Engel's Zimmer
Chapter 6 --- Never Let Go
Death sat back, admiring the view of the perfect little dance he had created eons ago for those souls who didn't belong anywhere. For those select things who lived and breathed because of a human hand. What disgusting creatures, and they actually call themselves works of art!
How can artwork be so vile?
So downright human.
Especially that one creation, the one who bothered itself with others problems, and somehow reached out so far, he almost became one of them --- one of those imperfect souls of humanity.
In fact, that creature joined the dance not so long ago, twirling his partner about in a never-ending waltz, but he wasn't as valiant in the dance as the others, even if his soul was just like the others. Something disrupted his feet, stumbled his hands, distracted his grace.
And for some reason, Death took pity on him and stood from his seat under a large oak. "Why do I bother myself with this?"
Because he was bluntly bored, he tried to remind himself, but truthfully that idea wouldn't take. No, it was because that one soul deserved a chance, if he was so close to imperfection, to a life only dreamt about. But that would go against his morals. There was a deeper plan buried somewhere under his mask of vile and filth, but he wouldn't take to it quite yet. He wouldn't admit he was that desperate to do such a vile thing. Not yet.
He sighed and walked down the crest towards the dance, and motioned for the glowing figure to come over.
The figure did, and bowed in respect. It was no use talking to a perfect soul lost in time and memory, but Death wanted to know something. "Why do you not participate?"
"I do," replied the soul.
"You do not dance like the others. Why?"
"I . . . I don't know."
Of course he didn't. He didn't remember. "Would you understand if I brought the problem here?"
"I might, sir."
"Then I will, but when you do, I expect an answer to my question, understand?"
The soul nodded. "Yes."
With that, Death turned and stalked into the materializing rift to find that confounded girl who ruined his perfect dance.
----
Haru tried to do her homework. Really she did. But sometimes, math isn't the easiest thing to think about, especially when you have a cat rubbing up against your legs and a birdbrain peeking over your shoulder, asking you what's this, and what's that.
Finally, when Toto asked about the problem giving her hell, she swung around in her swivel chair and shouted, "Don't you have somewhere to go!"
Toto stumbled back and pointed downstairs, "Your mother told me to come up here."
"She did?" When he nodded, she frowned. "I'm sorry. It's just . . . I can't get this stupid problem!"
"Do you mind if I give it a try?"
She doubted he could, but she gave in and handed him the book and the problem. He grabbed the pencil from her hand and set to work very easily, smart eyes scanning the problem with almost genius accuracy. He had finished the problem within two minutes while Haru pondered over those very numbers for over half an hour. When he handed the paper and book back to her, she dropped her jaw.
"Can you . . ." she began, but was at a loss of words.
Toto, however, read her mind and leaned over her to show her the problem step by step. Sometime within those few sparse moments, Haru's mother had ventured into the room and sat on the bed, watching the tall man coach her only child in mathematics. After they had done, Haru actually understood Calculus, and Toto had risen a bit higher on 'people to get to know better' on Ms. Yoshioka's list.
"What a dear," sighed Ms. Yoshioka when Haru finally finished her homework and sat back in her chair to catch a breather. Toto and Muta had disappeared downstairs were a delicious smell of spaghetti wafted from. "Don't you think?"
"Sure, but he's my friend, remember." The young woman said, then suddenly perked at an idea. "Hey, I got an idea."
"Hmm?"
"Why don't you take Toto out for a night on the town. You know, go shopping and all. Take him to a good restaurant. Get to know him better."
"But I ---" her mother sputtered then looked down the stairs when Toto shouted at Muta for stealing a meatball. Then did she smile. "Oh, why not? I won't be gone long . . ."
And thus they were gone. Far gone by seven o'clock when both Haru and Muta dug into the over-cooked noodles and meatballs. Haru had to admit, this was a rather nice life. Especially sharing it over meatballs with a fat cat.
----
Haru hummed to herself as she packed up her homework and laid out her clothes for tomorrow. Pristine school uniforms left something to be desired, but at least everyone wore one.
As she was fixing to crawl into bed, a voice startled her onto pins and needles.
It was a deep voice, like the ferocious rumble of a freight train screaming across and endless expanse of track. Fearful, and utterly unforgettable. It curled her stomach like poison. "Humans do amuse me."
Haru spun around suddenly, a dark clad figure pasted against the streaming moonlight of her window. Her back met the closet as she tried to scramble away.
