank you!
MuseUrania - lol, my imagination sometimes goes a bit too far... but i'm extremely happy that its being put to good use! thanks!
nightpheonix - very very funny ideas! omg, a malp would be great! maybe i will... sing!
Nelowl - lol, yeah Atlantis strikes me as being pretty funny... i mean to be around that long... ya gotta be... thanks for your kind words!
Reefgirl - ah yes, very very devious! i shall keep the chapters coming as fast as my muse can work!
fififolle - lol, more like Entity has Kavanaugh to play with... not love.. that was sarcasm, but Kavanaugh is fun to zap! glad you liked it!
AkimaDoll - yay! i keep garnering approval from Akima! lol, the Ancients got this one! thanks for your approval... again!
The Mythical Pen - lol, you mean drones... a drone doing a Guide? hmm... maybe on Earth it shall... thanks for the review and the ideas!
Knightgirl4Jack - wow... this story is addictive? thank you for the high praise! i'm estatic that you think so! i will continue to write then
Vecturist - (snorts) yeah, when it comes to sheppard, beckett and mckay the chair gets awfully devious! lol, thanks for reviewing!
Port-of-Seas - OMG! that's a great idea! (laughs hysterically) i can totally see arynn taking over cadman! thanks for the laugh and the idea!
Romulus Magnus - yeah, rodney's pretty hopeless... more chapters are coming your way, i promise!
x-izzles-x - lol, reactions will come soon... well, eventually! i'm sticking to 7 for consistancy... besides 7 is a lucky number :p!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for ALL of your praise! Heck, thanks to AtlantianFanofEarth, I was called a genius twice in the same review! That is absolutely amazing! I even almost got sung to by nightpheonix, who continues to call me crazy, but I don't blame her... she knows me in real life... but everyone's loving the story and i'm loving writing it! YAY reviewers!

Shay: Djari, I swear if you try to pop my ego balloon one more time...
(pop)
Djari: Heh, oops...
Shay: That's it!
Steve Plushie: (growls)

anyway... onto... (drum roll) chapter 17!

In a world of pure energy, messages came already looking like proper letters. It was like the deal with the newspaper – only paper in the Ancient plane of existence. Just because the message was ascended, it didn't make the content any less shocking.

Now Ancients weren't known for their sense of humor because, frankly, in their dealing of humans, they'd never shown it. In their plane though, laughs were exchanged constantly between friends. Seeing as Ancients were also very secretive and untrusting, these bursts of humor were also rare in public.

One 'morning' the post came in with a directed to Caden. Caden was one of the original Ancients – one of the ones that died at Atlantis while trying to defend it. He had also been a good friend of someone named Daniel before he had descended. He knew about humans' strange sense of humor that no one in the universe seemed to get.

Anyway, Azis, the designated 'mailman,' came by, said his hellos and threw a bundle of letters at Caden. Luckily he caught them. The package would have bowled him over. Fourteen large envelopes were tied together to make this bundle.

Caden cautiously opened up the top letter, thinking that this might be a trick from his devious friend Brant. When it didn't explode in his face, Caden went on to read the letters and found himself face-to-face with some real human humor. What a prize!

The Ancient devoured the content of the packages until he came to the last one. This one had originally been a subspace transmission to anyone out there. It was lovingly labeled "The Stargate's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy."

'That devil of a gate…' Caden thought. He knew that the Atlantis Stargate had a wicked sense of humor. He laughed and shared the letters with his friends with little more than a thought.

In a place where energy ruled, thoughts could very easily become matter. Caden started thinking up some matter of his own.

OOO

The Ancient Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy

1. Don't mess with life on the lower planes.

... a. If you do the Others, who you will probably never see, will come and ruin your pitiful mistake of a life.

2. If we find you in ANY way involved with Oma Desala (sexually or physically), you WILL be punished to watching something, be it a planet or a person.

... a. You were warned. Oma, while a very tempting target, is off-limits!

... b. Besides, if you tangle with her, you're probably in violation of rule #1.

3. If you find AT-1 or SG-1, clear off.

... a. These people are trouble! They will probably rope you into doing something. If not, something will happen where you have to act.

... b. Most likely someone will get hurt, enlightened, or screwed over royally.

4. If anyone goes to Atlantis, tell the humans that they're… doing fine.

... a. Please don't tell them about the spare ZPM room in the basement.

... b. If you do, we'll come after you.

... c. Those ZPMs could get rid of our purpose here – you know, to watch and not do anything.

5. Don't use your powers on anyone that can't defend themselves against you.

... a. Baaaaad idea because in a couple years friends, family, and allies of the person you blasted will rise up against you in many numbers.

... b. It never fails. Haven't you seen all the movies?

6. If someone finds a brutally important tablet regarding us, take it away!

... a. Please take it away from them. Most likely it is AT-1 screwing around will business they shouldn't be screwing around with.

... b. If you can't take it, scramble the letters up so many times that they will never be able to read it.

... c. I think this is the only time you can interfere with humans, so make it worth while.

7. Don't act like a god.

... a. Yeah yeah, I know it's terribly fun, but it makes you look really stupid.

...b. Trust me; it's so much better to show people your powers if they know you personally.

... c. Personal knowledge of you and not your powers makes for much better photos!

Caden was immensely proud of himself. That covered the rules of the Ancients… in some lack of detail, but people would get the general idea. Humans were, generally, smart like that. They'd get it…

If not, well… that would be bad.

Sneaking around, Caden let the message go in a burst of data over subspace like the Atlantis Stargate had done. Maybe someday the message would reach Daniel at Earth – he'd have a laugh!

Now Caden was free to go do some 'enforcing' of his own. First, he would concoct a nice little present for his friend Brant… then maybe he'd go conquer France… or not.

Maybe just the ascended world.

Good, bad, horrid?

Lol, some of you might recognize some of these rules from another story... kudos to the person who figures out which story it is!

Oh, sorry if i offended any frenchman/woman with what i said... its just a phrase i hear a lot...