A/N: Inspired by listening to too much Stars in the car on my way to school and at home. This wasn't supposed to be too long, I was just trying to write something but it grew into something huge. This stands alone for now, but I have full intentions of putting up a second part to explain all of what happened in the past, to Axel, Sora, Riku and Roxas. It's very, very much AU but it was a blast to write and oddly enough, I'm kind of proud of it.
NOTE: This is the (longer) sad version, which people might not like. Just so you know. Thanks so much to sinistersundown and Rikureplica over at LJ for betaing so quickly. Warning for dark at the end.
Disclaimer: not miiineee.
EDIT as of 2/27/08: Fanart was drawn for this story, by illbewaiting over on DA. Please check the link in my profile to see it, it's gorgeous and amazing and ;dsfaj;.
Crucified in my sports car
I've got high hopes for things infamously.
And then there's love
So keep, keepin' you down
You'll find release in the big times
Stars, International Rock Star
xxxxxxxxx
Roxas looks like a kitten, shivering in his doorway, his arm and chest bleeding sluggishly, hair plastered to his pale face and ears. Riku opens the door, not sure what to say. (It's been three years… How are you?) He won't ask that, not now, not when it looks like that's probably a gunshot wound on Roxas' arm. He thinks his heart stops for a moment when he sees the blood on Roxas' chest too, hoping to god that the blond hadn't been shot there too. When he doesn't see the hole, he nearly sighs with relief, but holds it back. Instead, he stands there and just drinks the sight in, waiting for the bitchy, angry response he knows is to follow.
"H'bout you fuckin' let me in, instead of…" Roxas starts, and Riku shivers with how familiar it is, fully expecting him to finish and instead-
-catches Roxas as the boy's eyes roll up in his skull and he collapses, soaking wet and almost scarily chilled to the bone.
xxxxx
Roxas wakes up to the smell of something suspiciously like chicken noodle soup, and warm bread and tea. Piping hot tea, probably cinnamon apple since that's the only kind that Riku drinks in the spring, unless he's changed in three years. It's possible, Roxas thinks, eyes slitting open just as the bed shifts and sinks with Riku's weight. A cool, rough, calloused hand presses itself to his forehead, brushing back bangs, and a sigh slips from the other man. "What have you done?" Riku asks quietly, and suddenly, Roxas wants to pretend that he's sleeping once more. "Rox…"
"Something bad," Roxas murmured softly, surprised that it hadn't made the news yet. They'd be careful to let it slip to the media as they liked, probably implicating some rival group because they wouldn't dare admit who really did it, wouldn't admit that maybe they weren't the most powerful group around those parts. Some other nameless, faceless guy will get accused of the murder, set up, and there's nothing he can do about it. Roxas doesn't like to think if he has a wife or a family, or maybe it's his birthday, or if he has a whole life ahead of him—all he knows is that his own ass came first, before anyone else's.
"You only came to me when you fucked up," Riku's voice is almost dripping with disappointment, maybe a tinge of regret and something else as he stands up briskly. "I wrapped your arm. Didn't figure you wanted to explain the gunshot to the nurses, but you're sure as hell explaining it to me. I don't…don't want to know about your chest." There's a long pause and Riku shakes his head when Roxas opens his mouth to protest. "No. You come here like you did two nights ago, and you're giving me an explanation. You owe me it."
"That's a fucking lie and you know it" Roxas snarls, irritated that Riku thinks he only uses him. He sinks back into the pillows once more, jaw clicking shut, lips twisted in a scowl as Riku turns around and leaves the room, letting Roxas figure out how to eat with one arm out of commission and the other with two fingers broken and swollen and bruised. "Bastard."
An unknown time later finds Roxas still bedridden, not by choice, but because Riku's lording over him the fact that he can stand and force Roxas' skinny ass down if he wants to. No matter what Roxas says, hissing and spitting like a cat, Riku only smiles genially, ruffles his hair and generally acts like a condescending bastard just to piss Roxas off. He says so, growling out that it pisses him off, and Riku only smirks. "It'll stop, somewhat," Riku tacks the last bit on because the hell if he'll ever stop giving Roxas a hard time, "if you just tell me why and what happened?"
Roxas ignores him, and after the third time Riku asks, he refuses to eat that day, curling up in bed and glaring at nothing. Riku, without fail, brings him breakfast, lunch and dinner, saran-wrapping them for later when he doesn't touch them. The blond can almost feel the disappointment radiating off of him, but he stops trying to make him eat that day, and just leaves a glass of water, occasionally adding ice-cubes when he comes in to check on him and make sure he's okay.
xxxxx
The next day, Riku wakes him up bright and early, shaking his good shoulder and watching him with unreadable eyes, bright in the dawn light sifting through the curtained windows. Roxas flinches as he remembers all those mornings waking up to Riku, smiling just a little bit, a pair of pants (sometimes) hanging low on his hips, his hair hanging loose and rumpled around his face, the light making it shine. Riku still has that almost ethereal look to him, but it's chased over with an edge of worry, of exhaustion, and something else that makes him look older than his twenty-two years, older and more jaded and very sad.
