Code Name Huck
Car
(Opening credits. Cut to Huck in a toilet cubicle reading the newspaper with headline "Car Stolen".)
Huck: Look at the new...
(Craig barges in, pulls down his pants and sits on Huck.)
Huck: How long are you going to be?
Craig: Oh hey Huck, could you finding my runaway car?
Huck: You're on my lap.
Craig: Yeah, it's red and a little white...
Huck: I'm busy here.
Craig: And so it also eats...
(Huck jumps up, pushing Craig off.)
Huck: Okay, I'm about to puke because I'm sick.
(Huck pukes, runs and jumps out a window into the trash.)
Huck: Yogi Bear, that's where you been?
(Yogi Bear hops up.)
Yogi Bear: Don't you tell me what do to blue face or I'll kick your blueberry ass back to Bluesville.
Huck: Yogi...Yogi.
Yogi Bear: What?
Huck: You're drunk.
Yogi Bear: No I'm not.
Huck: Give...give me the beer.
Yogi Bear: I'm not drunk.
Huck: Yes, you are you drunk.
Yogi Bear: Don't tell me when I'm drunk, if I want to be drunk then I'll be drunk pal you know who I am...you know? Yogi Bear!
(Huck punches Yogi.)
Yogi Bear: You just punched me you blue bastard!
Huck: I'm Huckleberry Hound!
Yogi Bear: I don't care if you're Aquaman on frozen fire, you're still a bastard!
Huck: Yogi...Yogi...you're drunk.
Yogi Bear: Who's Aquaman?
Huck: I thought you knew.
Yogi Bear: Of course I would say "Aquaman" I'd say that to sound smart.
Huck: Why would saying "Aquaman" make you sound smart!
Yogi Bear: Don't you argue with me Bluey!
Huck: I found that racist!
Yogi Bear: Boo-hoo, cry me a river!
Huck: Maybe I will!
Yogi Bear: You want to go! Blue punk!
Huck: What's up with the tie little Mr. "Thinks His Too Good For a Normal Bowtie"!
Yogi Bear: You think you're so tough, hey wanna go?
Huck: I don't make monkeys, I train them!
Yogi Bear: Oh, you're going to get it now!
Huck: C'mon, bring it on bear nuts!
Yogi Bear: Bear nuts! Oh that's it!
Huck: C'mon!
(Huck punches Yogi Bear.)
Yogi Bear: You wanna go!
Huck: You've been asking me that for 5 minutes!
Yogi Bear: What 5 minutes?
Huck: Your five minutes!
(Huck punches Yogi Bear.)
Huck: Five minutes of fame!
Yogi Bear: I was famous in the '60s.
Huck: Well so was I Chuck!
Yogi Bear: Your name is Huck!
Huck: I know it is!
(Huck repeatedly punches Yogi Bear.)
Yogi Bear: Oh, that's it!
(Yogi Bear grabs a chair and smacks Huck out of the trash and onto the ground.)
Yogi Bear: Get out of here you blue bastard!
Huck: Have fun living in the garbage!
Yogi Bear: Have been since the '70s!
Huck: What a loser.
Yogi Bear: Say it to my face, Bluey!
Huck: I know what you look like what do I look like?
Yogi Bear: That doesn't make sense!
Huck: It doesn't have to, I'm a secret agent!
(Huck walks off.)
Yogi Bear: Yeah, yeah you walk off you bitch!
Huck: Say that to my face!
Yogi Bear: So you mean your ass!
Huck: You mean your "ass".
Yogi Bear: Shut up freak!
Huck: Look who's talking!
Yogi Bear: Yeah, you!
Huck: No, you just talked!
Yogi Bear: So did you.
Huck: There you go again, talking like a chatterbox!
Yogi Bear: Hypocrite, you're talking right now you bozo.
Huck: Always talk and no action isn't it Yogi!
Yogi Bear: Say that to my face!
Huck: What face, that ugly thing is your face! Oh wait, it is!
Yogi Bear: Wanna go!
Huck: Go where, I know where you should go, go to Hell!
Yogi Bear: I know where you live but where do I live?
Huck: Garbage bin!
Yogi Bear: Oh yeah, what, like you're so special!
Huck: I'm better then you, doesn't that make me special!
Yogi Bear: Yeah, special like a fox!
(Cut to Huck on the other side of the street.)
Huck: Yeah, yeah...like you can talk bear.
Yogi Bear: I heard that!
Huck: So did I, what's your point?
(James walks over to Huck.)
Huck: Hey Smith, how are you going?
James: Fine, have you seen my car...it's gone missing.
Yogi Bear: So has my car!
Huck: You never had a car, stop lying!
James: Who's that?
Yogi Bear: Yogi Bear.
Huck: Shut up, let him tell them!
James: Who are them?
Huck: Let me do that explaining here James.
James: That's Smith to you.
Huck: Yeah, yeah...Smith.
James: Yeah...is this a bad time or?
Huck: No, no...proceed.
James: It's...it's all okay?
Huck: Okay, so...guess?
James: Guess, well...guess?
Huck: That's me James, random and wild, hey look a squirrel!
James: Hey so...someone took my car right.
Huck: Yes, right?
James: And I never got it back, you know who took it?
(Pause.)
Huck: Whose car was it?
James: Mine.
Huck: Thanks, okay...um, why are you telling me this.
James: You asked me.
Huck: No I didn't.
James: Yeah, you asked me.
