hello everyone! sorry for the long wait!!!! i had school and then i had driver's ed in school.. didnt get home until 5:00-5:10 pm every day for two weeks! ugh... anyway, i'm back now! lol, just thought i'd tell ya! i hope you all signed the petition to keep Stargate SG-1 from being canceled! if not, please check the last chapter for the address to the petition!!!

oh and sorry to the people that havent seen Season Three yet... i'll stop using characters that appear only in season three until most people get caught up!

Cpt. Ritter - hey! good to see you again!!! welcome back! lol, poor niam is right... sorta i guess... oh well, again welcome back and thanks!
atlantian - lol, favorite rules are 1-7 eh? thanks! glad you liked it so much!!! i know, him and Fifth could gripe on and on and on! thanks for signing the petition!
AFoE - nah, thinking dirty thoughts in a mentally connected community isnt embarrassing at all! LOL! i wonder though, who was Niam thinking about like that?
fififolle - lol, niam floated out of nowhere onto my computer screen... i felt bad for niam, but secretly (now hes been rewritten) he wants to conquer the world... thanks!
flubber - sorry about that... niam is a RepliPerson like Fifth from Season Three, i'll try not to use people from season 3 anymore... but yeah, he's a piece of work...
EVS - oy, sorry to you too, like i said before, Niam is like Fifth, but in the Pegasus... hope you liked it even so... i wouldnt use people from s3 anymore! thanks for reviewing!
Neko-Cat-Sama - no problem... i cant believe they would try and shut it down when the cast wants to go on too! they'll probably move to atlantis... lol
McKayLover - glad you enjoyed the chapter... on the savestargatesg1 site, there should be a link to the petition online, i dont rememer where it is though... sorry...
nightpheonix - (snort) loved the dramatic review... "Contemplates his navel!" my fave! lol made my day actually! glad you enjoyed the last chapter! yay, i surprised you, sweet!
nwfairy - sweet! i heart you for sending in a tissue box! my hero!!!! thanks for reviewing the last chapter!!!! and for sending things in!
001ElvenWarrior - lol, just because its hard to be bad when running itno space junk, doesnt mean you cant try! lol, i'll give niam that much! thanks for your review!!!
Gatemage - yay! beautiful and fantastic!!! sweet! major bonus points! thank you so much and i'm thrilled you liked the last chapter so much!
Freckles-101 - i know, i'd hate to see SG-1 especially when the cast doesnt even want it to end! (sniffle) i hope we win!!! thanks for the review!
Delka - now, now - no road rage and blaming it on me! but yeah, thats you get if you try to save a replicator... they always come back to haunt or kill ya! lol
SilverRider - lol, glad you enjoyed the chapter! glad you see you back again too! please do read on, lol
stevewraith - yeah, niam got what he deserved - he's gonna be floating through space for eternity... MHAHAHA! hee... hee... lol, thanks!
Port-of-Seas - lol, yes, yes they do... humans do screw over nanite lifeforms! hehe, maybe thats a good thing... glad you enjoyed the last chapter
TangledPencils - hehe, glad this stuck with you throughout the day! lol, glad this chapter made such an impression! thanks for the review!

thanks for all the loving reviews again!!! you guys are great!!! you guys get an iFeast with anything you could possibly want!!! thank you thank you thank you all!

and now... chapter 22!

The first officer aboard the Daedalus sat comfortably in his body-melding chair. Well, actually the chair didn't meld; it was the very comfortable pads on the chair. See, the Air Force figured out that bridge officers might be sitting for a very long time. Something even more miraculous than figuring it out was that they actually did something about the problem! Imagine that!

So there he sat, idling tapping buttons to keep his console awake. It operated a lot like your typical computer in the fact it had ship-wide email, could get illegal Solitaire, and it tried to conserve energy when not being used by shutting off a bit. The good thing was that it wasn't as edgy as your typical PC, thank whatever gods existed!

The screen suddenly brightened up with a cheerful beep. Captain Kleinman reached over and tapped open his email account. He glanced at it briefly, looking for the mail that had awakened his computer. There were a few, but the most important one seemed to have gone out to the entire ship… and man did it have a LOT of forwards… it looked like chain mail. He opened it and scrolled waa-aay down to the bottom of the email and found the Guides.

"Oh wow…" he murmured softly. He was amazed by the amount of Guides and who they had been authored by. Kleinman quickly found on labeled "The CO's Guide to the Galaxy" and quickly looked up at Caldwell in his captain's chair.

Suddenly Caldwell shone in a brand new light for him.

With that feeling, a sudden light sprang alive in the captain's head. If these officers could do it, he couldn't he?

Kleinman quickly decided that was a question that shouldn't have been asked in the first place…

OOO

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy for Bridge Officers

1. When in doubt, look busy.

... a. Press buttons, look good, and always answer with a snappy and optimistic "Yes sir, it can be done sir!"

... b. It generally works.

2. If McKay starts snapping at you, don't say anything back. Just sigh.

... a. If you snap back at him, he'll squeal – especially if you break his groove.

... b. It's not worth getting yelled at for… insulting scientists is something the Air Force really wants to minimize because they complain a lot.

3. If the ship you are on starts to die, do the following:

... a. Hit some important buttons to minimize the oncoming pain.

... b. Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

... c. If ass is still there after ten minutes, look up.

... d. If you haven't hit whatever yet, repeat b. If the threat is gone, make apologies for being weird and get on with life.

4. Never steal "the man's" chair.

... a. It's not cool. The "man" gets very mad.

5. When saying bad things about people, don't use unprotected AIM.

... a. That's just stupid… not saying I ever did it.

... b. Your commander will find out, be assured of that.

6. Don't be a big hero.

... a. The bigger a hero is, the faster he dies.

7. When heading into a balck hole, check your sensors before they die!

... a. It's generally a really good idea to do that as space-time distortion kills them.

... b. If you don't check them, something else will probably kill you.

Kleinman sighed, that was a pretty decent list of things to abide by, right? He hoped that people would listen to his dire warnings and prevent suffering on their respective ships. Commanding officers were generally correct, but not always.

He quickly glanced at Caldwell from the corner of his eye. Well, maybe not generally correct… maybe the second officer should run the ship! He chuckled at that. Him? Running a ship? What an idea…

Caldwell looked at him with an interested look in his eyes. Kleinman coughed and went back to work. Caldwell was about to ask something when the alarms went off.

Saved by the bell… he thought quickly. What would it be like to sit in the chair?

A sly grin appeared on his face and he hit some important buttons.

hehehehehe... soooo, like it? love it? hate it? flame it? be warned, you flame with no reason, i flame you back! MAHAHA! anyway, please tell me what you think of it!

AGAIN please Save Stargate SG-1 by going to www (dot) savestargatesg1 (dot) com!!!! and then come back and tell me about my story! lol