Opening credits. Cut to Huck in his cubicle with James.)
James: And Bush...raising taxes...how could he...how could...he?
Huck: Politics isn't really my thing...
James: What is your thing?
Huck: Avoiding my brother Chuck.
James: You have a brother named Chuck?
Huck: Here's...kinda like my evil twin...with a goatee.
James: Really?
(Huck holds up a letter.)
Huck: And according to this letter, his coming over to the "Evil Alliance" to see how I'm going.
James: I suppose...that'll be nice.
Huck: I hate my evil twin brother Chuck with a goatee.
James: Uh...why?
Huck: Because he killed my parents.
James: Oh...I'm sorry.
Huck: With boredom.
James: Excuse me.
Huck: He killed my parents with boredom.
James: You mean he just made your parents bored?
Huck: No...he KILLED my parents...with boredom.
James: I found that hard to believe.
(Craig walks into the cubicle.)
Craig: Huck, your Evil Alliance double is here!
Huck: About time...
(Chuck (basically Huck with a goatee) walks in with two suitcases.)
Huck: That's not my...Evil Alliance double.
Craig: I KNEW HE HAD THE FACE ALL WRONG!
Huck: That's my brother...my...my brother Chuck.
Chuck: Hey, guys.
Craig: AND HE DOESN'T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE YOU EITHER!
Huck: That might be because...his...my...evil...twin brother!
Chuck: Oh, there you go again Huck...assuming that I'm evil just because I have a goatee.
Craig: You know how much I feel like punching myself in the face right now!
Huck: What Craig?
Craig: You know how I feel like punching myself right now!
Huck: Then do it!
Craig: Okay...but I'm a pretty powerful punch!
(Craig punches himself in the face really hard and he falls on the ground.)
James: Will he be okay?
Craig: (V.O) Call the doctor!
Huck: He'll be fine!
Craig: (V.O) I think my nose is broken.
Huck: Keep fighting Craig, keep fighting.
Chuck: So anyway...
Craig: (V.O) Now my nose is bleeding...is that normal?
Huck: Completely normal Craig.
James: That's not really anymore...
Huck: Quiet, if he finds out it's not normal he'll want to go to the hospital...and we won't let him...but then he uses the excuse "I'll fire you" so we do go to the hospital and he gets treated better.
James: What's so bad about that?
Huck: Someone will have to pay the dough, and it ain't gonna be me, yo.
Chuck: Yeah...so I was thinking I could crash...at your place...Huck?
(Pause. Huck grabs a slab of wood and smacks Chuck over the head as he falls down.)
James: Why did you do that for?
Huck: Because...I ain't going to let him crash at my place! You see!
James: Why not...his your brother.
Huck: He'll kill me with boredom!
James: And we're back with this bull(BLEEP) again!
Huck: He bored my parents so much...their hearts exploded.
James: Really?
Huck: Yes and his going to kill us all if we don't put him back in the mental house!
James: I don't think that'll solve anything Huck.
Huck: Nah...it'll solve plenty!
Craig: (V.O) I think my face is melting now...is that normal?
Huck: Yep...it is!
James: OH MY GOD!
Huck: Don't worry...I won't let him die...I just won't get him to the hospital neither.
James: HIS (BLEEP)ING FACE IS MELTING!
Huck: Your face can't melt if you only punched it!
James: Listen Craig is telling the truth.
Huck: It's better then telling lies...like my brother Chuck.
James: Forget about Chuck! Craig's face is melting!
Huck: Have you ever noticed we call Craig, Craig...not Boss...because that's who he is...the boss.
James: Does that matter!
Huck: While his face is melting, I proclaim, that I shall be the new Boss.
James: Remember what happened last time?
Huck: I remember...
(Flashback. Cut to Huck piggy-back riding on Snagglepuss.)
Huck: HEE-HAW! WEE! This is fun!
Snagglepuss: Get off!
Huck: Go cowboy!
Snagglepuss: Get off my (BLEEP)ing back!
Huck: Fun!
Snagglepuss: I think my back just snapped!
Huck: Giddy up!
Snagglepuss: That's it!
(Snagglepuss explodes as Huck lands on his ass as man in a top hat walks in.)
Man in Top Hat: You're being evicted.
(A mime walks in and starts miming. Dissolve back to the present as Huck is smiling.)
Huck: Good times.
(A black man runs in.)
Jimmie Walker: DYNAMITE!
(Pause.)
James: That didn't happen Huck.
Jimmie Walker: What didn't happen?
James: I wasn't...talking to you.
Jimmie Walker: It's because I'm black isn't it!
James: Not at all!
Huck: Admit it James, you're a racist!
Jimmie Walker: You're a racist!
Huck: Yes, get all your friends and beat James up.
James: That's it! I'm taking Craig to the hospital!
(Huck smacks James over the head with a slab of wood as he falls to the ground.)
Jimmie Walker: Oh man...this dump is such a sausage-fest.
Huck: I agree.
Jimmie Walker: Know where I could get some action my blue brother?
Huck: Well...there's a strip club across the street.
Jimmie Walker: AWESOME!
Huck: But that's a male strip club.
