AN: I am SO sorry, things came up, and writing had to take a step back, it is a longer chapter so I hope that makes up for it! Again sorry!
Thanks so much again Charmed for the wonderful beta work, and for putting up with how long it took me to write this!
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Disclaimer: See Chapter one
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The small kitchen held all three Winchester men, all just staring at one another. All possessing the courage to fight demons from the gates of hell, but none having the courage to start the conversation they knew they had to have.
The shock of having they're father sitting in they're kitchen was still settling in for Sam, that coupled with his own dad's denial of him as his son was really starting to wear on the youngest Winchester. But as much as he needed to go and lay back down, he knew he had to suck it up and have this conversation with his dad. He was already a disappointment in the family; he didn't need to be officially disowned as well.
Sam sighed as he brought his eyes up to his father who didn't seem to be blinking, 'That can't be normal' he thought shaking his head as he found the courage to open his mouth, "Dad"
Sam watched as his father visibly flinched after he spoke, "It's still me, I'm still your Sammy, still your son, I'm just a little sick right now."
"A little?" John suddenly spoke up, his face showing no emotion as he watched his son plead in front of him.
"Jesus Sam, looking like death doesn't constitute as being a little sick" John couldn't help but question if the boy in front of him was his, couldn't help the denial that had firmly set its place in his mind. But he knew enough to sit and listen to the boy plead his case to him, to try and convince him that he was in fact Sam.
Dean looked up, his father's denial was something he hadn't been counting on, he knew his dad was going to be pissed, but he didn't think he would outright deny Sammy, and deny everything that was going on. He knew there was a little bit of concern hidden in his fathers gruff demeanor, he just had to find it.
"What do you have?"
Deans eyes widened at his father's abrupt question, the man went from not acknowledging Sam to wanting to know what he had… the man was confusing at the best of times and this was no exception. He watched as his brother squirmed at his father's question, he wanted desperately to fix the situation he had caused, all he had to do was speak up, but when it came to actually using his voice he failed miserably, "Dad, Sam has…" He couldn't say it, couldn't say the dreaded "C" word, couldn't say it out loud, instead he left an uncomfortable silence in its wake, a silence that his brother was forced to fill, being the only one who could admit to what was going on.
Sam watched as his father's shoulder's slumped, a loud sigh escape his lips preparing for the news, "Dad I have Cancer."
John's stomach sank, he had thought that was what was wrong, but to actually hear it out of Sam's mouth was heart wrenching, he could save Sam from demons, but he knew he couldn't save him from this; his youngest was on his own for this one.
"But its cureable" Sam filled in quickly, "In six months I'll be back on my feet, it's no big deal."
"Sam, don't say it's no big deal," Dean suddenly spoke up, "no big deal is when you fart when someone's eating, or when you accidentally drop a deuce in a public washroom, cancer and the phrase 'no big deal' don't belong together"
"Do you always have to be so vulgar?" Sam stated, turning towards his brother, anger in his eyes, "I'm the one with the cancer Dean and if I say it's no big deal, then it's no big deal," he said turning back to his father, "And that's why we didn't tell you dad, it wasn't worth the worrying or having you stop the hunt for the demon"
Sam hoped that his father would share the same view, that the Demon was more important than the little roadblock he had come across. But as he watched his father's facial expressions turn from lax to anger he realized that they had never gotten along before, why would this be any different.
"So, you were going to let not only me, but your brother, live with the guilt of not telling me? Hell Sammy, if it wouldn't have been for your brother's call I would have never shown up here, and what if something happened?" John was on his feet now, his anger had resurfaced at the thought of losing his youngest, he knew that he was coming anyways and would have found out even if Dean hadn't called, but his boys didn't need to know that, and hell he was pissed.
"Damn it Sam, I might not have ever known you were even sick, I would have just gotten a phone call from your brother saying you died, do you honestly think that's fair? You may not think I love you boys but I do, and I'm not sure where you boys get off not telling me something like this"
Sam couldn't believe they're father was bringing up the word fair, and in any other case he would have fought back, would have challenged his father, but his body just wasn't into fighting as much as it used to be. So instead he sat there and took it, took more of his father's hurtful words as he watched him pace around the kitchen, until he finally picked up his keys.
Both brothers watched John storm through the kitchen, keys in hand, neither one able to move, they're father's anger paralyzing them to where they were, both flinching as the front door slammed shut.
The sound of the truck's engine rumbled throughout the house, John wasted no time in getting away from his sons as he sped down the street, he needed time to think, time to process what the hell was going on, leaving his boys to deal with his outburst.
"You told him?" Sam asked, not looking at Dean.
