Capa

God, she's beautiful, thought Capa as he steered through traffic. Reflecting on dinner, Capa realized that he had gotten drunk enough to actually flirt with Cassie, much to the amusement of the rest of the team. Feeling his cheeks flush, Capa turned toward his neighborhood and wondered how he was going to handle being on the ship with Cassie for the next sixteen months. Relationships between crew members had been strictly forbidden by NASA and Capa was afraid that any attempt at a real relationship with Cassie on his part could jeopardize the mission.

Christ, thought Capa, the damn mission. Capa, like the other crew members, had been extensively interviewed before any of them could be cleared for the mission. Each crew member underwent extensive psychological evaluations that included therapy sessions that taught them how to deal with the affects of living in space, overcoming depression and anxiety and how to cope with time away from their loved ones. Unlike the other crew members, Capa was not leaving a significant other behind. He was not married like Harvey and Searle or involved like Kanaeda and Corazon or had a child like Mace. Capa knew that he would miss his parents, sister and nephew, but he had to admit that it made him a little depressed that he had no one of his own before he left. Oh, there were plenty of girls interested, especially once the Icarus project was announced, yet Capa could not bring himself to be interested in any of them. Like Mace, he knew these women were only interested in him for his fame and not even the promise of sex was enough to make Capa risk a relationship.

But Cassie was different. To be with Cassie, Capa would have risked anything, including the mission for the chance to tell her how he felt. Turning into his parents' driveway, Capa killed the engine and thought about the irony of it. He had spent a great deal of his youth working on his career. Since the age of 15, Capa was a star pupil in science at Oxford. At 19, he graduated with the first of many degrees and by the age of 26, he created a bomb that would eventually be used to restart the sun. During that time, Capa had only been involved with two women and both women were as career obsessed as he. Yet Capa always thought that time was on his side. Once Capa accepted the mission, he gave up on the idea that he would ever fall in love. Then on the first day of training, he met Cassie.

Cassie was joking with Searle and Trey when Capa walked in the room. She had her back to Capa so he did not see her face right away. However, Capa had it on good authority from a friend at NASA that half of the single men at the agency were vying for Cassie's hand. Yet Cassie was also considered one of the best pilots at NASA, so despite the doubts about her youth, NASA officials ultimately relented and named Cassie the pilot of the Icarus II. Capa was impressed with her credentials and also with the fact that they were the same age and highly accomplished. Truth be told, Capa was looking forward to making a new friend and someone he could relate to on the ship. Then, Cassie turned around.

At once, Capa found himself return to his geeky 15 year old self rather than the 26 year old science whiz that he was. He managed to mumble a hello and shake her hand while she stared at him with some amusement. After that, Capa found himself watching her obsessively. He loved the way she wore her hair in braids or how she obsessively read every work by Jane Austen and would quote from them verbatim in conversation. He loved her warmth and kindness and how she could thaw even the iciest personalities, like Mace (who admitted to Capa that he thought Cassie was pretty hot, but that she was probably like every other woman he knew. Capa tried not to gag every time Mace brought up his ex-wife. Capa thought that Mace should get over his divorce already.)

Yet he could never bring himself to ask Cassie out. Perhaps he was still a fifteen year old geek at heart who could never bring himself to talk to the pretty girl even though she was nice to him. Perhaps it was his fear of ruining Cassie's chances for going on the mission if their relationship was discovered. No, thought Capa sitting in the car, as snow began to gather on the windshield, it was because of Kanaeda and Corazon.

The entire crew knew about Kanaeda and Corazon's relationship and tried to help the lovers cover up their relationship from the prying eyes of NASA. But with all of the publicity surrounding the Icarus II project, there was no way of keeping an affair between crew members a secret. While neither Kanaeda nor Corazon believed that anyone else knew about their affair, Capa knew that Corazon had ended the relationship, but Capa had also heard disquieting rumors that the couple had been forced apart by NASA. Watching them, Capa knew that each was suffering greatly and he could not bear to have his heart broken that way. So Capa maintained his distance and tried to content himself with admiring Cassie from afar. That all changed at dinner.

During his last night on earth, Capa got drunk, mindbogglingly drunk. He was not proud of it, but considering that he was going to spend the next sixteen months in space and perhaps not come home at all, he felt he was due. Sitting next to Cassie, he spent the entire evening coming onto her. Frankly, thought Capa getting out of the car, it was not his finest hour and a look from Mace told Capa that maybe he needed to quit while he was ahead. To his surprise, Cassie asked Capa to dance.

Capa hated dancing. He still had nightmares about dances at grammar school where a geeky little science nerd sat and watched the football players dance with the pretty girls. Girls like Cassie. Capa wished for anything other than dancing, but the merriment in Cassie's eyes and the fact that she asked him compelled him toward the dance floor. Once on the floor, Capa had no idea where to put his hands or even how to move, so he allowed Cassie to take the lead. Putting her arms around him, Cassie led Capa on a slow dance for the first time in his life. Looking into her eyes, Capa never wanted this moment to end until Cassie asked him an unexpected question.

"Capa," quizzed Cassie "Why have you never asked me out?"

Capa was startled. He stumbled for an answer. For a man who always had the right answer, Capa could not find an equation that would provide a satisfactory answer, so he decided to use Occum's Razor and provide the simplest answer possible.

"I don't know" replied Capa "I think I was afraid."

Cassie looked at him strangely. "Afraid of what?" she asked.

"Afraid that you would say no." responded Capa. "Afraid that I would fall in love with you and then have to give you up."

Cassie's brown eyes soften to tears and a single drop fell down her cheek. She managed to look at Capa with sadness.

"Capa," she said "you're an idiot." "Why not enjoy whatever time we had left?"

"Time is relative, Cassie" pointed out Capa. "No human being ever has enough of it when they want it the most."

"That's why." retorted Cassie. "you value the time given to you."

"But . . ." began Capa, but Cassie wouldn't let him finish.

"Stop thinking like a physicist, Capa." said Cassie who couldn't seem to finish what she wanted to say.

For a moment, the two stopped moving. Instead they stared at each other and for one heartstopping moment, Capa thought they were going to kiss, but rather Cassie leaned up and kissed Capa on the cheek and laid her head against his chest. They did not speak for the rest of the night, in its place, they finished their dance and walked back to the table where they joined the crew in making merriment for the evening. When the evening ended, Cassie was the first to leave. She did not address Capa directly, but squeezed his hand as she left the table. Capa got up soon after and drove home.

Sitting in his bedroom, Capa could hear the sound of the wind blowing. He had few regrets, but Cassie was the biggest. She was right; he should have asked her out. Sighing, Capa fell back on his bed and covered his eyes. Sleep would not come easy tonight, he thought, but he was wrong. Within a few minutes, Capa fell into an alcohol-induced stupor and as he always did, he dreamed of the surface of the sun. This time, he was not falling toward it alone. Cassie was there and they were falling together as space and time melted away.