Chapter 6: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own the show, don't own the characters from it. Yada, yada, yada…
Pairing: ML / MA
Rating: Mature for language and implied sexual content
A/N: Hugs and lots of cookies to those who sent in their reviews and added this story in their list. Mesa so happy! Muse is pretty much bouncing around with happiness hehehehe.
Biggs creased his brows as he stood there silently waiting for Max to sign the papers. Thirty minutes. He had been standing there for almost thirty minutes waiting for Max. Tilting his head, he lifted up his hand and waved a hand in front of Max to which the female transgenic responded with a blink and slight shake of her head.
"You ever going to sign that? I mean if I need to redo it or something…"
"Oh no. It's okay. Sorry."
Sighing softly Max finally signed the papers and handed it back to Biggs offering him a small apologetic smile. "I'll tell everyone not to bother you today." Max nodded in response to that, grateful that Biggs was kind enough to offer.
"Thanks Biggs."
"No problem."
Placing the papers inside the envelope, Biggs then moved to walk towards the door and stepped out of the office.
Original Cindy had been watching her silently. A week had already passed since Alec left and ever since that, Max was out of it. Totally out of it. She had been acting like she was in a trance or something. She always had this far away look, zoning in and out of conversations. It was due to this that Original Cindy had to move all Max's scheduled appearances and meetings on the indefinite list. She was sure Max wasn't up to any of it.
"Are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine…"
"Mmmhmm… And I'm datin' a hot guy later."
Max turned to look at Original Cindy giving her an incredulous look. "Hey, I'm not the one who's been mopin' around and lookin' like all constipated for a week…"
Max huffed at that. It was ridiculous. "I am not moping around and I don't look constipated Cindy thank you very much."
"Mmmhmm… keep tellin' yourself that Sugar."
Max exhaled loudly and stood up from her office chair and ran her hand through her hair. Original Cindy pursed her lips and followed Max's movement with her eyes as the transgenic moved away from her desk and plopped right down on the couch.
"You know, if I were you, I'd call Aliana and ask for help. I'm sure her daddy dearest can make a phone call and find out how and where to contact your boy."
Max paused before moving to grab a newspaper scattered about the coffee table near the couch. "Why would I wanna do that? And for the nth time OC, he is not my boy." Original Cindy huffed and shook her head. She moved towards the couch and sat next to Max. "Honey, you've been like this since he left. Everybody can see it, even Logan. And he's been askin' for help. Man's out of his wits tryin' to come up with a plan to get you to talk to him. And you're scarin' him. I'm not supposed to tell but he feels like he's losing you."
Max tore her eyes away from the newspaper and turned to look at Original Cindy, her eyes now brimming with tears. "I don't want to hurt Logan. It's just… When Alec left, I feel like there's this big hole and I don't even know how to fill it up."
"Then call him…"
"No Cindy. I can cope up with this. Just give me time. I guess I just got so overwhelmed when he came back and now I'm just having a hard time adjusting…"
"You know, if Original Cindy didn't know any better I'd say you love him."
Max froze at that. Gritting her teeth, she couldn't even stop the tears from falling freely down her cheeks. Original Cindy moved to wrap her arms around her bestfriend. Max buried her head at the crook of Original Cindy's neck and sobbed freely. Gently she began to rub Max's back to console her somehow.
She had not talked to Logan. For a week. Except for occasional one word responses they haven't really had any meaningful conversations. Max had purposely avoided talking to him or to anyone for that matter, believing that she could handle this by herself. Clearly, she was wrong.
After a long moment, Max finally pulled back. "What are you goin' to do Sugar?" Max sniffed loudly. "Nothing. Stay with Logan. Get over this infatuation and finally be happy with Logan."
Original Cindy lofted her brow at that. Infatuation? Right. "Boo, if you love Alec then go after him."
"I told him to stay OC. I begged him to stay. What did he do? He said goodbye and left, without even looking back. He already made a choice. And I've already made mine. I love Logan. Always have and always will. I'm going to marry him."
OC had to purse her lips and exhale loudly at the reply. "I just want you to be happy Boo…"
"I will be OC. Don't worry. I will be…"
She was hopeless. Original Cindy didn't understand why Max couldn't just admit the truth and follow her heart. It didn't take a genius to know and see that she was really miserable with the other transgenic. She just hoped that Max would realize and accept this before it was too late. She was sure Alec was not going to wait for Max forever.
