Jen's point of view is in italics, Gibbs's in normal, hope no one gets confused!
You Give Me Something
Asleep, you wrap your arms around me, draw me to you, so close that I don't know where I end and you begin. Awake, you are distant, not obviously so but I know you so well, sometimes I think I know you too well. It hurts me, a little bit, but I know you care for me. I wasn't meant to fall this hard for you, again. It scares me, the sheer force of emotions I feel when I look at you, when you touch me but yet every time I think that I will give in and show you my heart, something stops me. Possibly one day I will be strong enough to understand my own emotions, and maybe even understand yours. I don't know where this is going or even if this is anything, but I want to take that chance, to make this mistake with you.
I arrived home and you were in my basement, asleep under the boat. My heart constricted slightly at the sight of you; you looked so peaceful and at home, like you were meant to be there. I woke you and you told me you had been there for hours, waiting to see me. It makes me so proud that you would do that for me and I have never even bought you flowers. Such a simple gesture but something that is completely beyond me. I pray that you know how much I care about you, maybe you don't, maybe you were there because you wanted reassurance of my feelings and I promise you, as soon as I am brave enough I will tell you. It seems funny that I put my life on the line every single day at work, yet I can't muster up the courage to tell you how I feel. I never thought I would fall in love again after Shannon, but here I am, terrified of losing you, terrified of telling you how I feel, even though I know it is a case of one or the other. I want to tell you that I am ready and willing to give myself completely to you, I just hope that by the time I work up the courage, it isn't too late.
"I love you Jethro," I blurted it out, so unlike how I had imagined. To cover my embarrassment and fear of your answer, I hurriedly carry on, "This could be nothing, I don't know, but I love you Jethro, I just thought that you should know, in case there is a small possibility that you feel the same. I just don't want what we have to pass us by because we are both too afraid to say what we feel…" My babbling was cut off as you cupped my face in your hands and stared intently down at me. I shifted uneasily, I could never quiet get used to the intensity of your gaze. You took a deep breath and I stopped breathing whilst you prepared for whatever you were about to say.
"I'm so sorry Jen," I started and saw your eyes brim with tears, God I am such an idiot sometimes, I don't think about what I am saying or how I am saying things, especially with you, you spin me around you always have. You take my hands off your face and turn away from me.
"It's ok Jethro." You said and I closed my hand over your wrist.
"No, it's not Jen. I should have been the first to say it." You eyes lit up and I don't think you have ever looked more beautiful than at that moment. "I'm sorry I am such an idiot. The second B really does stand for Bastard." You chuckled at that. "I love you Jen…and it scares me." I stopped as you wound your arms around my waist. I breathed in your scent and relaxed slightly.
"Don't be afraid." You whispered as your fingers found their way under my shirt and drew small circles on my back.
"Don't leave me." I pleaded, I sound like a child, but I know you understand what I am saying.
"Not for the world."
V!
xox