Chapter Five

Competition From an Ogre

NOTE: Shrek and DreamWorks are all trademarks and copyrights of Viacom International, a subsidiary of Paramount Pictures.

Wile E. Coyote couldn't sleep. He heard Bugs Bunny giggling downstairs. So he got out of bed and sneaked downstairs. Bugs was chuckling as he slept on the couch in the den. Knowing he was dreaming, Wile E. whispered, "What's so funny?"

"Ssh…" Bugs said in his sleep, "don't tell anybody but I have a great plan. Daffy and I are gonna go around town and change all da Shrek merchandise and promotional stuff to feature OUR likenesses on dem! Hee-hee!"

"Uh-oh," Wile E. said. "You might get in trouble."

But the rabbit insisted in sleep-talk, "Naw, those Viacom jerks are stupid!"

This was enough for the coyote. He ran up to his room again. "This is becoming too much!" he said. "Daffy and Bugs will do ANYTHING to be popular again. Messing around with Shrek could be disastrous. I mean, I am sick of seeing Shrek everywhere, but I don't take it out like they are going to."

…

The next morning, Daffy and Bugs were talking. "You got da stash?" the rascally rabbit asked.

Daffy opened up a bag. "Right here!"

Inside it were a bunch of Bugs and Daffy dolls, posters, photos of their heads and full selves, crude drawings of them, and costumes of themselves.

"Dis is gonna be a riot!" Bugs laughed.

"Yeah, ain't I a stinker?" Daffy winked.

Bugs frowned. "Hey, dat's MY catchphrase!"

The black duck then announced, "Well, let's get a head-start before the coyote wakes up!" They left through the back door and ran off to town.

Wile E., still asleep in his bed, finally woke up. He yawned, stretched and rubbed his face a bit, and went downstairs to see how his friends were doing. However, he had noticed that they just left! "Oh no! They must have already gone to do their dastardly plan! Well, I guess it's up to me to stop them, as always." He threw off his bathrobe, jumped into his car and drove toward the city.

…

There was a billboard for "Shrek the Third." Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck crept over to the ladder and climbed up it to the billboard, and got to work. Half an hour later, instead of Shrek holding onto the "3" logo, Daffy Duck was holding onto the WB shield. A picture of Bugs Bunny's face was plastered over the donkey's face. The text was also changed, so it would read "Be sure to watch BUGS AND DAFFY!"

A huge Shrek balloon was floating on top of a building. Daffy deflated the balloon and put up another balloon in its place; this one of Daffy Duck!

A life-size Shrek statue was standing in front of a movie theater. Bugs sneaked over to it, opened the bag and slipped a Bugs Bunny costume over it!

There were movie posters for Shrek 3 at various theaters, bus stops and subway stations. The two, Bugs and Daffy, changed them all by plastering pictures of themselves onto the posters.

…

Wile E. Coyote walked around town. He was too late! All of the Shrek promotional materials were changed to feature the likenesses of Daffy and Bugs! The Shrek logos were all changed to the Looney Tunes logo, and the DreamWorks logos were replaced with WB shields. The coyote couldn't believe what they had done! However, nobody seemed to notice the change to the Shrek-related things. Soon, he found Bugs and Daffy preparing to paste a picture of themselves posing together over a display cutout of Shrek and Donkey. "AHA!" Wile E. shouted.

"Busted!" Daffy Duck said.

Puzzled, Bugs asked, "How did ya know what we were gonna do?"

The coyote explained, "I, er… heard you shouting in your sleep last night."

"I gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut at night," the rabbit muttered to himself.

Daffy then butted in, "But at least we're finished! Now all we have to do is play the waiting game. Where's your car, Coyote?"

…

At Wile E.'s house, Bugs and Daffy were hiding in the den with the shades pulled down. "I can't believe you're doing this," Wile E. Coyote told his friends.

"It's for a good cause," Bugs Bunny began to explain.

"Yeah," Daffy added. "This stunt will help boost our popularity! Maybe the movie theaters will decide not to run the Shrek movie and instead run our films!"

"Not very likely," Wile E. said.

Bugs said, "Well, da movie comes out in a few days. Let's see how it does!"

…

Eventually, the movie came to theaters. Hiding in a trashcan, Daffy saw a line leading into the theater. Nobody seemed to notice the altered promotional artwork. The line stretched for miles. Daffy then ran home to tell his friends the horror.

Bugs stopped him first. "Look at dis, Daffy!" He showed the duck a newspaper. In the front page, in big black letters, it said "NEW 'SHREK' BREAKS ANIMATION RECORD AT $122 MILLION!" A picture of Shrek with a really stupid-looking grin was next to it.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Daffy screamed.

And under it, it read, "Vandals Try to Sabotage Shrek's Popularity! $10,000 Reward for Capture!"

Bugs noted, "Someone must have snitched. Was it you, coyote?!"

"No," Wile E. said, trying not to act suspicious. "Apparently, the people from DreamWorks must have seen your 'artwork.' Now they want to capture you both."

"We're gonna have to hide out," Daffy announced as he began closing the window shades and locking the doors. "We will need to stay put here until 'Shrek 3' is eventually pulled from the theaters… which will be NEVER!"

The coyote laughed, "That's ridiculous! It'll probably still be in theaters for a couple of months. Besides, we have a bigger worry than some silly ogre… Pixar is coming up with another movie this June!"

"I know," Bugs added. "Another CGI talking-animal movie. Who cares?"

"Well, Bugs," Daffy said, "looks like we've got another crazy scheme coming up!"

…

The next morning, Daffy and Bugs had set up a digital camera in the den. Daffy said, "OK, Bugs. Do your stuff!"

Bugs Bunny then whirled around, and then when he stopped spinning, he was dressed up like a cute female rabbit. "Hey, look at me, I'm a sex-loving girl! I wanna make out with somebody!" Daffy took a picture.

Wile E. Coyote, hearing the sounds from the other room, came in and asked, "What are you guys doing?"

"That's not Bugs, that's a lady bunny! And YOU'RE Shrek!" Daffy shouted. Then he got out a green rubber Shrek mask and pulled it over the coyote's head.

"Hey! Daffy, what the…" Wile E. yelled, though his voice was partially muffled from the mask. The duck tossed the fake ogre over to Bugs, whom pounced on him, trying to kiss. All the while, Daffy was taking more pictures of it.

"Come on, lover-boy!" Bugs giggled.

The coyote wasn't up for it. "Let go! Stop doing this! What's going on?"

The cross-dressed rabbit insisted, "You're Shrek! And I am gonna have sex with you!"

"Stop it!" Wile E. continued saying.

"Cut!" Daffy shouted, and shut off the camera. "That's a wrap!"

Wile E. Coyote got back on his feet and peeled the Shrek mask off of his head. "What were you doing to me?"

Bugs took off his girl disguise and said, "You'll see, coyote!"