Code Name Huck
Agents
(Opening credits. Cut to Huckleberry Hound standing outside a gas station.)
Huck: That was even funny then the time I followed my teeth all the way down Swanson Street.
(A limo drives up to the gas station.)
Huck: Hey, who are you guys?
Agent:(V.O): Agent Smith.
Huck: Did you just say smite! If you did I'd say you're God! Wanna know why I'd reckon you're God!
Agent:(V.O): No...not really.
Huck: Funny story, it's relating to the story as to why I'm standing outside this gas station, it involved me riding on my pet God fish that was from the ancient portals of Rygumsonson, and it dropped all the way down to none other then Jerry Lewis' dressing room, where he kicked me out after giving me an autograph in cotton candy, and I followed a dog that looked like Lassie all the way here 'til it exploded in when it ran to this here gas station. I've been going crazy and talking to myself all day! You know where my Mom is?
Agent:(V.O): No...I don't.
Huck: It's hilarious, you see I was sent out with my pet God fish to get some oil from the gas station, until I got confused and ending up on a journey...only to end up in a gas station! I'm angrier than Kurt Cobain was when he shot himself in April 1994, reminds me of a little song my Mom used to sing to me!
Agent:(V.O and angry) What?
Huck:(singing) If you ever lost, just go cross, all the way to the supermarket. That's right, you know with all the cheese and please and sneeze and oh God it's Louise!
Agent:(V.O): Huck, would you please come inside the limo?
Huck: Okay, I'll ask my Mom first, Mom can I get into this creepy guy's car (different voice) Do you eat all your green beans (normal voice) But Mom, it's disgusting! (different voice) No, you must finish all your green beans, and your homework (normal voice) But I hate maths! (different voice) Huckleberry you will finish your homework! (normal voice) Mom!!! (Huck starts slapping himself)
Agent:(V.O): Just come inside!
(Agent Smith comes out of the limo and pulls Huck in.)
Huck: What am I doing in this here limo (hillbilly voice) y'all yeller belly.
Agent Smith: You hold the key to destroy all our planet-wide competitors.
Huck: GASP How do you know about my key in my underwear that I keep so my foe Quickdraw McGraw won't get to it!
Agent Smith: A competiting secret agency is planning to make a nuclear bomb to destroy half of the western universe...we live in the northern universe.
Huck: What do I have to do with anything besides having the ability to sing my way out of anything, even in tornados! I made a friend who was a tornado once, it was my best friend...was name was Gary.
Agent Smith: Point is, we picked you to be an agent because...we have budget cuts.
Huck: GASP I'm shocked, I'm appalled, I'm sickened to the bone so much that...I just don't get it.
Agent Smith: We need you Huck...to help out the Evil Alliance.
(Dramatic chord.)
Agent Smith: A Division of Evil against Evil Who Doesn't Like Good But Is Evil Corporation!
Huck: Sounds like a name for a computer stalker! UHHH! I've gone crazy! STOP ME PLEASE OH GOD!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH!!!!!
(Agent Smith whacks Huck with a pipe.)
Agent Smith: Calm down.
Huck: Who are you?
Agent Smith: I'm Agent Smith, I thought I told you that.
Huck: Oh, okay Agent Smith. Then who am I then?
Agent Smith: Huckleberry Hound, you are our new top agent.
Huck: Top agent, eh? Well, now that I'm a top agent, I demand...a coffee!
Agent Smith: Excuse me?
Huck: I need coffee to take down all the evil in the world!
Agent Smith: Excuse me...coffee?
Huck: When coffee gets in your pants, it burns like the Sun on rice butter! That was my favourite food until I suddenly lost all memory right?
Agent Smith: Um...yeah, I think.
Huck: Good, then let all be shall be!
Agent Smith: Yes...let's.
(Cut to "Evil Alliance" Headquarters. Cut inside as Agent Smith and Huck are walking in the halls.)
Agent Smith: This is the hallway of the secret underground agency...
