Weighty Issues
Word count: 313
Rating: PG
Spoilers: For start of season two
Author's Note: Set near the beginning of season two. Something my sister and I were talking about the other day. Enjoy!
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"I mean, what is it with women and weight issues, really?" Boyce tipped his seventh packet of sugar into his coffee. "Half of them have got bottoms the size of a small asteroid but think they don't, and the other half are too busy being paranoid about gaining a few pounds that all they eat is lettuce."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Guy nodded and stuffed the last of Martin's chips into his mouth, glancing up as Caroline slouched into the cafeteria. "Ooh, looks like someone's on the start of their cycle. Better get out quick, Boycie."
"Oh, shut up Guy." Caroline slumped into the seat next to them. "I'm just not in the mood."
"I see. Would a foot massage help? Perhaps a bit of foreplay to brighten up the day?"
"I said, shut up! Oh." She sighed and closed her eyes. "I was going to doa bit of baking tonight – you know, to celebrate Mac feeling better and all – but I've run out of lard."
"Oh, no problem." Boyce fished a tub of lard out of his coat pocket and tossed it to her. "I always keep a bit on hand. Good for when you're fresh out of lube."
Caroline squeaked and dropped the offending tub. "Oh, that's lovely Boycie, it really is, but you see, ever since Angela and I have been on this healthy eating plan –"
"You mean diet?" Guy interrupted. Caroline scowled at him. "No, its proper name is a healthy eating plan. Anyway, I've only been buying low-fat lard."
Boyce and Guy traded looks. "Low-fat lard?" Guy echoed.
"Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?" Boyce tucked his tub of lard back into his pocket. "I mean, how does that even work, anyway?"
Caroline blinked and frowned slowly. "Um, I'm not sure? I think it's in a smaller container, is all."
"Oh. That makes sense."