Huck: Asked you what!
James: Well um...that doesn't really matter right now, but...do you know any detectives?
Huck: I know plenty of detectives...namely me.
James: Yeah and?
Huck: Mostly me.
James: Wait a minute, you're not a detective, you're a secret agent.
Huck: Think about it for a long minute here...aren't agents and detectives the same thing?
James: I suppose not...
Huck: So, it's settled, I'll solve the mystery of the missing cars.
Yogi Bear: And mine!
Huck: Who said that?
Yogi Bear: Me, shakewad!
Huck: Who's me?
Yogi Bear: Oh, (BLEEP) you.
Huck: To you to buddy!
(Cut to Huck in a detective agency room as Craig walks in with his pants still down.)
Huck: Welcome to my agency Mr...
Craig: Warburton...you know.
Huck: Know what?
Craig: I thought you knew!
Huck: I thought I knew what?
Craig: Who knew that I could knew about the new knew!
Huck: Get a hold of yourself!
(Huck slaps Craig.)
Huck: Now what's the problem?
Craig: My car went missing.
Huck: That's funny, so did James' and Yogi Bear's...
Craig: Yeah well...Yogi Bear?
Huck: Yeah, why does he reckon his so big anyway?
(Pause.)
Craig: Because his a bear?
Huck: Well, I'm a blue dog...what the Hell is up with that?
Craig: Up with what?
Huck: Up with you, so get out of here you old bastard and I'll found your car.
Craig: Bitch...oh, and thank you.
(Craig pulls his pants up and walks off. Yogi Bear walks in.)
Yogi Bear: Huck, I've got a bone to pick with you...haha, bone, it's funny because you're a dog!
Huck: Yeah, what is it Yogi?
Yogi Bear: It's been 1 day and you still haven't found my car yet.
Huck: This is the 10th time in 2 days you have annoyed me but this, I'll get to it.
Yogi Bear: When Huck, please tell me...when Huck?
Huck: When you stop annoying me!
Yogi Bear: This will be never!
Huck: Forever more huh, I get it...I get it all.
Yogi Bear: Get what?
Huck: Get magazines.
Yogi Bear: Magazines of what?
Huck: Magazines of how to shut you up!
Yogi Bear: What magazines.
Huck: Magazines like...
(Huck grabs his chair and whacks Yogi over the head as he lies unconscious.)
Huck: How do you like that?
(Huck walks over to a coffee shop and is duck taped with police lines all over the place.)
Policeman: Sorry sir...dog...duh, sir dog, man dog, sir man dog, I mean Huckleberry Hound.
Huck: Damn straight, where's my coffee shop that I go to.
Policeman: A car has been stolen, yet again.
Huck: For some reason, someone keeps stealing cars I wonder why?
Policeman: You wonder why us the police will solve.
Huck: I'm a agent for the "Evil Alliance", I'll get the Boss to allow a car search.
Policeman: You're apart of the "Evil Alliance"...(BLEEP) you!
(Policeman grabs gun and aims at Huck.)
Huck: Whoa...whoa...calm down there Captain Planet.
Policeman: I'm sorry, I haven't felt right since me and my partner's police car got stolen.
Huck: Well, watching shows like Law & Order and C.S.I on rival national networks has taught me the person who did this was probably...probably.
Policeman: Yes...go on.
Huck: I'm too lazy to finish my own sentence; can you finish it for me?
Policeman: Why should I finish "your" sentence?
Huck: Okay, why should we do anything the parrot asks!
Policeman: What parrot.
Huck: I'm out of here Mr. Policeman, good luck on finding the car thief because I, Huckleberry Hound, secret agent slash detective is going to solve this case...free of no-charge.
(Huck walks off.)
Policeman: Good luck on that.
(Huck walks into his office.)
Huck: Give me two coffees with eight spoons of sugar and cream, call my wife and say that I prefer the blue dress and get Yogi Bear in here, his my new non-prime suspect in the case of the annoying acts he assaulted me with...
(Pause.)
Huck: I'm the only one here...okay, that's nice.
(Pause.)
Huck: Really nice.
(Huck walks over to his desk and sees a piece of paper and reads it.)
Huck: Mr. Hound, please find enclosed the location of the stolen cars.
(Pause.)
Huck: This may have the location of the stolen cars!
(Huck opens it and reads it and gasps. Cut inside the Evil Alliance headquarters.)
Co-Agent: I prefer the white pants, but my wife looks the daggy blue.
Other Co-Agent: Oh, yeah...yeah. I know.
(Huck walks in.)
Huck: Hello chumps and non-chumpettes.
Co-Agent: Look, it's Mr. Detective.
Huck: I have the location of the stolen cars!
(Craig and James run up to Huck.)
James: Yeah, where is it?
Huck: I shall show you.
(Cut on the top of the parking lot.)
James: It was in the parking lot.
Huck: I thought it was hard to believe as well, but here it is.
Craig: So, do you know who stole them?
Huck: I believe it was Yogi Bear!
(Yogi Bear pops up from behind a car.)
Yogi Bear: It wasn't me, I swear it!
Huck: Tell that to the courts.
(Huck throws Yogi Bear off the roof as Booboo walks up.)
Booboo: Huckleberry Hound shall never know that I actually stole the cars!
Huck: Being detective was fun, but I prefer being a secret agent.
Booboo: I did it!
Huck: Shut up.
(Huck throws Booboo off the roof. End credits.)