AN: I'd like about 50 reviews before I post the meadow scene, but even if I get 50 reviews for this chapter I won't post until I get another Bella chapter up. OCD OCD OCD!

The Journals

You were beautiful, sitting in that class so unassuming that anything was different with me. But I instantly knew that you were different. Not only your smell but your mind, it was so blank. I was taken aback by this, never had I met someone whose mind I couldn't understand.

The idea that perhaps your mind was blank crossed my mind, but your expressive dark eyes contradicted that idea so quickly I was ashamed I had even thought it. I had finally been bamboozled and by a weak, little human. There wasn't even anything extraordinary about you.

And that's what made you, in my eyes, so astonishing. So extraordinary. By law, you had no power over me, you were only human and yet as time went on you had so much power over me. You held the strings to my marionette form.

But it was just another piece of the Bella puzzle, and more evidence for The Second Law of Bella; never assume Bella will act like the typical human.

Had I been human I would have given myself a headache trying to pry into your head that day. I was so frustrated by you, so determined to figure out what you were thinking. It tore me in two, I wanted to get as far away from you as possible, your scent was unbearable at that time. But I wanted to get closer; I wanted to find out what was going on in your mind. If I couldn't hear it it must be something magnificent. A work of art.

The weaker side of me gave in and I got closer to you than I should have and for the most part, I don't regret it one bit. As long as you continue to tell me that each day, perhaps one day I'll believe it myself.

I think that in the days right before you were changed I gave you the impression that I wasn't looking forward to you being one of me, to being equal with me. To being a vampire. That's not exactly true. I was looking forward to you being equal with me, unbreakable and in a way your immortality. I just hate that you had to lose your soul in order for me to get all of this.

But our disagreement on vampires soul is not of the matter right now.

The reason behind my hidden excitement of your change was that I thought that perhaps with your change I would be able to see more clearly into your mind. I would have been thankful and grateful for even the foggiest view at that point. I was so confused by all of your decisions. I couldn't grasp why you hadn't chosen me over Jacob Black, out of your two choices he seemed like the better decision, he could certainly give you a more normal life. At least more normal than what I have to offer you.

The night that you cried in my arms is so evidently embossed into my mind, it's like it's happening right now, clear as day.

I waited not quite so patiently next to your side, on the outside fretting over your current state but also trying my hardest to peer inside your mind. I had no idea what I would see and I wasn't sure if I would want to know what was going on in your mind in your moment of greatest pain.

Perhaps it is the same for those humans who slow down at the sight of a car accident, they want to know what happened, see what happened, but at the same time the fear of seeing anything gruesome makes their adrenaline pump. I wanted to know what was going in your mind so desperately that I would have risked hearing the thoughts I never wanted to hear from you.

"I regret it."

I was so terrified that if I didn't hear you thinking those thoughts during the transformation that you would wake up and say those words and cry without tears. I would hold you again, of course, but after that I have no idea what I would have done. I suppose it's good that you didn't wake up that way.

Do your surprises ever end, Bella?

Of course not, it's The Second Law of Bella.

I'm ever so thankful that you woke up with that grin on your face, your hands smoothing over the blanket playing with the familiar and somehow foreign textures of the cloth. We were silent, staring at each other. At some point Carlisle had left the room.

I'm sure we must have stared at each other for hours, quietly. You're fingers playing with the texture of the cloth on your shorts, shirt, blankets, anything you could get a hold of. I was so jealous of everything those fingers touched.

It seemed that at the same time we rushed towards each other and the forever following it was a war of skin, hands, lips, tongues, eyes and whispers of promises of eternity.