The hooded thing chuckled, black shadows slithering from under those silken robes, long, dark tentacles reaching further and further towards her, and when they finally caressed her skin, the robed figure was there also, inches from her face. She stared into the hood --- into a vast expanse of nothingness until deep demonic eyes pierced through that nothingness. That's what it felt like. Nothing.
This thing was nothing.
"You're Death," Haru addressed weakly. Her voice was hardly a slither compared to his, so unforgivingly mortal and sacrificial against his own flaunted immortality. "You took Baron."
"And he wants to see you," Death replied. "I took him to Haven, and is he satisfied? No. A pitiful soul, your lover is."
This thing was mistaken. Baron her lover? Haru wanted to laugh, but she feared Death would slit her throat if she did. "I'm sorry, but he has Louise."
Death already knew this, and said louder, so the walls even rattled, "Louise is his soul mate, of course, but you . . . He cannot depart from you unless he knows the truth."
"Truth?" A black shadowy tendril brushed against her cheek, almost to congratulate her for her query. It was sickening.
So sickening, Death even brought the smell of cold, damp things long forgotten. Things Haru couldn't even imagine, and didn't want to. They were probably hidden deep within the nothingness he was made from, and hidden she hoped they would stay.
"The truth," the thing began, "of his heart. He has asked me to invite you to a ball."
"What?"
"A dance, dear mortal, and you will dance until he chooses. It may be an hour, it may be an eternity."
"And . . . if he chooses me?" She was scared to ask such a childish question. He wouldn't choose her. He had Louise. But she had to wonder as she stared into those demonic eyes, why did the Baron need to choose? Didn't he already know?
Death was amused. "If he so chooses a mortal, we shall see what occurs. I dare say that Toto escaped from my grasp ---" He reached out a slithering shadow to the door, but Haru stomped on it with a fierce glare.
"You won't touch him!" Not after she had seen her mother so very happy for once. Not after Toto struggled so hard to get back. "Understand? You won't."
The reaper wasn't so distraught, as if he lost souls in his grasp every day. "Fine, but will you accompany me?" Finally, Haru found what lurked under those flowing silken robes as he reached out. A young hand. Not decomposing, not even old. But her age maybe. And suddenly Death wasn't so imposing either, just a name. A title.
She had to wonder who it really was under those robes, who really took her hand and suddenly escorted her to this wonderful place between two beautiful groves of trees. Lanterns strung high above, casting a magical, glowing light upon the happy dancers. An orchestra of gray blobs created enchanting music with their strange, otherworldly instruments, and what were those sparkling lights flittering through the couples?
Haru suddenly fell in love with it all. She wouldn't mind to spend eternity dancing in such a peaceful place like this. But when she started dancing, she suddenly couldn't stop. Her feet kept moving in pace, with the flowing rhythm pulsing gently across the crowd. It scared her for a moment, only until Death shushed her worries, and spun her around elegantly.
"No need to be frightened," came that booming voice from a man just beyond his twenties. His silken black hair and glowing eyes soon gave him away, but where had his frightfulness gone? "No need to have such nightmarish thoughts in my Haven, dear mortal. Just dance, and find that one who's heart calls to yours."
Then he spun her away as every other couple did. It was like a lottery, whoever she bumped into, she would dance with. Man after handsome man she greeted, danced soft tune with, for hours on end it seemed. Her feet already began to ache.
When would it end?
Again, they spun into the lottery --- again! Nay, again to another man. Take his hand. Dance. Dance! Shuffling her feet until she couldn't move, but she danced on. On! In elegant waltzes, quick steps --- how long had she been here? A day?
Yet still no sign of Baron.
Haru was growing tired. She nodded off once while a man took her by the waist, it felt so comfortable. And had she yet to see Baron? Or even Louise? No. Neither of them entered the dancing fiasco. Soon, she began to wonder if she would die dancing. From either a lack of sleep, or a lack of water. Her mouth had gone horribly parched.
On the next lottery, she caught Death's hand again, flimsy and weak. "Ready to give up, darling?"
"I thought," Haru rasped, "it wasn't my choice."
"It's not," he agreed, "but you can always end it. You can leave out of free will."
Somehow, that didn't sound right at all. Leave? But she had to prove to Baron that she could stay, that she could wait for him forever. Gently, she pushed Death away. "I'm sorry, but I want to find him." She didn't care anymore if he loved her, just to see him loved would please her enough. Just to see him smile once. "I want to make sure he's --- he's happy."