"You need a shower," Riku finally says, pulling the covers off and eying Roxas shamelessly for wounds, not sexually, and the blond knows that he looks skinny and probably fragile against the dark silk sheets, because there are scars and old wounds still healing, crisscrossing over every inch of his skin; he knows they're on Riku's own body as well. "Up."
Roxas glares, but obeys, muttering I'm not a dog, as he does it. The room is unfamiliar, but it would be, of course, as he'd only found Riku's phone number by chance; he'd known the name that Riku had taken after he'd left the Organization, though he had been the only one to do so, save for Sora maybe. He flinched, realizing he'd have to explain everything, surprised Riku hadn't demanded answers from him yet about Sora yet. "Which way s'the shower?"
Riku leads him to it silently, stripping his clothes off of his body, not blushing in the slightest as he reaches out and starts to do the same with Roxas', helping him take off the oversized button-down shirt and putting his hands on his slender, bony hips, waiting for a moment for the okay to push the boxers down as well. When they both stand naked, Riku goes to turn the shower on, silently waiting for it to get heated and then pushing the curtain back. "Get in," he orders quietly, and Roxas refuses to look at himself in the mirror, knowing he probably looks haggard and tired and terrible, stepping in the shower. The bandage on his arm is soaked instantly, and he knows he doesn't stand a chance in hell with shampooing his hair when both his arms are out of commission.
Stepping in just a second after that thought, Riku silently reaches for the shampoo, the blond noticing that Riku must have went out and bought the kind that Roxas usually used, even after all these years. "Close your eyes," Riku murmured softly, pouring a puddle of it into his hand and then reaching out to slowly wash Roxas' hair, keeping a hand over Roxas' eyes so the suds didn't get in them, and then helping him rinse, all the while silent. Conditioner came next, girly-smelling but Roxas didn't care, oddly relaxed by the soft ministrations on his body even if he didn't want to admit it.
Body wash followed, poured onto a washcloth and gently, oh-so-gently, Riku started to wash him, making sure to get almost every inch of him, from between his fingers, to everywhere else, avoiding his private areas, something Roxas found amusing and slightly sad after everything they had done together. There is still an edge of intimacy about it, something that Roxas finds he wants more than anything else, because it'd mean things were okay. He thinks about a perfect life, with a white picket fence, maybe a dog (though he knows Riku prefers cats) and Sora, and while it never appealed to him when he was younger, he almost wants it now.
He feels like a new person when they step out, Riku wrapping a towel around his waist when he finishes helping him dry off. His arm is aching dully, the bandage stained rust-red and it hurts like a bitch when Riku sits him down on the closed lid of the toilet, helping him unbandage, dry, sanitize and then re-bandage the wound. There are stitches on the backside of his arm where the bullet had exited Roxas realizes, finally placing that itch that had been there since he'd started- he had not realized that the wound had been bad enough where it required stitches.
"Why are you doing this for me?" Roxas finally asks when Riku is done re-wrapping his fingers, the older boy's hair hanging damp and loose in his eyes, strands of it starting to curl loosely from being left to air-dry without being brushed. "You're a fucking moron."
Riku draws back slowly, face unreadable and tone even. "Why shouldn't I? You came to me. Even if you think I'm a bastard, I'm not a heartless one." He starts back towards his room, dripping water everywhere, dressing in plain sight and Roxas doesn't even try to think that he's not watching because after three years, Riku's still fucking gorgeous. "Why did you come to me?"
Roxas flinches, standing there awkwardly, not knowing if he should dig through Riku's dresser and find clothes to wear like they did when they were together, or if he should dress in what he'd been wearing – also Riku's, about three sizes too big. "I can't…don't want to answer that right now," he says softly, carefully, and blinks when an outfit is handed to him, folded neatly, plucked from on top of the dresser. He dresses slowly, not putting the shirt on yet, waiting for Riku's help and refusing to look at him when he gets it.
"Because it has to do with Sora and the rest of them," Riku hedges with a raised eyebrow, and Roxas refuses to look at him. "Fine." Riku buttons the last button with a scowl, watching Roxas with tired aquamarine eyes, the exhaustion showing in every line of his body. Distantly, Roxas realizes that this is Riku's room- he'd assumed it was a guest bedroom- of course the idiot would give him this one and sleep somewhere else. Lips twisting in a scowl, Roxas drew away and his stomach rumbled. "…I'll make breakfast."
