-Next Day-

I've been cautious all morning. I didn't know why.

I haven't spoken anyone so far and it's nearly lunch.

Would Ichigo let me eat with him and the others after my episode yesterday?

I really wanted to apologize to him. Maybe if I told him everything that happened to me, maybe he'd understand why I'm so stressed.

He would understand, wouldn't he? He is my bestfriend and he knows how I can get.

I'll tell him I'll work on my whole personality if he doesn't forgive me, or if he does. Either way, I have to change how I am.

Ichigo would know for sure just how serious I am. He knows I wasn't the kid of person to change myself by will without a big reason.

the bell rang and I shot up from my seat and quickly went over to Ichigo's seat. He was still sitting, getting his bag and getting up.

When he got up, he saw me and looked a bit blank expression, but I sensed he was depressed at my sight,.

I pursed my lips, then let them go.

"I... I wanted to..." I started, but couldn't go on, my heart wouldn't let me

"Oi! Ichigo! Seishou! C'mon!" Keigo insisted.

I cringed.

This was much harder than I thought.

-10 Mins Later-

I was letting Ichigo eat while I just stayed in the corner of the roof, leaning against the fencing, watchign everyone have the time of their life.

I would have to wait for Ichigo to eat, so I could gather my courage to apologize.

The picture was so perfect. No one was threatening the other's lives because of a rude remark.

It was so... Normal.

Without me, they were all smiling and laughing.

This sight made me feel so... Empty. Cold. Anythign but positive.

With Rukia in my place... In one day... She's brightened up the group... They're all happy... Not regretting anything... They all look like they're having a great time... And Ichigo is happy, too, but looks a bit annoyed here and there... But still, happy...

I looked to the cement beneath my feet.

I was an unneeded piece in Ichigo's, and everyone else's, life.

I was just something in the way. An interrupter.

I shifted my upper body and started walkig to the fire escape.

I saw Ichigo looking my wy, then getting up and rushing towards me.

He stood in the way of the fire escape and I stopped.

"Why aren't you eating with us?" He asked.

I looked away.

"Seishou, why aren't you talking?" He asked.

I bit my bottom lip and pushed past him and opened the fire escape door, then put my hand on the railing that kept anyone from falling and jumped to the next flight, then the next two. This was the fastest way down to avoid Ichigo.

I was sitting on the ground, behind the trash bens of the school.

And, the worst part, I was holding myself and... crying.

This feeling inside me was so unfamiliar to me, but I knew it wasn't good.

This was the first time, in nearly ten years, that I've cried.

Before that, it was just beause I got a cut or something, or because I didn't get my way.

How could I handle all of this? I don't know how to deal with this pain I held inside.

I sniffled and used my shoulder to wipe the tears away. I couldn't move my arms, afraid of letting myself go.

These tears were so annoying and so was this hopeless sobbing.

Ichigo's reiatsu was near, but I also sensed another reiatsu.

It wasn't Rukia's or the other's that were on the roof, but Seiryoku's.

His reiatsu was the same distance farther from me as Ichigo.

I... I have to get out of here... I can't let anyone see these hideous tears...

I struggled to stand, but felt so dizzy and everything was so blurred by tears, and I couldn't lift my head up enough to see infront of me, only the ground.

I was still holding myself, still afraid to let go.

i began to slowly take a step forward, one foot in front of the other.

I stopped when Ichigo's and Seiryoku's reiatsu was close. Too close for comfort.

"Dammit..." I mumbled through my sobs I was trying to hold back.

I'm not sure which, but I heard my name being called out to me softly.

I try to keep walking, but then stumlbed forward and nearly fall forward, but Ichigo caught me.

Without realizing it, I was crying into his chest, gripping ahold of his school uniform shirt.

He picked me up into his arms and stood.

I didn't know how, but I just now felt Rukia's reaistu about 15 feet or so away.

"Rukia, could you tell the secretary and the kendo coach I'm taking Seishou home?" He asked.

Rukia's reiatsu was gone and I felt Ichigo get up and started walking, Seiryoku close behind.

-Home-

Ichigo had set me on my bed and I hid under the covers, so he wouldn't see my pathetic tears. Although my tears had dreneched his shirt.

"Will you be okay if I leave? That Siryuki person followed, so you won't be alone." Ichigo said.

I reached for his sleeved and gripped the seme of it lightly, knowing his arm's location by just his reiatsu.

"No..." I managed to get out.

My voice sounded somewhat normal now, but a little low and airy. Only small tears were forming.

