A/N: Ultra apologies for combination lateness/shortness/stupidness. XD

Been a busy week for me, but updates should be consistent again this week.

And no-one got the Teddy Roosevelt comment. Figured that would go over some heads. That's alright though. Big Stick Diplomacy. Wikipedia that shiznit. XD Maybe I'll give the prize out later...hm.

Enjoy Chapter 4.

"You guys aren't funny!" Allen glowered as the other two chortled (well, as the Bookman chortled enough for two) at his terrified expression. "There could be terrible things in the woods! Things that can kill you! Racoons can get rabies you know…"

"Right, Allen. And tell me, how many rabid animals have we seen? Are there any frothing deer following us? I think that might be a –UWAOGH!" The Bookman literally jumped feet into the air and bolted behind Allen, cowering.

"Oi! Watch were you're grabbing!" Allen flinched.

"Opps, sorry. This is totally not homosexual." The Bookman promptly removed his hands. The Scarecrow was mysteriously next to them, looking slightly more angry than usual.

"Rawr! Rawr!" Snarling noises issued from an angry-looking Chinese girl, standing squarely in the middle of their path. "Come on! Get out! Shoo! I'll fight you! I really will!" Her short, slightly scruffy hair cut looked like it had been done to make her look intimidating. From her shorts protruded a lion's tail, which looked awkwardly placed and far too long.

"Look, guys! It's got boobs!"

"Thanks, Bookman. I have eyes." Allen rolled said eyes. The Lioness appeared to be hopping from one foot to the other, slightly scowl on her features, hands up. Turning to the Bookman and back to the Scarecrow she managed her best 'Lioness with PMS' expression' on them. "Come on! I can take all of you out with my Iron Fist! I can beat up my brother!" She demonstrated on the air.

"Are you doing the potty dance?" Allen clutched Timcampy to his chest.

The Bookman took out his mallet, twirling it in his fingers.

"Pulling a weapon on a lady would you?" She turned ferociously towards him, only to be met with the pointy end of Mugen.

"Oi, come on Scarecrow, you can't slash a girl." The Bookman pointed at the Lioness' chest for emphasis. She scoffed and her nose twitched.

The Scarecrow turned Mugen on the Bookman, watching him hold the hammer defensively. "Hypocrite."

"WOW, You know what that means? Geez, next you'll be able to dress yourself! Now, now, no need to point that…"

Timcampy floated lazily over to the Lioness' feet. Somehow, they looked might familiar, like he had seen them recently. Despite that, he was starving, there wasn't much to eat in BOZ and Timcampy enjoyed his regular feeding times. Maybe just a pinkie toe…

"YEAARGGGGH."

Crash.

Crunch.

"Nyeh!"

"Che!"

"Guwah! Uh…?" Allen sat up slightly, as he felt a large weight on his chest, and heard several sharp intakes of breath. A massive honking sob ripped out from the load on his ribs, and he opened his eyes. The Lioness had attached herself to his neck, and was currently crying her bloody heart out. The cacophony of cries barraged his ears, his head ringing from the combined force of hitting the ground after being tackled by the full weight of the woman and the assault of noise.

"Quick! Someone turn off all power to the water works factory!" The Bookman exclaimed, and apparently pleased with his joke, flung his hands into the air dramatically. He had been shoved aside violently as the Lioness bolted for the nicest looking of the motley gang. The Scarecrow held a struggling Timcampy in one fist, glaring at the golden ball out of slitted eyes.

"Oh my, you're nothing but a crybaby really, are you?" Allen patted her back timidly, which only elicited more heart-wrenching, kitten-killing, romance-movie inspired sobs. He stopped.

"Well that's not very attractive is it?" The Bookman had stood up and leaned precariously over Allen and the Lioness in a heap on the ground. The Lioness' sobs had quieted a bit, and she grabbed ahold of her long tail and began to daub at her eyes.

"Today wasn't a good mascara day…" She sniffled and tried to smile. Allen grinned and put a hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to sit up on her own.

"Horrible, that's not even a good color on you. That haircut is terrible by the way." The Bookman put a hand on his chin, as if considering his remark. The Lioness promptly collapsed and began to sob again.

"Look, idiot! You made the woman cry again!" The Scarecrow threw Timcampy at the Bookman's head. ("Oiii!")

Allen panicked, grabbing the Lioness' shoulders.

"Oh no! Please don't mind them! He's got no tact! It's an iron deficiency or something!" He looked up at the other two quickly, noticing the Bookman squealing as the Scarecrow bashed him in the head with his stick. "I don't think either of them have a brain to boot, so you mustn't mind them!" The Lioness looked up at Allen, smiling through her torrential tears.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Its just, without my brother, I've been so scared! I even scare myself without my makeup on…"

"That scares me too!" The Bookman had this obnoxious habit of being right in the moment for every potentially degrading comment ever. This time though, instead of breaking down into tears, The Lioness introduced the Bookman to her Iron Fist. Allen could have sworn he heard the Scarecrow outright laugh, but then again no hell-fire was raining from the sky, so he assumed it to be safe.

The Lioness stood up, finished wiping the tears from her eyes, and hung her head.

"If I only had enough courage, I could go find my brother and help him…"

"Well, you can come with us! I need to get home. We're going to see a Wizard who can do a large variety of things!" Allen happily exclaimed for the third time.

"He's going to give me a heart, and him some horse tranquilizer so he'll stop flying into psychotic rages." The Bookman made a move to grab the Scarecrow around the shoulder, before considering and stopping. Allen nodded.

"Can he really give me an idealistic goal? That's amazing!" The Lioness clapped her hands together and brightened. "I'd love to come!"

The Bookman promptly linked his elbow to hers, and began walking briskly down the path, lewd grin plastered on his face.

"Come back with that woman!" Both Allen and the Scarecrow chased after the cackling red-head and worried looking girl.

oooooo

Up in his high castle, the wind whipping dreadfully around, The Wicked Head Supervisor of the West changed the channel, flinging the remote across the room.

"Someone turn off that fan and get me my blueprints! Reever!" Reever promptly appeared, adjusting his offset wings.

"Yes, Head Supervisor?" He backed off as he realized the area behind the Head was filled with flames and a scream soundtrack.

"They have soiled her! It is settled! I will dreadfully mutilate and kill them all! Fetch my Komurin!"

"But Head, they're just trying to help he-" He was hit in the face with a coffee mug.

"RUINED HER INNOCENCE I SAY! Now, how shall I do this…AHA." Various crashes and noises filled the halls of the Wicked Castle and a low, evil laughter rose above the crashing of a sheet of metal that Johnny was shaking.

"Something with poison in it! Attractive to the eye, soothing to the smell…and tasty to the stomach." A wide grin split his face. This time, he had those shoes.

Next Time In BOZ:

Starch and The Benefits of Not Having a Heart, The World's Gaudiest City, and Touching Family Reunions.