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From The Past

Changes:

Josh walked back to his office, being careful not to run into Sam, Toby or C.J knowing he would get more questions about Leanne. He knew he would have to tell them soon but it wasn't the right time yet. He hadn't even met Jackson and he still really didn't know how he felt about it all. He meant what he had said to Leo about wanting to be a part of his child's life and he knew it wasn't just because it was the right thing to do. He wanted to do this; he just wasn't entirely sure how to be a father.

"Yes, I'll let him know... Oh, wait, he's just got back." Donna covered the phone with her hand and looked up at Josh as he approached her desk. "There's a Leanne Matterson for you."

Instantly Josh smiled. "I'll take it in my office."

Donna raised an eyebrow as she watched her boss run into his office, closing the door behind him.

"Hello, Josh Lyman."

"Wow, this is weird." Leanne commented.

"What is?" He asked, sitting down at his desk.

"Me calling you at the White House." She replied. "Did you know you have an assistant?"

"Donna? Oh, that's what she does...I always wondered..." He joked.

"An assistant, Josh! You have an assistant!"

"I know, Lee...I was the one that hired her...kind of."

"So, you're really important then?" She questioned. "You weren't being big headed?"

"I probably should be offended by that." He said, moving his feet up onto the desk. "What was the reason you were calling anyway?"

"I wanted to see if you were still okay for tonight?"

"Yeah, of course…" He replied a little too quickly.

"Josh..."

"No, honestly, I'm sure." He cut in. "I'm a little nervous."

"Well, it's okay to be nervous."

"I'm not really used to being nervous."

"No, you're not used to admitting you're nervous." She teased.

He smiled widely. "Okay, Miss Know it all...What are we doing tonight?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I could cook?" He suggested, rolling his eyes at her reaction. "Stop laughing! I can cook!"

"Really?"

"Well, I'm not exactly professional but I think I can come up with some pasta or something..." He replied. "Kids like that, right?"

"Pasta would be good." She assured him.

"You sure? Because we could always go out..."

"No, it's fine. Stop worrying."

"Yeah, okay I'll try."

"I was also thinking..." She started but stopped.

"Thinking what?" He asked.

"I don't know...Maybe I shouldn't have said anything..."

"Lee, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know whether it's a good idea to tell him who you are..." She said before quickly adding. "I mean, not tonight...Soon...Just...Maybe he could get to know you a little..."

"Oh."

"If you want to tell him then we can...I was just thinking..."

"No, it's probably a good idea...Besides, you're his Mom..."

"And you're his Dad."

"Yeah." He said quietly. "But you know him best."

"Yeah..." She sighed.

"Look, you're right. We shouldn't tell him who I am."

"If you're sure you're okay with that?"

"Yes, it's fine." He assured her. "I better get back to work if I want to leave at all today. Come around about 7:30?"

"Yeah, we'll be there." She replied. "Thanks, Josh."

"Seriously, you don't have to thank me." He told her. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah, bye."

"Bye." He hung up the phone and smiled to himself.

XxXxX

"Okay, shall I order some food?" Donna asked, appearing in the doorway to Josh's office.

Josh glanced at his watch seeing it was almost 6:30. "Oh, no, don't worry. I'm going now anyway."

"Going where?" She frowned, watching as he started packing up his stuff.

"Home."

"Home?" She repeated. "It's early."

"Actually I was meant to finish 30 minutes ago..." He replied. "So were you too."

"Yeah but we never do."

"Well, today's different..."

"Is this a joke?" She asked, looking around for anyone who might be in on it.

"Nope." He shoved the last folder into his bag. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Josh, what's going on?" She followed him out of the office.

"We just went through this... I'm going home."

"Are you in trouble?"

"No."

"Are you sick?"

"Why do you ask if I'm in trouble before asking if I'm sick?"

"I'm just trying to establish what's going on quickly by eliminating the most likely possibility."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm not in trouble nor am I sick."

"Hey, you want to go and get some food?" Sam asked, joining them as they passed his office.

"Nope." Josh didn't bother to stop. "I'm going home."

"You're going home?" Sam asked, concerned. "Are you in trouble."

"I haven't done anything!" Josh exclaimed loudly, spinning around to face Donna and Sam. "I'm not sick. I'm not in trouble. There's nothing happening. I'm just going home!"

Sam and Donna started after him as he walked off towards the exit.

"He has a new girlfriend." Donna concluded.

"It seems that way." Sam agreed before turning and heading back to his office.

XxXxX

Josh paced around his living room, making sure everything was tidy and in its right place before making his way back into the kitchen to check on dinner for the 3rd time in 5 minutes. He had decided to make pasta with chicken, but had fish fingers in the freezer just in case Jackson didn't like it. He stopped at the store on his way home and the cashier assured him that they don't take that long to cook.