There's nothing said on what Roxas should do while he waits- Riku doesn't tell, and Roxas doesn't ask. He only goes back to the bed, lies on top of the covers, and ignores the dull ache in his arm.
xxxxx
He refuses to sleep that whole day, even with his whole body crying out for it after days of not sleeping at all, and then days of snitches of sleep, scattered between running and fearing and barely living. The sleep he's been getting at Riku's has been decent, but the tiredness seems bone-deep. Riku's being a royal ass about the whole thing, so if he can be stubborn, Roxas figures that he can too.
Dinner rolls around, and Riku unlocks the door, bringing in a tray with a plate of medium-rare steak (it's just the way he likes it. He loves Riku's steaks when he makes them and that's not often at all), a cup of steaming tea, and an apple, peeled, because Riku still knows that Roxas hates eating the skins of apples. He doesn't murmur thanks, and Riku doesn't expect it, instead turning around and leaving him with the final instruction of drink all your tea.
It's too late when Roxas realizes the meal's been drugged, and he places why the tea tasted oddly and his head had been feeling fuzzy the more he drank and ate. Cursing the bastard who'd drugged him, he tried to keep his eyes open, failing as he slowly put the tray on the floor, knowing he'll pass out if he went after Riku, promising revenge after, and passing out on the bed a few moments later. He didn't hear when Riku returned to the room later, helping arrange him under the covers, tucking him in gently and placing a hand on his forehead to check for a fever.
Riku's been sleeping on the couch, he learns. Not in a guest bedroom, the man's apartment built for only one person or a couple, so thus lacking an extra room. The couch, as he discovers after forcing Riku to let him walk around a few days later, is far too small for Riku's lanky body.
"You're sleeping in your bed from now on," Roxas growls when he sees the sheets and blanket tossed over the couch, and he knows that must not be very comfortable. He's pissed that Riku would lend him his bed when the couch must make him sore, but knows that's how Riku is, even when he acts like a jerk.
Saying nothing for a long time, Riku just shrugs and turns around. "It's lunch time, what do you want?" he asks, and Roxas just closes his eyes, hating that Riku's willing to cater to his needs at any given time. He doesn't deserve that kind of devotion, not at all, no matter how much he wants it, likes it. Some part of him wants waffles, cream filled waffles with strawberries on top, and he knows Riku has the makings for it, because never had he been without when they were together. As if reading Roxas' mind, Riku give a slight smile, leaning against the counter. "Waffles?" he asks softly, and the smile turns a little more real when Roxas nods, and Riku goes about preparing them. While Riku is cooking the food, Roxas sits down at the table for lack of anything else to do, lips curling in a crooked smile when Riku places a cup of tea in front of him, the honey already added into it, just how Roxas likes it. "When are you going to tell me…?"
Roxas scowls at his tea now, annoyed. He'd thought that he could get out of it, but obviously not. Riku's just as stubborn as himself, something that's exceedingly annoying. "I'll tell you a little," Roxas finally says, hoping that it will tide him over for a little while, sipping at his tea, waiting for it to cool. "I left. I mean left-left, packed up everything from the Organization, left my guns and stuff there, but just…decided it was enough, or maybe too much, and left." He swirls his tea a little, drinking more. "After what they did to Sora… Axel followed me, for a few days. I did everything I could to lose him, but couldn't, and I didn't know that Saix was following both of us. He finally caught me, kinda, trapped me in my hotel room and said he had 'nasty orders to kill me' if I didn't come back. I told him I wouldn't, we argued, and he…refused to shoot me right then, but said he would, counting down from ten when I told him I wasn't coming, no matter what. I guess he knew Saix was there, following him, 'cause he wasn't surprised when he busted in and had guns pointed at both of us…They started arguing, I broke through a window and ran, and Axel shot at me. He missed….he missed on purpose, because I know he's a damn good shot."
Riku listens quietly, reaching out and touching the nape of Roxas' neck gently, brushing fingers against his skin before turning back to finish the waffles, cutting strawberries while he worked on making the waffles.
"Saix…I don't know if he killed him or not. He outranks him, but the power base is so messed up now, it's a wonder anything gets done." Roxas downs the rest of his tea, not surprised when a few moments later a new cup is set in front of him. "I can't stay here."
Spinning around, Riku glares at Roxas hard, lips in a thin line. "Why the hell not? What else have you got?" he demands, not meaning for the words to sound so horrible, but at the same time, he is right. They had nothing else once they'd left, nothing but each other, and then when Roxas had left, they hadn't even had that.
"Because you know as well as me, the whole Organization must be searching for me, and sooner or later, they're going to find me!" Roxas holds his cup tightly, not quite catching it was burning his hand until it starts to hurt, and he draws back with a hiss.
Riku's eyes are narrow, tone almost cruel and mocking now. "That's right, Rox, run away from anything you don't want to handle, because you're afraid." He rolled his eyes, still mocking him. "Besides, they're looking for you, right? But nobody is looking for me. They've given up."
