Chapter 32

Connor was sitting in the interrogation room, a cup of water in front of him. There was no place else to send him. The hospital didn't need him, and the police had wanted a statement. His tears were still fresh on his cheeks when he looked up and saw Angel open the door.

As the larger man wrapped his arms around him, Connor felt himself shaking. The young man didn't realize he was crying until he heard his father whisper comforting words in his ear. Trying desperately to control himself, Connor pulled away and wiped his eyes. He felt paralyzed with grief. He didn't know if his legs would move if he tried to stand.

Angel pulled a chair next to him and sat with his hands on his sons' shoulders. Angel had no idea what to say to his son that could make the situation any better. Connor had been pulled from his biological father and now the people he remembered, the people Connor though of as his family, were gone too.

"They said I should take you home." Angel didn't know what to say so he stayed silent.

Silent tears rolled down Connor's cheeks as he spoke in a whisper. "I don't have anywhere to go."

Angel recognized the look of utter dismay on his sons' features. He had seen that look in the mirror more than once. Standing, he pulled Connor to his feet and put his arm around his sons' shoulders as they walked down the hallway.

Buffy was standing in the lobby next to Will. They didn't give any reassuring smiles as Connor passed. They had both felt the pain of loss and knew that Connor couldn't be comforted at that time. Angel gave Will a look his friend knew all to well as he and Connor passed. Will would spend the rest of the day getting every bit of information there was about Connors' families' accident.

The house fire had started sometime around two in the morning. The police hadn't yet ruled out arson, and wouldn't for some time. The investigation team would take days to sift through the wreckage; when they were done Will would have a team from Wolfram and Hart there. The fire had spread through the house before anyone had awakened.

Connor's parents and two younger sisters died in the blaze. All the people the young man had left in his life were his girlfriend, Katherine, and Angel. Putting Connor into the passenger seat of the car, Angel got behind the wheel and watched Buffy and Will start to pull out of the parking lot. They would go into the office, Angel knew.

The best thing for Connor, Angel thought, was to be somewhere quiet. He wasn't about to leave his son alone, Angel knew the lengths people could be driven to when they were utterly lost within and consumed by grief. Connor looked as if the grief had swallowed him, and Angel couldn't blame the young man. Connor's life had been so flipped and turned about throughout his few years Angel was impressed the young man was as sane as he was.

They drove to the hills in silence, with Angel wondering what to say, and finally deciding to say nothing. Connor was sitting completely still, staring at the dash board in front of him. He didn't look as though he was going to say anything any time soon.

After parking the car, Angel and Connor went inside in silence. Dorita took one look at Connor and immediately left the living room and disappeared somewhere inside the house. Sitting Connor on the couch, Angel busied himself with making tea. There was nothing he could say to his son to make the loss of his entire family any less painful.

Sitting next to Connor in silence, Angel put a cup of tea in the young man's hand. Watching Connor sip in silence, staring at the wall above the television, was too much for Angel to bear. He felt his heart breaking for his son. Putting his arm around Connor's shoulders, Angel drew his son closer, hoping Connor would take comfort in the gesture.

It was a long time before either of them spoke. Connor finally broke the silence. "I feel paralyzed. Is this really happening?"

"It is. I'm so sorry, Connor." Angel meant what he said with all his heart. All he had ever wanted was for Connor to be happy. He had placed Connor with a family guaranteed to love and support him. Now, Angel wondered if Connor had been better off that way. It seemed that no matter what Angel did Connor was going to come back to him. Angel's plan of trying to keep Connor from the life that Angel was destined to live seemed as though it was not going to work.

"Why? Why?" His voice broke as his eyes watered. As much as Angel's heart was torn by Connor's show of pain, Angel was more frightened when his son was catatonic.

"We'll find out, Connor. We'll know what happened soon. I promise we'll find out what happened."

Connor wasn't comforted. It didn't matter why or who or how come, he thought. His family was gone; everything that felt real and stable to him was gone. He had loved his parents, his sisters. They hadn't been a replacement family; they had been his entire family. His brief life with Angel seemed distant, as if that were another life, or another person's life.

Taking a deep breath, Connor was consumed with a sudden and inescapable exhaustion. He wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. He stood with difficulty, his limbs felt too long and he moved as though through a thick cloud of fog. With Angel's hand on his arm, he was guided upstairs and into bed.