Huck: Yes, I remember it vaguely.
Agent Smith: You've never been here before.
Huck: Maybe yes, maybe no...but I'm taking this computer stalking company to new heights.
Agent Smith: This is not a computer stalking company!
Huck: Well, I don't know about you, but I'm turning it into one.
(Phone rings as Huck puts it on speaker.)
Huck: Evil Alliance, Huck Jones top agent speaking.
President: Yeah, well...I had suddenly lost all my "agents".
Huck: Your agents?
President: Yes, uh...agents.
Huck: What agents?
President: Um...my secret FBI and other...agents.
Huck: Well, they're not secret anymore and you don't know them.
President: I do know them.
Huck: Well, you've got us now so you should calm down.
President: Who's angry?
Huck: Differently not us at the Evil Alliance.
President: What?
Huck: So our name offends you, now...Evil Alliance!
Agent Smith: Huck, that's the President of the United States on speaker phone, don't offend him.
Huck: Evil Alliance!
President: What?
Huck: Evil Alliance, that's our name so get used to it.
Agent Smith: You're not actually the "top" top agent.
Huck: You said I was, so I am...pay attention Mr. Prime Minister.
President: What's your name?
Huck: Huck Jones.
Agent Smith: His real name is Huckleberry Hound sir.
Huck: No, it's Huck Jones!
Agent Smith: It's actually Huckleberry Hound sir, he lost his memory...uhhh...somehow.
President: Well, I was just wondering if you could found them.
Huck: Who?
President: My...my agents.
Huck: Agents?
President: Agents?
Huck: Agents, agents, agents, agents, agents, agents, agents, agents, agents and more and more and more of agents, agents, agents, agents, agents, agents and more agents?
President: Yes, agents. I want you to find my agents.
Huck: You really need your agents don't you?
President: Yes, my agents.
Huck: Agents huh?
President: Yes...
Huck: We at the Evil Alliance are agents.
President: Agents?
Huck: Yes, we are agents.
President: True, you are agents?
Huck: Yes we are agents, and you don't need to go looking for your agents because we are agents and we could be your agents.
Agent Smith: Stop saying agents!
Huck: Well, look who's cranky.
Agent Smith: Mr. President don't listen to him.
President: I need you to look for MY agents.
Agent Smith: I thought I told you to stop saying agents!
Huck: Well, look who's cranky.
Agent Smith: I'm not cranky.
Huck: Yeah, you are.
Agent Smith: OKAY I AM CRANKY.
Huck: Yes, isn't it better to put it all out in the open.
Agent Smith: I was being sarcastic.
Huck: Well I don't know what you mean, so shut up!
Agent Smith: Look in the dictionary.
Huck: My head is my dictionary.
President: Okay, so what...what did you say? What about my agents?
Huck: You don't need them, pay attention.
President: How much do I need to pay attention?
Huck: Two dollars, next caller!
(Huck hangs up and awaits the next call as Agent Smith stares.)
Agent Smith: Okay, so maybe I went a bit overboard with the whole "you're a top agent thing" I mean, you're on old actor from the United States circa 1960s and...
Huck: The '60s are like any other decade except CNN started brainwashing hillbilly folk thanks to Ted Turner's evil ex-wife Jane Fonda and the Vietnam War was lashing out on Asian people for a reason I can't remember. And my company went down in sales after my top employee sold millions of stock to the Vietnamese terrorists after he got high on a bong he found in my trunk of my car after he was ordered to look for my wife's underwear who's now divorced me...and Turner colorized the moon.
(Pause.)
Agent Smith: That's not what happened...did it?
Huck: I can't remember, I'm the guy who suddenly lost his memory in your limo.
Agent Smith: Your name is Huckleberry Hound and you're our new top secret agent.
Huck: Agent is another word for detergent.
(Pause.)
Huck: I'm taking over this computer stalking company!
Agent Smith: We don't stalk computers!
Huck: What do we do huh, Mr. Agent Smith, what do we do?
Agent Smith: My name's James.
