X-X-X-X-X ::: Chapter 2: I Don't Remember Groceries Being This Dangerous
Joseph Jonas was faced with a delimma. It had been two days since he had hung out with Liv, and was quite uncertain if he should call her to hang out again or not. He had had a fantastic time, it seemed she really just got him, but what if it didn't go as well as he thought it had? What if she was really counting down the seconds before she could make a polite exit? She had seemed to leave quite suddenly...
But she had said to "use" her number. Joe assumed that meant to call her - after all, what other possible use could he have for a phone number? If he thought enough, he could reason many different things to use a phone number for, but he was pretty sure that Liv was not a cryptic, merciless girl...
So he was sitting in the living room, on the couch, just looking at the iPhone on the coffee table. He was pretty sure that the world was still going on around him, even if he hadn't checked in a while (deep thought is very consuming, it seems). Finally, after a good hour or two of just looking at the phone, Nick and Kevin sat down on either side of him.
"Joe, what are you doing?" Nick started.
"Staring at the phone." Joe responded, narrowing his eyes at said phone.
"Um...why?" Nick continued.
"Why not?" Joe responded sarcastically. They were distracting him from his deep thought!
"Joe, we're talking to you because we care about you." Kevin said slowly. "So, why are you staring at the phone?"
"Because I can't decide whether or not to call Liv." Joe sighed submissively.
"Seriously?" Nick said. Kevin reached around behind Joe and smacked his head.
"Well, Joe, why wouldn't you want to call Liv?" Kevin began talking him through it.
"Cause I'm not sure if she had as good a time as I did the other day."
"Seriously?!" Nick said, laughing. After all, here was his self-proclaimed "pimp" brother, stressing out over a girl.
"Nick," Kevin said. "if you're not going to help, you should just keep the mouth shut."
"Alright, look Joe," Nick said, capturing his brother's attention away from the phone. "she came to hang out even AFTER you spilled all your coffee on her. She stayed and had conversations with you about pickles and CareBears and I don't even know what else. Then, there's always the really obvious choice where she TOLD YOU TO CALL HER!"
"That is pretty obvious." Joe said, nodding his head.
"So just call her." Kevin said. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"She could reject me and my heart could be torn into a million thousand pieces and I would never be able to form an emotional bond again with any woman save my mother and the eventual wives of you two." Joe responded.
"That's a good point." Nick agreed.
"Both of you shut up. If she says no, then you'll go on with your life as per usual. So just call her!" Kevin interrupted. Joe set in his face of determination, and dialed her number.
Ring...ring...(click, thud, "ouch!")
"Hello?"
"Hey, Liv? It's Joe."
"Joe! Hey! Ouch, Tyler, get off of me...oh sorry, little brother." she said. He heard a door close. "Alright, I'm safe for the moment. What's up?"
"Not much, how about you?" Joe said idly. Kevin smacked his palm against his forehead.
"Joe, you're small talkin'. Now what's up?"
"I just...wanted to see if maybe you wanted to hang out today?" he asked, his voice nearing a squeak toward the end.
"...Well, I actually have a bunch of errands that need running..." Joe's face fell. "...but, it would be really awesome if you wouldn't mind coming with."
"Errands? Sure, no problem! I'm an excellent errand runner!" he said enthusiastically.
"Great! I'm planning to leave in about an hour - do you think you can be over here by then?" she asked.
"Oh yea, I'll just tag along with Nick when he goes to Miley's. Um...will you be driving?"
"I can, if need be."
"Need be." Joe said. Liv laughed.
"That's totally fine. So I'll see you in a bit?"
"Yea, I'll see you later!" he said. He heard a door open (on her line) and a war cry of "Haha I've found you!"
"Oh dear. Bye Joe!" she said quickly.
"Bye!" Click. Joe laid back against the couch, his hands behind his head. "See, I don't know what you two were worried about." he said. His brothers rolled their eyes.
"Whatever." Kevin said, pushing him and going back up to his room.
"You're lucky I'm going to Miley's." Nick said, pushing him from the other side and leaving. Joe remained on the couch, smiling.
