Chapter 12

Agreian reached the Temple in the dead of night. The sun had long since set behind the rugged mountains and the land had fallen into its nightly comatose state. The first thing he did was to find his mother. It wasn't a problematical task as she was where she always resided: in her own prayer room at the top of the Temple.

"Agreian!" she cried as she heard him stumble into the chamber. She ran to him, wrapping him in her arms. "Thank the Gods you are safe!"

"I found it, mother," He took the glowing shard from his pocket, presenting it to her. She stared at it, disbelief crossing her calm face.

"So, it really isn't a legend…they do exist…" she mused.

"It appears that way,"

"Let me keep it safe until you have gathered all of them, Agreian," He nodded and handed her the treasure. "I will keep them in the protected chamber in the basement of the Temple, if you ever need to see them,"

"Thank you, mother,"

"You do not look well, what happened?" She held his shoulders, looking at him closely in the face, her eyes marked with concern.

"It…was nothing…"

"You must tell me,"

"It seems the Yason are also trying to get their hands on the shards. I had an encounter with a General Orha of the Yason Army,"

"Orha! The Orha?"

"Yes, it appeared so,"

"So they want to use the Light of Salvation to destroy the human race?"

"From what I gather, yes. Although, I don't understand why I have not heard anything of it, normally the Alliance is the most informed organisation in all of Efferia,"

"They must be trying to cover it up…The attacks are perhaps a diversion?"

"You could be right…I will have to look into it," Agreian turned to leave when he felt his mother lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Agreian, I am proud of you, you know that, don't you?" He let a smile creep upon his thin lips.

"Yes, I know mother, and how could I be any other way?" She laughed. He had always made her laugh and it was one of the things she cherished most about her son. He could be arrogant, he could be greedy, he could be selfish, but he was also a whole lot of good things and most of all, he was her only son. He commanded the Alliance alone, he was intelligent, he never put her down, he had a kind heart beneath his coolness and she loved him. A mother would always love her child, no matter what he did, no matter how disgraced or shamed he made her. Mistress Ladrienne smiled, she was glad she had Agreian.

The room was just as he had left it. He hung up his sword in it's usual place beside his bed and began to undress. The only thing he wanted was to sleep, to sleep undisturbed and without the intense melancholy of the shard bearing down upon him. Calintz was sill asleep, just as he had left him. Agreian sighed as he climbed beneath the fresh sheets. The weight of the smooth material on his naked body was satisfyingly comfortable. He stretched out, letting one of his arms fall across Calintz's chest. He chuckled to himself. How long had it been since they'd last shared a bed? But if you were awake now, you'd be furious, wouldn't you, Mano? Agreian closed his eyes, listening to his friend's breathing along with his own heartbeat. As his mind drifted off into the realm of slumber, he remembered the times they'd had, before Calintz found out they had shared the same scarred childhood.

You used to lie awake at night and when I asked why, you'd always say "because I know the moon is up there, I know it's watching me," I said you were mad. And we used to talk sometimes about our childhood, and finally the pieces of the jigsaw clicked together and we found our lives intertwined. What if we had never found that? What if we had just remained two strangers in love? Oh, Calintz…I am being sentimental, aren't I? You always hated that as I recall. You never liked to hold onto anything, to keep anything as a souvenir or as a reminder. Why were you so eager to forget things?

I told you about when I was adopted by Mistress Ladreinne and that I wasn't her real son. You know, I never have told anyone else that. I used to think of you a lot, after the Fuget incident. I used to wonder where you were, what you were doing, who you were with…I promised myself I'd find you one day, isn't it ironic that we just happened to cross paths in similar careers?

A soft, faint noise wove itself into Agreian's sleeping mind. At first he made it out to be a song, a song the Lightening Shard was humming as it radiated with electrical melancholy. Then the song was sung by his mother when he was child and she would sit and sing to him in her arms…Then as his mind gradually came into consciousness, he identified the sound for what is was: sobbing. A muffled weeping, only barely audible. Agreian squinted in the dark room, his eyes finally adjusting to the thin slivers of moonlight that pried through his curtains. His left arm lay over the bare mattress where Calintz had been. He didn't have to search far, however. His best friend lay crumpled on the floor beside the bed, curled into a foetal position. It took a moment for Agreian to realise that the Captain of the Tears of Blood was crying.