He leaned back against the counter, taking a deep breath. Why was he so nervous? It was just a kid...But it was his kid. God, he had a kid. He took another deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. This was never how he pictured his family.

He remembered when he was a kid. He used to sit and listen to his Grandfather tell stories about when his father was a kid. He used to tell him how important having a family was. The key was to the find the perfect person to share it with. If you didn't love and respect each other, then it would never work. That's why Josh had found it so hard settling down. He hadn't met the perfect person. He thought Leanne could have been the one when he was in high school, but there were so many people against their relationship it would have never worked. He wondered whether now would be any different.

He sighed, it would be different. There was a child involved and he remembered what Leanne had told him the day before. He needed to be a father first.

He needed to concentrate on Jackson right now. They both needed to get to know each other. If Leanne were the right woman for him then they'd work it out eventually.

He jumped at the sound of the door buzzer.

"Hello?" He pressed the button as he spoke into the intercom, praying it wasn't anyone from working coming to find out what exactly was going on with him.

"Hey, sorry we're a little late..."

Josh smiled at the sound of her voice. "Come on up."

He took another deep breath, quickly casting an eye around the room once more, just as there was a knock on the door.

He pulled it open and smiled widely at Leanne.

"Sorry, we got a little delayed..."

"Hey, it's 5 minutes...Don't worry about it... I didn't even notice." He assured her, stepping aside. "Come in."

"Thanks." She returned his smiled.

Josh glanced down at the three-year-old standing in front of her. He felt his heart stop for a second at the little boy who stared up at him curiously with eyes that mirrored his father's, his sister's and his own.

He crouched down to his height.

"Hi, you must be Jackson... I'm Josh, I'm a friend of your Mom's..."

"Hi." Jackson whispered moving a little closer to his mother.

"He's a little shy at first." Leanne told Josh.

Josh stood up again. "Well, that's okay... Why don't we go and sit down whilst we wait for dinner?"

"It smells good." She told him, as they made their way to the couch.

"It's just pasta and chicken." He replied. "Is that okay?"

"That's great... Chicken's your favourite, isn't it?" She looked down at Jackson who nodded shyly.

Josh smiled in relief. "Good."

They sat in silence for a moment before Josh remembered he had brought some things for Jackson.

"Oh, I got you some gifts." He told him, picking up the plastic bag beside the couch and handed it to him.

"What do you say?" Leanne prompted as he looked inside the bag curiously.

"Thank you..." He mumbled, glancing at Josh before quickly looking away again.

Leanne smiled and watched as he looked through the bag, his eyes lighting up as he reached in and pulled out some toy cars.

"Can play with them now?" He asked, looking between Josh and his mother. Not sure who to ask permission from.

'Yeah, go ahead.' Josh replied, seeing Leanne give him a look telling him to answer.

"Cool!" He grinned widely for the first time and started to pull the cars out of its packaging.

"I'm going to check on dinner...I'll be right back." Josh said, standing up after watching his son for a few moments. He had no doubt in his mind that this child was his.

He moved around the kitchen, getting everything ready with a smile on his face. It's been a long time since he felt like this.

"You didn't have to do that..."

He turned and saw Leanne in the doorway. "Do what?"

"Buy all those toys." She stepped into the room fully.

"I didn't want him to get bored." He shrugged. "You said the other day he was playing with his cars and I saw one whilst I was shopping for food..."

"You must have spent a fortune..."

"Not really...I didn't know what to get...I was just going to get the car but then I thought he might prefer the lorry better...Then there was a motorbike... And well, I couldn't decided so I brought all three."

She smiled. "You're really sweet."

"I also brought a couple of movies." He admitted, holding up two Disney movies.

She laughed. "God, he's really going to love you."

"You think?"

"How could he not?" She replied softly.

They looked at each other silently for a few seconds before the oven timer went off, snapping them both back to reality.

"Uh, so dinner's ready." Josh announced moving over to the oven.

She nodded slightly. "Jackson and I will get washed up."

He sighed as she left the room. He really didn't know whether this was the real deal or if he was going crazy.

XxXxX

"So, how did it go?"

Josh looked and saw Leo leaning in his doorway. "What?"

"Last night... Did you meet him?"

"Yeah."

"And how did it go?" Leo repeated.

"It went... It was..." Josh struggled to find the right word. "It really was..."

"Josh?" Leo raised an eyebrow at his difficulty to finish the sentence.

"It was amazing..." He finally got out.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean at first he was really shy and quiet but then after a while... He sort of came out of his shell...We played with some cars... And then we watched a movie..." He told him.

"So, you're seeing him again?"

"Uh, yeah...They're coming over again tonight."

"They?"

"Well, Leanne has to be there..." Josh replied, standing up and picking up a few files.