...roughly an hour later...
"Ok, goodbye brother!" Nick said, shoving Joe out of the car.
"Hey, one would think that you were trying to get rid of me!" Joe said, pretending to brush himself off.
"Oh yea, cause it's not like I'm late to go see my girlfriend or anything." Nick said sarcastically.
"Oh yea, it's not like she lives next door. Tell the wife I say hi!" Joe said, waving enthusiastically. He then proceeded to walk up the driveway, trying not to skip (it was a very good day, after all). He spotted who he assumed to be Linda as she walked by the window on his way up; she spotted him as well, considering the door was open before he had even reached the steps.
"Hi, you must be Joe." she said. She was dressed in work attire, and was busying herself perfecting the same feathery blonde hair that Liv had. "I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a rush to get out, but I appreciate you running all those errands with Olivia - she says she doesn't mind, but she always has to..."
"It's not problem, really." Joe said, smiling at the obviously stressed woman.
"Who are you talking to - WHOA hi." Liv poked her head out of what must be the bathroom, considering there was steam exiting the room and she was dressed in a towel. She quickly positioned herself so that only her head was visible. "Maybe next time we'll get a warning, yes?" she asked of her mother.
"I'm sorry, dear, I'm in a bit of a rush - late for a meeting with a client. Now, where are my keys..." she began looking around fervently.
"Table, mom." Liv said tiredly.
"Oh, right. TYLER! I'm leaving! Come give me a kiss goodbye!" Linda called up the stairway. A young boy, probably about Frankie's age (6 or 7), came running down the hall and down the stairs, and up to his mother. He, unlike his sister, had dark hair and eyes, and was dressed in Spiderman pajamas.
"Bye mommy!" he said, wrapping his arms around her legs.
"Bye, dear." she said, kissing the boy's head. "Bye, Olivia!" she then yelled up the stairs, blowing a kiss.
"Bye mom!" Liv called back, blowing her mom a kiss back (still hiding in the bathroom). Linda then distractedly turned to Joe, looking as if she was about to kiss him goodbye as well. He stood and stared as she stopped, her hand halfway to his face. She, her dark eyes unfocused, patted his shoulder.
"You're not my child."
"No, no I'm not." Joe responded. Linda then moved out the door and out to her car, and Joe stood in the entry hall alone with Tyler.
"Hi. Tyler, right?" he asked. Tyler nodded, then started running back to his room and past the bathroom.
"Tyler, why aren't you dressed?! We're leaving in five minutes!" she said, now dressed in jeans and a long-sleeve grey tshirt that had "Texas A&M" printed in maroon. "Sorry, Joe, we're running a little late this morning." she said, finally coming to greet him with a hug in the entrance hall.
"It's cool." Joe said, waving it off with his hand. Suddenly, Tyler came running down the stairs again, having him dressed himself - complete with a bra on his head.
"And it seems my brother decided to wear my unmentionables as a hat. Excellent." Liv said, sighing. Tyler ran by and into a different room. "I'll be right back."
Joe laughed at the brother-sister antics. He knew exactly how younger siblings could be - oh, did he know...He began perusing the photos around the entrance hall. There were a lot of the three of them - Linda, Liv, and Tyler - but a taller, dark haired guy guest starred (one of them with just him and Liv - who was he?), and there was one all by itself of a man smiling on a beach. Joe realized this must be Liv's father, even if the only thing they had in common was the brilliant blue of their eyes. Joe was beginning to ponder who the other guy was when the largest beast he had ever seen in his entire life ambled into the entrance hall - and right up to Joe.
"Um...Liv..." he called to the other room as the Great Dane sat down directly in front of him, almost coming up to his chest.
"Yea?" she called back; he could hear the struggle as she tried to capture her brother.
"There's a small pony in your entrance hall."
"A small pony? Oh, I see Elvis decided to get off his lazy butt and meet our guest, didn't you baby?" she said, coming into the hall and kissing the dog. She had stolen underwear in one hand and brother over the other shoulder. "Let me just grab some shoes and we'll be on our way!" she said, leaning her brother down for Elvis to lick half the kid's face off in one go. Tyler laughed, and Joe had to smile at the interaction. "He's friendly, so no worries." Liv called as she carried her brother back up to their rooms.