Huck: How's that working out for you?
James: Fine, thank you.
Huck: Where's your manager?
James: What manager?
Huck: I need to speak to someone!
James: Want to speak with who's in charge?
Huck: Yes, I'd like that every much.
James: Our boss is in his room.
(Cut inside the boss's room as Huck enters.)
Boss: Mr. Hound.
(Boss gets dart in his neck and falls down.)
James: (just entering) Why did you do that?
Huck: (evil music arises) I'm taking this "Evil Alliance" to all new directions of the secret agency biz.
James: You cannot do that.
Huck: I'm the new "top agent" and there's no way anyone can stop me, not even the top guy upstairs. (evil music stops.)
James: Who, Top Cat?
(Top Cat opens the door.)
Top Cat: Did someone say my name?
(Canned audience applause and laughter.)
Huck: No Top Cat, go back upstairs.
Top Cat: Yeah, well...
(Top Cat gets dart in neck and falls down.)
James: You just knocked out Top Cat.
Huck: You want some of this Agent Smith, well do you? Do you? I bet you don't, no-one ever does, because that's the way the cookie crumbles!
James: What cookie?
(James gets dart in neck and falls down. Cut to Huck wearing a suit on the podium among thousands. Evil music arises again.)
Huck: Gentlemen!
Audience: Yes!
Huck: We're in a generation of spy.
Audience: Yes!
Huck: Silence! I demand you all work very hard for this spy agency to help out all agents and agents alike! We must band together to stop the evil of...rice butter!
Audience: Yes!!!
Huck: Free coupons for everyone!
Audience: YEAH!!!!
Huck: And we shall destroy all our enemies...rice butter!
(Pause.)
Huck: And everything else that crosses paths with us!
Audience: YEEAH!
Huck: Now, my little sea monkeys, attack!
(Audience becomes in static as evil music stops. Cut to a News Reporter in a newsroom.)
News Reporter: We interrupt this program to say the Evil Alliance has killed millions of "rice butter" apparently some people tried to cross paths with them and suffered huge consequences and after that...the new Evil Alliance boss Huckleberry Hound has now surrendered apparently, due to legal reasons we now go to sport.
(Cut to Huck in a interrogation room with James.)
James: Why did you do that?
Huck: Do what?
James: Overthrow the boss and go all "evil" with the Evil Alliance.
Huck: Okay...what did I do again?
James: Listen, your name is Huckleberry Hound and was not really smart when we first met, remember that...not so smart, now stop being so evil and give back the Boss's job of being the boss.
Huck: Who's Huckleberry Hound?
(James whacks Huck with a pipe.)
Huck: I'm Anne Frank.
(James whacks Huck with a pipe.)
Huck: Who's blue?
(James whacks Huck with a pipe.)
James: You're blue.
Huck: What?
James: You're blue.
Huck: Really, I'm blue.
James: Yes you are.
Huck: Really?
(The Boss runs in with dart still on neck.)
Boss: Huckleberry Hound, I call your bluff!
Huck: What bluff?
(James whacks Huck over the head.)
Huck: Who are you guys?
James: I'm Agent James Smith.
Boss: And I'm Craig Warburton, boss!
Huck: Okay, who am I?
Craig: Keep hitting him with that pipe, he must have his memory back so he could be our secret agent for the "Evil Alliance"!
(James repeatedly hits Huck with the pipe.)
Craig: Hit him harder!
(James does so.)
Craig: Harder! Harder!
James: Yes Boss.
(James does so.)
Huck: Oh man, what am I doing?
James: Who are you?
Huck: Huckleberry Hound!
(James hits Huck with pipe.)
Huck: (beat) That hurt.
(Pause.)
Top Cat: (running in) Did someone say my name?
(Canned laughter.)
Craig: Are you in Huck to be an agent for the "Evil Alliance"?
Huck: What?
Craig: His in!
(Canned applause as Top Cat falls down on the ground. Beat. Everyone laughs. End credits.)