"Sam"
"You said you wouldn't"
"He would have found out eventually"
"Doesn't matter, you promised"
Dean couldn't help but flinch at his brothers angry cold words, "Sam, he needed to know, I didn't think he would actually come here"
"How could you tell him Dean? You promised not to!" Sam yelled, ignoring his brother's words
"Sam we need him here. I need him here" Dean yelled back, not wanting to argue with his brother whose face was flushing.
"How the hell am I supposed to trust you now Dean?"
"Oh don't give me that bull shit! You may be okay with all this, you may not think it's a big deal, but I'm not okay Sam, and I do think it's a big deal" Dean continued, his voice cracking, "Jesus Sammy, I could lose you, and I'm not okay with that"
Sam wanted to be angry with his brother, but the sadness in his brother's usually strong voice deterred his anger, how could he be angry with the only person who was there for him, so he pushed the anger in, turning it on himself. He was causing his brother so much pain, and he was too much of a selfish prick to realize his brother was hurting more than he thought, sure he knew Dean was hurting, but he didn't know Dean was scared of the treatment's failing and him leaving his brother alone, not able to protect him was failure in his brother's eyes.
"This is bull" the young hunter said, wanting to storm off, but his body wouldn't allow for theatrics anymore, instead he opted for an angry scowl. His mouth the only thing on him that wasn't in excruciating pain, and he slowly got up and made his way out of the room, not wanting to cause Dean any more pain with his presence.
"Sam" the older hunter called out, receiving no answer as his brother shuffled out of the room. Dean watched his brother's retreating form, a frown settling over his features as he noticed the yellow and red marks on Sam's back for the first time.
Quickly catching up to his younger brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. Frowning as his brother tried to flinch away, he just placed a firmer but gentle grip on his shoulder, feeling Sam tense but not fight back.
"Sam, what's up with your back?" he asked, as he pulled the t-shirt fabric that was stuck to his younger brother's back, causing his brother to hiss in pain.
"What the hell is going on Sammy?"
"Nothing"
"Oh yeah, is that why your back is pussing out all over your shirt? Just your natural oils seeping through?"
"Fuck off Dean it's nothing"
"Sam come on, let me see what's going on" Dean continued, slowly lifting his brother's shirt up.
Sam wanted to tell him to stop, but the burning had become unbearable since he hit the wall, so instead he waited for his brother's reaction. '3…2…1…'
"Holy shit Sammy, what the hell is going on with your back?"
"I thought it was just a bug bite, but then it kinda popped"
"Well shit Sam, you can't even get bit by a bug normally now a days can you?" Dean said, trying to laugh, to lighten the mood, to calm himself down as his mind raced, trying to remember where he had put the number for the doctor. Sam needed to be looked at.
"Yeah well you know me" he replied, hissing in pain once again as Dean put the t-shirt back down, "They burn like a bitch too"
"Yeah they look like they would burn, no worries Sam we'll figure this out" Dean said as he helped Sam back to the couch, laying him back down on his side while he went and packed an overnight bag, just in case. The bites concerned Dean, he had never seen anything like them, most of them were very red and raw, while a few had yet to burst. His father seemingly forgotten for the time being, all he cared about right now was getting Sam in to see the doctor, the drama with they're father could wait until later.
TWO HOURS LATER
Once Dean had made the call and explained the situation to the Doctor, they had immediately gone to the hospital, the "bites" being a big concern especially since a few were now considered open wounds. The doctor had an idea of what the bites could possibly be and had told Dean to tell the nurses that Sam was going to have to be put in a private waiting room away from the other patients.
So that is where the two brothers sat, staring at the TV that hung on the wall, both waiting for Sam's doctor to come in and explain what was going on, an uncomfortable silence lingering in the air.
"So… I have shingles"
"Thanks for pointing out the obvious numb nuts. How about next time you have oozing sores on your back you let me know a little sooner, you talk about trust little brother but it goes both ways."
Sam sighed; Dean had every right to be angry with him just like he had every right to be angry at Dean for phoning they're father.
The day had been a whirlwind of emotions for both of the boys, between they're dad showing up, and having to go to the hospital, they were both drained, physically and emotionally. Both praying for the day to be over, neither one excited about the possibility of meeting up with they're father.
"Have you heard from dad?" Sam asked, trying his hand at having a conversation once more.
"Nah, but I left a note at the house; if he goes back he'll know where we are."
"Listen Dean… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ignored my back, I should have told you, and I had no right to freak out on you about dad. I'm not the only one dealing with this, and I know that now. I just really thought I could handle this without dad, without him knowing"
Dean sighed at his brother's stubborn attitude, "Sam, I know you are strong, and you can handle this, but humor me okay, we don't even know if dad is going to stay yet, but I'm glad he knows, it's better this way… trust me"
Sam just nodded, of course he would trust his brother, how couldn't he, even after his outburst over they're dad he would have trusted his brother with his life, nothing could take that away.
