Sam was lying down when she heard the door close and turned her head to see who it was. She gasped when she saw that it was Jack.
He slowly walked up beside her and stuck his hands in his pockets.
"Hey Carter" he said softly. "I mean . . . Sam."
Sam looked up at him wondering why he was here.
Jack sat down beside her and after several moments, slowly reached for her hand. It felt cold and fragile. He cleared his throat. "I think we have a lot to talk about."
She grasped his hand. "I didn't think you'd want to speak to me ever again after the way I've treated you. I know you're hurt, Jack, and it's all my fault."
Jack looked at the floor. "Not completely."
Sam let go of his hand, pushed herself up, and leaned against the headboard. They both sat in silence for a few moments.
"Pete was a mistake, Jack, the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life."
Jack turned to face her. "May I ask what you saw in him in the first place?"
She hesitated as she looked at her hands. "A chance for a life outside of work. At first, he was funny, charming, brought me flowers. Do you know how long it had been since I'd been treated like a woman instead of a soldier?"
She gripped the blanket as tears pooled in her eyes.
"He showered me with attention. We had some good times together, but I should have put an end to it when we found out he did a background check on me. I knew he didn't trust me and I guess I just wanted to be in a relationship so badly that I chose to overlook it." Sam shook her head and sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, Jack, I'm the world's biggest fool when it comes to relationships."
Jack started to say something but Sam held up her hand to continue.
"Please, let me say what I want to say. I got involved with Jonas Hansen and we all know how well that turned out" she said with a self-depreciating laugh. "Then there were all the men who ended up dead and I became the laughing stock of the SGC. They call me the 'black widow.'"
Jack had heard the gossip and knew what she meant.
"Didn't think I knew about that did you?" she said with hurt in her eyes. "Every guy that's ever been interested in me is a nut case or ends up dead." She paused for a moment. "Let's see, there was Jonas, Pete, Narim, Orlin, Joe, Martouf, and maybe others that I can't remember right now."
Jack squeezed her arm. "You can't blame yourself for what happened with them."
Sam wiped her eyes. "Oh really? Well, let's just consider . . . Pete was a lot like Jonas. At first, they were charming and considerate, then they became obsessive and abusive. It took me awhile to find out what they were both really like. How could I have been so naïve? Then there was Narim. A nice guy and he liked me a lot, but he died. Orlin was sweet but . . . Joe was just getting interested and saved my life when he stayed behind on the harvester when we were on the Volien planet, and he died. Then there was Martouf and we know how that ended."
Jack wasn't sure what to say to make her feel better.
"Last night I was lying here in the dark thinking about other peoples' lives. I see them happy, married, with kids, and I think, what's wrong with me? Maybe I really am the black widow. Maybe I'm cursed or doomed to failure. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy in that way. I'm almost 40 years old, Jack, and not once in my entire adult life have I had a stable romantic relationship."
She paused for a moment, then tears filled her eyes once more.
"And the one man that has come to mean so much to me over the years, the one that I've come to love with all my heart, the one that I trust more than anyone else, the one that means more to me than any other man in this world, is the one I end up hurting the most, just because of my stupidity. I guess the cliché is true, that you always hurt the one you love. I never really knew what that meant until now."
Sam put her hand over her eyes as she tried not to cry.
They sat there for several moments, neither one really knowing what to say.
Jack looked out the window. "So many things have happened in my life, Sam, I guess I feel I don't deserve to be happy. My only child died from my own carelessness. I destroyed my marriage because of my refusal to share with Sara the pain of losing our son and I hurt her."
Jack glanced at her then looked back out the window.
"From the moment we met, I was attracted to you. That day in the briefing room, you stood up to me and I respected that. After Sara left, I didn't think I'd ever love someone again, but I fell for you pretty fast. As we got to know each other and the longer we worked together, I couldn't imagine not getting to see you every day. As I told Daniel, you became the bright spot in my life. Then came the zatarc test and we just swept it under the rug and didn't deal with it."
He paused and Sam waited for him to continue.
