Guilty Love – by xxNEESHxx

Lily hates James. She always has, and she always will. But what happens when James is seriously sick and it's Lily's fault?

This chapter is dedicated to….Rock-For-Life!!! Thank you for your review! And to those who still can't be bothered to review… P I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. Yeah. sorry, that was a Monty Python quote. Heehee

Guilty love

Chapter 6 – lesser of two evils

It had been a week since James had gone into the coma, and Lily still hadn't been to visit him. Her friends kept telling her to, but she wouldn't, and she couldn't tell them why. She was scared. Scared of the Marauders, who sat by his bedside and who hated her, scared of the other hundred visitors who also wanted her dead. But mostly, she was scared of seeing him lying as though dead, of seeing his lively face still and expressionless.

Not that her current predicament wasn't scary. James was popular, and the knowledge that she had put him in a coma had spread like wildfire around the school. Consequently, she spent a great deal of time hiding from enraged Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. The Slytheryns, however, loved her. They kept coming up to her and winking, or saying thing like

"Nice one Evans" "Good job" "The mudblood did good!" which angered her as well as making her even more scared of members of the other houses. But she still couldn't work up the courage to do anything about it. She knew that until she had sorted things out with James, she would feel as though she shouldn't defend herself.

Lily was spending a lot of time in the library by herself. Her friends had stuck by her at first, but now they were disgusted with her for ignoring it all and not doing anything to sort out the problem. They would still talk to her, but they had made it clear that their friendship was not the same as it was. She sighed and turned a page of her book. Everyone else was outside, enjoying the first sunny day for a while. She looked up when a shadow fell over her, and groaned inside. On the outside she forced a smile.

"Severus… how are you?" Severus Snape beamed.

"I'm perfect. I just wanted to thank you, Lily. For getting rid of Potter. My life is awesome now, and its because of you! I knew you valued our friendship above Potter really Lils." Lily frowned. 'What is he saying?' She thought to herself. 'It sounds like he thinks I did it on purpose…' she looked at her ex-friend again. He was still waffling on about how great she did, and she snapped. She stood up, and slapped him in the face. He looked at her in shock, holding onto his now bright red cheek.

"What the hell?" he hissed at her, taking a step forward. Lily held her ground.

"I did NOT do it on purpose, Snape, and I resent the implication. How dare you assume that I would do something like that? How dare you assume that I still liked you? You ended our friendship when you called me that, and you know it. And lastly, how dare you think that I would ever stoop to your level, inflicting pain on someone and risking their life? I'm not like you SNIVELLOUS, I'm not a Death Eater." By the end of this speech, she was shaking with rage. She pushed past Snape and ran out of the library up to her dorm, where she cried for everything that had happened in the last few days.

After crying for an hour, she gradually stopped, and went to the bathroom to wash her face. She looked in the mirror and gave herself a talking to.

"Right Lily Evans, you need to get a grip. This fear is unnecessary. Tonight, you will sneak into the hospital wing and see Potter. You will apologise, and you will explain everything. Okay?" she nodded firmly to herself, then bit her lip. "But how am I going to get in without being noticed?"

"We can help with that." Came a voice from behind her. Lily spun round to see Remus and Sirius standing at the door. She gave a squeak of surprise and nearly fell over. The boys stifled their laughs as Lily looked at them curiously.

"How are you going to get me into the Hospital Wing?" Sirius and Lupin exchanged glances, and Lily panicked.

"Oh my god, you're going to attack me, aren't you?! And then I'll have to go to the Hospital Wing… aaaah! Don't kill me!" she babbled. The two looked confused.

"What are you on about Evans? Asked Sirius. "We're not going to attack you, we're just saying that we know a way you can get into the Hospital Wing without being seen." Lily looked at him warily, and found the flaw in his words.

"Ah! But you didn't know that I wanted to get into the Hospital Wing when you came up here, so what were you going to do then?! And how did you get up here?" This time Remus answered, looking shifty.

"We have our ways. But anyway… we only came up because we heard someone crying, and then we came here… and we heard you talking… and then we decided to help."

"That's a point, why are we helping her?" Sirius asked "It's all her fault!" this had become Sirius's catchphrase. Remus sighed.

"Because, Dumbledore said that Prongs might wake up if things get sorted and that's what Evans wants to do as well." He gave Lily a significant look. "Isn't it, Evans?" Lily nodded fervently.

"Yes, of course."

"Good, but before we help you, you have to promise that you won't reveal our secrets to anyone."

"Umm… okay. I promise." Remus and Sirius looked at each other, and nodded.

"Right then. Well, since its evening already, how about we put our incredibly brilliant super-dooper master plan in action?" Sirius asked. Remus rolled his eyes and began muttering about dramatics and modesty.

"Okay, let's get going. Lily, you get under this cloak, and try and be silent. Follow me and Sirius, but you'd better do down into the common room first and wait. We're going to slide down the stairs." Lily nodded, and they headed out.

As they walked through the quiet corridors under the cloak (Remus and Sirius had joined her once they were out of the common room), Lily couldn't help but worry. For a moment she considered turning back, but remembering Severus's words, made herself go on. Seeing James was the lesser of two evils.

Once they got to the hospital wing, the boy went and hid in a nearby broom closet (feeling slightly disturbed by the fact that this was Sirius's favourite make-out spot) while Lily took the cloak and went inside. She silently went to James's bedside and sat down.

Just looking at him made her insides twist. He looked so helpless, just like she had feared, and her eyes pricked with tears. She roughly wiped her eyes under the cloak and leaned over.

"James," she whispered "Its Lily. I… I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry; I didn't mean anything I said. I don't… I don't hate you. In fact, it's the opposite. I love you James and I can't believe I didn't say it before. I didn't even see it… I'm really sorry James… Please wake up…" Lily sniffed, and wiped away more tears. She squeezed James's hand, and slowly left the hospital wing.

When she opened the broom closet, Sirius and Remus were sitting talking quietly. They got up when they saw her, and the three of them trooped back to the common room under the cloak, each politely ignoring their companions' watering eyes.

It hadn't worked.

In the hospital wing, the silence was broken by a cough. In one of the beds, a boy twitched, and sat up, coughing loudly. Madame Pomfrey hurried out of her office.

"Mr Potter! You're awake!"

Thank you for reading!

Goodbye, from the ever great (and oh so humble) xxNEESHxx

Remember, REVIEW!! Make me proud, my grasshoppers.