(Opening credits. Cut to Craig's office. Huck walks in wearing a priest outfit.)
Craig: Did I say you could come in?
Huck: Well, I think the good Lord forgives you if you were masturbating.
Craig: What?
Huck: Masturbation, if you were masturbating before I barged in so rudely, by the way I'm sorry...then all you need to do is repent and God will forgive you.
Craig: No...God, since when did you worship God?
(James walks in.)
Craig: Would people have common manners to knock!
James: Sorry, but didn't you hear...it's the new Huck?
Craig: The new Huck, what was the matter with the old Huck?
Huck: The old Huck's gone.
Craig: Where did he go?
(Pause.)
Craig: To the mall?
Huck: No, I'm here.
Craig: No, where's the old Huck?
Huck: I am the old Huck, I just changed so...now I'm new.
James: Yeah.
Huck: I think we need a special God week.
Craig: God week?
Huck: Yeah.
Craig: Well, most of all us are atheists.
Huck: Really?
Craig: Yeah, it'll be intolerant to other religions.
Huck: Intolerant to other religions?
Craig: Yeah.
Huck: What religions?
(Pause.)
Craig: The Jews for one.
James: And the Muslims, don't forget the Muslims.
Craig: Catholics...
Huck: Christianity and Catholicism are the same thing!
Craig: Maybe in your eyes.
Huck: Maybe...but we're going to get that (BLEEP)ing God Week and celebrate God like normal Christian people and you'll all enjoy it you (BLEEP)ing...
James: Gloop.
(Pause.)
Craig: Hahahahaha! Poop.
Huck: What?
James: I just said Gloop because...
Huck: WHY? WHY DID YOU (BLEEP)ING SAY POOP?
James: I said Gloop.
Huck: Whatever!
James: Well...Gloop is my mentor in Scientology.
Huck: Scientology huh?
Craig: Tom Cruise is gay.
(Pause. Huck grabs out a shotgun and shoots Craig.)
James: OH MY GOD!
Craig: Tell Chris I hate him before I die. I want to see the look on his face.
Huck: I said we're going to have a God Week, and we're going to have a (BLEEP)ing God Week, you got it you (BLEEP)ing jackass!
James: But workplaces are supposed to learn about being religiously diverse.
Huck: This is what I say about your religious diversity!
(Huck shoots the wall up in the air.)
Huck: I'm the new Boss; we're going to have a God Week, end of story!
(Huck walks off.)
James: Um...okay.
(Huck walks back in.)
Huck: Forgot my car keys.
(Huck grabs them and walks off. Cut to the next day as the office has become a shrine to God and Jesus when Huck walks in.)
Huck: Okay, back to work on making this God's sanctuary.
(Huck sits down.)
Huck: Okay.
(Pause.)
Huck:(to intercom) Everyone in here.
(Everyone is inside as the door closes in the office.)
Huck: Everyone, God Week is starting right now!
Everyone: Huh? What?
Huck: We're all celebrating God...by building a big statue of him.
Chris: Um...I like God as much as the next guy, but aren't we supposed to be on a mission?
Huck: Yes, the mission to spread God's good work and faith among humans.
Everyone: Auugh.
Chris: Okay, we'll do it just for that reason.
(Huck stands up.)
Huck: YEAH YOU WILL DO IT, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T...I'LL GRAB MY (BLEEP)ING GUN AND I'LL (BLEEP)ING BLOW ALL YOUR (BLEEP)ING HEADS OFF! IS THAT (BLEEP)ING CLEAR!
Everyone: SIR! Yes sir!
(Everyone walks outside as Chris is walking with James.)
Chris: Something seemed different about Huck; he isn't usually this religious...or violent.
James: He discovered God...and blind violent rage I suppose.
Chris: Also what happened to the boss?
James: Huck shot him.
(Huck stops Chris and James in their tracks.)
Huck: Talking about something.
James: No...were you...um, talking?
Huck: Well, I suppose I know what I could do to pity little liars.
James: What's happened to you?
Huck: What's happened to me! I found God, and God's going to get pissed if I don't convert the whole world by the end of the month.
James: What?
Huck: To the chamber.
(Cut to James in a chamber.)
James: Get me out! Huck's insane! It's a man-hunt, a man-hunt!
(Chris goes and visits his cell.)
Chris: You owe me two bucks.
(Pause.)
Chris: From the poker game...
James: SHUT UP!
(Cut back to the near the office as Huck is seeing everyone build the statue.)
Huck: C'mon, let's keep it moving here folks.
(Nerdy Co-Worker walks up to Huck with a pick-axe in his hand.)
Nerdy Co-Worker: Oh Mr. Hound, sir...I'm afraid I can't do this.
Huck: And why not?
Nerdy Co-Worker: I'm not Christian...I'm Jewish.
(Huck grabs out a shotgun.)
Huck: You've got to 3!
Nerdy Co-Worker: No please don't!
Huck: 1.
Nerdy Co-Worker: I'll convert.
Huck: Wouldn't be the same. 2.
Nerdy Co-Worker: I'm going to die!
Huck: 3.
(Huck shoots Nerdy Co-Worker as everyone gasps as Huck walks up to another co-worker and puts a gun to their head.)
Huck: All religious people who DON'T worship God shall be killed.
(Huck shoots co-worker.)
Co-Worker 2: Why did you shoot him?
Huck: He was pissing me off with his eyes.
(Pause. Huck steps closer.)
Huck: You piss me off as well.