Leo had become like a father to him and he knew he was just trying to look out for him, but he also knew that he thought he should stay away from Leanne. He knew that his father would feel the same way too. So, he decided until he had worked out what was happening with Leanne and him then he'd just avoid discussing her with Leo.

"How's Toby and Sam doing with the speech for Friday night?"

Leo watched him for a moment, knowing he deliberately changed the subject but chose to let it go.

"Well, Toby's only kicked Sam out of the office twice, so I think it's going okay." Leo replied. "You ready for the Staff meeting?"

"Yeah, lets go." Josh nodded, following him out the office.

When they reached the Oval Office they found C.J, Toby and Sam already waiting, talking to Charlie.

"I tried calling you last night..." Sam looked at Josh as they joined them.

"I know."

"I left a message."

"I know."

"Yet, you didn't call me back..." Sam looked at him, a mixture of confusion and hurt evident on his face.

"I was busy..."

"Oh really?!" C.J leaned in closer.

"Uh, yeah..." Josh replied, frowning a little and stepping back away from her.

"Doing anything interesting?" She asked.

"Watching a movie."

"Well, that's nice for you...I could have been dying..." Sam started.

"But you weren't..." Josh cut him off.

"But you didn't know that."

"Actually, you said in your message...'Josh, not important or anything...Toby's driving me crazy... lets get a beer.' ... So, yes, I did know you weren't dying."

"I could have been..." Sam mumbled.

"Will you lot quit it!" Leo told them. "You're acting like a bunch of High school kids."

They all stopped talking; getting that Leo wasn't in the mood for this from the tone of his voice. They all stayed silent, waiting for The President to finish up with his phone call to the British Prime Minster.

"Okay, I can't not know any longer!" Toby exclaimed, breaking the silence.

"Toby..." Leo sent him a warning look but the communication director ignored him.

"Who are you dating?"

Josh seemed a little startled by the question. "What are you talking about?"

"Your girlfriend, Josh!" Toby cleared it up for him. "Who is she and why are you hiding it from us?!"

"Girlfri... what? I haven't got a girlfriend." He claimed.

"Then where were you last night?" Sam asked.

"At home."

"Oh please..."

"It's the truth!"

"Josh, we've known you for years... You're the last person to leave work at 6:30pm to go home and watch a movie alone." C.J pointed out.

"I uh..." He struggled to find a reply; he never actually said he was home alone. He just said he didn't have a girlfriend. Which was true... He had a son.

"Well?" Toby prompted.

"You guys are never happy..." Josh finally managed to get out. "You've all be telling me since the shooting that I should be taking it easy...I do and I get accused of keeping secrets."

"Don't try throwing us off with that!" C.J told him.

"Oh, give the guy a break." Leo cut in. "I told him to go home."

"You did?" Sam looked at him. "Why?"

"Because he's my deputy and I need him to be able to do the job to the best of his ability... Working on just two hours of sleep a night is not going to help." Leo replied.

Leo didn't see it as lying. He never actually said the words 'go home' but he knew what Josh's plans were and didn't disagree with them. They would have to find out about what was going on sooner or later but he understood that Josh still needed time to get used to this himself.

"Why do I get the feeling neither of you are telling us the whole truth?" Toby questioned, looking at them.

"Because you're a suspicious, pessimistic man." Leo answered, walking towards the Oval Office when Mrs Landingham gestured for them to go on in.

"He has a point." Sam commented, following Josh and C.J into the office.

XxXxX

"I'm sorry..." It was 10:40pm and he was meant to be home 2 and half hours ago. He was glad that he had thought to give Leanne a key just in case he was running late but he didn't think he'd be this late.

Leanne looked up from where she was sat on the couch to Josh stood in the doorway to his apartment. "Hi."

"Hey." He said, closing the door quietly, glancing at a sleeping Jackson lying next to his Mother. "I'm sorry, the President wanted to talk to me about something."

"I'm sure it was important..." She gave him a small smile.

"I'm sure it wasn't, but I could be wrong... I think I might have slipped into a coma at some point." He dropped into the armchair, with a loud sigh and ran his hands over his face.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Josh?"

"I just... I didn't want..." He fell back against the chair. "I'm sorry for missing tonight."

"Don't be crazy...It wasn't like we had anything planned."

"We were going to watch the other movie I brought."

"We can do that another night."

"I guess..."

"It's not a problem, Josh..." She assured him. "Jackson was happy playing with his cars."

"When I said I wanted to be a part of his life, I agreed that I'd be a father first..." He said quietly. "It's only the second night, he doesn't even know who I am and I've already gone back on that."

"I didn't mean that you have to be here all the time." She told him. "I understand you have a job... A really important one... God, Josh... You work for the President...There are going to be times when you can't just leave work... When I said you have to be a father...I just meant, that you have be here when it matters and when he needs you..."