"When you showed me the engagement ring in your lab that day, I wanted to pull you to your feet and just shake some sense into you."
"Why didn't you?"
Jack looked into her eyes. "I guess I felt you had made your choice and I gave up trying. It didn't seem to matter any more. I thought we'd had our chance but we never took it and it was too late. Besides, I wanted you to be happy."
"I wanted you to say something, Jack. I wanted you to stop me. Four years had passed since the zatarc test and I was unsure if I still meant anything to you." She stopped to wipe her eyes. "When you walked out of my lab that day, I felt numb. I thought that you didn't really care one way or the other if I married Pete. I felt if you really loved me, you would have at least made the effort to let me know how you felt."
"In case you haven't noticed, Sam, I'm not one for talking about my feelings."
"You're doing pretty well right now."
"Yeah, well, I'm trying because I know this should have been said a long time ago."
Sam sighed. "One of my biggest regrets were all those times you asked me to go fishing. I really did want to go, but I didn't trust myself to be alone with you. I knew that if we were there, alone and away from everybody, that we might have . . . believe me, if I had it to do over again, I would have accepted the first time you asked."
They looked into each other's eyes and Jack started to smile.
"Wanna go fishin', Carter?"
Sam chuckled, then started to cry and Jack moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her as they held tightly to each other.
"We'll work this out, Sam. I promise."
Jack leaned back and wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs.
"I . . . I want to say something to you."
She nodded her head.
"Don't take all the blame for this because part of it was certainly my own fault. After the zatarc test, I came so close to setting you down and telling you that I didn't want us to have to hide our feelings; that whatever it took, I would do it."
Sam bit her lip as she tried not to cry.
"Not saying that to you then was a huge mistake and I'm sorry. I just kept putting it off and thought that eventually after we had defeated the Goa'uld, that I would resign so we could be together. I wasn't about to ask you to leave the Air Force when you had such a bright career ahead of you. Then the years passed and you met Pete."
He suddenly stood up, went to the window and stuck his hands in his pockets.
Sam threw back the blanket, slid off the bed and came to stand beside him. She put her hands on his shoulders and turned him to face her. They looked into each other's eyes as he put his arms around her. She slid her arms around his waist and laid her forehead on his chest. Tears came to Jack's eyes as Sam began to cry.
They stood that way for several minutes, then Jack let go. Sam wiped the tears from her cheeks as he took her hand and they sat back down on the bed.
"I hope it isn't too late for us. Can you ever forgive me for hurting you?"
Jack smiled. "I'll forgive you for Pete if you'll forgive me for not talking to you sooner about this."
Jack brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, then put his hand on the side of her face as he gazed into her eyes. "So what do you say we take things slowly? I know we've had eight years to get it right, but we haven't. You've been hurt. I've been hurt. Let's work on putting this behind us."
"It's going to take awhile to put what happened with Pete behind me, Jack. I feel so guilty for getting involved with him in the first place."
She took a deep breath and tried to keep talking.
"You have been so patient through all of this. You still gave me your friendship, even after I got engaged. You were there for me when Dad died; you've always given me your respect and I don't know if I deserve it."
Just then, they heard a knock at the door.
Sam wiped her eyes. "Come in."
Daniel opened the door and peeked in. "Sorry to interrupt but Teal'c and I thought you might want something to eat. We had food delivered."
"We'll be out in a minute" Jack answered.
"Okay." Daniel closed the door.
Jack took her face in his hands. "Let's give us a chance."
Sam nodded her head. "We'll talk more after they leave."
"Yes, we will." Jack looked around. "Where's your cane?"
Sam had to think for a moment. "I guess I left it in the kitchen."
Jack went to get her cane and brought it back to her.
Daniel and Teal'c sat in Sam's living room, watching television and eating. They helped themselves to the food and joined them.
After they finished, Daniel started the dishwasher and came back into the living room. "We're going to go now and give you some privacy."
Sam stood up, put her arms around Daniel and hugged him, then did the same to Teal'c. "Thanks for your support guys, we really appreciate it."
Daniel smiled. "You're welcome."