I let go of his sleeve and brough my hand back under the covers, I used that hand to wipe away the tears.

I heard him sit in my computer seat.

I wiped a tear that was fully formed and about to roll down the side of my face.

"Ichigo... I... I want to..."

The rest didn't come. I couldn't form any other words. Again.

"No need to apologize. Just rest." Ichigo said.

I took my blankets off and sat up to look at him. I gave him a sincere look.

"I'm going to change. You'll see. I'll do it." I promised.

"You don't have to change. You're fine just the way you are." He said.

I shook my head and gripped the blankets. "You know how bad I am as well as I do. I'm... Terrible... I'm so cruel, it must be hard to even look at me. I'm hideoues because of my cruelty. I must be."

Though the door was closed, I knew Seiryoku was out there.

I closed my eyes and faced the wall opposite from me. "Ichigo... You're my bestfriend... You deserve to know everything that's going on... Even if it's irrelevent, you deserve to know... I don't deserve to know your end, I'm unworthy... But I need to share..."

He was silent, knowing that if he said anything, that I'd object.

"A Hollow tried to attack me but Seiryoku saved me. I was pissed off because he got the Hollo'ws blood on me and he disappeared, and oyu'd know I'd follow to yell at him and ask questions since he's a shinigami that took out a monster with one sweep of his katana... I wanted that strength, too.

"I ended up finding that my father was a former shinigami who retired because he couldn't raise a child alone since, you know, my mother died because of Mayuri and everything.

"Then Seiryoku syated at my house for his time here in the Real World. He trained me and taught me alot about the Soul Society and everything.

"Then, of course, I found out my Quincy herritage and had Uryu teach me everything about them.

"But I haven't even gotten to training officially yet, but I tried last night.. It wa so difficult...

"And, you know about yesterday, but I was angry because you got to be something I'm working hard to become but yoy got it just like that. It hurt me. A lot.

"But now I realize it's stupid to be jealous of my bestfriend. So, I'm... Sorry... I should learn to understand how you feel about the situation. But I don't need to know the situation to know you had the best intentions...

"But then, today, when I was about to apologize and got interrupted, I just quietly followed to the roof and just stood in the shadows.

"I saw how cheerful you all were without me and... It made me realzie how revolting I really am. Why you're not happy... And happier with Rukia around instead of me..."

I took a deep breath, than sighed.

"That's my end of the story. You don't need to say anything. You can go back to school if you want. It doesn't matter. You must think that I just want you to pity me or soemthing..."

"No, you're perfect the way you are. It's natural to feel that way, but I barely know Rukia. I'm not happier with her. You're my closest friend, so I'm better off with you." HE said.

My heart felt liek it skipped a beat, but I knew what he was saying wasn't what I was hoping it meant. I knew he meant as friends.

I smiled a bit, to hide the way I was feeling on the inside.

"Ichigo... Could you make a promise?" I asked.

"Sure."

I gripped my blankets again, I felt my thumb nail ripping though it and into my skin a bit.

"Promise me... That you won't leave me behind... Unless I want you to leave, stay... Can you do that?" I asked.

He held up his fist with his wrist facing down and his knuckles to me.

I smiled and did the same.

"I promise I won't leave you behind. At all." He assured me.

-Dojo - Afternoon-

Yet again, I was in the dojo with Seiryoku. Only, strangely enough, we weren't training.

Weird, isn't it?

He said that it was a good idea to take a break since last nights' episode.

"What are we gonna do? I'm bored." I asked.

I had my legs crossed and my ankles propped up on the top of his head. He faced the dojo rather than me.

We were both sitting on the stairs' steps and I was four steps higher than him.

He was quiet.

Was he even breathing? I didn't see him move at all.

"Oi! Siryuki-bozu!" I yelled at him and kicked the back of his head.

He fell face first on the wooden floor of the dojo and I was frowning.

He grunted and sat up on the floor of the dojo, rubbing the back of his head. "What the hell was that for?!"

I crossed my arms and raised a brow, "For being so boring. Now get the hell up and do something so I won't feel bored." I said.

"Tch. You'd be a terrible mother with that attitude." He said and got up.

"Well, sooorry if I don't know how to be one." I shot back.

His gaze trailed away from me and he looked like he was deep in thought.

What was he thinking about?

He looked back to me, his expression concerning.

"How much does becoming a shinigami mean to you?" He asked.

I got up, my arms still crossed. "What kind of question is that? It means everything to me. It's what I want to do for the rest of my existance."

"You shouldn't become a shinigami. Not even anything close to it." He said.