Painfully Perfect

Author's Note: A lot of people have asked why Ryan hasn't realized Sharpay is so thin. Answer? It's not that he hasn't realized it, because he has, but he's so deep in denial because he doesn't want anything to be wrong with his sister, so he just doesn't believe what's right in front of him. Did that clear things up? Plus, Mr. Evans name is going to be Patrick. Okay? Hah. So, enjoy.

Chapter 14

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Sharpay had started eating again. She was at every family dinner and always ate her share. The scale hadn't been used in the past two weeks, a habit that Sharpay had tried to break. Her upbeat attitude was back, on the outside. Generally, she was happy - inside and out - but there were things that were going on in Sharpay's mind that worried her.

That voice still talked from time to time. That first meal that Sharpay ate, the voice was angry. Sharpay wanted to listen to the voice, the voice that she was convinced was there to help her. But she wanted her life back. So she ignored it as best as she could. The voice spoke less frequently, popping in only on occasion to tell Sharpay that what she was doing wasn't going to help her.

A small part of Sharpay wished that she hadn't told Zeke what was going on. She wished she had been more careful in the bathroom that day when Gabriella heard her. She wished she would've been better at hiding what she was doing. She was still convinced she didn't have an eating disorder. That's something she didn't want to be classified as. So she convinced herself that she could stop whenever she wanted, something Sharpay thought separated her from girls with eating disorders. That small part of Sharpay wished she was still losing weight the way she was. She missed the feeling she felt when she saw she had lost another pound. She missed feeling like she was finally going to be skinny enough.

But Sharpay was happier now. She hated the empty feeling inside when she hadn't eaten in days. It tore away at her soul and wrenched at her body. The burning sensation when she threw up as something else she hated. It was unpleasant and left her with that bitter taste in her mouth. Sharpay tried to avoid mirrors as often as she could, knowing they would tell her that she was ugly. They plastered thoughts onto her body, convincing her she was worthless unless she was skinny, convincing her that she was larger than she really was. She hated not being able to perform on stage when she wasn't eating. Passing out was something she had become familiar with, but she didn't like it. It worried her when she woke up lying on the ground, unaware of how she got there. The constant nagging questions by her peers, asking what was wrong and if she was alright, bothered her greatly. Those were the things she didn't miss.

Sometimes that small part of her that wished she was losing weight would try to take over. Thoughts raced through her mind, telling her she was better off losing weight, that it would help her. It was always difficult, but Sharpay tried as best as she could to ignore them. After about a week of eating again, Sharpay felt like she had her life back. Ryan was significantly in a better mood around his sister and he no longer had that gloomy air about him. Gabriella and Sharpay were the best of friends together, sharing secrets and laughs. She was doing better in school and was able to concentrate now. Things had improved for Sharpay.

Two weeks. Two weeks was all it took to convince Sharpay that she needed to lose weight again. Immediately following dinner, two Mondays after Sharpay told Zeke was what going on, Sharpay had ran upstairs to finish homework. Before starting her homework she had to go to to the bathroom, so she ran in quickly and went. As she washed her hands moments later, she avoided looking at herself in the mirror. She would glance occasionally, but tried to avoid it. When she looked at the reflection of the bathroom in the mirror, she noticed the silver glint of the scale. "Just one time," the voice in her head appeared again, whispering.

Sharpay tried to avoid looking at it, but something inside of her took over her. She dried her hands lazily on a blue washcloth before slowly moving towards the scale. She was curious to see what her weight was. She hadn't used it in two weeks, what would weighing herself once do? She stepped on the scale and waited for a number to appear. Moments later the glowing red letters shone 104 at Sharpay. She stumbled backwards off the scale and a rush of dizziness took over, causing her to fall to her knees. Thoughts entered in and out of Sharpay's mind in a flurry. She pulled herself up and forced herself to look in the mirror.

To anyone else, Sharpay was still too thin for her body, but she looked healthier. Her cheeks had a natural rosy tint to them, there were no dark circles under her eyes and she didn't look nearly as thin as she had a few weeks ago. All Sharpay saw was an ugly, fat girl staring back at her. She saw a girl who had ballooned back up to a three digit weight, piles of fat weighing her down. That was all it took for Sharpay to return to her drastic lifestyle.