Teal'c nodded his head and smiled.
"Thanks for coming to check on me, Daniel, and thanks for the advice" Jack added with a grin.
Daniel patted him on the back, then he and Teal'c walked outside and stopped beside Daniel's car.
Daniel took off his glasses, took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes as they both looked back at the house. "I hope they'll be okay, Teal'c."
Teal'c nodded his head. "I'm confident."
Back in the house, Jack turned to Sam. "We were going to continue our talk."
Sam sat down slowly on the sofa and Jack sat down beside her. "Does your leg hurt?" he asked.
"A little but the medicine helps."
Jack took his hand in hers.
"I've been scared, Jack."
"Of what?"
"Of my feelings for you. As I told you, I've never had a stable relationship. It wasn't long after going through what I went through with Jonas, that I met you. The attraction for you was immediate, but I guess I was scared of getting hurt again, and I felt a relationship with you could only end in disaster since you were my CO. There were the regulations to think about and every time those feelings came, I pushed them away. I also couldn't understand what you would see in me anyway."
Jack frowned.
"I thought you saw me as this geek, just another scientist to tolerate. I thought you put up with me just because General Hammond told you that you had to; that I was on SG-1 because you didn't have any choice and that you really didn't want me there. I tried so hard to prove to you that I could be an asset to the team. I looked forward to coming to work, not just because I loved my job but I knew you would be there. When we got back from Antarctica, I really had to admit to myself how much I was starting to care for you."
Sam swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to keep talking.
"The first night we were back and in the infirmary, you were asleep in the bed next to me and I lay there watching you. I felt like such a failure. It had never occurred to me that there might be a second gate on Earth."
Jack reached for her hand. "It didn't occur to me either, so stop blaming yourself."
Sam shook her head and continued. "There have been other times that I've doubted myself where you're concerned. So many times, I felt you were way too good for me."
Jack squeezed her hand. "Stop. You didn't feel good enough for me?"
She nodded her head.
"Well, here's a revelation for you. I always thought I wasn't good enough for you. I'm several years older than you and I sometimes wondered what you'd see in cynical, sarcastic me. After all, you're beautiful and have this extremely intelligent brain and half the time I only understand a tenth of what you're talking about."
Sam laughed and it was so good to Jack to see her smile, then his expression grew serious again.
"Are we finally ready to do this, Sam? Can we put all this behind us and work out our differences?"
"I want to. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life."
"Good."
They gazed into each other's eyes, then Jack leaned over and kissed her.
"I love you, Samantha."
Sam smiled. "I love you too, Jack."
Sam moved closer to him and lay her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.
Sam sighed. "Yesterday and last night, I did a lot of thinking about my career. Even if you hadn't shown up here and we hadn't talked, I had already decided what I want to do."
"And that is?" he hesitantly asked.
"I'm leaving the SGC."
Jack pushed her back from him and put his hands on her shoulders. "No you're not!"
"Just the SGC, Jack, not you."
"I can retire."
"No. The President, the Joint Chiefs and General Hammond wouldn't let you. Everyone at the base respects you and you're a terrific leader. Besides, you know you'd miss the action too much. I've loved my time there, but I'm ready to move on and do something else."
"Such as?"
"You know the lectures I give to the cadets at the Academy?"
Jack nodded his head.
"I love doing that. I love the interaction with those bright young minds. I want to teach science and physics. General Kerrigan has told me several times that all I would have to do is ask, so I'm going to ask. I'm tired of getting injured and tortured. I'm tired of running for my life when we encounter some system lord that only wants us dead. I'm tired of wondering if the next time I step through the gate if I will make it home alive. I'm tired of putting up with men on other planets that have no respect for women. Besides, the SGC has enough qualified scientists to handle all the research."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"If that's what you want, then go for it."
Sam paused a moment and started to grin. "There's something else I'd also like to try."
"And that is?"
"Motherhood. Because of Jolinar, I don't know if it's possible, but I'd like to find out before I get too old."
"You want a baby?" Jack asked with a grin.
