X-X-X-X-X ::: Chapter 13: Maybe Baby?
"I still think it should be blue." Joe said adamantly.
"It should not be blue!" Olivia argued, laughing.
"I'm telling you, we should paint it blue!"
"Joseph, such a sunshin-y room should be yellow. You know, like the sun." she replied.
"Well, what if we're in there at night time? Should we paint it black then? Huh? Huh?" he said, raising his eyebrows. She laughed again, kissing him.
"Just trust me on this, babe. This room is yellow - we can paint the bathroom blue if you so wish." she said, picking out a few yellow swatches from the wall.
"Oh, can we make it a nautical theme?" he asked hopefully, looking like a small child asking for ice cream.
"Of course, dear." she said, patting his head. "Now, help me pick this out."
"Aren't we supposed to like...take it home or something? I remember my mom doing that a lot when she would do her painting all around the house..." Joe asked, looking as if he was thinking deeply.
"Well, I mean, we could..." Olivia said. "but that would require us going home, and then spending five minutes making a decision, and then coming back here. Besides, I've narrowed it down to 'Boston Creme' and 'Banana Pudding'."
"For desert?" Joe asked, confused. Either one sounded quite delectable to him!
"No, for the wall color!" Liv replied, laughing again.
"Oh. Well can we get desert after we pick a wall color? I'm hungry now." he said.
"And you say I eat like a 12 year old boy..." Olivia muttered. "Yes, we can get some desert when we've finished here."
"Ok, 'Banana Pudding' then." Joe said quickly.
"Really? Cause I kind of like the 'Boston Creme'..." Liv said, cocking her head to the side and looking at the paint colors.
"Ok, go for 'Boston Creme' then." he replied.
"But the 'Banana Pudding' has it's pros too." she said.
"I know - we should go for 'Dulce de Leche'. It's got a warmer tone to it." Joe said, pretending to be a suave interior designer. Liv cocked her head to the other side.
"You know, I think you might be right." she said, comparing the colors.
"Of course I'm right. Now let's go!" he said, tugging her hand and leading her to the counter. They ordered the paint and jetted back to the house (after a brief stop at Jackie's Bakery) in order to start the process.
"Let's paint!" Joe said, bounding into the room. It was going to be the "Music-Movie-Hang out-Room," as Joe dubbed it. It was an open room with large bay windows facing the east, allowing the room to flood with morning sunlight.
"Hold up, sparky, we've gotta put down the tape first." she said, holding up a large roll of bright blue tape.
"Where?" he sighed in submission, his shoulders slumping.
"Just around the floor molding. And the windows." Olivia said comfortingly, rubbing his shoulder.
"The windows?! How am I supposed to reach up that high?" he asked incredulously.
"I dunno." Liv said, shrugging. "Be creative."
Joe sat there, thinking for a moment. Olivia took her own roll of tape, putting some down where the molding met the wall. She stood up to survey her minimal work, trying to estimate how long it would take her to do the whole thing. Suddenly, Joe stuck his head in between her knees, lifting her up onto his shoulders.
"Ah! What are you doing?!" she shreiked, laughing and grabbing onto his forhead in an effort not to fall off.
"I'm getting creative. Now, here's your tape, and here's the window!" Joe replied, standing next to said window. Olivia laughed softly, shaking her head and complying with his wishes. A couple hours later, after a few tape wars and "breaks," the room was finally ready to be painted.
"It's already 8 o'clock. Do you think we should wait for tomorrow?" Olivia asked, eyeing the paint cans as she fixed her hair into a messy bun on the top of her head. She adjusted a corner of the plastic protector they had placed over the wood floor.
"Psh no." Joe said quickly, brandishing a paint roller. "I say let's rock and roll!"
Liv laughed. "Alright, sounds good." she said, opening the first can and pouring out the warm, golden brown color. As soon as the painting commenced, however, it became apparent that it wasn't the only thing on their minds.
"Quit flicking paint on me!" Olivia whined.
"I'm not flicking paint on you, silly." Joe replied, touching the paint roller to Olivia's nose. Her jaw dropped as she looked at him, shocked.
