Guilty Love – by xxNEESHxx

Lily hates James. She always has, and she always will. But what happens when James is seriously sick and it's Lily's fault?

This chapter is dedicated to hippolina97, for being the first reviewer of chap 3, and for pointing out that Madame Pomfrey name is Poppy. So from now I am going to use Poppy instead of Harriet.

WOOT!!! I'm back!!! Sorry about not posting, hopefully you know why by now. I wanted to say sorry for leaving you with kind of a cliffy about whether James can be healed or not, so I'm gunna make this an extra good chappy for you all. Love u!

Guilty love

Chapter 4 – confrontations

When the Marauders walked into the Great hall 10 minutes later, the whole school turned to look at them. Not in any of the usual ways. Not in the 'OMG, they are/ he is so gorgeous!' way, not in the 'Oh crap, what have they done now?' way, not in the 'I'm going to kill those bastards' way'. None of those. For the first time in Marauder history, people were looking at them with pity in their eyes. The story of James's illness had travelled like fire through the school, and the Ravenclaws. Hufflepuffs and their fellow Gryffindors looked at them sympathetically. The Slytheryns, however, couldn't be happier, and made no effort to hide it. Snape in particular looked like he had just been told… well, told his worst enemy might never be conscious again.

The three sat down without meeting anyone's eyes, and dejectedly began to eat, in total silence. Slowly people turned back to their meals and gradually, the normal chatter returned to the hall. However, during the meal, people from every house (except Slytheryn, obviously) came over to offer their condolences and, in the case of the fan girls, ask whether they could visit their unconscious boyfriend (cough cough) and wake him up with a kiss.

It was a mark of how worried the boys were that they reacted so strangely. People directed most of their comments to Lupin, knowing he was the calmest and most polite Marauder, and would give them the best answers, but he didn't respond at all. Sirius didn't flirt, just told them that yes, James was in a coma and no, no one but the three boys could visit him. He didn't grin, or give anyone the famous 'Look'. Peter wasn't eating much, which spoke volumes of his fear for his friend. Normally he ate more than anyone, even James.

James. As she reached this point in her musings, Lily felt her heart clench. She looked over at the three silent figures at the other end of the Gryffindor table and sighed. She had to go, didn't she? She had to find out for herself, couldn't assuage her guilt with 3rd or 4th hand information. She had to face them. Slowly, she got up, meeting her anxious friend's eyes and silently bagging them to come with her. The two of them also got up, and flanked her as she trudged down the length of the table to where they sat.

"Ummm... Is James alright?" Lily asked nervously. Without looking up, Lupin replied

"That's Potter to you, Evans." In such a cold voice that it froze Lily to the spot, even though her friends tried to tug her away. Sirius turned towards her.

"He's in a coma, thanks to you." He sneered at her "I bet you're happy. You put my best friend in Depressoma. He won't wake up. Ever. You can go around without being bothered now, Evans. He won't bother you again. He won't bother anyone." Sometime during this speech, Sirius had stood up and started shouting. He had the attention of everyone in the hall, but that didn't stop him.

"You might as well have killed him! He's just lying there! It's like he's dead. And it's all your fault Lily Evans! If he never wakes up, it will be your fault!" Lily started to cry, and Peter and Lupin got up. Grabbing Sirius's arms, they dragged him away. As they reached the doors, Peter turned round and yelled

"Just because we're pulling him away doesn't mean we don't agree! It's all your fault Evans!" with that, they walked away to the Hospital wing.

Lily ran out of the Hall, still crying, and her friends ran after her. They caught her just outside the hall and took her to the 7th year girls' dorm. They sat her down on the bed, and began to talk to her. They told her some painful truths, that what she had done was inexcusable, and she needed to apologize to James, and tell him that what she said wasn't true. Here Lily interrupted.

"But it was true!" her friends sighed in exasperation, and Alice groaned.

"No it wasn't Lily. You love him too, but you don't want to admit it because you have this stupid image on your head of what your perfect man is, and James doesn't fit that. Lily, no one will ever fit it. But you love James, and he loves you, and you need to tell him, even if he can't respond." They both began to walk out of the room, and Mona called back

"You can't let someone stay unconscious for the rest of their life just because you're too proud to admit you love them." They walked down the stairs, leaving Lily crying and thinking over what they had said.

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Okay, chapter 4. I hope you liked it. Originally, this was gunna be an extra long one, but I think it needed to end there. But don't worry! The next chap will be posted as soon as I can! Whoohooo!

Goodbye, from the ever great (and oh so humble) xxNEESHxx

Remember, REVIEW!! Make me proud, my grasshoppers.