Joe looked at Elvis. Elvis stared back at Joe. He tentively reached a hand towards the huge dog, flinching as the dog reached up to smell it. That only seemed to make it happier, considering it cocked its head to the side and began to wag his tail.
"Alright, we're good to go." Liv said, wandering back in with shoes and Tyler in tow.
"Um, wet hair?" Joe asked, making sure she hadn't forgotten something. She waved it off.
"My mother isn't here to tell me how I'm going to catch my death of a cold, so we don't mind." she explained, tossing a small notebook and pen in her (huge) purse and grabbing her keys. They then walked out to the driveway, where the choices were a Mustang or a Toyota.
"Shiny silver Mustang?" Joe asked hopefully. Liv laughed.
"No, huge honkin' 4Runner. The 'stang is my dad's." she explained.
"Where's your-" Joe began, but was cut off by a strong look from Liv and a nod in Tyler's direction. Joe was a bit embarrassed, but was determined not to allow the fast approaching awkward silence. "So, where are we going today?"
"Oh, where aren't we going today?" Liv muttered, but it seemed mostly to herself. "We've gotta run him over to the grandparents, then we're off to get books, prewrap and tape, shoes, spandex, and back to get him before going for groceries."
Joe rose his eyebrows. "All that, in one day?" he asked. "Wow."
"Yea, welcome to my life." she said with a smile, pulling into the driveway of a different house.
"You live this close to your grandparents?"
"Yep, they're the bomb dot com! Alright, kiddo, be good for Mimi and Papaw, alright?" she said, turning around to Tyler. "I'll come get you to go to the grocery store."
"Ok bye Olivia!" Tyler said, jumping out of the car and running up to where an older couple were waiting. They waved to Liv and Joe as they backed out and began their wild and crazy adventure.
"I'm really sorry about shushing you earlier." Liv said after a moment. "It's just, Tyler is still a little sensitive about our dad's passing and all." she looked ahead instead of at Joe.
"I'm sorry I brought it up." Joe said, the almost pained expression returning. She waved it off.
"You didn't know, no worries." she said, giving one of her heart-melting smiles.
"When did he die?"
"Four years ago - heart attack. I was almost fourteen then. It's been a little hectic the past couple years, cause my older brother Tom went off to college, then mom got a promotion, and Tyler started kindergarten, so sometimes it's a struggle to get everything done."
"You should just relax a little." Joe said with a smile, shaking her in the exact same way she had shaken him a couple days before.
"Sorry, I'm rambling." she said. "But I have to say, this is going to be a much better day since you're joining me."
"No problem!" Joe said with a bright smile.
"Here." she said, handing him her iPod. "Pick something for us to enjoy on the trip."
"What kind of stuff are you in to?" Joe asked, shuffling through her music choices.
"Right now? I'm currently in to classic rock and...well...I'll be honest, the Jonas Brothers." she said with a sheepish smile. Joe laughed at her slight embarrassment and turned the song to some random song - he wasn't quite sure what it was. Liv smiled, saying that it was a good choice, and sang softly along with the song. They then lapsed into what Joe hoped was a comfortable silence, because it was silent, and he was pretty comfortable with it. But what if it wasn't comfortable? She had laughed some, but he wasn't being his normal random self...he was being...chill. But so was she. So maybe it was ok? Ugh, dating was hard! Wait, this wasn't technically dating yet...they were just "hanging out." Did hanging out constitute as dating? Ugh, hanging out is hard!
It wasn't long until they reached the bookstore, which was to be their first stop.
"So you read a lot?" Joe asked.
"Eh, when I have time, which isn't often." she said. "You?"
"I can't." he said solemnly, looking at the pavement. She stared at him for a moment, a look on her face that said that she was trying to figure out if he was kidding or not.
"Yes you can." she said after a moment, laughing. Joe laughed as well.
"Ok, maybe a little." he admitted. She laughed again and gave him a light shove.