"Now you got it on my face!" she said, laughing and flicking paint off her brush and onto his shirt.
"Gasp! You got it on my shirt!" he said, feigning shock.
"And what are you gonna do about it?" she asked, getting in his face, a smile playing on her lips.
"Hmm...this." he replied, rolling his paint roller across her chest. Olivia swiped her brush across his midrift. They began chasing each other across the room, the paint getting everywhere but on the walls. A few minutes later, they were at a standstill. Olivia had somehow managed to obtain both her brush and his roller, but Joe was next to the paint container. He smirked evilly, dipping his hand into the paint.
"What are you doing...?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing..." he replied, slowly walking towards her. She slowly began backing up, but soon hit the back wall.
"Don't do it, don't do it...Joseph Jonas, don't you dare do it." Olivia said, reaching a hand out to try and keep him away. He rushed her, wrapping one arm around her waist and planting the paint soaked hand strait on her butt. She screamed and laughed at the same time, unable to wriggle out of his grasp as the paint soaked into her jeans.
"Ha! Eat it!" he said, refusing to let her go for a couple moments. He soon released her from his grasp, making her stumble back a couple steps.
"You got paint on my pants!" she said, struggling to hold in laughter.
"Well, I guess you'll just have to take them off then. Can't go around with paint on your pants." he said, shrugging. She placed her hands on her hips, putting all her weight on one leg.
"Is that all you men can think about?" she asked, smiling.
"I'm just saying that we've got paint all over our clothes. The best idea is probably to take them off." he said. She wrinkled her nose.
"But I'm all gross." she said. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her body flush with his and kissing her soundly.
Sometime around four in the morning, Olivia's sleep was interrupted by the phone ringing.
"Don't worry, I got it." she muttered in response to Joe's incoherent mumbling. A few minutes later, she woke him up by throwing a shirt at his face.
"Aaaah what?" he asked, sitting up.
"Miley's having the baby." Olivia said shortly, pulling on clothes. "Nick just called - they're at the hospital."
"Can't they just tell us what it is so we can sleep?" he whined.
"C'mon, you'd want them to be there if it were us." she responded in a knowing tone.
"Yea, but we'd have the decency not to have a baby at four in the morning!" he stated, finally getting out of bed and into some clothes. Neither one of them were morning persons, so the ride to the hospital was silent. It didn't help that they had gotten roughly three hours of sleep. They ambled into the waiting room where the rest of the family was waiting, muttering greetings as they collapsed into chairs. A few minutes after their arrival, Nick came stumbling into the waiting room.
"Please tell me she had it." Joe groaned.
"No, uh, she's only about 4.5 centimeters dilated." Nick responded.
"Then tell me she only has to go to 5?" he asked hopefully. Liv half-heartedly hit him with the back of her hand.
"Shh." she shushed him. She remembered when Tyler had been born, so she knew that Nick didn't need any added stress.
"What? We've been through this, it's four in the freakin' morning." he defended himself. Olivia shook her head, mustering up a half-smile at her husband's antics.
"Um...anyway," Nick said awkwardly. "I just wanted to come say hey...and thanks for coming. I know Miley appreciates it and all...and I should probably..."
"Just go back to her, son." Mr. Stewart said shortly. Nick nodded, preparing himself before going back into the room where Miley was being kept.
"Oh my God." Joe groaned. "Couldn't she have picked a better time? Like when it's light outside?"
"Shut up." Olivia groaned back. "She didn't choose to go into labor. Just...go back to sleep or something."
"Well if you insist..." he responded, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her chest.
"What are you doing?" she asked, looking down at the top of his head in confusion.
"Following that one's lead." he replied, gesturing at Maddie, who was on Jess's lap and asleep on her chest. Kevin rolled his eyes, laughing at his brother's antics.
"I don't think it's as socially acceptable for you to do it though." she said, but wasn't making a move at all to make him get off.
"It's four in the morning. No one cares." he said, adjusting himself further before seemingly falling asleep. Olivia yawned and began playing with his hair.
"Good point." she said quietly, leaning her head back against the wall and attempting to gain a few more minutes of sleep as well. After a couple hours spent dozing off, Nick rushed into the room, a look of joy and delirium etched upon his face.
