Chapter Fourteen: The Assault!

Wile E. Coyote was at the doctor's office, getting an update on his broken leg. "So how much longer do I have to wear this cast?" he asked the doctor.

"On the contrary," the doctor said, "you're ready to get your cast off today. You're completely healed!"

"Good!" Wile E. said. "But can you make it quick? I have to help some friends of mine in a hurry."

"Sure. This won't hurt a bit…" he said, getting out a chainsaw.

…

Later, Wile E. Coyote thought out a plan to stop the other Looney Tunes from their Pixar assault. But it wasn't going to be easy to do it alone. He needed some recruits. First, he went over to the usual desert road and waited for the Road Runner to show up. Soon the Road Runner zoomed up, stopped and said, "Meep-meep!"

The coyote then held up the following signs: "STOP. WE WILL NOT BE CHASING TODAY. THIS IS MORE SERIOUS." "THE OTHER LOONEY TUNES ARE GOING TO TRY AND DO AN ASSAULT ON PIXAR, AND I AM TRYING TO STOP THEM." "ARE YOU UP FOR IT?"

The Road Runner flicked his tongue and held up his own sign: "YES. I WILL HELP YOU, THOUGH WE ARE NATURAL ENEMIES."

…

Then the coyote came to the house where Scooby-Doo, Shaggy and Fred lived. Ringing the doorbell, he saw Shaggy wearing a rubber Scooby-Doo mask and a body costume, but with his human hands and shoes still visible. "Rello?" Shaggy said, attempting to imitate Scooby's voice.

"Oh, what are you doing in that getup?" Wile E. asked.

"Rhat retup?" "Scooby" asked, feigning innocence.

The coyote chuckled and said, "Don't play innocent with me. I know all the old 'Mission: Impossible'-style disguise tricks, and I also know how much you enjoy dressing up! I do too!"

And with that, Shaggy tugged off his Scooby-Doo mask, coming off with a wet "Pop!" to reveal his true sweaty face. "OK, like, you found me out," Shaggy admitted. "Scoob and I are getting in each others' skin, so to speak…" And with that he gestured towards the real Scooby-Doo, wearing one of Shaggy's spare green shirts and maroon pants and a Shaggy mask over his face.

Wile E. laughed at the sight, but he still walked up to Scooby and said, "Yes, but there's no time for that." And with that, he pulled of the Shaggy mask to reveal Scooby's face underneath!

"Raw, shucks!" Scooby said playfully.

"I'm wise to your tricks," Wile E. told Scooby and Shaggy, "because I am smarter than all of you combined. BUT, this is a more important issue than some mask game. The other Looney Tunes are going to lead an assault on rival Pixar, and the Road Runner and I are going to try to stop them. Want to come help?"

"Man, sounds like you're doing the right thing!" Shaggy agreed.

"We'll relp!" Scooby added.

…

Then Wile E. went over to the apartment that Merlin the Magic Mouse and Second Banana lived in. He rang the bell, and then the magician mouse answered, saying "Well, well, if it isn't Wile E. Coyote. I haven't seen you in a long time, yes…"

"I know," the coyote said. "But this is an emergency. The Looney Tunes are trying to run a crusade against Pixar, and they are in grave danger. We need your help, please!"

"Why, certainly!" Merlin said. Then he called, "Second Banana my boy, someone finally needs us! Bring the magic stuff!"

"OK, Merlin!" Second Banana said, holding a large blue trunk.

"Are there going to be any Native Americans, or leprechauns, or hillbillies involved?" Merlin cautiously asked Wile E.

"Not that I know of," Wile E. answered.

"OK, we'll help you!" Merlin said.

…

Wile E. Coyote also recruited Slappy Squirrel and Penelope Pussycat, whom all volunteered to help him, the Road Runner, Merlin, Shaggy, Fred and Scooby-Doo. They all bundled into Fred's Mystery Machine, with Wile E. behind the wheel.

"Now be careful with this van," Fred said. "We've had it since 1969!"

"I know," the coyote said. "At least I got my $25 from a friend I bet that 'Ratatouille' would win the Oscar." Suddenly, he stopped in front of a line of cars. "Oh, just great! A traffic jam."

"Come along, Second Banana, and we'll go see what it is," Merlin said, getting out his magic carpet. He and Second Banana flew on it and after a bit of traveling, they found a fleet of tanks and army jeeps, all with armed Looney Tunes characters in them. The sky was starting to turn an ominous red. Merlin and Second Banana instantly flew back to the van.

"The reason why we have this traffic jam is because the other Looney Tunes are going by with their army vehicles!"

"We'll have to cut around," Wile E. said. Then he swerved the Mystery Machine and began driving it down the sidewalk and occasionally in between cars onto the other side of the road. Luckily there weren't any police officers to see this. Then he caught up to the other 'toons and noticed that they weren't too far from the Pixar studio.

"All right, people," Wile E. told the others, "time to commence Operation: Stop the Pixar Assault!"

