Disclaim I do not own ANY of the Naruto characters nor do I even need to. The characters featured in this fanfic belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
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"Shizune-nee-san!! Obaa-chan can not be a host, let along be able to stand straight all night? She's wasted! Why can't the rest of team Konohamaru, host this show with me?!"
"Gomen Konohamaru. The awards are about start, and your team-members already gotten their assignments. Tsunade-sama herself wanted the hostess job and we must not go against her. After all she is the hokage… A hokage who could destroy this stadium when angered. Do you understand what I'm saying Konohamaru? "
"…y-y-yes, ma'am!"
"Good. Now off you go,"
"B-b-but Nee-san! Obaa-chan isn't here! And stop pushing me, I'm not a child!!"
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"Weeeelocome to the first annual Villain awards!! Here are your hosts for the evening Konohamaru and the fifth hokage Tsunade!"
"Ahh! … Damn Nee-san! Why did I have to bring the pig...?"
"Oink!!"
"Oh! Yeah the awards! … Hi, y'all! I'm Konohamaru, and this one here is Tonton."
"Oink!"
"Tsunade-sama will be out any minute now. Until then…Tonton here is going to host the show with me… Right, Tonton?"
"Oink! Oink!"
"Tonton! Don't run away from me! Get back here! Don't make me come after you!"
"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!"
"Itai! That damn pig actually tripped me…"
"Pss…Konohamaru… Announce the presenters… "
"Aaanyhow…To present the award for best male villain, here are Hatake Kakashi and Maito Gai!"
"YOSH! HELLO TO ALL YOUTHFUL, YOUTHFUL AUDIENCE!"
"Yo,"
"ARG! THERE IT IS AGAIN, THAT HIP, YOUTHFUL ATTITUDE OF YOURS, MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL KAKASHI!"
"…"
"I PROPOSE ANOTHER YOUTHFUL MATCH OF YOUTH! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A YOUTHFUL READING COMPETITION! ...where did I put my YOUTHFUL green glasses? ..."
"…"
"OH, THERE THEY ARE! THE MATCH STARTS NOW!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Hm? You said something?"
"AHA! I WIN THIS YOUTHFUL CONTEST! THE SCORE NOW IS AN EVEN 61-61."
"…huh...? Gai, did we have a just have one of your stupid competitions?"
"YOSH!"
"…thought so… Here are the nominees for best male villain…."
"THE NOMINEES ARE…"
"Orochimaru,"
"Pain,"
"Yakushi Kabuto,"
"Hidan,"
"Gato"
"Kakuzu,"
"Kisame,"
"and Tobi,"
"Gai, may I get the envelope, please?"
"YOSH!"
"…And the winner is…"
"TOBI!! YOSH!"
"Tobi won?"
"Yeah, you won, un…"
"Tobi must go and receive his award then?"
"Go do that, then, un…"
"Thank you Hatake-san. Tobi is very happy. Tobi is also veeery grateful for this award. Tobi wants to thank his fellow members of Akatsuki, especially Deidara-sempai! Tobi wants to talk the mangaka Masashi Kishimoto for drawing Tobi! And the people giving Tobi this award! But Tobi really wants to thank himself. So thanks Tobi for being Madara! Tobi guesses that's all! Baibai!"
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"You have to go back out there Konohamaru!"
"Forget it, Shizune-nee-san! I quit!"
"No, you can't. This is a big responsibility, and you knew that from the being,"
"But, I don't want to!"
"Stop acting like a baby. Don't you want to impress Naruto, and the rest of them?"
"…Yeah…"
"Well, the only way to do that is by doing your job,"
"But Tobi really wants to thank himself. So thanks Tobi for being Madara! Tobi guesses that's all! Baibai!"
"You're on in three, two, one…"
"Shizune-nee-san! You don't actually have to push me on stage and why am I carrying Tonton again?!"
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"Well, Tonton. What do you think about hosting the show with me for the rest of the night?"
"Oink!"
"That's good. Should we introduce the presenters of the next award?"
"Oink!"
"TONTON! Stop running around!"
"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!"
"AAAA! ITAI!! DAMN YOU TONTON, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I GONNA SHIP YOU OF TO A STEAKHOUSE!!"
"OINK!! OINK!! OINK!! OINK!!"
"YEAH YOU BETTER BE RUNNING! ...anyhow…Here to present the next award for best female villain, are Umino Iruka and Sabaku no Gaara"
"Hello"
"Hi"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…Gaara-sama, how is it being the fifth Kazekage at the age of fifteen?
"Fine"
"Not very fond of small, talks I see,"
"No, I'm not"
"Okey, let's just present this award."
"The nominees for best female villain are…"
"Konan"
"Uchiha Itachi "
"Hn,"
"Tsuchi Kin"
"Haku"
"Oh?"