Jimmie Walker: OH (BLEEP)!
Huck: But...uh...there's a woman who hangs around the water cooler near the vending machine that's near the door to the exit.
(Pause.)
Jimmie Walker: Could you say that again...please?
Huck: There's a woman who hangs around the water cooler near the vending machine that's near the door to the exit.
(Pause.)
Jimmie Walker: Um...uh...um...
Huck: Uh...
Jimmie Walker: Okay.
Huck: We...cool?
Jimmie Walker: DYNAMITE!
(Napoleon Dynamite walks in.)
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah.
Jimmie Walker: Dude, does Napoleon Dynamite work here now?
Huck: Um...I've never seen him around.
Napoleon Dynamite: Vote for Pedro!
Huck: (BLEEP) off dude!
Craig: (V.O) No swearing! There are kids about!
Huck: Craig...I thought you were dead!
Craig: (V.O) Nope...face still melting.
Napoleon Dynamite: GOD! GOD! GOD! GOD!
Jimmie Walker: Don't use the Lord's name in vain!
Napoleon Dynamite: Um...um...vote for Pedro.
Huck: Who the (BLEEP) is Pedro?
Napoleon Dynamite: I don't know dude...is that my tarts?
(Huck smacks Napoleon Dynamite over the head with a slab of wood as he falls to the ground.)
Jimmie Walker: Man...how many people are on the floor?
Huck: Quite a few.
(Craig stands up as his face is melting.)
Craig: Hey Huck...so, my face melting is natural!
Jimmie Walker: DUDE! GET THAT FACE CHECKED!
Huck: Are you that guy off Good Times?
Jimmie Walker: Maybe...
(Huck grabs a shotgun and pumps it and shoots the Black Man as blood splatters all over Huck and Craig.)
Craig: Why did you do that?
Huck: I hated Good Times!
Craig: Hey...what's Napoleon Dynamite and James doing done there?
Huck: I hated the movie "Napoleon Dynamite" and...James really bugged me.
Craig: Are they dead?
Huck: Don't worry...they're not dead.
Craig: That's a plus.
Huck: They're just both unconscious and have fractured skulls!
(Pause.)
Craig: Is that good...or bad?
Huck: Good.
Craig: I heard bad.
Huck: Well...it's good.
Craig: Good?
Huck: Good?
Craig: Yeah...good.
Huck: Good.
Craig: Say it...it sounds funny.
Huck: Good.
Craig: Good.
Huck: Wait...what sounds funny?
Craig: The word "Good".
Huck: That does sound funny doesn't it?
Craig: Um...good.
Huck: Yeah, good.
(Chuck stands up with a shotgun as there's a dramatic sting.)
Chuck: You knocked me out.
Craig: How's the fractured skull coming along?
Chuck: That's why my skull hurts so much!
Huck: Give me the gun Chuck.
Chuck: You gave me a fractured skull!
Huck: I'm aware of that!
Craig: So am I?
(Pause as Chuck stares at Craig's melting face.)
Chuck: Dude...that's not normal.
Huck: What's not normal?
Chuck: I was talking to you friend...
Huck: My boss?
Chuck: Yeah, whatever...you do know his face is melting right?
Huck: Yeah...
Chuck: I'll give you some gun therapy for that.
Huck: Gun therapy?
(Chuck shoots Craig as blood splatters on him and Huck.)
Huck: Wow...you killed my boss.
Chuck: You have a problem with that...brother?
Huck: Yeah I have a problem with that!
Chuck: And what's your problem?
Huck: I'll tell you my problem when you tell me your problem!
Chuck: I don't have a problem.
Huck: Then I suppose I should just tell you my problem then!
Chuck: Do tell!
Huck: I'll tell...when you tell me your problem!
(Pause.)
Chuck: Could you just tell me your problem?
Huck: With what?
Chuck: You know...
(Pause.)
Chuck: Me killing your boss.
Huck: Oh yeah! I wanted to kill my boss you bastard!
(Huck grabs the slab of wood and smacks Chuck over the head with it as he falls to the ground.)
Huck: Yeah...take that!
(Huck grabs his shotgun and pumps it several times and starts firing at Chuck as blood starts to splatter all over him.)
Huck: TAKE THAT!
(Huck stops shooting as his now almost fully covered in blood.)
Huck: Oh man...I need a shower.
(Huck drops his shotgun as James stands up rubbing his forehead.)
James: What went on here?
Huck: Um...you don't remember what happened here?
James: No...not really...hey, why's the floor covered in blood?
Huck: Yeah...
James: And why are you covered in blood?
Huck: Well...I had a bloodbath.
James: Is that Craig and...Napoleon Dynamite done there?
Huck: Uh...I think.
James: Who's that guy that's down there...he looks like you, except with a goatee?
Huck: Um...it's my Evil Alliance Double.
James: Really...they got the face all wrong.
Huck: I agree.
(Napoleon Dynamite stands up.)
Napoleon Dynamite: I just asked if he had my tarts.
(The music to the ending theme starts up as James and Huck both look at Napoleon Dynamite angrily as James grabs a shotgun and shoots him. End credits.)