"Oh my God, it's a boy!" he said excitedly, startling Joe awake.
"Oh honey, that's so great!" Mrs. Jonas said, jumping up and hugging Nick tightly. "What's his name?"
"Noah Riley Nicholas Jonas." Nick said, grinning like a fool.
"Nice choice...and perfect number of names." Joe said, nodding seriously.
"Well, it was Miley's idea, but it really suits him perfectly." Nick explained.
"Can we see him?" Liv asked, more bright-eyed now that the hour was more reasonable.
"Yea, but seriously only a few people at a time." Nick said, looking pointedly at Joe. "Not like last time we were here when someone barged in. I think one of the nurses was eyeing you suspiciously."
"As if it's my fault I get excited when I become an uncle." Joe said, waving it off.
"Sweetheart, how about I go back with Jess and Olivia, and I promise you can come back in a few minutes."
Joe thought for a moment before shrugging. "I can't make any promises." he said lightly. Mrs. Jonas followed Nick back to where Miley was, Jess and Olivia following her.
"Hey, honey, how are you?" Mrs. Jonas asked, coming and placing a kiss on Miley's forehead.
"I'm doing alright now. It was a litte rough for a while there, but it all evened out in the end." she said, laughing.
"And look at this little thing." Olivia said as she and Jess cooed over the baby. "Little piece of perfection!"
"He is quite adorable, I have to say." Jess agreed.
"Well, when you have such attractive parents as us, it's inevitable." Nick said, pretending to be all stuck up. The women could tell how proud he was though - both of himself and his wife. "Honestly, I'm just so excited he's here now."
"Me too. I can't quite believe it - here's this little thing that I've been carrying for what seems like forever, and now woosh! He's here!" Miley said.
"I know what you mean." Jess said, sighing. "When Maddie was born, I couldn't stop counting all her fingers and toes, just to make sure that they were all there." she said. They all looked to Liv, smiling conspiratorily.
"Don't look at me. I ain't quite ready to give this up yet." she said, gesturing to her body. The others laughed, turning back to the baby.
"I just...I can't get over it." Miley said softly.
While they were in there cooing over the baby, the men stayed awkwardly in the waiting room.
"Dude, I'm tired of waiting." Joe said, standing up.
"Joe, it's been like two minutes." Kevin said as Robbie Ray and Mr. Jonas looked at each other, shaking their heads.
"Well that's like three minutes too long. C'mon, Kev!" Joe whined. Kevin sighed, knowing it would only go downhill from here.
"Fine. But we're going to be quiet, ok?" Kevin agreed.
"Aye aye, captain!" Joe whispered, saluting his older brother. He then began sleuthing down the hospital hallway, looking like he was taking part in a bad spy TV show. Kevin, Mr. Stewart and Mr. Jonas just shook their heads at the guy, following after him quietly. Joe reached the room first, softly knocking on the door and poking his head in.
"I tiptoed this time!" he whispered, earning smiles from the female audience inside.
"Good job!" Nick whispered back, giving him a thumbs up. The guys filed in, allowing Mr. Stewart to have a minute "alone" with his daughter. After a few minutes, there was a pause, and Joe was able to go to the bedside and see his nephew.
"Stud muffin. Nice work." he said approvingly to Nick and Miley.
"I know, right? I mean, I'm holding a future heartbreaker right here, aren't I?" she said, cooing to the baby.
"I can so teach him the tricks of the trade." Joe said, a smug look on his face. Olivia turned to him, arching an eyebrow. "Not that I'm part of that trade anymore...but hey, it won you over, didn't it?"
"Barely." she said shortly, not trying to hide her smile.
"What can I say, Jonas men have a history of being playas before settling down." Joe responded, popping his collar.
"Yea...no we don't." Nick and Kevin both said at the same time. Joe sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Fine, I guess I'm the only one who had enough game to be a playa." he shrugged.
"Joe, I love you, but you're never going to be alone with my child without a responsible adult present." Miley said, laughing at her brother-in-law.