"Deidara"
"Deidara-sempai! You lied! You told Tobi that you weren't a girl!"
"WHAT THE HELL, UN!! I'M NOT A GIRL, FEMALE OR ANYTHING THAT IS NOT MALE, UN!! DO YOU GET THAT TOBI! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING RETARDS ARE YOU GUYS, UN?! I HAVE A DEEP, MANLY VOICE IN THE ANIME, UN! IN THE MANGA I HAVE PROVEN I DO NOT HAVE BOOBS, AND STILL YOU GUYS DOUBT MY GENDER?! YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKING SHIT-HEADED GARBAGE, UN!"
"Ehem, let's continue…"
"Orochimaru"
"I may have long beautiful hair, but I'm certainly not a female!"
"Sakon/Ukon"
"He he…Huh? Do we even look female!!?"
"The fucking lipstick makes look like on, you fucking retards,"
"and Tayuya"
"And the winner of best female villain is…"
"Tayuya,"
"Thank you for this fucking award. I'd like to fucking thank my shitty team-members, Orochimaru – sama, and the fucking show for giving me the fucking award. Thanks a shit!"
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"Tsunade –sama! Where have you been?! The awards have already started without you! Get dressed, and wipe that drool off your face,"
"Hick…Shissune! Hick…I'nn the okagee, soo put a stak in it! Hick… Ann …hick… Thop soving... Hick…me!"
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"Obaa-CHAN??!!!"
"WHATCHA CALL ME?!!"
"…T-tsunade-sama? ..."
"…Good… Hick!! Whyyy an I currying Tenten?"
"You mean Tonton, right? I don't know…Maybe Shizune-nee-san gave her to you while shoving you out here..."
"Oink!"
"Tsunade-sama, where were you?"
"Doooon't YOU start that on me! Hick!"
"Oink! OINK! Oink! Oink! Oink!"
"Sossy Tantan. Hick! … Didn't mean to dop you,"
"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!"
"Ahhh!!...warm…"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU DAMN PERV!!?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
"Pss…Tsunade-sama…Announce the presenters… "
"Hick…sooo… to present the award for best villain death scene, here are Kankurou and Sai …Hick…"
"Hey"
"Hello, Barbie man,"
"What did call me?"
"Barbie man"
"Barbie man, that's funny coming from the man whore,"
"…"
"Would you quit smiling like that, I just insulted you?!"
"…"
"Man, you're messed up,"
"Barbie-kun, we should start presenting the award?"
"Barbie-kun!?"
"Yep, that's my nickname for you,"
"You look more like a Barbie then me, whore-kun. Besides it hard to get offended by a transvestite who looks like chicken-butt hair,"
"…"
"You really creeping me out. Let's get this over with. The nominees for the category of best villain death scene are…"
"Haku"
"Deidara"
"Momochi Zabuza"
"Kakuzu"
"Kimimaru"
"Kinuta Dosu"
"Sasori"
"Kurosuki Raiga"
"The winner is …"
"FUCKING HELL WHY AREN'T I A FUCKING NOMINEE?"
"Because you're technically not dead,"
"WHAT?! YOU FUCKING BUNCH OF DICKHEADS! MOST ON THE LIST FOR BEST FEMALE VILLAIN WEREN'T EVEN FUCKING FEMALE!! "
"…As I was saying, the winner is…"
"DON'T LITTLE FUCKFACE TRY TO IGNORE ME!"
"Deidara, or Barbie-chan,"
"WWWHAAATTTT!!!"
"…nothing…"
"Here you go…"
"Thanks for the award, UN!"
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"Temari-san, you have to fill in for Tsunade-sama and Konohamaru."
"Let me guess. Tsunade-sama is past out somewhere, and the little brat is in the hospital because of a temperamental drunk"
"Does that mean you'll fill in?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because I have no reason to host, ask someone else."
"No one else is available right now,"
"So I was your last choice, then?"
"No! That's not what I meant!"
"It sure sounded like that,"
"Temari, just go and host the show,"
"Gaara, why should I have to?"
"Because I'm your Kazekage and can therefore order to be a host,"
"But I'm your older sister. And we are not in Suna. Therefore I don't need to listen to you,"
"Temari-san? Gaara-sama?"
"…Temari…"
"Stop the sand Gaara…"
"…No…"
"Okay, then I'll do this…"
"…Where did you get the water from? …"
"Temari-san could you just go out, and present the band, you don't need to do anything else,"
"Temari…"
"…Fine…"
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"Where the hell did I get the pig from?"
"Oink! Oink"
"Fine, Tonton then…"
"For tonight's music number…"
"Oink!"
"Give a shout out to…"
"Oink! Oink!"
"HEBI!!"
"OINK!!"
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A/N: I don't have anything to say except:
REVIEW!
Tsubaki