Death's eyes softened, "Haru."
He spun her around gracefully, and when she swirled back, the cat figurine she had waited for took up her hands gracefully and waltzed with her. Not Death, not a stranger, but Baron. Though, immediately she knew something was amiss. Some strange nonexistent glint in those dark, dark eyes. Where was the color? That shimmer? It shivered her to the bone when she thought about it.
"Hi, Baron."
The figurine did not respond. He stared across her shoulder regally, statue-like. Not even his embrace was warm. Haru lowered her eyes.
"Baron," she tried again. Tried to get those wondrous eyes to light up to her. "I wrote a story for you, of our adventures in the Cat Kingdom. Did you read them?"
Again, that wooden expression upon his face. He was staring at something else --- longing for someone else. When he spun her again callously, she saw who he stared to with those eyes that would not look at her. A soul mate much more suited than her. The figurine did indeed look the part, at least, and Haru knew she acted the part too, with those rich green eyes and that lavish white complexion.
No wonder Baron did not want to return.
Louise was so much prettier.
"Always believe in yourself, Haru."
She wanted to laugh at the statement, but she kept to his words, she believed. "I put them in the Bureau, you always said the doors were open. My work's fat too, I had to stuff it in this huge binder, you know." She laughed at herself. "Guess I just write too much --- but there's so much to say, you know?"
Just a few more steps until the roulette again, until she fell into the stranger's arms. That's how life went, a never-ending flow of uncaring hands and quaint dances until the dancer finally gave up, gave in to the dance and disappeared. Just once, she didn't want to be passed on like a hot potato to the next ungiving man. Just once she wanted someone who wouldn't let go. Someone who would never let go.
But that was like wishing for a fairytale, and those weren't real.
Cinderella never got her happy ending after all, Haru supposed.
She sighed and slacked her hands from his. "I've done everything Baron. I don't know what else you want me to do. I don't."
Just five more steps. Five more until she would never see him again, until she would drift away and give up. Succumb to Death's wishes. Surely the immortal wanted her to surrender.
"If there's nothing else, that's fine. I understand if you love Louise more, you know. I can see how you would." A small smile spread across her face. One she didn't think she had. Tears came to her eyes. Of course he loved Louise so much more, they weren't bound by laws of magic, or of wood, or stone. One wasn't a figurine, and the other human. Both were the same, from the same creator. So, to Haru's utter dismay, weren't they suppose to be together? In a truly magical happily ever after? If so, wouldn't she be the poor, misguided peasant girl who bumbled into the ball, and tried to steal the Prince? "You two are soul mates."
The last dance she would ever have with Baron would be in her ducky Pjs, in a realm foreign to her, and with a familiar stranger who would never look at her. That was the worst part of this whole dance. Not her tired feet, or her parched mouth, but the fact that he would not look at her with those beautifully crafted cat eyes she loved. Those eyes that lit up even the darkest of nights with their magic. Their very soul.
That --- among everything else she plunged herself through --- that stung her the deepest.
"So, you know, I won't worry about you any more, okay? I won't worry. I'll know you're happy." Indeed he would be happy. Happily Ever After. Far, far away from any warm and cozy Bureau.
A Bureau soon forgotten.
Would she ever see him again if the Bureau doors did finally close?
No, this would be the last time, Haru knew in the deepest part of her heart. This would be the last time she would ever see him ever again. And that, somehow, buried itself deep within her skin. Deep within her very soul.
Ever was an awfully long time.
She would be alone. Always alone.
Even as the steps clocked away, as the swirls between beautiful people became more extravagant, became more than just swirls, but melding colors in harmony. Beautiful sequenced harmony dancing, flowing through one another, taking another's hand, and trusting that hand to lead them forwards. To catch them if they fell, to protect them if they stumbled. Yet the hand she clasped onto wasn't warm or caring.
He could care less, and slowly, subtly, she finally realized where she lied in this magnificent dance of beautifully crafted perfect souls. Her soul was much less than perfect, so unique it was a sin in this clone waltz. She didn't fit in, and that made the last step until the roulette almost unbearable.
Then she took it with a stumble, and closed her eyes.
"I love you," she whispered as he spun her away.
In the elegant swirls, another perfect hand reached out to her, another stranger she couldn't bare to gaze at, and just when she reached out to his, Baron wouldn't let go.
He held on tightly, like he suddenly couldn't let go.
No, he wouldn't let go.
"Haru."
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