"Whatever. Next you'll tell me you're a pathological liar or something." she said. Joe adopted a shifty look about him.
"Did Kevin tell you that?! It's totally not true." he said, feigning shock. Liv laughed again.
"Well, but if it's true, then I technically can't believe you." she said.
"Oh, that's cold." he said, clutching his heart. "You've wounded me."
"Ay, pobre cito." she said and patted his chest. "No worries, we'll get you some therapy, and everything will be alright again.
And so it began. They went into the store, sifted through AP Calculus help books and novels by Sarah Dessen, and exited quick enough.
"Wow, you're hard core." Joe said with a laugh. "I'm pretty sure it takes longer to get Nick out of bed without the mention of the wife."
"And I'm sure you're an absolute angel in the morning." Liv said sarcastically.
"Well of course! I'm an angel at any time of day." he said with a huge smile as they arrived back at the car.
"Oh yea, I'll believe that when I see it." she said.
"Well, I'm an angel right now, and it's a time in the day." Joe said, still smiling.
"Psh...whatever."
"We've gotta work on your comebacks."
"Well, it's hard when the only person usually around you is seven years old and doesn't understand sarcasm." she said in a flirtatious tone. "The only thing he gets is 'whatever,' so that's all I use."
"Like I said, we'll work on it. I can teach you the art that is...THE COMEBACK!" Joe said with a valiant look on his face. Liv was laughing - ah yes, Joe was in the house!
"Alright, we'll save that for another day, we're here." she said, parking in front of an Academy.
"What is this nonsense?" Joe asked.
"I need prewrap and tape!" Liv answered, getting out of the car.
"Prewrap and tape? For what?"
"Well, tape is always good to have, and prewrap for my hair."
"Why do you need to wrap your hair?" he asked with a quizzical expression. She laughed.
"It's not to wrap my head up in - you make a headband out of it, cause the other ones fall off." she said.
"I'm proud to say I didn't know that." he said with a smile. She laughed again and linked arms with him.
"Don't worry, I'll just have to teach you all about girls and the girly things that they do." she said with a smile.
"Girl please. I know all about girls." Joe said, while dancing on the inside that she had linked arms with him. She was touching him! On purpose, no less!
"Uh huh." she said sarcastically. "Just help me here. What color tape?"
"Purple." Joe said quickly and with perhaps too much energy.
"Purple?"
"Purple."
"Why purple?"
"Why not purple?"
"You make a good point. Purple it is!" she said, grabbing a couple rolls, along with a thick yellow roll of prewrap. "Good to go."
The rest of the errands were relatively similar. They picked up a pair of shoes for Tyler, another legal pad for her mother, and some lunch at a small cafe (where they denied any mention of a food fight).
"Ok, so the next one is a bit of a drive, just warning you." she said as they climbed into the car again.
"Where are we going?"
"I need to go get game spandex from the Malibu Juniors store, but it's kind of out there."
"'Malibu Juniors'? I thought you were a senior?" he said with a smile. Thankfully, she laughed.
"No, it's the club I play volleyball for - it's called Malibu Juniors." she said with a smile.
"Ah, I see." Joe said with a nod. "Well, if it's so far out there...we should play a game!"
"Ok. What game?"
"Oh. I hadn't gotten that far yet." Joe said. "What do you suggest?"
"Truth?"
"Um, yea. I'd like the truth." he said, confused. She laughed again.
"No, Truth is the name of the game. It's kind of like Truth or Dare, only without the Dare part." Liv explained.
"But how do you win?"
"Well, if you ask a question that the other person doesn't answer, and you answer their next question, then you win. But you have to answer all the questions truthfully - that's the whole point of the game." she said.
"Oh. Sounds good!" Joe said. "I'll start."
Liv smiled. "Ok, go for it, hot shot."
Joe thought for a moment. "I'll start easy. How long have you been playing volleyball?"
"Umm...almost eight years now. Now it's my turn." she said after thinking for a moment. "If you weren't singing, what would your ideal job be?"
"Astronaut." Joe said immediately, and without hesitation.
"Really?"
