Sorry for taking so very very long! I was betaing, then I was away, then my muse gave out... ugh! It took a long time to get this one done... couldn't think of much, but it's finally done! So again, very sorry for taking forever! At least I gave everyone enough time to review! lol

scifiprincess - oh don't worry, that wraith guide is coming! and welcome to the reviewer board! lol
nightpheonix - ooh, kudoes to you for the story... i know, poor new ascendants and Caden will triumph!
atlantian - lol, are you having dreams about my story? hehe, god sg-1 will be fun... and make sure to fix your smashed comp :)
Whirlwind-2005 - oh well, you know those Ancients... they can get their hands on anything... lol, they're good like that
Christieanne-Anna - hey, welcome back! havent seen ya in a while! and thanks, glad you liked the last couple chapters!
AFoE - 24 hr Alan Rickman marathon? interesting... glad you kept your eyes open long enough to read the chapter!
Knightgirl4Jack - dont worry... i butcher spanish with the best of them, i'm glad you liked the last chapter!
SilverRider - hehe, amusing, eh? lol, i'm very happy that you enjoyed it!
EVS - i'm glad you got a kick out of the last chapter! hope to see you review again!
flubber - yes! i made another laugh out loud! of course atlantis has a basement! thats where the water damage is... snicker
Erikstrulove - lol, did i make you speechless except for "Awesome!" thank you very much! glad to see you again!
Delka - omg, i know.. if the PTB read this... (heavenly music) lol, go ahead, make all the 'bummer stickers' you like!
Sepik - lol,i know... ancients with humor - scary... heh, if Atlantis ever found that ZPM... giggles
firefly-827347 - yeah, if only that zpm was there is right... it would make things veeery interesting!
fififolle -thanks for your praise! really! glad you liked Caden... yeah sorry about the A/N, is was the only way i could explain things
Port-of-Seas - nah, i was just borrowing Amaruk's plushie for a bit, no i have an Urgo plushie.. it eats pie a lot and annoys me...
TortieKitten - i'm very glad that i got you rolling on the floor laughing hysterically! i'm very happy that it was your fave chapter!
Beack chickJASSNL - lol, the other stories will be coming... eventually, i'm glad you already appove of them! thanks!
AkimaDoll - of course you get your SGC Guides! Lol! i wouldnt do without them! (haughty voice) i'm glad i maintain your approval.
stevewraith - in that case, i'm glad you didn't die! lol, your poor sis... i guess its the funny ancients that does it... sounds oxymoronic...
Romulus Magnus- lol, thanks for your words of praise! i'm happy you thought the chapter was good! thanks again!

Hey, hey, hey! I love you guys, really I do! Again, I was called a genius and brilliant! Yay! All of your reviews say that you like my story! (hugs) I mean, heck, this story even got nominated for the Stargate Awards this year! Awww... thanks!

Djari: She's lost it...
Shay: Quiet you!

Hiccup! Hiccup!

Well this was embarrassing… hiccup!… The hiccups bounced off the walls of the metal ship quite loudly. Many looked at her as she passed by them, trying to cover up the sound.

Hermiod, who had grown used to the sound, merely narrowed his eyes at her. Dr. Novak half-smiled as means of an apology. She knew that if she could get to her computer she'd be okay. Writing or working took the stress out of her.

Hic…

"Dr. Novak," Hermiod said severely.

"I'm sorry Hermiod, but I'm just nervous… you know how I get when this happens…" She trailed off as she recognized the first signs of babbling. "Sorry again."

"Apology accepted doctor, but there is a message here that I think you should read," he stated calmly. "I will send it to you."

"You got mail!" Novak's computer shouted happily. This time a small blush ran up her cheeks.

"I gotta change that…" Novak murmured as she opened the email Hermiod had sent her. She'd been meaning to change that notice for months now.

Novak opened the email with no subject from Hermiod – he didn't get the purpose of having a subject header when the person was just going to open the letter anyway. She looked at the length of the email and gasped.

"Hermiod, this is what you would call 'chain mail.' It means that it's been sent along god knows how many times to different people. They're usually used for fortunes and stuff." Novak looked up at Hermiod who was staring at her blankly. "Never mind…"

As she scrolled to the bottom of the email she saw a compilation of "Guides" written by Weir, McKay, Sheppard, and even Caldwell. Many of these Guides were actually very funny – that included the one from Caldwell… amazingly.

The last sender of the chain mail was an email address that she didn't recognize, although she knew it came from the city because of the origin of the email address: The scientists in Atlantis had thought it amusing to have internet this far away from Earth so they had given everyone email addresses with the ending Scientists… psh.

Wait… she was a scientist too! Right…

OOO

The Assistant Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy

1. When working with aliens who use eyes for their primary 'body language,' learn it fast.

... a. You do not want an angry Asgard on your tail! They can be brutal with all that knowledge at hand.

... b. Also, you don't want an Asgard scorning you as a lowly lifeform for the rest of your life.

2. Never try to argue with an Asgard.

... a. You will lose.

... b. They're worse than the best lawyers on Earth. Combined.

... c. So don't try, just hope that they'll see things your way.

3. In tense situations, try to contain your nervous habits.

... a. It makes things really awkward if you can't… really awkward.

... b. It makes you look incredibly guilty if you get immediately nervous.

4. When an alien proclaims himself smarter than you, don't argue.

... a. This alien is probably self-centered and needs to hear that's he's smarter than you.

... b. He/she probably IS smarter than you anyway.

5. When your commanding officer wants you to do something, do it.

... a. Military types… can't argue with them – it doesn't matter who you are.

... b. When they want something done, they expect it to be done, no matter what.

6. Arrogant scientists… try to avoid them at all costs!

... a. They'll try to take your humanity away. Really… they'll think you're incredibly stupid and you can't figure things out on your own.

... b. They also sometimes make the mistake of violating rule 2. In this case, stay out of their way and laugh at them when the Asgard wins.

7. When posting yourself on a dangerous mission, update your will.

... a. I have come face-to-face with death sooo many times in only two years – so be warned.

... b. After all, when was the last time you updated your will?

When Novak finished her Guide, she was sure that this information would be crucial to others in Atlantis or back home. Well they were going home on this trip – even if it was a supply run. She mailed it out to her friends onboard the Daedalus along with the chain mail of Guides from Atlantis. She was sure they were going to appreciate these.

Heh, what fun it would be to see how some people reacted to these things… how would Caldwell react if he saw his Guide being spread around the galaxy?

Novak giggled quietly as Hermiod glared at her.

Sooooo... love it? Hate it? Adore... I won't go that far... lol

Hey, now that I've trained you all to read the top authors notes, I have to train you to read the bottom author's notes! hehe... i digress... please gimme some feedback so i can cater to you guys' needs and fic desires! heh...