Closing his eyes, Roxas just sits there for a long moment, trying not to think of anything. "How long do you think you're going to keep me here?" he asks quietly, hearing Riku place the waffles on the plates, a scrape of metal on the glass. There was a quiet, "I don't know, it….depends," and Roxas slams his fist down on the table, turning around.
"It depends on what, Riku! Your wants and needs, no matter what? You being fucking selfish and-" Roxas goes silent as a plate is placed in front of him, covered in strawberries, whipped cream and hot waffles.
"Don't you dare to even think about calling me selfish when you've run away so much without so much as a word as to what happened," Riku says quietly, sitting down next to him at the tiny table, starting to eat. The rest of breakfast passes quietly, Roxas tired and angry, eating the last strawberry on his plate and then he stands up with a sigh. "Are you going to lay down?"
Roxas puts his dishes in the sink after rinsing them off, and then shrugs thin, bony shoulders. "I don't know," he answers softly, and almost heads into the bedroom a moment later, thinking it's the only thing he can do right now. He doesn't want to leave just yet, not when he's missed the arrogant bastard so much, not when he's tired and has found somewhere safe for once.
"Tell me what happened to Sora," Riku says a moment later, when Roxas sits down again to drink his tea, and it's the wrong thing to say.
"I don't want to talk about it!" Roxas hisses, glaring at Riku and standing up abruptly from the table, stalking to somewhere, just unsure of where it is. He curses when he's grabbed, fighting tooth and nail, and knocking Riku in the jaw when he's picked up and carried to the bedroom. Fine, he thinks with a vicious glare, if he wants to play here, we fucking will.
Riku dumps him down a moment later, holding his jaw and glaring back. "Why not?" his voice is purely venomous now, mocking and he knows it's out of line but he doesn't stop himself. "Did you kill him yourself, coward?"
Roxas throws himself forward a moment later, landing another punch in Riku's shoulder, pain radiating from his fingers, his last finger and the one next to it, gasping as his still-hurt arm is grabbed, long, slender fingers digging into the gunshot wound mercilessly.
"I have every right to know," Riku growls, and slams Roxas up against a wall, gritting his teeth when the blond reaches out and grabs a fistful of his hair, jerking it and forcing him away. "I loved him, you fucking-"
Roxas lands a swift punch to Riku's stomach while he's unprotected, and forces him back to the bed, straddling him and glaring down, eyes bright with anger and want. It's been forever (three years, seven months, not that he was counting, no) since he's even touched Riku like this, and the more he looks at the silver-haired man, the more it feels like six, seven, eight years ago.
"I loved him too, so don't even start that," Roxas growls, and he swallows, eyes a little brighter with something that burns suspiciously like tears. Riku doesn't know anything, not at all. Not by choice, of course- Roxas knows that the day Sora went missing, he probably did everything in his power to find him, but the Organization covers their tracks too well.
Riku's eyes are closed when he reaches up and they start touching. They aren't dragging clothes off (yet, because they both know that's what's going to follow either way), but Riku's sliding a hand through Roxas' hair, the other resting on the bony angle of his hip, while Roxas trails his good hand down Riku's face, fingers brushing over high cheekbones, barely-parted lips, and down his jaw. It's almost achingly intimate at that moment, just watching each other, not quite sure if they want to break the spell and then Riku speaks, shattering everything.
"He's dead, isn't he," he whispers, and Roxas leans forward, kissing the breath out of him, biting his lips until they bleed and Riku's biting, kissing and fighting him every inch of the way, though they both know who'll win, even when he's bruised and tired. "How long, Roxas…don't you fucking lie to me."
Roxas hadn't thought the term 'ripping someone's clothes off' could be put to use ever in his life, but that is what happened, buttons popping off of the shirt that he's been lent as Riku forces it open and then peels it off, mumbling an apology when Roxas curses and hisses, his arm jolted painfully. They don't let it stop them, no, instead Roxas' good hand is tugging Riku's shirt from where it's tucked into his pants and he hears the seams of Riku's shirt pop as it's discarded, leaving them fumbling for pants, pushing them off until it's only bare skin on bare skin and Roxas is mouthing nonsense words against Riku's shoulder as he lines their hips up and grinds their cocks together, almost desperate to make Riku shut up.
"Tell me," Riku whispers, demands, pressing his lips to Roxas' shoulder in return, his hands splayed, cupping the blond's ass and rolling his hips back as they just rub against each other, drinking in the friction of flesh on flesh. "Tell me what happened to h-him."
Roxas lets out a soft, pained noise at that, but won't deny him, can't deny him like this and whispers it quietly.