He had never seen Calintz cry, not ever, and the pitiful image frightened him. He had never shown any weakness, any sign of his true emotions for all those years. Agreian had tried to guess what he felt, but had never come anywhere near the truth. And now it seemed he had caught Calintz when his guard was down, when his sorrow had overtaken him.

The General lowered himself down off the bed and put a hand on Calintz's trembling shoulder.

"Calintz…?" he said softly.

"Leave me…!" his voice was cracked and forced, just like the time he had told him to get out of his office.

"Don't be ridiculous. Sit up," Calintz weakly attempted to resist but Agreian was stronger. When he'd propped him up against the side of the bed, he wiped away his tears with one of the sheets.

"I don't need your commiseration!"

"Don't worry, you haven't. Obviously being in a comma for three days hasn't changed you in the least, how unfortunate," Agreian mocked. Calintz gave him a poisonous glance. A glance he knew too well and it always made him smile.

"It's not funny that I can't even walk on my own two feet!" he snapped.

"I wasn't laughing…" There was an awkward silence. Calintz seemed to be avoiding eye contact, he was obviously embarrassed. Tears were still trickling down his pallid cheeks and onto the scars that were forming on his chest and torso. Agreian couldn't wait any longer, he couldn't bare the silence of the words that needed to be said. He wrapped his arms tightly around the slender body, letting his head fall onto Calintz's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Mano…I'm so sorry…It was my own ignorance for doubting you which instigated this!" Calintz tensed for a few seconds before finally giving in to his emotions and clinging to the older man, digging his fingers into his back.

"Hugo…is it true, that you killed Sdei?"

"Yes…I...made him suffer…" Agreian couldn't bare to say the rest, he couldn't bare the fear of resurrecting the images that kept him from sleep.

"I was scared that I had lost you, Mano…After what you went through, I was afraid you'd never wake up,"

"…So was I…"

Agreian found the younger man was shaking, still griping him tightly as if he would vanish from existence at any moment.

"You need to get back into bed," he said, sliding his hands under Calintz's shoulders and helping him up onto the bed where he covered him in the sheets.

"I'll be back in a second, don't try anything," Agreian said a smile creeping across his immaculate face as he pulled on a pair of trousers.

"Whatever…"

Calintz had had another nightmare. He had experienced the agony and rape all over again. When he awoke he was consumed with sadness and disgust, his whole body aching as if molten nails had been driven through his flesh. He had to try and not think about it, to push it back into the darkness of his mind or else it would consume him. There were more important things that required his attention, the first was that he had to get back to Headquarters. How long had he been asleep? Three days Reith had said? It was too long. Thing were probably in a mess, a mess he would have to sort out. The others were capable of most things but in this time of war they were inexperienced. He had attempted to get out of bed and find something to wear but his body had failed him. It was cold on the floor, a coldness far worse than a battlefield at night and there was nothing he could do. Nothing he could do to keep the pain at bay. For the second time in his life, he had felt completely helpless and it terrified him. He didn't want to ask for Agreian's help, not for anyone's help, but then what could he do on his own, like this? He hadn't had to think long before his best friend had found him, in the most shameful of situations. Calintz sighed, how long would he be bed-ridden like this?

The door opened and Agreian entered the room carrying a tray. He set it down beside Calintz and lit one of the lamps on the bedside table.

"Drink this first, it'll get you back on your feet. I know how much you despise being so dependent," He smirked enticingly, holding the cup to Calintz's lips. He tried to speak but when he opened his mouth the liquid was poured into it and he had no choice but to gulp the vile stuff down. He clutched at his chest as it burned like fire down his oesophagus and into his stomach.

"Dammit, Hugo, I can manage to feed myself!"

