Chapter Thirteen: That Final Spark

Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny were now wearing green Army-style camouflage fatigues, and Bugs was seated on the couch with Sylvester as Wile E. Coyote was next to them with his broken leg. Daffy was pacing back and forth as he spoke…

"All right, men," he said, "it's time to plan the ultimate assault on the enemy, Pixar Animation Studios! And if it works, we will attack Cartoon Network, and then the Walt Disney Company! First, we'll…" he stalled. "You know, I don't have any idea on how we could attack Pixar!"

"Why don't we order army equipment from Acme's Military Surplus?" Sylvester asked.

Daffy liked that idea. "Good! Bugs?"

Bugs suggested, "Eh, let's get all de other Looney Tunes to band together with us for dis big assault!"

"Great idea!" Daffy said. "Wile E., you have any suggestions?"

"I say we call the whole thing off and…" Wile E. began, but Bugs clamped his muzzle shut.

"No!" Daffy snapped. "This plan is going on. But we don't know when we should attack."

Bugs said, "Why don't we wait a bit to go on with de assault?"

"That's a good idea," Daffy sputtered. "We shall wait until that final spark occurs that will set off the attack."

"If you excuse me, I don't want to be a part of this," the coyote said, getting up and walking over to the kitchen with his crutches. He said to himself when he was out of the way of the other three 'toons, "I think I know what the final spark will be… the Oscars. I bet $25 with an old friend that 'Ratatouille' is going to win."

"No! Double it to $35!" Daffy yelled from the living room. "You're gonna win the bet for sure!"

Bugs corrected the duck, "Eh, doubling 25 does not make 35, Daffy. Do de math!"

"Sorry." Then Daffy continued, "We shall plan the assault date to after the Oscar ceremonies are over. I will call Porky Pig, Tweety, Taz, and the other Looney Tunes. I'll even let Cool Cat in on this one!"

…

The next day, Daffy was using some graphing software on Wile E's computer to plan out the assault. So, Wile E. had to use his laptop for his web-surfing. He found a website describing "Bugs Bunny on Ice," which was a Holiday on Ice production. He told Daffy, "Hey Daffy, did you hear about 'Bugs Bunny on Ice?'"

"We're gonna be doing an ice show?" Daffy asked in surprise. "WOW!"

But the coyote explained, "No, it's not going to involve the real us. Instead it has professional ice-skaters disguised as us to perform a musical ice adventure about going around the world." He showed Daffy pictures of the costumed skaters.

"WHAT?!" Daffy screamed in anger. "How could those impostors get away with it?!"

Bugs ran in and said, "Daffy, does dis mean it's time for de assault?"

Daffy calmed down and said, "No Bugs. But I found out there's an ice show in Europe that has people wearing costumes bearing our image."

Wile E. was looking at a picture of the guy dressed as him from the ice show. "Hmm, not a bad likeness," he admitted.

"Even so," Daffy said, "why not just have us appear in the ice show? We can skate!"

Sylvester chimed in, "But I can't skate really well, and neither can the coyote."

Bugs looked in the closet and saw Wile E. Coyote's costume of himself on a hangar. "At least dis coyote suit is better than de one dey're using in dat show." He pulled out something else and shut the door. "Why is there a costume of ME in dis closet?"

"You know I like dressing up and cosplaying," the coyote said teasingly.

Bugs then told Daffy, "Ice shows aren't really a concern for us. Disney and Pixar are Cartoon Network are bigger concerns right now. Especially with dat runaway talking-animal hit 'Rata…'"

"ENOUGH!" Daffy shouted and clamped his hand over Bugs's mouth. "I've had it up to HERE with this 'Ratatouille' business! Those CGI talking-animal movies are just as bad as those live-action remakes of classic cartoons! Besides, whatever happened to our comic book series? For all I know, DC Comics still has our permission to draw us in new stories."

"Dey still do comics of us," Bugs explained, holding up the latest issue. "And look at dis! It's de most recent issue, and I am NOWHERE to be found in it!"

Daffy looked through it and said, "Funny, I don't remember Sylvester dressing up as me."

"I only did that for Halloween a few years ago," Sylvester explained, "since you stole my 'Sufferin' Succotash' catchphrase!"