"You know Sora," he murmurs, pressing two fingers to Riku's mouth as he rolls their hips together. Moving that way makes his wounded arm throb painfully the more weight is placed on it, but he ignores it for now. "H-he always stuck his nose…into peoples' business." The finger trailed down and slid between Riku's thighs, the blond pulling away enough to push one of his fingers there, hooking it under and pushing it in sharply. Riku's tight, and Roxas knows that he's the type to not sleep around at all unless it's someone who he finds truly worth it, and Riku's nothing if not a picky bastard. After years, he figures he should use some lube, but doesn't- if Riku wants it, he'll ask.
"Roxas," Riku gasped, tugging at Roxas' hair, demanding more of the story or maybe more of the touching and tasting and feeling.
Roxas nuzzles the hollow of his throat, finger sliding in and out of him harshly. "He wanted to know why I left you." Biting on the man's collarbone, he keeps his voice soft and low, "Poked his nose around in business he wasn't supposed to. Broke into my apartment, found some of the Organization's stuff…" A second finger slides in and Roxas swallows Riku's low moan with his own mouth, breaking away to continue, "He talked to t-the wrong people… asked the wrong q-questions and everything led back to him…" Roxas shivers at Riku's tightness, mouthing a curse against his chest as he rubs against his thigh, trying to keep from losing it at just the idea of fucking him right now.
"It's why he spent so m-much time at th-ahh, fuck—" Riku jerks and shudders as Roxas curls his fingers just right and presses over that spot that sends his vision white and pretty, leaving him trembling and rolling his hips to beg for more.
When he thinks Riku's ready, or as ready as he's willing to get the other male, Roxas pulls away, licking his palm and slicking himself quickly with precome and spit, stroking himself a few times before Riku's long, slender legs wrap around his hips and he's forcing himself in inch by inch, drawing a long, pained moan from Riku's lips mixed with a plea for more. When he's buried all the way in, he presses his lips to Riku's neck, whispering more of the story while he adjusts. "I was ordered to kill him... I couldn't. I f-found out later Saix'd lied and I hadn't been the one ordered to kill him- he'd just wan…wanted to fuck with me. Thought it'd be funny fo-for me t'kill my brother…" He draws out, slow and steady, arms shaking and then he sinks back in with a quiet noise, neither of them sure where to touch and hold, where to place their hands, what to do when it's been so long. "Sora wanted me out. He p-picked the wrong person to talk to, ah-ahh, Riku-!"
Riku lets out a hoarse laugh that fades into a soft groan as Roxas starts to finally move, rolling his hips in slow, deep thrusts, going for a little while and then stopping abruptly, just when Riku's starting to actually like it, pleasure overshadowing the low ache of pain. "He…I don't know how it ha-happened," Roxas leans down, lips and teeth teasing at a nipple, biting down and tugging, knowing Riku doesn't mind the arc of hurt at all, the other man being more than just on the edge of masochistic when it comes to sex. "I just…know Axel to-told me and ahh-" Roxas pulls out abruptly, refusing to think about the traces of blood he knows are down there, refusing to acknowledge how fucked up they are together.
"Wh-" Riku manages before he moans at the loss of Roxas' cock from inside him as the blond draws away. He has a brief moment of no, fuck no he's not stopping, before he's nudged and pushed, a little slow to realizing what it is that Roxas wants but understanding why when he realizes. On his hands and knees, it's easier for Roxas to fuck him (neither of them have any kind of delusions about what this is right now, it's not making love) because he doesn't have to hold his weight up on his bad arm. The rhythm starts up again, slow and steady and then speeding as Roxas speaks, his voice shaky and distant like this doesn't have anything to do with him. Riku kind of wants to hit him for that voice, but doesn't, just arches his back at a particularly hard thrust, and moans softly when his sweet spot is hit over and over. Words fall from his lips, a mix of begging and pleading and demands for moreharderfasterplease.
"I'm sorry," Roxas moans quietly against Riku's shoulder-blade, flesh slapping against flesh, the sound echoing in the room as he got closer and closer. "Touch y-yourself," he orders, his voice a low, rough rasp, not wanting to unbalance them if he decided to reach around and jerk Riku off. Roxas comes first, surprisingly, embarrassingly maybe, biting down on Riku's shoulder hard, muffling a soft whisper of his name with it and drawing out just a moment later. He slides two of his good fingers in, twists them and fucks him with them, stopping abruptly and almost laughing at Riku's startled keen and the way he rocks back, trying to seek that pleasure once more, not understanding why it's been taken away. "Wanna see you," Roxas admits softly, and Riku obeys instantly, turning back over onto his stomach, his legs spread, body bared for Roxas' taking and he shivers because they both hate being vulnerable, and this is as vulnerable as it can get. He wants to see Riku's face, his eyes when he does this, wants to see him tremble and whimper and beg, so he slides his fingers back down and in until Riku's breath catches on a hoarse, low moan of Roxas' name, fingers grasping and searching for something to hold onto, losing it and coming, toes curling. He's left panting and gasping and exhausted, and all Roxas can do is press his mouth to Riku's shoulder and whisper, "I'm so sorry."