"I'd love to have a baby . . . if you're the father."
Jack put his arms around her and hugged her to him.
Ten months later:
Jack quietly opened the door to Sam's classroom to see her with her back to her students, writing on a blackboard as she talked. He sat down in one of the few remaining seats in the back row, just as she turned around.
He had run into General Kerrigan in the corridor. According to him, Sam was one of the most popular teachers at the Academy, so the cadets signed up quickly for her classes.
He watched and listened as the cadets gave Sam their undivided attention.
Not long after Sam left the SGC and started teaching, they had married in a simple ceremony with just their closest friends attending. He was still base commander of the SGC and they had never been happier.
A smile lit up his face as his eyes went from her face to her tummy. She looked so pretty in her Air Force maternity uniform. The baby was due in two months.
As he sat there he thought about how far they had come. So much had changed since that day when he had walked into Sam's bedroom to see her lying on her bed, feeling that she had lost him forever. After spending many hours talking, they finally got everything out in the open; how much her engagement had hurt him; her deep regret of her involvement with Pete; his almost waiting too long to tell her that he wanted her permanently in his life.
He remembered the day that Sam had received a letter from Pete, telling her he had moved back to Denver. Pete confessed that he had always been jealous of him, and Pete had suspected from the first time he had seen them together, that they loved each other. Pete had hoped that, in time, Sam would come to love him, but realized too late that it wasn't going to happen. Pete apologized for his behavior the last day he had seen her.
He was brought out of his reverie, as a cadet sitting in front of him raised her hand to ask a question and as Sam acknowledged the young woman, she noticed Jack sitting behind her. A smile quickly flashed across her face as their eyes met and Jack winked at her. Just as Sam finished answering the question, the bell rang, ending her classes for the day.
Jack stood up and waited for the cadets to clear the room, then made his way down the steps toward Sam. As he approached, she grinned at him and he kissed her on the cheek.
"What are you doing here?"
"Wasn't much going on at the Mountain, so I left Reynolds in charge and thought I'd come watch my wife in action. Besides, I missed you."
She wrapped her arms around his waist and gazed into his eyes. "Did you learn anything?"
"Are you kidding? I have no idea what you were talking about with all those little squiggly lines and equations and numbers and letters" he said as he waved toward the blackboard. "It's all Greek to me."
Sam smiled. "Jack, I do know that you know something about physics. If you didn't you couldn't be a pilot."
"I know very little compared to you. It's amazing to me how such a beautiful head can hold so much knowledge."
She kissed him, then suddenly put her hand on her tummy.
"Ouch."
"You okay?"
Sam nodded, then took his hand and placed it on her tummy. Jack held it there for a few moments and he smiled as he felt the baby kick.
Jack hugged her to him as she lay her head on his chest.
"I love you, Samantha."
"I love you too, Jack."
"I thought we might drop by that store you keep telling me about that has all the cute baby stuff."
A smile lit up her face. "Really?"
Jack loved to see the sparkle in her eyes. "Sure. Then after that, we'll stop at that new restaurant on the way home."
Sam kissed him on the cheek. "Okay, just let me get my things."
Jack watched as she stacked some books and papers and put them in her briefcase. She got her purse out of her desk, he picked up her briefcase and they started up the steps.
Jack grinned. "I thought of a name for the baby."
Sam abruptly stopped and turned to him with a look of dread on her face as she put her hand on his arm. "What now?"
"Homer George."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Jack, yesterday it was Homer Daniel. The day before that, it was just plain Homer. You're just determined to name this baby after a cartoon character with a pot belly and only -two hairs on his head!"
"Why not, Sam?" he whined.
"No. We are not naming our child Homer. Can't you imagine all the teasing he'd have to put up with? We might end up being murdered in our sleep by our own son, just because he hates his name. Besides, it may be a girl" she said with a twinkle in her eyes.
Jack grinned. "Homerette?"
Sam started to giggle and shake her head as she kept walking.
They reached the top of the steps and Jack opened the door. "Oh, I've got it" he teased her. "Homeretta?"
"No!"
The End