"Eh, I can deal with that I suppose." he said, shrugging. He leaned over to give Miley a hug and Noah a quick kiss on the head. "You and me, little buddy, we're going to be BFF's!" he whispered excitingly, crossing his fingers to show how close they were going to be.
"C'mon, hon, Miley needs some rest." Olivia said quietly, lacing her fingers with Joe's and gently tugging him away from the baby. Little did she know...
Later that night, Joe flipped over in bed, suddenly facing his wife.
"Let's have a baby." he said decisively. Olivia opened one bleary eye to look at him.
"In general, or in the near future?" she asked.
"Eh, near future." Joe said, nodding.
"How near?" she questioned skeptically.
"Oh, I'd guess...about nine months from now?" he suggested.
"Joe, we've been married for three months..." she said tiredly, closing her eyes.
"So it would be born about our 1 year anniversary! What a present!" he said excitedly.
"Hmm...not yet..." she mumbled, trying to go back to sleep.
"What do you mean, 'not yet'?" Joe asked innocently.
"I mean that I don't think we're ready yet." she said, realizing that she wasn't going to get sleep until she complied with the conversation.
"What?" Joe's face (and heart) fell.
"I guess...I guess I'm just not ready yet." she said softly.
"What? That's nonsense! Of course you're ready!" Joe insisted. "You'll know exactly what to do and all, I'm sure! You're gonna hafta teach me and stuff..."
"Not in the physical sense, Joe. I mean mentally, emotionally...I'm just not ready yet." she whispered, her heart hurting to see him so upset.
"Oh..." he responded, studying the sheets. "I guess I get it then."
"I'm sorry, Joe." she said, feeling the need to apologize at the hurt look on his face.
"Oh no, no worries. It's all good." he responded half-heartedly. Olivia knew that things were not "all good," but was way to tired to try and discuss it at that time of night. However, as the days passed, it seems that they had the same discussion over and over - Joe wanted a baby, but Liv wasn't ready. No matter what she tried to say to him, he didn't quite seem to understand how she was feeling. He spent more and more time over with Noah, making Olivia feel more and more guilty about holding him back from what he wanted so badly.
"I'm sorry, ok? I know this is what you want, but I'm just not ready!" she would say to him. And he would try to understand, she knew he was trying - but it would just go over his head every time. It wasn't something that he could try and fix in her - it was something she had to fix herself.
She got a breath of fresh air a few months later whenever Miley called her over for coffee one day, to chat without the boys - except for Noah, of course.
"Hey honey, how have you been?" Olivia asked, giving an awkward hug to Miley and Noah, plus a kiss on the cheek. She turned to the baby, speaking in a higher pitched voice. "Hello there, sweet boy. Have you been good for your mama? You look like a sweet angel child, but I've heard otherwise!"
"I'm good, and he behaves...for the most part." Miley said, forcing a smile. "Come on into the kitchen, I just put some coffee on." she said, leading Olivia into said kitchen. "You want a bagel or something too?"
"Sure, that'd be great." Olivia said, playing with Noah in his bouncy chair, which was stationed near the table. There were a few moments of silence before Miley spoke up again.
"So, Nick and I had an interesting conversation about you and Joe..." she said, not looking up from the bagel she was slicing.
"Yea? About what?" Olivia asked innocently, looking up at her.
"Just about you two, and babies...or lack there of." Miley reponded slowly and quietly.
"Oh." Liv replied softly, her shoulders slumping a little bit. She should have known this would be coming. "I'm guessing you want to know why?"
"Well, yes...but I completely understand if you don't want to talk about it." Miley said cautiously. However, her curiosity was quite obvious.
"It's just..." Liv struggled to begin. "For the last good chunk of my life, I've been having to take care of everyone else, focus on everyone else. But now, for the first time in a really long time, I can focus on the things that I want and such. Like I can focus on my work, and my husband and making my marriage work." she explained.
"Make it work? Are you afraid sometimes that it won't?" Miley asked hesitantly, a little shocked at the revelation.
"Not like that...I just...ugh, I'm not sure. I just want things to be ok between us right now. Like, just keep us happy. Most days I'm completely sure that everything's alright, but then there are other times where I wonder..."