Riku makes a pained noise, drawing Roxas closer and holding him, not minding that Roxas doesn't hold back, just taking comfort in the touch of a human being, drinking in the way that the other's body feels so familiar, even with their pasts. "I want to see him again," Riku says a few moments later, voice breaking on him, and Roxas draws in a slow, pained breath, knowing that it had to be hell for Riku to lose Sora, his best friend since they were children, someone who he loved and dated for a short time, and then lose Roxas, who had packed up and left without a word nearly a month later. "We buried an empty coffin."
"I know," Roxas rasps, eyes tightly closed. It had to be worse, waiting and hearing nothing and then finally burying a coffin filled with nothing but air, leaving all the doubts of if he could be still alive or not, out there in the open. Riku's shoulders go tense, and Roxas bites his lip when he realizes he's trying to hide everything again. Curling up, Roxas allows Riku to spoon up against him from behind, not saying anything for a long time, wishing he could ease the tension out of Riku's body after everything and knowing he's probably uncomfortable after sex. He'd forgotten that Riku hated having come inside him, too lost earlier in the rush of sensation and sense of desperation. "I'll take you to him….if you want. It's a few hours away though…"
The offer hangs between them for a long time, and finally Riku lets out a soft breath, nodding. "Is it a proper grave?" he asks, afraid of the answer, afraid of knowing that Sora's been rotting away like trash.
"Yeah," Roxas breathes, feeling some of the tension leak out of Riku as he says it. "I wouldn't…wouldn't let him just…"
Riku presses his lips to the nape of his neck, holding Roxas gently. "Tomorrow?"
Roxas closes his eyes. "Tomorrow." They lie there for a long time, Riku's breathing slowly evening out into something more calm and relaxed, and Roxas slips away when he's sure Riku won't wake up, heading for where the bathroom is and wetting down a washcloth to take back. It's just on the edge of hot, so he lets it cool down a little before he holds it awkwardly with his somewhat-good hand, slowly, carefully wiping away the blood and come seeping down Riku's pretty pale thighs. The older man makes a soft noise as he works, still asleep, a hand coming to rest where Roxas had been, curling in the sheets there. When Riku's clean he goes and puts the cloth in the tub, crawls back into bed and lets Riku spoon him once more, falling asleep.
xxxxx
Roxas says nothing about the ginger way that Riku walks around that morning after their showers, a little like a puppet whose joints and body parts don't match up correctly, disjointed and awkward and stiff- or, if they were being realistic, like he'd just been fucked. They get ready fairly silently, Riku not cooking that morning, instead tossing Roxas a granola bar and grabbing one for himself, contenting them with yesterday night's coffee, reheating in the microwave and pouring a large cup, splitting it with the blond. Roxas thinks again about how surreal this is, standing in the kitchen with Riku, because it feels like the past and he waits, hoping for Sora to come through the hallway, sleepy and happy, waving and wanting to know if his s'mores cereal is still there, or if Roxas ate it. It doesn't happen, and Roxas leans heavily on the counter, closing his eyes, shivering when Riku just comes close, hugs him gently, and presses his lips to his ear, murmuring it's okay.
Roxas licks his lips to wet them, fingers curling lightly in the other man's shirt, and both pretend not to notice when his breath hitches slightly.
They get ready with a somewhat-comfortable silence between them, finding no need for words right then, just going about what they needed to do and then heading to the door. Riku's got his wallet in his back pocket, and a twenty in it, planning on stopping to buy flowers because he owes Sora that at least.
Roxas and Riku stand there, surrounded by flowers and the kindly old lady greets them when they walk in, both males nodding to her in return, looking at the flowers and trying to decide. Sora'd always liked sappy, dorky things like flowers, even if they weren't from someone romantic; Roxas had gotten some for his twin on their birthday, and bought him a live wreath for his door for Christmas one year.
"You two getting flowers for something special in particular?" the woman calls from the desk where she is arranging a bouquet of flowers. "Flowers for a girlfriend? Wife? We've got a selection of wedding flowers if-"
"It's…for a grave," Roxas says quietly, and the woman apologizes, obviously at a loss at what to say, letting them look through the flowers once more, the silence filled only by the air-conditioning in the small store. Eventually they settle on a mix of all kinds of flowers, from baby's breath to a sunflower, Roxas is honestly surprised since he was sure half of these were not in season, but not complaining. Riku paid, insisting on it, and they go back to the car, Roxas holding them gently in his lap as they drove, stopping only once at a gas station for a snack and drink, continuing on down the highway, the car filled with the soft sound of the radio in the background.
Riku's already going fifteen over the speed limit when a flashy black corvette passes them with a rev of its engine, weaving in and out between cars, leaving Roxas to snort and Riku to roll his eyes at the showy behavior. Roxas used to be like that, they remember, and Roxas distracts himself with thoughts of feeling Riku behind him, pressed close as they dodge in and out of traffic on his cycle. He lets out a soft snort when they pass the Corvette again, the pretty car stuck behind a semi.
