The Journals
Hunting was the hardest thing to adjust to. While I wasn't opposed to eating meat when I was human I had never really thought about what had to happen to the animal in order for me to eat that meat.
Edward held my hand tightly as he took me into the wilderness, I knew he had been dreading this but it was pointless to put it off anymore. Even though everyone had been nice enough to bring me blood to drink the first few days I knew that couldn't last forever, it was impractical.
I had "woken up" with the sun today. It seemed silly but Edward and I still spent the night in bed, he would hold me and our breathing would sync up. I opened my eyes and rolled around to face him, "I'd like you to take me hunting today. I'd like you to teach me."
He looked down and his jaw clenched. I could see the pain in his eyes as reality set in for him, I wasn't the delicate human he had fallen in love with. I was terrified. Maybe he would take me into the forest and leave me there, let me figure things out on my own. Maybe he only loved me because he had to protect me, protecting me gave him a place in the world. It gave him something to do.
Was I just a hobby to him? Was he going to lose interest once it became easier? Was I not challenging enough anymore?
We continued staring at each other before he got up, "Okay, put on jeans and a long sleeve shirt, I'll meet you out front in five minutes. I need to talk to Carlisle," he sat up and pushed to covers aside. He kissed my cheek and strode out of the room, grabbing a shirt out of his drawer on the way out.
"Wouldn't want me to get poison oak or anything like that," I grumbled. I didn't like starting the morning off like this, our mornings since being married had started off sweet and romantic, never like this.
I got up and got dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. I pulled on my tennis shoes and looked at my appearance in the mirror. Despite the night in bed my hair was still piled nicely on top of my head and my face was free of pillow wrinkles.
I went downstairs and saw Edward waiting in the foyer, I took his hand and tried to smile, "Please don't be so gloomy, Edward. It's not like I'm running over your dog and telling you to watch. I'm just asking you to teach me to hunt—"
"It's not really something that is taught. I'm just—" he pulled me out the door and into the surrounding forest, "I'm just scared I'm going to lose control of you," he shook his head like he was getting rid of excess water in his hair, as if that would make him forget his fears.
It didn't help knowing that he had the same fears as I did, there was no comfort there.
We walked into the woods for a few miles, "I'm sure you've already taken notice to a few animals nearby. I want you to go after them. You'll know what to do," he let go of my hand stood there. I walked into the woods a few feet, "Wait!"
I turned around, confused, was I doing something wrong? Was I defective in some sort of way? Edward walked up to me and grabbed my wrist bringing me towards him, we were to chest to chest and staring at each other.
"What is it, Edwa—"
His lips were on my own instantaneously. One arm was around my waist and the other was on the back of my neck, my own arms were locked inside the embrace, "I love you," he pulled away and let me go.
And I ran.
&
I stared back down at the carcass. This animal was dead. From my hands, I had taken life for my own betterment. The blood was on the ground and my tears were falling into the small puddle.
I cried in Edward's arms as he took me home.
"You did wonderful."
"You're beautiful."
"I love you."
He repeated over and over again.
AN: Sorry it's half-assed. But I need to get something out, I feel really bad sense I was doing so well with updating and then school started. College this semester is amazing, but so hard. I went through 150 index cards this weekend alone doing vocab work. I've also been working on my own personal fiction which you can check out over on fictionpress, the link should be in profile. (I have the same user name there, and pretty much everywhere else except like... myspace.)
I will post the meadow scene on Thursday.
Now go check out the pictures on Meyer's site! OMG.