"But, Sammy, No more chick flick moments, we've had way to many of those lately, pretty soon I'm gonna start growing and losing things that I don't wanna lose or grow, and I wouldn't be happy"
Sam smiled, accepting his brother's hidden apology and reconciliation, "Jerk"
"Bitch"
And with those few words the tension between the brothers seemingly lifted, just in time as the doctor walked in, test results in her hands and a smile on her face.
"Hello Sam and Dean, I wish I could see you on better terms, I heard you have some spots on your back?"
The young hunter just nodded, he wasn't a naturally shy person, but when it came to talking with the doctor, he was afraid to open his mouth. Afraid they would find something else wrong with him.
"Well why don't you take off your shirt, so I can take a look at the sores, The nurse was already in and your test results are back, but I'd still like to take a peak."
Sam nodded as he slowly started to take off his shirt, wincing as the material stuck to his back ever so slightly, causing Dean to get to his feet and help Sam bring the shirt over his head.
The older hunter watched the doctor's face, she tried to hide her shock, but Dean could see it in her eyes, she was not happy about how far Sam had let his back get.
"Well, Sam, it's definitely the shingles" she sighed scanning his back, glad it was only a small case, "Have you had the chicken pox Dean?"
"What? Why?"
"Well Shingles is a form of the chicken pox virus. See when a person has chicken pox, the shingles virus is left behind, and it usually stays dormant, usually rearing its ugly head when a person's immune system is weak, like Sam's. Now if you have had Chicken pox, then shingles isn't contagious, but if you haven't, then you have to be careful, because although you won't get shingles, you will get the chicken pox, and at your age it wouldn't be a pleasant experience."
"Yeah, no worries, I've had the chicken pox" Dean said smiling, noticing the questioning glare he received from Sam who kept his mouth shut about his brother's lie.
"Good, but Sam, when you're in the hospital around other patients you have to remember to wear your mask, at least for today. Hopefully by the time your back in you won't be contagious. But Sam" she said turning a serious note, "You have to realize that you can't ignore your body anymore, if you think something is off, you have to say something. Something like this could kill you, and if your blood counts were below .05 then I'd be admitting you, but you got lucky, you're at .07, just please, don't let this happen again."
Sam just nodded, he could care less what the doctor was saying, all he heard was that he wasn't going to be admitted, and that's all he cared about.
"Yeah, don't worry, I won't let it happen again"
The Doctor looked at Dean, she had been hoping for a response from Sam, but it seemed the young man was slowly shutting himself off from the outside world, 'maybe hiding from his problems?' she thought as she smiled, looking at Sam once more before she turned to leave, "We'll see you in about a week Sam… Dean, take care"
Both brothers watched the small doctor leave, as soon as the door shut they gathered their things, wanting nothing more than to go home and get out of the hospital.
Sam placed the mask back over his face, cringing, "Maybe you should go to a hotel for tonight, just until I'm not contagious anymore, because I KNOW you haven't had the chicken pox"
"You don't know shit Sammy, and my body is way too good for the chicken pox, my rock solid physique deflects the virus away, you should know that, I don't get sick"
"Whatever man, but if you get the chicken pox don't blame me"
"Yeah right, come on mask man, lets get the hell out of here, and you know the green in the mask really compliments your eyes, and hides your face, it's a good look for you"
"Shut up"
Both brothers left smiling, one with a broad smile on his face, the other with his smile hidden, but the light had returned to his once dull and lifeless eyes. Both briefly forgetting the depressing situation, and the father they had yet to confront once more.
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It was starting to get dark out, and John had been driving around aimlessly, his eyes on the road but his thought's miles away. His boys were hurting and all he could do was drive, as if he drove long enough his problems would be left behind.
In a sense, just doing what he does best, doing the very thing he had done since the day Mary had died, driving around till his mind went foggy and his problems were lost in the mist.
It wasn't until his eye caught sight of a small coffee shop, shining like a beacon through the thick mist, that he finally decided to pull over.
Shutting the engine off, he slowly walked over, feeling more at home with every step he took to the small restaurant. Feeling drawn to the small, humble design, suddenly craving a coffee and a slice of pecan pie as he settled in a seat at the front booth. Smiling at the dark haired waitress, causing her to blush, it was just natural Winchester charm that was stronger than even Dean's charm when John decided to use it.
"Hi, I was wondering if I could get some coffee, and do you have Pecan Pie?"
The waitress just nodded
"I'll have a piece of that as well"
John felt strangely at home, letting his guard down for the first time since meeting up with his boys, his stomach and mind at ease as he sipped his coffee.
"Well don't you look happy?" Came a sweet voice from beside him.