They both turn their attention to Jackson when he stirred slightly.

"Want to put him in my room?" Josh whispered, not wanting to wake the boy up.

Leanne hesitated but nodded then reached down and picked him up. Josh stood up and led her to his bedroom, opening the door for her and then watched as she laid their son on his bed, whispering good night and kissing his forehead before leaving the room.

"Coffee?" He offered, when she quietly closed the door.

"Sure." She replied following him into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry." He said after a few seconds of silence.

"Josh, stop apologising."

"It's going to take awhile." He continued as he made the coffee.

"What is?"

"Getting used to this..." He turned slightly to look at her. "I thought it would all change straight away...But...But it doesn't...I mean, I haven't even told anyone apart from Leo...And that's really because he knew before me anyway...I don't know how to explain this to anyone else."

"Well, it's not like getting a puppy or anything." She replied. "But you'll have to tell people eventually. They might notice a little kid following you around."

"I just... I've never really thought about having children...I mean, I wanted them someday in the future. I just assumed that when I met someone then I'd think about it..." He leaned back against the counter. "I want to be a father to Jackson... I will be...But... I don't know if I can be a good one."

"Josh, you just being here is more then he can ask for." She assured him. "You think that when I found out I was expecting him I was completely ready?"

"No, I guess not..."

"And there are still days when I don't feel ready." She continued. "A lot of this parent thing you learn on the job...And if there's one thing I know about you, it's that when you really want something, you try your hardest to be the best at it."

He looked across at her and smiled slightly.

"You're a good man, Josh... I know you're going to be a good father but you're right, it's not going to change straight away." She told him. "There are a lot of things that you're going to have to get used to."

He finished making the coffee and handed her a cup. "Okay, like what?"

"You want a list?" She raised an eyebrow following him out of the kitchen.

"Sure." He shrugged, dropping down on the couch.

"Okay, let me think of a few things..." She said sitting down next to him. "Okay, you're a lot allowed to curse."

"I don't curse." He insisted and she looked at him. "Okay fine, but I'm sure I can refrain from doing it in front of the kid."

"We'll see..." She teased. "You don't always get to watch what you want on T.V."

"I like cartoons." He shrugged.

"You would..." She rolled her eyes. "Kids get sick a lot."

"A lot?"

"Well, there is always some sort of cold or bugs going around..."

"Uh, okay..."

"You'll have to learn how to say no."

"I know how to say no..." He replied. "See, I just said it."

"Josh." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on, I say no to congress and republications on a daily basis... It won't be difficult."

"Okay, what if he wants some candy?"

"If I can have some candy too, then sure."

"No, Josh..."

"No?"

"To much candy will make him sick and he'd probably wouldn't eat his dinner."

"So, he can never have candy?" He frowned.

"He can have candy, you've just got to learn when it's the right time and when it's the wrong time."

"Can I still have candy?"

"You can't say no to him and then have some candy yourself."

"I'm not saying no to him...You are."

"Oh, God."

"What?"

"You're going to be the fun parent, aren't you?"

"The fun parent?" He questioned. "The one he likes the best?"

"You can't buy his love!" She warned him.

"Can't I just at least try?"

"Josh!"

"I'm joking."

"You better be."

He laughed slightly. "Seriously, I won't give him candy before dinner."

"Okay, fine..."

"And thank you...For talking me through this."

"That's what I'm here for."

His smile faded slightly. "What if I screw him up?"

"Josh..." She sighed moving close to him and taking his hand. "He's my son too, I love him more then anything in this world...I'm not going to let you screw him up."

He smiled again. "Good."

"Good." She nodded.

He hesitated slightly but then leaned forwards, pressing his lips against her cheek then her lips. He pulled back a little and they looked at each other for a moment before he kissed her again. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

She suddenly broke the kiss and moved away from him.

"Sorry... I can't... We shouldn't..." She stuttered slightly.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's okay... It was okay... It was good..." She rambled. "But... It's just... With everything... I don't..."

"Yeah." He cut in, knowing what she was trying to say.

"I should go."

"No... Don't...It's late." He stood up when she did. "Stay here...You and Jackson can take my room..."

"What about you?"

"I'll sleep on the couch."

"No, Josh...I can't kick you out of your own bed..."

"No, its fine...Honestly... I'll have to be up in a couple of hours anyway." He assured her. "I'd feel happier with you guys staying here then leaving at this time of night."

She thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Okay, if you're sure."

"Yes, it's fine." He gave her a smile.

"Okay, well... Good night, then." She said quietly.

"Night." He whispered as she moved past and headed for his bedroom door.

He sighed and fell back down on the couch. Things were defiantly going to get more complicated before they got better.

TBC

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