I can't make this right. Everything leading up to now was a complete and utter mess. I can't sort through them and I doubt I ever will. If I can try perhaps I can recount everything. Good thing I'm alone, alone and able to slowly come into the actual realization of what just happened.

First, I decided I could do better for friends and in some shallow reasoning I left you behind. I don't know why I thought you still had Tucker to fall on. Turns out he left you out quite often for more friends he met on my account. And we both didn't bother introducing you or finding out what you thought.

I can't believe I split our trio up and didn't even recognize that you were left with nothing. Talk about the short end of the stick. I stopped calling you altogether and when you tried to talk to me I'd act like you weren't there or nothing happened. I can't believe I never thought twice about my actions.

I probably should've.

In my flair of fun I hadn't even realized you took up all my old and very important responsibilities from being the considerate protective friend to defending what I used to believe in. What could I say, I was having fun and you, you were doing everything I did. And I failed to help or even say thank you.

When I had no cash and I asked my new friends for some they'd shrug. You'd walk by and slip me some and walk away just as silently as you came. I never followed to see where you went or ever uttered a thank you. Where did you spend lunch? I think I saw you sitting outside alone somewhere, but because I was a cool kid you suddenly disappeared from my line of vision.

Did I see you enjoying an apple in that tree that on those sunny days? Was that you sitting with a small purple wild flower twisting it between your hands? Did I turn around see your face and wave in the crowd but never acknowledged it? Was that the sun rays dancing off of your beautiful locks? You were always there weren't you? Just in case right? Just in case I needed you.

Why didn't I see it? Why did I leave you alone? If I had maybe things would've turned out differently and this wouldn't be happening. I remember the passing days and the jokes that weren't funny but were laughed at. I remember the days you left class at the first warning signal that I ignored. I remembered seeing you half awake and bruised and not even offering a sympathetic smile.

At that time I didn't think I was wrong. The way I saw it you were over possessive, stubborn, opinionated, pushy, and just downright a wear on my nerves. The way I saw things it was your fault. I remembered the messages on my phone that were you pleading for a second chance, begging for the reasons why, asking for forgiveness for something you weren't aware of doing.

You did nothing I was the idiot. The stubborn fool who let a good thing slip away from me forever. It was my responsibility as your friend and as a hero to do what you tried to do. I don't know why I left you to try and mend the gap I created, you were trying so hard and I never tried to pick up my own weight.

Friendship isn't a one way street. And for some reason you were willing to compromise for renovation. But I wasn't fixing anything and it wasn't a job you could complete on your own. Everyone needs help at one point or another and for some stupid reason I didn't consider that you would.

The way I treated you was horrible. I might as well have taken a gun put it to your head and pulled the trigger. At least it would've been more humane. You died horribly and alone, doing what I should've been doing.

That's what brought me to today.

I saw the scene just as they were picking it up. There was blood splattered everywhere, a huge dent in the pavement the size of a small body. Right smack dab in the center of the main street, they judged it would be impossible for someone to do that by jumping from a building. It was an impossible suicide and a baffling accident.

I knew it was a murder at first as I walked by I saw it. The body had already been collected, it was still a sickening sight. I tried not to look. But as I walked a few feet I saw by a dumpster a bloodied Fenton Thermos, with stained crimson finger prints on it. I knew them to be yours it was yours.

I vomited, it was disgusting you were gone you had to be gone. The phone in my pocket rang, it was Tucker, and he had bad news. I already knew. I was sick to my stomach I took the thermos with me. Perhaps even in your death you triumphed. But the hole in the side told me otherwise.

You not only lost everything you loved, you died and in vain. Whatever monster let you fall from the sky above to the cold hard earth below got away. I won't ever know who did it. Who I should kill for it. I wont ever know who heard your blood curdling screams as you descended like cherub on high tortured by a malicious demon, but was your killer truly the demon or perhaps a saint.

Those were the same screams I tried to prevent once before, they haunted my dreams since, this time though I wasn't there to catch you. Even when I had been lost in the darkness I still caught you but now-now I couldn't even do that. All because I'm selfish.

Why must I weep for you alone in the dark beneath the judging stars. They all shine like your eyes had. But they seem resentful to me for I let an angel plummet to earth with no soft landing. I couldn't even offer you a scream for you descent to at least let you sleep in the knowledge you'd be missed that you were missed even as you fell.

I wouldn't even wish that lonely death upon my worst enemies. How horrible for you to paint the tar red without any scared eyes to see to know what happened. No one will know and your death will go un-avenged. You deserved much better and I couldn't have ever given it to you.

Night will not bring relief, you loved it. You died by day, I'll never be safe. And all I can offer for the suffering I made you endure for the torture I bestowed on you are these tears of regret. But they will always be regret when you deserve mourning.

Sam, Sam, Sam I'll never see you again. I can only hope you're free somewhere safe. I hope you're basking in the glow of Heaven's gate's looking down at me in disgust. I deserve it. I deserve no kind word from you, I should never be allowed to be graced by your presence, those sparkling eyes should never look into mine.

Sam, Sam, Sam we'll never meet again. For my sin was too great and this ripping pain in my heart is only the beginning of the burden I must carry for you. I never should have taken you for granted I never should have used you. I should've never thrown those feelings aside for you.

I never should have left you alone.

grrrr I hate bad days and insensitve jerks. So in essence I tortured Danny, as usual, but I killed Sam. I probably could add on to this...:strokes chin: but I dunno it might be best left here.