Code Name Huck

Alone

(Opening credits. Cut to Huck banging on the front door of the "Evil Alliance".)

Huck: Hello! Hey! Hey! Hello! Hello! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hello! Hey! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hi! Hello! Hi! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!

(Huck walks off. He then walks back in.)

Huck: Screw you guys, I don't need this job! I can live off…..um…..uh….uh….tampons.

(Huck walks off and then quickly walks back in.)

Huck: Or soft-lined panty liners.

(Huck walks off. Long beat. He walks back in, he then looks through the fisheye hole in the door.)

Huck: Come out! I know you guys are in there! Don't you pretend you're not in there, because I know you are! Is…..is that someone? Wait, no it's not….WAIT! No, WAIT! What the Hell no one's in there and I'm locked out! I bet they're planning……a surprise party for me! Planning an ol' surprise party for me and….they locked me out…..I bet they want me to go for the key.

(Huck walks off around the corner. Huck is now at the back of the office as he starts looking for a key.)

Huck: Okay key, where are you key? C'mon, c'mon key. C'mon now Mr. Key.

(A snake starts slowly slithering out of the bush.)

Huck: Hey, you're a snake……..go look for a key.

(Pause as it continues slithering.)

Huck: It should say my name; it's uh, for the Evil Alliance because they're planning a surprise party for me. They're gonna serve whiskey, pie and punch and nutcrackers. And the chocolate bars with the little wafers inside, it's gotta have that. Oh, and some cheese, just as long as they don't invite my long dead twin brother Chuck. Probably try to kill me with……I don't know…..natural gas or something. You heard of a beef log and a cheese log, yeah well at the party, they better serve beef cheese log so it'll motivate people to drink alcohol so people can get drunk. And women, definitely women, if they ain't women….then who I'm gonna rape? The couch? But that couch is a slut and looks hot when it dresses really like it's almost like not wearing anything. Yeah, that'll be great. That….that'll be definitely great. We'd all have to take turns though because there's only more couch…….unless I order in lots more and dress them up sexually, get everyone to have sex with the couches, film it and post it in on the internet and then make an assload of money and then I finally be able to buy "Sister, Sister" on DVD!

(The snake then bites Huck's leg.)

Huck: WHAT THE (BLEEP) ! THAT (BLEEP)ING SNAKE BIT ME ON THE (BLEEP)ING LEG, IT (BLEEP)ING WELL HURTS…….(breathes in and then out)…...

(Huck then starts screaming again as runs off and jumps through the window to get inside.)

Huck: I NEED FIRST AID, OR SECOND AID, OR THIRD AID, BUT MOSTLY FIRST AID BECAUSE FIRST AID IS BETTER THEN SECOND AID OR THIRD AID, BUT THEN AGAIN SECOND AID IS BETTER THEN THIRD AID, THIRD AID IS BETTER THEN NOTHING, WELL MAYBE EXCEPT FOR LIVE AID OR HEARING AID BUT STILL I NEED FIRST AID, BECAUSE THAT'S THE THING I NEED, NOT SECOND AID, NOT THIRD AID, NOT LIVE AID AND NOT HEARING AID BUT FIRST AID!

(Huck gets up. Long beat.)

Huck: Where the Hell is everybody? ……. Okay everybody you can pop up now I know why you guys are trying to do and yes I appreciate it but a ing snake bit me and I need attention from the medical, or the medical attention, or the medical to the attention, or the……well you guys know what I mean.

(Beat. A long beat.)

Huck: Where the Hell is everybody?

(Beat.)

Huck: Well I suppose I have to amputate this foot.

(Huck walks over to his cubicle and goes through his drawer and then grabs out a chainsaw and then looks at his feet.)

Huck: Now what foot did that father(BLEEP)ing snake bite me on? Mhm….mmmmmm…..mhmmmmm…..hmmmmm……mmmmmmm……mmmmmhmmmm….better amputate both of them.

(Huck swings the chainsaw and starts cutting off one foot, after the foot comes off blood starts spurting out then Huck revs up the chainsaw and then cuts off his other foot when more blood gets spurted out.)

Huck: I'll always remember these feet of mine.

(Cut to a camera shot of Huck's decapitated feet as it lies there. Cut to flashbacks of Huck walking in all sorts of places, grand canyon, up a hill, 3D place, live action place, clay place, Space Ghost Coast to Coast set, Brak Show neighborhood. The flashbacks stop as it cuts back to the feet then to Huck whose eyes are closed and then sheds a tear.)

Huck: Old memories.

(Cut to the First Aid place as Huck is heard in the background grunting, he then finally makes it to the bed in First Aid as he has left a trail of blood.)

Huck: (panting) I…….need…….some……new…..feet.

(Huck jumps off and finds two soccer balls.)

Huck: BALLS! Those are a nice pair of balls, I need those balls.

(Huck jumps on them and then falls off.)

Huck: Balls……soccer balls for my, feet.

(Huck starts moving slowly again. Long silence as he tries to make it around the corner and then finds a glue stick.)

Huck: Yes, yes…..glue stick!

(Huck starts kissing it as he squeezes it as the glue gets pushed into his mouth, Huck then moves slowly again. Cut back to the First Aid as Huck walks out with new his soccer ball feet, wearing a blue shirt, tie and a black jacket with a goatee starting to grow.)

Huck: I'm Black Guy Huck.

(A donkey walks up to him.)

Donkey: And I'm a donkey.

(Beat. A Long beat. Huck then swings out a knife and starts cutting up the donkey.)

Huck: I'm finally gonna suck some donkey balls!

(Cut outside of the Evil Alliance.)

Schoolly D: (V.O) And for seven years Huck was stuck in that old place, SEVEN YEARS! All alone. Oh man, I'm narrating for the wrong Adult Swim show.

(Cut back inside as Huck is staring at a campfire as he has grown a beard, is now dressed as a Indian, his soccer ball feet are now deflated.)

Huck: Thank God I haven't got crazy in this seventeen years, huh red stapler?

(Cut to a red stapler lying on the ground.)

Huck: You thought it was seven, what are you smokin?

(Cut back to the red stapler.)

Huck: That's it Wilson!

(Huck throws the stapler into the flames. Cut to the expression on Huck's face, he has now regretted his actions.)

Huck: No…..no…..I've killed my friend…..my dearest friend! My dearest oh dearest thing of……dear! WILSONNNNNNNNNNN! WILSONNNNNNNNNNNNNN! WILSONNNNNNNN! I shall take my anger out on this cursed top secret agent place!

(Huck grabs a shovel, starts running around and banging everything, ultimately wrecking everything.)

Huck: Oh no……I've wrecked everything! In my seven days of being stuck here, I've ruined everything!

(Huck pulls out a gun and points it to his head.)

Huck: I don't want to live anymore!

(Huck pulls the trigger as he blows his brains out. James and Craig walk in.)

James: What the Hell? Huck?

Craig: We were all only at Ross' bachelor party for seven hours and this is what he does?

(Craig kills Huck's corpse.)

Craig: He deserves to die.

(Schoolly D walks in.)

Schoolly D: Yo man, I'm Schoolly D can you guys point me to the way of…..

(The flaming red stapler jumps out and starts stapling staples in Schoolly D's forehead as blood pours it self all over James and Craig. Brief silence.)

James: You know what Craig, let's just go back to the party.

Craig: (overlapping) Agreed.

(End credits.)