She ran back into her room and paced. Her life right now was going so well, but she was instantly convinced she needed to lose that weight. Her friends knew she was eating again, and would know something was up once she stopped eating. She would restrict her food intake severely, but would have to eat and purge when she was around them. That's what she decided. It was a simple impulse decision that would eventually shock not only her life, but the lives of the people she loved.

--

This was it. The first time she would throw up in weeks. It wasn't how she wanted to lose weight, but she saw it as her only option. Sharpay sat down at the breakfast table, Ryan to her right, their parents sitting across from them. Sharpay took a bite into her stack of pancakes and watched Ryan do the same out of the corner of her eye. There was the usual morning talk, nothing special. Twenty minutes later and Sharpay had finished her plate of three large pancakes, a slice of watermelon and three pieces of sausage. She took one last sip of her orange juice and turned to Ryan.

"Hey, I left my bag upstairs. So do you want me to just meet you in the car?" She asked with a smile.

"Sure," Ryan started, swallowing his swig of orange juice. "Be out in about five minutes okay?"

Sharpay nodded and ran up the stairs quickly. Hesitantly, she entered the bathroom, locking the door behind her and flipping on the water faucet. Trying to get it over as fast as she could, Sharpay stuck her now healed fingers down her throat as far as she could until she felt the contents of her stomach coming back up. She repeated the process twice more, flushed the toilet and brushed her teeth.

She had taken a little longer than five minutes, but didn't expect Ryan to mind. She grabbed her bag and exited her room.

All day, up until lunch at least, Sharpay had thought about how she was going to handle lunch. Her friends would notice if she was leaving to go to the bathroom everyday. She decided she would only use that excuse on occasion, other times saying she had to finish a test or she decided she would wait until her next class to go to the bathroom. Sharpay sat down at the lunch table with Kelsi and Chad, digging right in to her large salad. Lunch was normal, as always. Sharpay ate and laughed with her friends, nothing seeming out of place.

The bell rang and the room full of teenagers quickly emptied, all going to their respective classrooms. Sharpay walked into the theater for drama and quickly approached Ms. Darbus. "Ms. Darbus?" Sharpay started politely. "Do you mind if I run to the bathroom quick? I have to go."

"Alright Ms. Evans. Take the pass and hurry back." Sharpay did as she was told and rushed down the almost empty hallway to the nearest bathroom. She listened to the sound of the shrill bell as she locked a stall behind her. She moved quickly, dropping to her knees, making herself gag and watching as her lunch returned into the toilet in front of her. Repulsed by the look, Sharpay repeated the act once more with her eyes closed and then flushed the toilet. She washed her hands and looked at herself in the mirror, upset with what she saw. Sharpay exited the bathroom and headed back to class, popping a mint in her mouth on her way.

--

In three days Sharpay had made herself throw up eight times on five different occasions. Her general caloric intake at a meal was below one-hundred fifty when she wasn't going to purge. Her weight was down to 102, Sharpay feeling happy that she was loosing weight again and that she was almost back to a two-digit number weight. Generally, she had been happy for the past few days.

Thursday afternoon Sharpay walked down the hall towards the theater with Gabriella at her side, telling her a funny story from math class. Sharpay smiled at the correct times and laughed when she was supposed to, but basically Gabriella's words went in one ear and out the other. She was so entirely focused on calculating how many calories she had consumed that day that she just couldn't pay attention to Gabriella.

The two friends entered the theater and got ready for rehearsal. It flew by quickly, overall being one of their best rehearsals to date. There were few mistakes and the set designs were coming along perfectly. Best of all for Sharpay, nobody suspected a thing. She told herself over and over that she could stop dieting whenever she wanted and that she wasn't doing anything wrong; she just had to get skinny first.

Ryan and Sharpay sat in the car in a warm, comfortable silence after rehearsal and drove home. When they pulled into the driveway and Ryan had killed the ignition, Sharpay moved her hand to open her car door and exited, running to get into the house and out of the brisk wind. Once inside, she kicked off her shoes and ran to her bedroom, throwing her bag onto her bed and then going into the bathroom.