"Yea! But I would just build my own rocket, and go in space whenever I want and just chill out there for a while until I got hungry or just wanted to come back to earth." he explained. She laughed again.
"Sounds like a great plan to me." she said. "Ok, your turn."
"If the moon were made out of spare ribs, would you eat it?" Joe asked suddenly. Uh oh, the randomness was back.
"I know I would." Liv responded with a smile. "Heck, I'd have seconds (1). Now, where in the world is Carmen San Diego?"
"Easy - Ecuador." Joe said. He was beginning to enjoy this game! "So...do you like...cheese?"
"My favorite's gouda (2)." she said in a feminine voice, and they both laughed. The game continued until they finally reached their destination, which was an oddly-shaped building that smelled of new athletic equipment and floor wax.
"And now, welcome to my home away from home." Liv said, flourishing her arms. She practically skipped over to a small shop off to the right, which held an abundance of extra uniforms, knee pads, and small, stretchy shorts. Liv greeted a tall, dark-haired girl working the counter, but Joe didn't really pay attention...until he was mentioned.
"Yea, that's Joe." Liv said to her friend, who laughed and whispered something in her ear. Liv gave a shocked expression, slapping her friend's arm. "Sonja! Honestly!"
"Are you talking about me?" Joe asked, coming up and standing next to Liv.
"Ay chica, es mas alto que ti. Muy bien (3)." she said appreciatively (and quickly), and Joe suddenly cursed his lack of interest in Spanish.
"No, Sonja, speak English for once in your vida." Liv said scoldingly. The girl rolled her eyes.
"Fine. Hi, Joe, I'm Liv's very good friend Sonja, and I'm from Spain, not Mexico." she said as she extended her hand.
"Um...I'm Joe." he said, feeling a little awkward. He thought Liv was tall for a girl (she was barely an inch shorter than him, sitting her at about 5'9"), but Sonja had to be at least six feet tall.
"What can I do for you two?" she asked.
"Game spandex." Liv answered after giving a reassuring smile to Joe; had he done well? He'd only introduced himself...
"For the both of you? Que lindos." (How cute) she said with a smile. Liv rolled her eyes.
"Clearly, Son, just me." she said. Sonja made a face.
"Be nice, I saved the last pair for you. You're the last one to get some, by the way." she said, pulling a green pair of spandex out from underneath the counter.
"You wear those? All by themselves?" Joe asked, incredulous. Liv turned to him.
"Well yea. Except with a uniform, and tall socks, and court shoes, and knee pads if I'm lucky..." she answered, but she lost Joe at 'well yea,' considering the spandex looked...well, short. She poked him a little, but he just stared at the shorts. She shoved him roughly, and he stumbled a couple steps.
"My bad! My bad!" he exclaimed, covering his eyes.
"You got a strange one there, Liv." Sonja stated.
"I know. Isn't it great?" Liv replied; Joe could hear the smile in her voice.
"Whatever, chica. I'll see you tomorrow." Sonja said, and Joe had to be led out of the shop, considering he had yet to remove his hand from over his eyes.
"Joe, you can look now. It's decent." Liv said with a laugh.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Whew. That was a close one." he said, dramatically wiping his brow.
"You're so odd sometimes." she said, tilting her head to the side with a smile.
"Yes, but it's one of my more endearing qualities." he said, bright smile on his face.
"Indeed." she said, patting his hand in a grandmother-like way and pulling out of the parking lot. They drove back to the neighborhood, picked up Tyler, and went to the grocery store - the final stop of the day. That's when things started going downhill.
It seems Tyler's favorite parts of grocery shopping were either throwing things into the cart that weren't supposed to be there, or throwing things at Joe's head. Before too long, Joe began throwing things back - after all, Joseph Jonas was no sitting duck! He got brief breaks in war, however, to flirt a little with Liv.
"Would you like to split a clementine?" he asked, holding the fruite in front of his face.
"Not right now, Joe." Liv laughed.
"Well then...would you like to split two clementines?" he asked again, holding a second one up next to the first. Liv laughed again, and was about to respond when a package of marshmallows came sailing through the air and landed on Joe's face. A small giggle told who was the culprit.