…

Over at the Pixar studios, they were having an office party to celebrate winning the Oscar. Suddenly, one of the employees looked out the window and saw the Looney Tunes army approaching! He immediately pressed a button and a klaxon began sounding with red lights flashing. Then he got out a bullhorn and called into it, "CODE RED! CODE RED! WE HAVE AN ENEMY APPROACHING!"

"Is it DreamWorks?" "I bet it's Blue Sky!" "No, it's probably Sony Pictures Animation!" "I'm betting it's DreamWorks." "No, no! It's gotta be Universal and their new CG studio!" several people called out.

"No…" the guy said, getting out binoculars. "My God, it's the Looney Tunes! And they have military equipment!"

People began standing there with confused looks.

"Now don't just stand there, we have to prepare ourselves!"

Now they began to panic and run around, getting ready to take cover.

…

The tanks and jeeps stopped outside, and Daffy Duck climbed out of the one in the lead. He was in full army gear. He got out a bullhorn, and said, "LISTEN UP, PIXAR! We're fed up with your overrated popularity! We are going to do something we should've done a long time ago! Fire one!"

Daffy poked back into the tank and said, "Psst, Bugs. That's your cue!"

"OK, doc," Bugs said, and pushed the "FIRE" button. The tank shot a bullet at the building but missed and hit a tree.

Wile E. Coyote and the others came up. "We're too late!" he said in horror. "They've begun the assault!"

The other Looney Tunes were firing all their weapons, but they kept missing the studio. Many of them just hit trees or cars in the parking lot or seagulls flying in the air. They kept at this for a few minutes. The coyote managed to climb into the lead tank, and said to Daffy, "Stop this once and for all!"

"Wile E!" Daffy was shocked. "What happened to your leg? I thought it was broken!"

"It healed," the coyote explained. "I know you're upset about Pixar being overrated, but you have to stop it! The police might come and arrest all of you! THAT would put an end to the Looney Tunes forever!"

"NO!" Daffy angrily yelled.

In another tank, Scooby-Doo and Shaggy were trying to talk with Elmer Fudd. "Like, you'd better quit while you're ahead," Shaggy was telling him, "or you'll never be on TV again!"

"Cwam it, hippie," Elmer angrily said. "And you too, dog!"

And in a military jeep, Merlin the Magic Mouse confronted Cool Cat and Colonel Rimfire. "Stop! Desist! What you are doing will cost you your futures."

But Colonel Rimfire aimed his rifle at Merlin's nose. "I say, look here, blasted mouse. That Pixar has already cost us our future!"

The only one that had some success was Penelope, whom attracted Pepe Le Pew. He jumped out of his part of the tank and began chasing after the cat. "Ahhh, Ma Cheri," he said, "We will make beautiful music together!"

After trying to destroy the studio for fifteen minutes, as everyone in the building was merely doing the duck-and-cover method underneath their desks, Daffy shouted out into his megaphone, "STOP!" They stopped firing. "This isn't working. It's time to bring out… the BOMB."

Marvin the Martian came up with a wheelbarrow that had a big red bombshell in it with "TNT" in white letters.

"That's not a nuke, is it son?" Foghorn Leghorn asked.

"It is 1000 pounds of TNT," Marvin explained, "enough to annihilate a whole building the size of our target."

Daffy commanded, "Good. Load it into the cannon, and let's LAUNCH THE BOMB!"

The coyote cried out, "No! Don't!"

"SHUT UP!" Daffy screamed. They loaded it into a large cannon. "LAUNCH THE BOMB!" the duck then repeated.

Just as the bomb came out of the cannon, Wile E. jumped out in front of it, and with all his might, clenched and flexed until the bomb zoomed right over the building without hurting it. It then landed in a field right behind the parking lot and detonated. The explosion rocked the area, causing everyone to shake and shield their eyes from the flash. Soon, the explosion died down. The Pixar building was still intact, and so were the 'toons and their army equipment. A huge smoldering crater was right in the middle of the field. Some of the nearby trees were now on fire from the huge blast.

All the 'toons were silent. Daffy and Bugs climbed out of their tank. They took off their army helmets and slowly walked over to the crater. In the center, they found Wile E. Coyote lying there.

"Is he… is he…" Daffy sputtered nervously.

Bugs Bunny gulped, and a tear ran down his cheek. "We didn't mean to…"

Suddenly, the coyote's tail twitched. He groaned, and got up from the disaster area, skritching the fur on his side.

"You're OK!" Daffy cheerfully said. He and Bugs ran over and hugged Wile E. "We thought we lost you! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," the coyote said. "Nothing's broken or hurt, thankfully, not even with that healed stress fracture."

Bugs said, "You sacrificed yourself to save Pixar. I guess you really cared about our futures."

"Yes," Wile E. explained. "I didn't want your careers to come to a permanent end. Say, why isn't Sylvester with you guys?"

They heard an annoyed yell, and saw Sylvester running away from the disaster area. He yelled, "STUPID PIXAR! I'LL FIND A WAY TO DESTROY THEM!"

"Jeez…" Wile E. said. Then he grabbed one of Yosemite Sam's revolver pistols and ran off, following Sylvester…