Chapter 7: Pain

Claudia Joy sat on the couch her husband's hand clenched firmly in her own. The two cops beside her were still talking but she heard none of it. The only words she could hear were Denise, accident, explosion, didn't get out. Those were all she really needed to hear. All she really needed to know. She heard a soft gasp from the hallway and turned her head towards the sound. Jeremy and Amanda were sitting in the hallway eavesdropping. Amanda grabbed Jeremy in her arms as he sobbed. Heart wrenching sobs tore through his body. His father was lost at war and his mother was gone. Claudia Joy felt the walls closing in on her so she bolted form her couch and ran out the door. She ran until she was in the park on the bridge above the lake. Her and Denise had often taken long walks out here early in the morning before anyone else was up.

"Hi I'm Denise Sherwood"

"Claudia Joy Holden. Nice to meet you."

That day replayed in Claudia Joy's head. She tried to force it out but was only met with more memories. Her heart thudded violently in her chest. She saw her friend's face in her mind and pictured her smiling, laughing. Anything but her last moments on earth. It wasn't spent with her friends and family it was spent thinking her husband was dead. She was killed for no other reason than some kids partied and then got behind the wheel. Her mind forced her through memory after memory. All more painful than the last…

"You are my best friend Claudia Joy. I would never judge you or criticize you for your flaws. God knows I have them too. You are an amazing mother, wife and friend. Don't you ever let anyone else tell you differently." Claudia Joy sank into her friends arms her back against Denise's chest.

"You'll always be here right? You won't ever leave me? I can't lose the best friend I ever had" Denise laughed and stroked her hair.

"Never" Claudia Joy content with the answer listened to her friend as she babbled on about something…

Sobs racked her body making Claudia Joy fall to her knees. She screamed out in anguish. As if knowing her pain the heavens opened up and cried tears of their own.

"You promised!! You told me never. You told me you would never leave me!! Why? Why couldn't you have just stayed put? What were you doing there? What were you doing on a deserted back road off post? Please come back!! Do you hear me?? Come back!!!" Her sobs wracked her whole body. She let out screams of anguish and despair. She was mad and she was heart broken and she was scared. Her best friend had died because of a drunk driver and she had died alone. How was she supposed to deal with that? She felt someone come up behind her and felt Michael put his hand on her shoulder.

"She's not dead"

"Claudia Joy"

"NO! I am telling you that she is not dead!! She can't be" Claudia Joy ranted whispering the last part. She turned to leave but Michael grabbed her arms and pulled her into him. She struggled at first but eventually broke down in his grasp.

Pamela and Roxy sat on the couch in silence. Neither could believe that their friend was dead. At some point after they had been informed they had moved closer seeking each others comfort. They held onto each other afraid if they let go they would be dealt with the same fate as Claudia Joy and Denise.

"I can't believe this" Roxy said tears unchecked on her face.

"It happens" Pamela said in a voice that was void of emotion. Her body was working to shut this out and Roxy had about enough of this 'it happens' business in the army. No one ever questioned anything.

"No! This doesn't just happen. Denise is not a soldier who tragically lost their life at war. She was our friend. She died in the middle of the night because she was hit head on by another driver and wasn't able to get out of her exploding car. Do not tell me this just happens. It shouldn't have happened and I am sick and tired of everyone just rolling over and not dealing with despair. I get that you could lose someone to war when you are married to a soldier. But what I do not get is how a woman as beautiful and kind as Denise can just die. She wasn't killed in battle and she wasn't sick. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And now we are treating her like she is just another soldier who died in the war honorably. Luckily not our soldier though right? We mourn and then we let their families alone. We lost our friend and now our other friend is being treated like the spouse who lost out. If it had been you I would be dying inside. I would need someone to pull me out. Someone who also loved you. Claudia Joy needs us. She needs us to mourn with her not leave her alone." Pamela looked at her shocked. She was used to Roxy's outbursts by now, had even come to love them, but she had never realized how much she was hurting until Roxy had just described everything she was feeling. She was mad and she was confused. And if it had been Roxy she would have died with her.

"Lets go help our friend"

Jeremy looked out the window in Amanda's room. She was crying but all he could do was stand there. His whole world was gone forever. She was hurting too and it made things so much worse. She had been trying to get him to talk to her but he wouldn't. Until now. He needed to confess his crimes. He was just happy that he had told his mother he was sorry and that he loved her before she died. Died, what a strange word. It felt hollow to him. He knew he was probably in denial but he didn't care.

"I hit her. I hit her Amanda. When I would get really mad. It would get pretty bad sometimes too. I could go on and on about why I did it but it doesn't matter. There was no excuse. She loved me and never made me feel other wise. I knew she would never tell on me and I took advantage of her love. The last time I hit her was right before I found out about my father. I hurt her pretty bad and she was trying to get away from me but I pushed her. Her head hit the coffee table." Tears sprung to his eyes as he continued. Amanda was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. "I thought I killed her. After that I realized that one day I might do just that if I didn't get this in check. I told her I was sorry and that I loved her. And than we just sat there in the most comfortable silence I've ever known. I had never felt so loved and protected before. And now that's gone forever. I don't feel loved anymore and I don't feel safe or protected." At this point he was crying hard. His sobs making him shake violently. Amanda walked over and took him in her arms.

"Feel safe with me. Feel loved with me" Jeremy looked at her surprised.

"You don't think I'm a monster for hurting my mother?"

"She forgave you and so can I. I love you Jeremy"

"I love you too. Thank you" Jeremy and Amanda then laid down on her bad Amanda's arms wrapped protectively around him as he continued to mourn the lose of his mother.

Many people had gone over to Claudia Joy's looking to offer their condolences. They knew that Jeremy would be there as well. But neither would see anyone. Both were held too tightly in their grief to even leave the comfort each had found. Claudia Joy had found a picture of her friend. Their arms were wrapped around each other and both looked happy. So she laid in bed her friend's picture held tightly to her chest. Jeremy laid in Amanda's bed as Amanda stroked his hair letting him cry, or scream, or just lay there in comfortable silence. Roxy and Pamela had staked out on Claudia Joy's couch not leaving until she came out and talked to them. She needed them and they were not going to give up on her. People had obeyed and left Denise alone and she died. She drove away upset and in no condition to be out there alone and she died.

They held each other's hands the gravity of the situation lying on them like a thick cloud of smoke. They heard movement from the stairs and watched as a tired and devastated Claudia Joy came down the stairs. Her eyes were red from crying, she had showered and changed but there was still an air of grief surrounding her. She had dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. The nightmares made it almost impossible. They said no words. She just collapsed between them in sobs. They cradled her in their arms crying along with her. A beautiful soul was lost forever. A woman who made other people's lives better. She had made their lives better. She had done so much good and had so much more to do. And now she was gone.

Pain. That was all she felt. Pain and a coldness that went straight through her. She had been trying to get to her destination for hours. Every once and awhile passing out from the pain. She looked at her surroundings and realized she had made it to her and Frank's special spot. She would die near her husband. She felt it coming welcoming the relief it would bring. As she felt the warmth return to her body and the feeling of slipping away overwhelm her she saw faces. Her son's, her best friend's, her other friends' and her husband's. Her son could possibly have lost his father. Frank could possibly be alive. And she had made a promise to Claudia Joy that she would never leave her. And she was going to take all that away. No way in hell. So she laid there and waited until she could get her strength up and get to the main road. Denise Sherwood was not ready to give up. She was not going to leave her family and friend's. Somehow she was going to get back to them. With renewed strength she pulled herself up using a tree for support and started the long journey back to her life.