"Alright, that's it! No more mister nice Jonas!" Joe said, and began throwing every available (soft) food product at the child, who was valiantly fighting back.
"Children! Quit it!" Liv said, but her laughter ruined the effect. "Come on now, I said stop!"
Tyler then rounded on her, slapping his sister's leg with the flat side of a package of tortillas, giggling mercilessly.
"Oh, you asked for it now." she said as she joined in the fight. But it turned sour real quick.
Liv saw it before Joe did - a can of crushed pineapple in heavy syrup, flying towards his head. With a resounding clunk, it connected with his skull, and he went down.
"Oh, I've been hit..." Joe muttered slowly, lying in the middle of aisle twelve. Tyler was also on the floor - rolling with laughter.
"Tyler, quit! Pick all this stuff up." Liv said sternly before lowering herself next to Joe. "Are you ok?"
"Yea...I think so." Joe said, feeling his forehead. "Is there a bump?"
"A little bit. But we can put the frozen peas on it, and the swelling'll go down." she said, but she was struggling to keep her laughter in.
"You're laughing at me." Joe said, pouting. Her laughs became harder to contain.
"Well, dear, you just got bested by a can of pineapple." she said, and that was all she could get out before she had to laugh. Joe started laughing as well - after all, he prided himself on seeing humor in sometimes not-so-humorous situations...although this was definitely humorous.
"I suppose I was. Who knew pineapples had so much fight in them?" he said, still lying on the floor.
"Poor muffin. Does it hurt?" she asked, tenderly touching the spot.
"Eh, a little." Joe said, being manly.
"Aw, well then I suppose I don't have to kiss it and make it better then." Liv responded, helping him sit up.
"Oh, well...it couldn't hurt." Joe said with a shrug. Liv smiled, and tenderly moved his bangs away from his forehead before lightly touching her lips to the spot.
"Alright, let's just check out and go home before someone gets killed." she said, helping Joe up and telling Tyler that now he (meaning Tyler) was going to have to hold her hand the rest of the time now to ensure he didn't get in any more trouble.
Later, towards the end of the day, Liv insisted that they take Elvis and Tyler outside for a little bit. The boy was playing with the massive dog, long forgiven by Joe after he was offered a piece of the little boy's chocolate bar. Liv and Joe had decided that they weren't going to play, so instead were laying in the grass a few feet away.
"I really can't thank you enough for coming with me today." Liv said quietly.
"I'll tell you this, I've never had so much fun running errands before." Joe responded. "Oh look, that cloud looks like a rabbit!"
"No it doesn't, it looks like a bird on a tree."
"Rabbit! Look, see, there are the ears, and the fluffy little tail."
"Ah, you're killing me, Smalls (4)." she said. "Fine, it's a bunny."
"Thank you." Joe said definitely. They might have considered having more conversation, but a car honked from the street. They both sat up to see the Jonas family car.
"Who's that?" Liv asked, squinting in the afternoon sunlight.
"Oh, that's Kevin. Guess that means it's time to go." Joe said, getting up and helping his companion.
"Ah, tragic." Liv said. "Well, call me if you ever get bored and want to hang out again."
"I definitely will. No worries." he said, using her phrase.
"You're just makin' fun of me now." she said.
"Eh, maybe." Joe responded, adopting an innocent look. Kevin honked again - about three times.
"I'll see you later." Liv said, laughing.
"Mmk. Bye!" Joe said, giving her a hug and walking down to where Kevin was. He waved enthusiastically as they left, spotting her in the rear view mirror leading Tyler and Elvis back inside the house. Once they were safely out of sight, Joe threw himself against his chair, sighing dramatically.
"What's your deal?" Kevin asked.
"I am so in like with that girl." Joe responded. Kevin laughed at him.
"I take it you had fun then."
"Oh yes."
X-X-X-X-X
(1) - quote from Will Ferrell impersonating Harry Caray on SNL.
(2) - quote from She's the Man, one of my most favorite movies.
(3) - it means, "he's taller than you. very good"
(4) - from The Sandlot, another favorite.
happy new years!