"Calm down, I was only attempting to help, you know,"

As Calintz ate he found he felt a lot better. The aching in his body began to subside and he felt strength returning to his limbs. Once he'd finished he got up, using the bedpost as support. He had realised to his horror that he was completely naked and his body was marred with scars and bruises. It looked awful, in fact, it was horrific, worse than anything he had incurred before. But vanity was irrelevant, what was imperative now was getting back to HQ, back to his life.

"What do you intend to do now?" Hugo called from the bed as Caltinz wobbled unsteadily around the room.

"Where did you hide my clothes?"

"I'm afraid they were beyond repair,"

"Well, I guess I'll just have to make do with some of yours then, won't I?" he shot the General a sadistic smirk. Agreian laughed.

"What's the hurry?"

"I have to get back to Headquarters, god only knows what's been going on in my absence,"

"Don't worry, it's been taken care of,"

"What?"

"I informed Lehas that you had been injured and she agreed to take care of all operations,"

"But-"

"I feel she is perfectly able, Calintz. I said if anything major came up she should contact me ASAP,"

"And has there?"

"Nothing other than the usual small bands of renegade Yason. I wouldn't worry about it," Agreian said dismissively, stretching himself out on the bed. "And anyway, there's no way you'll make it back to HQ in your current state – it's a ludicrous prospect!" Calintz reasoned that although he despised the logical decision he had come to, Agreian was right. He sighed, brushing his hair from his face.

"Fine…" he said resentfully. Agreian smiled, getting up and walking towards him. He stood in front of Calintz, his eyes drifting down his body.

"Hmm…You're wounds are healing better than I expected…" he mused.

"Perhaps...You healed me yourself, didn't you?" Agreian nodded.

"Not bad, huh?" A smirk played across the line of his lips.

"…I never knew you were that good…"

"I realise I cannot be perfect at everything, but, nonetheless I try," Calintz's pale blue eyes met Agreian's silvery grey orbs. There was a moment of unsaid words, things each of them wanted to say. But somehow these things did not need to be audible to be understood, it was like the feeling you get when you know it's night time, when you know you'll wake up every morning, when you know someone is sad even though they act the opposite, an intuition we are born with.

Calintz turned away, hiding his nakedness from his childhood friend. For some reason he felt afraid. Afraid of feeling the way he did, afraid of what those feelings would make him do. He had once convinced himself he simply could not love, but Agreian had made him doubt even his own intuition. He remembered when they had been close, closer than friends. He had never come close to another human being in that way, never let his guard down, never given himself over completely. But he couldn't help but feel the need for it again, as much as he tried to ignore it. He missed it. He missed it so much it was like a physical pain tearing him inside. It is not love…it is not love…If he repeated it enough, perhaps he would convince himself. What did loving people ever do? In the end they died or ran away, in the end you were alone. Attachments were unnecessary, a bad scar from his childhood he wished to never experience again. He felt his skin prickle as Agreian's hand fell softly upon his shoulder. He quickly spun around, throwing the hand away.

"Will you ever give up on this pointless pursuit?" he snapped acidly. There was hurt in the General's platinum eyes and it sent a pang of guilt through him.

"I am sorry…I…suppose you still aren't ready…"

"Ready? There will never be any "ready", there is nothing and there always will be!"

"Calintz, don't lie, I'm not a fool, you know. I know you're afraid. Afraid of what, I do not know, I just wish you would tell me,"

"I don't want your empathy and I don't want your pity, Hugo,"

"So it's true then…"

"What?"

"That you really do hate me,"

"I don't hate you…I never have,"

"Then what? Do you not consider me you're friend?" Agreian stared at Calintz unblinkingly. He couldn't get away from that stare, and strangely he wanted to keep staring. But he couldn't, he just couldn't.

"Yes, I consider you a friend, does that satisfy you now?"

"No," Agreian said sternly. Calintz sighed dismissively, would he ever give up?

"Well, there's no surprise there then," He located a silk dressing gown and tied it around his waist then proceeded to the door.

"Calintz…I'm sorry…I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you," Agreian called. Calintz paused for a second, contemplating whether he should say more, decided against it, then left the room.