Eventually, Roxas instructs him to pull off of the highway onto an exit and take a series of turns, coming to a quiet country road, where, at the end, an old church is perched on a hill, a graveyard right beside it on the soft slope. Riku parks outside the gates, the two of them passing through two guarding angel statues, and neither of them try to guess who it is that holds the other's hand first, instead just keeping forward as Roxas leads to a small stone sticking up in the right corner of the graveyard. Riku closes his eyes at the name, heart aching in a way it hadn't since years ago.
"This is it," Roxas says unnecessarily, voice low and rough and sad, handing Riku the flowers and pulling away, dropping his hand and going to stand elsewhere, letting him have his time. He wanders graves for a moment, reading names and inscriptions loved ones have added, skimming quotes and such, hearing Riku's breath catch audibly over the soft wind, and pretending he heard nothing for both their sake.
It's only when a third pair of footsteps hits his ears does he stiffen, whirling around instantly, hoping for a little old lady or a small child. Instead, he gets something worse.
"Kid."
Roxas takes a step back, wishing desperately for his gun, staring down the barrel of Axel's favorite, a sleek black and silver model, cocked and ready. "You're not supposed to be here," he says finally, knowing it does no good to say it, but he can't think of anything else. From off to the side, Riku's turning around, expression angry.
"S'that who I think it is?" Axel gestures with the gun, and Roxas flinches, not sure if he could take seeing Riku die in front of him right now, not over Sora's grave, not after last night and all the nights before that. He left to protect them and he'd bedamned if he'd let the other half of his reason just die. "Rox, seriously, you know how this works. The people who've got the gun pointed at them answer the questions for the person who has the gun. Simple stuff."
"Put the gun down and we'll chat," Roxas says, sidestepping and slowly making his way in front of Riku. His heart's going a mile a minute and he feels almost sick watching Axel angle the gun up a little, just over Roxas' shoulder, still at Riku. "Axel!"
The redhead raises an eyebrow, brushing some loose hair back behind his ear, his posture relaxed and lazy and amused. "S'the matter, kid. You can't make demands of me, not when you left." There's an edge of anger to his voice, acid-green eyes narrow as he stares at the blond, lips twisted in a scowl. "You left and you killed Marluxia and Xemnas. Saix and Larx are thirsty for blood, and they sent me to come find your stupid, sorry ass. A side benefit is going back and telling them I took care of our other traitor as well."
Riku shifts his look to Roxas, only seeing the back of him, not his expression. Frowning a little, he tries to step around Roxas, tries to make sure that he won't get the blond shot on accident if he's going to be shot at, and grits his teeth. "Which one of you guys killed Sora?" he finally asks the question that he's been dying to ask for the longest time, and waits expectantly. "Was it Saix? Or maybe you, Axel?"
Axel's face goes blank at the accusations and at the mention of the bright, cheerful, friendly brunet. There's an edge to his gaze now, something not-quite-right in his posture as he watches them, eyes cutting away sharply. "I wouldn't kill him," he mutters softly, finally, and Roxas refuses to look at him as well, leaving Riku to wonder what the hell was going on.
"Whether or not you'd kill him doesn't matter, he's dead now, and you're involved with the group, it might as well have been you and I want to know who-" Riku went still, instantly, as a shot rang off, the bullet three feet away from his head, hitting a tree solidly. "Fuckin' hell-"
Roxas stalks forward at that, ignoring that Axel has a gun, stopping only when it's pointed straight at his chest. He presses forward until the barrel of the gun presses hard into his chest, his own eyes flat and expression blank. "You gonna shoot me too?" he asks quietly, ignoring Riku's soft, almost scared hiss of Roxas--. "You owe me the truth of it, Axel. Even if you hate me now, you owe-"
"I don't owe you shit, blondie," Axel drawled, keeping a careful eye on Riku and on Roxas as well. He's gotten his ass kicked by both of them an equal amount of times of him beating their asses as well. He knows that Roxas is faster than Riku, but Riku's got brute strength and is just as sneaky. "You know what, though?" he talks almost thoughtfully, waving the gun a little, catching Roxas wrist and twisting it back away when he tries to grab for the gun. "You try that shit one more time and I'll shoot pretty boy back there," Axel warns, the gun trained carefully at Riku's chest, and Roxas knows that Axel's more than just a decent shot with it. He backs up slowly back to Sora's grave and to Riku, shielding him again, not willing to risk it, and waits for an explanation. "There's this deal, you know?"
"A deal," Roxas echoes hollowly, and he's afraid, a bone-deep fear that makes him sick because he knows what kind of deal it is, and knows that Axel looks out for number one, and number one only. "What kind?"
