Mark

I've always known something like this would happen; it's a granted when most of your best friends have AIDS. But Angel, who was just at the peak of her life's potential…for her to die, was just so unexpected. No one expected her to be the first one to go. She was the best out of all of us. No one else was more giving, more kind, more—words can't describe what Angel was to all of us. She was one of the most real people I'd ever known.

I feel kind of guilty now though, because all that time I could have been spending with her was spent behind a camera. Instead of really experiencing life I chose to see it from the protection of a camera lens. Angel never held that against me though, the camera was in love with her!

She was always my favorite subject to film because the pureness I received was like nothing else. All the editing in the world couldn't capture more pure emotion. When she was happy, she lit up the room. When she was sick, she still tried to make us all happy. It was always "today for you" with her…now I wish she'd taken a day for herself. Maybe then she wouldn't be gone right now. Maybe she'd still be living and laughing with us. Maybe then we could be celebrating Halloween together…God, I hate this.

"Marky, what 'cha doing?" Angel asked perkily as she walked into the loft finding Mark hard at work.

"Oh no, not you too…" Mark sighed.

"Oh, sugar, would you rather me call you Mark? I'm sorry," Angel replied with a gentle smile.

"Ahh, it's okay. Everyone's doing it now…it seems to be the hip thing," Mark said rolling his eyes. "What's up Angel?"

"Well, tomorrow is Collins' birthday as you know, and I would like to make him a little something special!"

"Okay, so how can I help you out with that?" Mark asked perplexed as to why Angel didn't go to Mimi for help.

Angel shifted around nervously and studied her fingernails. She then went into the kitchen where she wouldn't have to face Mark and became enthralled with the cabinets.

"Uh, Ang…how am I supposed to help you if I don't know what you want help with? Do you want to make him a movie or something?"

Angel took a deep breath and turned the hot water faucet on and off. "Yes…a video. Something of that sort seems under order."

"Okay, so what kind of video do you want to make him? A compilation of pictures I've taken of you too set to music? A documentary? Do you want to leave him a birthday greeting and I'll just video tape it for you?"

Angel shook her head wishing that Mark could be a little smarter at times. "No sugar…none of those kinds of videos. Keep scratching you brains for anything else you got up there…" she pleaded as she pulled on her new skirt.

Mark thought for a while and then his eyes grew wide with shock, "Oooh. Oh, I see. You want to make Collins….a movie movie."

Angel nodded eagerly, "Yes! Yeah…Well, 'cause it is his birthday and all…and I want to make him something that he can watch whenever he wants…you know?"

Mark began sweating and his skin—if possible—became paler, "Uh, Angel, You know you're one of my best friends right?"

Angel nodded, "Mhmm."

"Good," Mark gulped, "But I can't…I couldn't….you…watch…me…filming!"

"Oh my gosh! No! Mark, I don't want you to be in there filming! I just want to be able to borrow your camera and then have you put it on a VHS for me! Oh my gosh Mark I'm so sorry you thought that, sugar!!!"

Mark's skin went from pale white to beet red in the course of three seconds. He was obviously embarrassed. "Oh, well…in that case, yeah. Here, just let me…uh, yeah. Let me show you how to use the camera then!"

Mark showed Angel what to do and how to set it up. He gave her pointers to get the best lighting, the best sound, etc. Then Angel was off back to her house to make a nice little movie for Collins birthday. When Angel came back a couple of days later, she said that out of everything Collins received, the movie had to be his favorite. The filmmaker just nodded and said he was glad to lend a hand in making Collins happy on his special day.

If I'm right, Collins still has that movie. I'm glad I could help out now…they can be together whenever they want to now. Angel was always perceptive about things like that…I wonder if she had this plan in mind. She probably did it on purpose because she knew. She had to know…

Angel showed me a lot while she was alive. She showed me that life is too short. She showed me that sometimes, it's okay to be wild and crazy. My overbearing attitude is just because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that one day I'll lose all my friends to this damn disease and I'll be all alone. And I don't think that I could handle being alone.

These people have become more than just friends to me. They are my family. My brothers and sisters…each of them has a special place in my heart. There is no guarantee that when I wake up tomorrow, they will all be here. Shit, there's no guarantee for anything. I know it sounds cliché, but I need to spend each day like it's my last. Every moment I'm around them, I should spend it like I'll never see them again; because, look at Angel. No one could've imagined her dying. She was invincible. And now she's gone…And I'll never see her again.

"And then there was this time, uh, he walked up to this group of tourists. And they were petrified because a) they were obviously lost, and b) they probably never have spoken to a drag queen ever before in their lives. And he... she... just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City and then let them take a picture with her and then she said she'd help them find the circle line."