"However," Bugs began, "we ordered all de military equipment from Acme Industries and got more military uniforms for da rest of us Looney Tunes. I also set up the phone numbers for all de other Tunes to let dem know when to attack!" He gestured toward a red phone with a bunch of speed-dial buttons.

Wile E. frowned. "I think all of this is stupid," he said. "You guys can't win. You're fighting against Pixar. You'll all probably wind up dead or in jail."

Daffy laughed and said, "If we wind up in jail, we'll break out!"

…

The Academy Award ceremonies came and went. The morning after, which was a beautiful sunny day, Wile E. Coyote looked at the newspaper and found an article stating that "Ratatouille" won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature. Panicked, he tried to hide it so the others wouldn't see it. It wasn't easy doing it while trying to get around in his crutches, though. First, he thought he could burn it in the fireplace, but then he noticed that he would want to read it later. So, he decided to try putting it under his bed. That didn't work out either, because even a lazy eye could notice it underneath. So, he slipped it underneath his bed mattress, sighed with relief, and went back to his breakfast.

…

Two hours later, Daffy went into Wile E's bedroom since he was looking for his missing scarf and noticed a bit of paper sticking out. Curiosity got the duck, so he pulled out the paper, opened it and looked at it.

Bugs and Sylvester and Wile E. were relaxing in the den, until they heard a loud "EEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" coming from the coyote's room. Wile E. got up and hurried over to his room in horror, and noticed Daffy standing there, panting heavily, his eyes bloodshot, his knuckles sticking out, and sweating profusely, while he stared at the newspaper article that reported "Ratatouille" winning the Oscars. Daffy growled a bit, and the coyote braced himself for the explosion. Instead, he heard mumbling coming from Daffy's beak…

"Stupid Pixar…" he muttered in a low voice. "They defeated the competition. They proved the unthinkable. They swiped the crown from us… It's the final spark…" Then he tore up the paper, saying, "It's time… for… the assault!"

Wile E. gasped. He wished that it were all a bad dream he could wake up from, but it wasn't.

Daffy then got out a megaphone, switched it on, and screamed out, "BUGS! SYLVESTER! TIME TO DO THE ASSAULT!"

Bugs got the cue and got to the red telephone. He immediately called Lola Bunny, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, Tweety, Foghorn Leghorn, Pepe Le Pew, Yosemite Sam, Speedy Gonzales, Marvin the Martian, the Tasmanian Devil, Henry Hawk, Charlie Dog, Granny, Witch Hazel, Rocky and Mugsy, Petunia Pig, Michigan J. Frog, the Barnyard Dawg, Cecil Tortoise, the Goofy Gophers, Hubie and Bertie, Hector Bulldog, Claude Cat, Sylvester Jr., Spike and Chester, Pete Puma, Count Bloodcount, Slowpoke Rodriguez, Sniffles, Beaky Buzzard, Ralph Wolf, Sam Sheepdog, Private Snafu, Colonel Rimfire, Egghead Jr., the Three Bears, Hippety Hopper and even Cool Cat. He told them the same message. "We're gonna do de Pixar assault right now! Get all your military gear and come right over to Wile E's house!"

…

In half an hour, all of the Looney Tunes that Bugs called showed up, all of them in either full military uniforms, or just the helmets. Almost each one of them was holding a weapon. Some of them were in tanks.

"Listen, everyone!" Daffy began. "This is going to be the biggest attack that has ever been done by a cartoon character! So, we'll all have to cooperate!"

"I STILL don't think that's a very smart idea," Wile E. began.

Daffy interrupted him, "That's easy for you to say. YOU'RE a super-genius fanatic!" Then he continued to the other Toons, "So first, we will all go over to the Pixar building, and THEN we begin firing grenades, shooting guns and cannons, and more, until we finally DESTROY PIXAR!"

All the other Looney Tunes cheered, except for Wile E., whom had a worried expression on his face.

"And now… ON TO BATTLE!" Bugs called out. They all got into the tanks and military jeeps and rumbled off to the Pixar studio.

The coyote gulped and began trembling. "I can't believe the Looney Tunes have come down to this. After my appointment with the doctor about my leg today, I am going to have to stop this nonsense once and for all!"