Axel's face turns a little sour, a little angry because he doesn't want to do this, and there's only one way he can think to get out of it. "I kill both of you and my place is secured in the Organization. Problem is, I don't want to, particularly, even if-"
None of them hear the quiet footsteps, or the soft sound of a gun being drawn out, but everyone hears the loud, clear shots, all three of them jumping in shock, Axel's gun swinging from the two to where he thinks the shots came from. Riku glances down at himself, realizes that he's fine, and that Axel is, and a soft, low moan of ohgodno escapes him as he turns around and sees Roxas. The blond is staring down at his chest, one hand pressed to it like he can't quite believe the slow ooze of blood out of his body, soaking Riku's shirt a bright, sick red. Riku catches him just as he falls, not even concerned with his own life, not noticing how Axel's face goes dark with anger as Saix steps out where he was hidden inside the church, taking the shots from behind a window.
He's not paying attention to any of it, instead cradling Roxas gently, trying to stop the bleeding, hands stained red as he holds his hands over both wounds, and he's crying before he knows it, unable to think. Cell phone, he needs his cell phone to call an ambulance, but he can't think over the yells of Axel and the quiet, pleased voice of Saix, and the quiet choking of Roxas, the blond curling his fingers in the grass gently, palepalepale. "Hold your hand over it," Riku finally hisses, reaching and pressing one of Roxas' hands to one of the wounds as he fumbles for his cell, his hands slick and shiny with blood, dialing 911 quickly, but another shot rings out and it's all pain and dizziness. The phone slips from his grip and he wavers from where he's kneeling, sees Roxas' pale, confused and scared face, and knows they're both going to die. Another shot, then another and another ring out, and he doesn't know if it's Axel or Saix who gets hit, only trying to staunch the bleeding on Roxas' chest, dizzy from his own blood loss.
Roxas smiles up at him and that's when Riku thinks he breaks inside, leaning back heavily against Sora's gravestone, with Roxas held loosely in his arms, bleeding all over both of them and on the soft green grass covering Sora's grave. Riku draws in a wet, shaky breath, looking down at Roxas when he feels the boy shake as he coughs, blood on his lips, and smiles a little, thinking it's ironic they die in this particular place. Roxas is slowly fading, or maybe it's his vision, he's not sure anymore, but he knows his heart shatters when Roxas leans up, trying to kiss him, and falls short, slipping back down, limp and not breathing anymore, pretty ice-blue eyes still open. Riku doesn't feel anything anymore, only holds Roxas even closer until he goes limp too, head lolling to the side and resting on Roxas' and if it weren't for all the blood, they'd look like they were relaxing together, maybe somewhere nice, or maybe just on the couch, watching a movie together. Maybe, if things were perfect, they'd get their happy ending, curled up on the couch, snacking, and later they'd make love in Riku's bed. Maybe, but things weren't perfect at all.
It's only a few minutes later that Axel stumbles up, his arm bleeding sluggishly from where Saix landed the only bullet, the man laying dead on the steps of the church. He reaches out, touches Roxas' cheek and closes his eyes, reaching for Riku's bloody cell phone (it won't do to use his own and give them a way to track him) and calls the cops, reporting there's three dead bodies in a graveyard in a bland, emotionless voice, ignoring the woman's demands for him to stay on the line. He hangs up on her, the phone clicking closed, his hands covered in blood, but not his ear since he made sure to put it on speaker. Reaching out one more time, he slides his fingertips across Roxas' cheeks, brushes back his blond bangs from where they'd fallen, messy and jagged in his face, and then figures he owes Riku the same, closing his eyes as well before walking off, back to his car, wiping his hands off on a towel he kept in there for cleaning his gun, and then drove off, back to the Organization.
xxxxx
A funeral is held not long after, though it takes a long time to find the families of the two dead boys, one blond and one with shiny silver hair, the police having to dig through page after page of files until they find real last names, and contact families. Only one set of parents comes, along with miscellaneous friends and family, and one man with a low-set hat on, and a black suit, standing in the background with flowers to put on the graves. He waits until it's over, waits until they're all, all gone, goes to his car and gets the rest of the flowers, and then lays a dozen white roses on Roxas' grave, a large bouquet on Sora's and a dozen red ones on Riku's. It's poetic irony, he thinks, looking at the three flower-covered graves and then sticking his hands in his pockets. He murmurs a quiet goodbye to them, figuring he owes it to them at least, and kisses his fingertips, pressing them to Sora's grave lightly and then walks away, back to his car, getting in, ready to take his place as the man in charge of the Organization.
xxxxx
Note: The man at the end is Axel.
If you'd like the happy ending, go to my profile on there, and head for the link given for it. It will take you to that happy!ending, and if you leave a comment, that'd be lovely.
Reviews/comments/crit on here are always loved of course. I'm rather proud of this, oddly enough, for it being written in almost one night. Thanks for reading!