"You really shouldn't question yourself like that." Miley said softly, reaching for Liv's hand.
"I know, but doesn't everyone, realistically? I mean, don't you ever wonder if having a normal life would be better?" Olivia asked timidly.
"I used to...but that's why I gave up being Hannah Montana. But it's sort of become normal for me again...I mean, I know that I love Nick, so I have to take what comes with him." Miley explained.
"Don't get me wrong, I love Joe in every sense of the word, but it just gets to be too much to handle sometimes. He's amazing, but sometimes he doesn't get it...like he won't understand why I get upset about him talking constantly about having a child. I try to explain it to him, but I can see that it goes over his head, and I just don't have the patience to try harder..."
"You know he's trying, though. I've known Joe a long time, and he's capable of understanding. He would do anything for you, you know that."
Olivia nodded, taking a pensieve sip of her coffee. She could tell that Miley couldn't really understand her thoughts either. Olivia suddenly had a deep pang of longing for her father - he would have understood her thoughts right now. When she left a half hour later, the hurt was still there, and stayed with her for the next week. The pressure from everyone around her really got to Liv - the stress of it was really beginning to take a toll on her. But try as she might, no one around her seemed to understand. It finally escalated to a boiling point one night, a few weeks after coffee with Miley.
"I just don't understand what you want!" Joe said frustratedly, hiding his face in his pillow.
"I've tried to explain it to you, Joe, you know that." Olivia said, her voice wavering.
"I know, but I don't understand why. You would make a perfectly wonderful mother!" he said, looking in her general direction in the darkness.
"I'm just not ready!" she insisted.
"But why?! Talk to me, hon." he said. "There's nothing that I've ever seen you do to make me think that you wouldn't be capable of being a mom. You can take care of anyone, anywhere, in any situation, I've seen you do it over and over and over!"
"Joe, seriously -" she tried to interrupt.
"You have that natural maternal instinct, the one where you have this constant yearning to take care of everyone else. Why wouldn't you want it to be someone of your own flesh and blood?" he continued.
"Joe, please -" she pleaded, her voice shaking in the darkness.
"C'mon, Liv! You know we could have a baby! That's what I'm asking for, what I really really want." he said.
"Please don't do this to me!" she said, her voice suddenly different than Joe had ever heard it before. He furrowed his brow in worry, flicking on the bedside lamp.
Olivia was crying.
Joe had never seen Olivia truly, utterly cry. Ever. And to see her small frame struggling to hold in sobs, and know that he was the cause of it - it broke Joe's heart.
"Am I just not good enough for you?" she asked quietly, her tears falling onto the sheets. He fumbled to a sitting positing, going to wrap his arms around her. Before he could, though, she put a hand out, pushing his arms away.
"Liv..." he said feebly, at a loss of what to do.
"Just...stay here. I need to go calm down." she said, climbing out of bed and walking out of their bedroom, her footsteps fading away as she walked down the hall. Joe stayed in bed, too shocked to move. Had he seriously...was she really...? He could kick himself a thousand times before taking a break and kicking himself another thousand times. Why hadn't he seen the stress that he'd been putting her under? How could he...?
Two hours later, Olivia still hadn't come back. Joe came to the conclusion that he should go find her. He may not have made the brightest decisions lately when it came to her thoughts, but he knew that the one thing she wanted when she was upset was to be held. Joe threw the covers off, going in search of his wife. He found her sitting in the window seat of the "hang out" room, staring at the stars and holding a cold cup of coffee. She didn't turn to him when he entered, but he knew that she knew he was there. Wordlessly he sat down behind her, taking the coffee cup from her and putting it on the floor next to them before pulling her close to his chest, holding her tightly. She laid her head against his arm, and he could feel a few straggling tears soak through the cotton of his tshirt. He placed his lips to her temple, trying to let his apology seep in through the simple contact. She adjusted herself closer to him, reaching up to touch his fingers without looking.
"I promise...not until you're ready." he whispered.
"Thank you." she replied, equally as softly, knowing that he would keep his promise.
X-X-X-X-X
wow. that was tragic.
ahem, as per usual, leave some love! peace out, y'all!