Chapter Twelve: A Close Call
Daffy was trying to paint a picture. It was supposed to depict him stomping on the Wayan brothers and Remy from "Ratatouille." But it came out crude-looking as if a kid drew it. The painting depicted Daffy as a crude black blob with a beak and a moronic expression stomping on two brown vaguely-human figures and a gray oval with two mouse ears. Lots of red paint was around them, supposedly trying to depict blood.
"Grr… I HATE ART!" Daffy screamed. "What a waste of time!"
Sylvester and Wile E. ran into the art studio, and saw the amateurish painting. "What is THAT?" the coyote asked.
Daffy explained, "It's SUPPOSED to be me killing the Wayans and Ratatouille!"
"It looks like a black goose stepping on two brown silhouettes and a weird-looking circle that resembles a mouse," Sylvester said.
"I CAN'T PAINT WELL, OK?!" the duck shouted at the top of his lungs.
Bugs Bunny walked in, still with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" Sylvester asked.
Bugs said, "I can't get over da fact dat we beat dose Wayan brothers in court!"
"But that was almost a month ago," Wile E. told him. "And the movie came out a year and a half ago, so why did we wait to have the trial anyways?"
"It wasn't official yet," Bugs explained. "Finster had to make out all de plans."
"You know," Daffy nastily added, "I wish we won an Annie Award. We did not get ANY of them, and these are made for animation only! WHY DIDN'T WE GET ANY!!!"
"One," Wile E. began, "Disney and Pixar have beaten us at all our nominations. Two, the Annies did not start until 1991, which was years after the original run of our classics."
Bugs bitterly said, "And I bet 'Drat-tatouille' is gonna get de Annie dis year!"
"Right," the coyote agreed. "Even if 'Ratatouille' was made in 2-D animation, it'd still be hyper-successful as it is in real life."
"NO!" Daffy corrected. "It would've bombed! The CGI and the talking animals was what made it big!"
"The film WOULD'VE bombed if it didn't have Pixar's name on it or Brad Bird was not director!" Wile E. argued. "NOT if it were made in 2-D!"
"Then why do you think our movie bombed in 2003!?" Daffy yelled.
"Bad writing, bad acting by the human cast, it cost too much money to make and promote, Cartoon Network didn't help promote the film, and they released it at a bad time!" Wile E. said, starting to sound annoyed.
"And 'Finding Nemo' jeopardized its success as well!" Daffy angrily stomped his feet.
The coyote added "Larry Doyle also produced some shorts starring us in it that gave us a bad image!"
"NOT LARRY DOYLE!" Sylvester gasped.
"Shut up!" Daffy shouted at Sylvester, and then he said to Wile E. as loud, "Thanks to those Pixar communists and Cartoon Network suits, we're in danger of becoming obscure!"
"You don't even KNOW what obscure means!" Wile E. said.
Daffy yelled, "Right here!"
They shoved each other and got into a big fight. Soon they were punching and kicking each other and calling each other names like "LIAR!" "HAIRBALL!" "MORON!" and "NOODLELOAF!"
"Uh, guys?" Bugs asked. "Guys!" he said a little louder. Then he screamed, "HEY DOCS!"
Daffy and Wile E. stopped fighting.
"I just wanted you guys to stop fighting," the rabbit explained.
"But the Annies is just a month away!" Daffy whined.
Wile E. sighed and said, "There's nothing we can do until then."
"You're right," Daffy agreed. They shook hands and called it truce.
…
A month later, a piercing scream echoed throughout Wile E's house. "AAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Inside, Daffy zoomed the newspaper up to Wile E. Coyote. "LOOK!" he angrily said, blinking back tears. "The front page story! 'Ratatouille' won all the Annie Awards!"
"Just as I predicted!" Wile E. pointed out. "I guess I am a good fortune teller after all!"
"Bugs was right. This IS a crying shame!" Daffy noted angrily, and slapped his forehead five times.
Bugs Bunny angrily ran in and said, "NOW what's da problem?"
"Look at this!" Daffy shouted, showing Bugs the newspaper. "That dumb 'Ratatouille' won the Annie Awards!"
"IT DID WHAT???!!!" Bugs yelled with a shocked expression as his eyes bugged out and his veins throbbed. Then he screamed loudly and ran over to the front door. Wile E. raced off to follow, and just as Bugs tripped and began falling down the front steps, Wile E. pounced on him and when they hit the ground, Bugs was lying, uninjured, on Wile E. Coyote's stomach.
"You… you saved my life!" Bugs said.
"I know," the coyote said. "I didn't want a repeat of what happened last year. Now could you call me an ambulance?"
…
A few hours later, at the Betty Rubble Center, several patients were there. Wakko Warner had eaten a big balloon and now his stomach was huge. Olive Oyl was having the bones in her arms straightened so they wouldn't always wobble. Brian Griffin was trying to kick the habit of drinking martinis. And Inspector Gadget had his extendable neck tied up in a knot.
In another room, Bugs and Daffy were talking with Wile E., who was now on crutches with his leg in a cast. "I'm sorry I flipped out again, coyote," Bugs said. "But I'm glad you sacrificed yourself to keep me from hurting myself again."
Sylvester ran in, breathing heavily. "What happened?" he asked. "Did Wile E. have a freak-out about Pixar?"
"No, I did," Bugs explained. "I ALMOST hoit myself again, but de coyote leaped at me and saved me from another injury."
"Yes," the coyote added. "I didn't want Bugs to hurt himself like he did last year, so I had to prevent it from happening all over again. And who knows what will happen when 'Ratatouille' wins the Oscar."
Daffy angrily kicked his foot against the wall. "Stupid Pixar!" he said. "Time to plan the ultimate assault!"
"Hey, I'm with ya!" Bugs said, helping Wile E. with his walking. "And you can join us, Sylvester. And how about you, Wile E?"
"No thank you," the coyote said, "I do not want any part in an assault on Pixar. Besides, I am out of commission for a couple of weeks, most likely."
"OK, we'll do it ourselves!" Bugs laughed. "Wile E. probably can't try to stop us with dat stress fracture of his!"