He looked up, meeting the kind brown eyes of a woman who looked to be close to Johns age, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, in any other situation he would have put his guard up, but his mind was just too at ease to be bothered.
"Yeah, well you know, I'm not sure why, my boys are in some trouble, and I think I may have fucked up" The words just seemed to flow out of his mouth, he never talked about his family to anyone, but he couldn't help it, and it didn't bother him in the least.
"Hmmm, well sounds like your in a bit of a pickle, mind if I sit here?" she motioned to the empty chair beside John, who just shook his head.
"Now, what's this about your boys?" She said kindly, her warm eyes never leaving John's frightened eyes.
"My youngest is sick, and not just a cold sick, he has cancer… Cancer! Can you believe it, Sam has got to be one of the healthiest kids I've ever seen, and he has cancer, my baby boy."
"Well, that's just awful; it's such an awful disease"
"Awful? You want to hear awful? I see him for the first time, and I don't believe it's him, you know, it took me two minutes to disown my own son, when I should have been there for him" John could feel himself starting to choke up at the thought of what he had done.
"You know, if it wasn't for my eldest, I don't know what I would do, I'm supposed to be the parent, the father figure, my older boy, Dean, he has the father thing down when it comes to Sammy, and it shouldn't be like that, but I'm glad it is."
He put the coffee down, he could feel and see his hand's starting to shake, causing the coffee to spill, he instead opted for clasping them together on top of the counter, to try and hide his sudden weakness.
"You know, I love my boys more than anything, but I've never been one to really get a good hold on the father thing, not since my wife died. Sometimes I feel like my boys do better without me, you know, I find out one of my boys has cancer, the other is looking for help, for reassurance, and the first thought that goes through my mind is that I should get out of town."
The older Winchester shook his head, having trouble believing his own words, looking towards the woman for some sort of help, to let him know it was okay, that everyone feels like that. But he got no response, she just sat and smiled sadly at him, her eyes full of sympathy, encouraging him to go on, to let it all out, the years of neglect and feelings of inadequacy all rolled in to the fact that he had hurt his youngest more than anything by denying him, and had hurt his oldest for failing to be there, for not being able to handle the cancer.
" I never realized I was such a bad father until I shouted the words Your not my son, to my youngest who was sitting on the floor, hurt, broken, looking up at me for help, only to have me slam a door in his face."
The tears that had welled up in John's eyes started to make their way down his red cheeks,
"I don't know what scares me more, the fact that my boys have such blind faith in me, or the fact that I can't help them when they really need it" he choked out, rubbing his hands together as the tears continued to fall.
A small hand rested over top of John's shaking hands, his tears stopped as a sense of well being filled his soul, causing him to look up at the woman who was still smiling sadly at him.
"You are a wonderful father John"
John knew he hadn't mentioned his name to the woman, but he wasn't going to question how she knew, he craved her touch, craved her words.
"I know you love those boys, I see it everyday" she continued, her eyes holding a familiar sparkle causing John's breath to hitch in his throat, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up once more. He wanted to cry, want to hold her and never let her go, but all he could do was stare, the tears had dried up, and only his whisper could be found for a voice, "Mary?"
"John"
"But Lawrence? I thought"
Mary smiled, laughing slightly at her husband's confusion, "If a demon can't tear you and the boys completely apart, then there is no way some poltergeist is going to keep me from keeping an eye on my boys"
John just stared at her, trying to take in what was happening, he had seen unbelievable things before, but this, this left him speechless.
"John, I know you're scared, but I also know how much you love our sons. You're a good father, you always have been, you've always gotten an A in my books, and I know you're scared, but there's nothing to be scared about. We can handle this together, I may not be there physically, but I am always there, watching, helping, comforting. The boys couldn't have been luckier, they may not have had the most conventional lifestyle growing up, but it was a good one. You provided them with a good and loving home wherever they were." She said as she brought her hand up to his face, enjoying the physical touch even if it was some other woman's body she had borrowed to talk to her husband.
"I'll always be there for you and the boys, and you have to be there for our sons right now, just know you're not alone, and that our boys still love you, even after your little outburst." She smiled, happy that her husband smiled back.
"I love you Mary, more than anything, and I do love those boys."
"So go to them John, they love and need you right now. I love you John, you were always so good to me, and I'll always be with you." She sighed, not wanting to leave her husband's side, but her time was up, "Now eat your pie, I know it's your favorite, and that you're a comfort eater, don't deny it" She said smiling, brushing her lips against his, waiting until he started eating his pie before walking out the door, a smile on her face, her boys were going to be ok.
AN: Again sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoyed it, I'm going to try and post at least once a week, but you know, I can't promise a day right now, life's a little hectic haha.
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