(Cut back to the cell.)
Chris: And I can't believe no one respects me.
James: Yeah, well...half of Nerdsville sector liked you.
Chris: I'm talking about now.
James: Oh.
Chris: Yeah.
James: Maybe it's because...of the rumours.
Chris: Wait, what rumours?
James: The rumours...oh you don't want to know.
Chris: I want to know; c'mon...I'll do anything.
James: Okay, if I tell you the rumours will you talk Huck into letting me go.
Chris: Okay, done and done.
James: People say you have sex with fish.
Chris: You serious?
James: No.
(Pause.)
James: Oh, wait...I am.
Chris: Okay.
James: Chris.
Chris: Yeah.
James: Chris, that's why no respects you.
Chris: Because of a silly rumour? C'mon.
James: Okay, I told you the rumour now you gonna do your part.
Chris: Um, yeah...sure.
(Cut back near the office.)
Huck: And God smited Moses...with a pot of coffee.
Co-Worker 2: You serious?
Huck: Yeah...you still piss me off.
Co-Worker 2: I should really go back to work.
Huck: You're not working!
Co-Worker 2: Well you were talking...you know, to me so...I was listening.
Huck: Get back to work!
(Huck shoots Co-Worker 2.)
Huck: You're going to build the statue and I'll get ready for the play.
Co-Worker 3: What play boss?
Huck: The play where we celebrate the birth of Jesus!
Co-Worker 3: I'm Hindu...kinda.
(Pause. Huck shoots him. Huck plasters a poster for the play on the wall.)
Huck: Scripts will be in tomorrow by then your statue better be ready!
(Cut back to the dungeon.)
Chris: And better pizza is made from 70/30 productions.
James: Weren't you supposed to do something earlier?
Chris: What?
James: Like convince a certain someone to get me out of here?
Chris: No.
(Pause.)
Chris: I was?
James: Yeah.
Chris: Really?
James: Yeah...really.
(Huck walks up to the prison cell.)
Huck: What are you doing with James, Chris?
Chris: Nothing.
James: Tell him now, this is your chance!
Chris: Chance for what?
James: You know.
Huck: Letting you go?
(Pause as James' jaw drops.)
James: How did you know?
Huck: Listen pal, I won't let you go, and you're (BLEEP)ing lucky that I don't blow your (BLEEP)ing brains out right (BLEEP)ing now you prick.
(Huck walks away.)
James: Damn it Chris, when Huck comes back here you convince him and...
(Chris suddenly gets shot and falls down as Huck walks back in.)
Huck: Oh yeah...I killed Chris, and I'll kill you pal...I'll kill you, if you escape, I'll kill you if you're not Christian by the end of the week, I'll kill you because you're in the same religion as Tom Cruise and Gleep!
(Huck shoots the air and walks away to a dramatic sting. Cut back to the building room where two men look over their scripts.)
Co-Worker 3: Okay...so, who am I?
Co-Worker 4: Says here you play a Jew.
(Huck walks in.)
Huck: Which makes you a bad guy.
Co-Worker 3: Why...what did the Jew do?
Huck: The Jews killed Jesus, you're a Jew!
Co-Worker 4: It's been proven that Jews didn't kill Jesus that the...
(Huck shoots Co-Worker 4.)
Huck: Now that we're got Ross out of the picture, let's talk about your part.
Co-Worker 3: About...being the evil Jew?
Huck: Yes, Jews are evil.
Co-Worker 3: You know, it's nice that you found religion and changed your ways, but...you're starting to become evil.
(Huck shoots Co-Worker 3.)
Huck: Christians aren't evil! People who aren't Christians are evil...Bill.
(Cut to James in the dungeon.)
James: Okay...I'll get there by...by...how I will get out of here!
(Pause, the chains break apart and James drops down to the ground.)
James: Wow, that was considerably lucky.
(James looks at a shot-gun near the broken chains.)
James: This is an odd place to leave a shot-gun.
(James picks it up and runs out. Cut back to the building room as Huck looks at the statue.)
Huck: That statue looks a little off; don't you reckon it's a little off Jesus?
(Cut to Jesus standing next to Huck.)
Jesus: Yeah, that doesn't look like me at all...looks more, like...Jim Cazivel.
(Jesus gets shot.)
Huck: JESUS!
(Huck kneels down next to Jesus.)
Huck: Why did you die...like this.
(Quick Draw McGraw walks in with a pistol.)
Quick Draw McGraw: I had to do that Huck...I just had to do that because you were starting to become very...
(Huck shoots Quick Draw McGraw. Cut to James lurking in the halls with his shotgun to dramatic music.)
James: HUCK! OH HUCK! SOMEONE IS DISOBEYING THE RULES OF THE BIBLE! OH HUCK!
(James opens a bit of the wall that swerves over and walks in and closes it and is now in the bathroom.)
James: HUCK...ARE YOU IN THEIR?
(James walks out the door and turns around and starts firing off his shotgun, it's revealed he shot the "Man in Coat" from "The Gator From UNCLE".)
James: That's for shooting Wally Gator in the last episode...oh Huck...
(Huck turns around and looks at James.)
Huck: JAMES!!
(Huck pulls out his shotgun and quickly shoots James to his death.)
Huck: I killed you! Ha yes!
(Gloop hops in.)
Huck: Gloop...what are you doing here this isn't some sort of...of...Scientology and...
(Gloop pulls out a shotgun and shoots Huck, then bobs off. End credits.)