Quickly, she hopped onto the sleek scale and stared at the scale below her. Moments later and it read 101.5. Sharpay huffed angrily and stomped back into her room, jumping onto her bed and getting started on her homework.

She sat on her bed quietly, working on her math homework for about twenty minutes, until she was interrupted by a small knock on her door. Looking up, she saw Ryan standing in the doorway. "Hey what's up?" Sharpay questioned casually.

"Not much. Want to talk?"

"Um, sure? Why?" Sharpay asked, moving her eyes in a confused motion.

"We just haven't really talked in awhile. So, I thought we should," Ryan spoke nervously, now unsure that he still wanted to talk to Sharpay.

Sharpay's face lit up with a smile as she moved her math book and patted on her bed for Ryan to sit down. He happy obliged and sat comfortably on his sister's bed. "So, how are you?"

"Fine. Just doing my homework," Sharpay giggled. "You?" She quickly added.

"I'm doing great." The room fell silent again.

"Shar..." Ryan started a few minutes later, but stopped.

"Yeah what is it Ry?"

"Oh, nothing. Just...never mind," Ryan spoke slowly.

"No, come on Ryan. We can talk about anything," Sharpay said sincerely.

"I don't want you to get mad. I know you would so just never mind."

"No, no. Come on. You wanted to talk, so let's talk," Sharpay insisted.

"It's nothing really. I'm just...I'm just glad your eating again," Ryan mumbled, looking down at his hands.

Sharpay was shocked and tensed up. "I was never not eating, Ry," she spoke slowly, looking out her window to avoid Ryan's eyes.

Ryan's head shot up instantly. "Shar. It's okay, because you are eating again. Now everything is better."

Sharpay shifted uncomfortably in her seat and her cheeks grew warm. "I was never not eating, Ry," she repeated again, her voice cracking slightly.

Ryan put a hand on Sharpay's face and turned it so she was looking at him. Her eyes were filled with tears that threatened to fall. "Shar, can I just ask...why? Why did you do it?"

The tears quickly fell, plunging down Sharpay's face. Ryan tried to hug her, but she just pushed him away. "Ryan, just listen. I was never not eating, okay? I would never just not eat. Just please leave and let me finish my homework." Ryan nodded his head slowly and slipped out of the room, the denial he had had weeks previous starting to sink back in.

--

One week later and Sharpay's weight was down to 95.5. She was running a lot, had purged numerous times and wasn't eating unless it was for show and would eventually be thrown up anyways. It was Thursday again and Ryan had mostly forgotten about the incident last week with Sharpay, but it still gnawed at him occasionally, yet he ignored it.

Sharpay and Ryan got home from school a little after 3:30 and instantly Sharpay ran up to her room, leaving Ryan to park the car in the garage. She ran into her bathroom, locking the door behind her, and jumped on the scale quickly. 96 appeared and Sharpay jumped off the scale, feeling a little bit happy. She stood in front of the mirror and pulled up her shirt. Her stomach was sunken in and her ribs were showing again, her collarbone prominent. She turned around and looked at her back, trailing her finger down her spine that was starting to poke out of her skin. Sharpay took in what she saw and pointed out everything that was wrong. "My thighs need work, my stomach is too big, my face is fat and my arms are huge," Sharpay whispered quickly to herself. She shook her head in disappointment, dropped her shirt and left the bathroom.

--

As Sharpay walked into school the next day with Ryan to her side, she was down to 94 pounds. She smiled and she waved to people she knew and blew past people that still thought of her as the 'Ice Queen.' Sharpay's stomach was crawling with hunger as she approached her locker. Little did she know that the next few weeks would be the hardest and scariest in her life.

Author's Note: Okay, so I'm not sure what I feel about this chapter. It's a bit filler-ish, eh? It took forever to get it up because I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be something I was going to have it be..or not. Sorry guys, but it's finally up! So, let me know what you think (review) haha. They keep me going. What do you guys want to have happen? I love hearing your thoughts! You guys are all amazing! Xo!