Connor didn't entirely register Angel taking his shoes off or pulling the covers over him. Grabbing a pillow tightly to his chest, he let himself sob into it, his father's hand rubbing his back the entire time. A tiny part of Connor's mind felt foolish for being so childish, but that part was dwarfed entirely by the majority of his consciousness that needed to be loved at that moment.

Angel watched as Connor slowly stopped sobbing and drifted into a fitful sleep. He watched his son sleep for a few minute before he stood and made his way back downstairs. The best thing Connor could do at that moment was rest, Angel thought. The coming days wouldn't be easy. Sighing, he dragged a hand through his hair and thought of all the preparations that Connor would be forced to deal with. Planning four funerals wasn't going to be easy.

Angel picked up the phone and sat at the kitchen bar, waiting for Buffy to pick up. She answered silently, knowing it was him, and waited for him to speak.

"Do we know anything yet?"

"No. It wasn't an accident, though. The fire marshal's investigation isn't finished, but he doubts this was accidental. How is he?"

"Not good. He fell asleep just before I called you."

He heard Buffy sigh on the other end of the phone. "Will took over as president. He's doing whatever it is that you do. Assigned a lot of his work to the rest of us. Wesley and Gunn are swamped. Fred even came back in, to help. We can't do this with two people down."

He sighed in return and leaned back a little on the bar stool. "I know. I'm glad she could come in. Who's with Allie?"

"Allie's here. Fred brought her basinet and things, set Allie up in her office. Wills' number one priority is finding who killed Connor's parents, so a lot of work has fallen to us. Angel…I don't know what I'm doing. I…oh, god, that's so selfish, isn't it? I was thinking about how much work I have to do that I don't know how to do and that I'm uncomfortable and exhausted and…that's really selfish." She paused, and Angel could almost hear her berating herself internally.

"Stop that. This will be stressful for everyone. I need to be with Connor right now. He doesn't have anyone else except his girlfriend, and I don't know if he'll want her here. Just…hang in there, okay? I know you're tired; don't work too late. Come home whenever you're ready to. I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too, Angel."

They said their last goodbyes and Angel disconnected for a brief second before dialing Will's number. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey." Will sounded none too pleased.

"Hey. What do we know?"

"Not too much. Definitely not accidental, but there was no accelerant. They won't release a statement yet, but a guy I know inside the investigation team said there was no way that was accidental."

"So the question is who wants to target Connor's family?"

"Any names off the top of your head?"

Walking into the living room, he retrieved the mugs of still warm tea and dumped them into the sink. He thought for a few minutes before he spoke. "No one knows who he is, other than you guys. I don't think he has any enemies from work, especially not enemies that would be capable of this. It's worth looking into though. I want a timeline. I need to know where Connor was and what he was doing before this happened. Let's start looking back as far as last month and we'll go further back if we need to. Pull as many people in on this as you think necessary. I need to be with my son."

"You got it. Look, come in sometime today or tomorrow. If Connor's up to it, I need to talk to him. You could probably get more out of him, but I don't think you could handle hurting him. Better if you let me talk to him. Whenever he's ready."

"He just lost his entire life, Will. Give the kid some time. And I can talk to him."

"Yeah, but you'll stop when he starts crying. Besides, you're his dad; you shouldn't be the one to interview him. Let me do it."

Sighing, Angel acquiesced, and hung up the phone. Putting his head in his hands, he let his emotions wash over him for a brief time. In most instances, he would bleed out his pain, but he wasn't sure he could do that now. He had been trying to stop cutting himself since Buffy came back into his life. If she found out that was his habit, she would be none too pleased. It was better to stop all together than risk her knowing.

Taking a deep breath, Angel thought about his son. There was so little he could do for him. Angel knew the funeral arrangements would be taken care of, he would see to it himself. There was so much to do, he thought, and Connor would have to make a lot of difficult decisions in the coming days.

Angel wondered who could have devised such a devious plan and why. Why would anyone want to hurt Connor, he asked himself? Why would anyone want to hurt Connor's family? The only answer Angel could come up with was that whoever had murdered Connor's family was trying to force Angel's hand in something. Connor wasn't a threat, Angel thought, he hadn't been active in the demon community for years.

Angel wondered if he had gotten Connor's family killed. Guilt washed over him. He had gotten Cordy kicked out of her higher plane, and now he was responsible for the deaths of four people very much loved and cherished by his son. Was there nothing he touched that didn't turn to dust, he asked himself.

Standing, and vowing it was the last time he would do so, he headed to the bathroom. Buffy would never have to know, he told himself. This was his secret, Angel thought. He wasn't hurting anyone else when he was hurting himself.