Canada, Alpha Team hideout, 7:30 PM
"I'm telling you Carlos, something happened. I mean look at him, he's pulling off that soldier mode to a T. Remember when he was dating that hot chick? Whenever they get into a big fight or something he's like that, except it only lasts for a day. It's been a week. Talk to him, the kid is really starting to worry me…" Bobby said before turning his attention to the man next to him. Of course the kid worried him, in fact, Alec worried the whole team. They haven't seen him like this and Tony Callahan was starting to wonder if this was going to be the first time Alpha team would fail a mission, all because their ever reliable transgenic had decided to play the role of Heathcliff. So to speak.
Carlos sighed softly and turned to look at Alec who was on a table not far from them. The transgenic was entirely focused on cleaning his glock. Pressing his lips, Carlos stood up and moved over to where Alec was. Grabbing a chair, he placed it on the side of the table and sat down.
"You okay niño?"
Alec creased his brows and kept his focus on the gun in front of him. "Yeah I'm fine. What time are we on again tomorrow?"
"O five hundred hours. Sharp."
Alec replied with a nod and kept his focus on assembling the gun before him. Carlos watched silently for a moment before deciding to speak again.
"Something happened back home?"
Alec pressed his lips and exhaled loudly. Placing the gun down, he lifted up his gaze and looked at the older man. "It's nothin' I can't handle man, don't worry about it."
"And you really think I'll drop it just like that? Come on Alec. You know me. I'll bug you like a damn wedgie."
Alec had to laugh softly at that then he shook his head. Leave it to Carlos to say something like that. Of course he played the annoying big brother to a T, not that the transgenic was ever going to complain. Chewing the inside of his cheek, he turned to look down at table. Where should he start? Ugh. Dammit. He didn't even know where to begin.
"You love her don't you?"
Alec froze at that. When did he become so damn transparent? Huh, he guessed there was no use in denying it. He had already admitted it anyway, well not vocally. Gritting his teeth, he nodded slowly. "Yeah I do. More than I should I think…"
"Well then do something about it."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"She's still with Logan."
Then there was silence. Alec huffed after a minute or two and shook his head. Carlos creased his brows. "What's so funny?"
"I heard her Carlos. She said she loved me. But she didn't do anything, except come on to me a couple of times. But that's it, nothing more. You know, back when me and her were younger, I was the one who always ran after her. Tried everything to win her over. Her friendship. Worked my ass off to prove I was worthy to be a friend. I'm not gonna do that this time. I'm not gonna lay my heart down the line when I'm not sure who she really wants. If she wants me, she's gonna have to work for it. Unless she makes a solid, genuine first move, I'm not budging."
Carlos nodded and lifted up his hand and patted Alec's shoulder. "If she chose to stay with Logan, then she's missing half of her life then."
Alec had to smile at that. "Thanks Carlos. I honestly feel better."
"Good. You think you can tone down that soldier mode a notch? You're really starting to freak out Bobby."
This time, a soft laugh escaped his lips. "I think I'll drop it entirely. I'm tired of mopin' around."
"That's your idea of moping around? Dios mio…"
Alec smirked. "Come on, I'm in serious need a cold drink…"
"Well you're in luck, there's a pack in the fridge."
"Great."
Alec stood up and Carlos followed after him. Well that was a quick change of mood. A little too quick actually but the older man did not say anything. He was glad that Alec had even opened up, even if for just a moment. The kid seriously had issues with being anywhere near emotional vulnerability. He supposed it had something to do with growing up inside Manticore. Based on what Alec had told them, they weren't allowed to feel anything. At all. They were soldiers. All their focus should be following orders. And that's it. You complain then you get some serious ass whoopin'. Alec's exact words. Carlos paused for a moment as he silently watched Alec retrieve two cans of beer inside the fridge and then tossed one to him. For now, he was okay. The older man just vowed to keep a close watch on the kid.
"So you really alright niño?"
Alec pulled the tab open and then lifted up his gaze to meet Carlos'. He pressed his lips slightly before smiling. "I'm always alright…" Lifting the can to his lips Alec took a sip before moving away from the fridge and walked back to the table. Carlos watched the younger man. Sighing softly, Carlos pulled open the tab on his beer can, took a small sip from it and turned to look at Alec once again.
No kid. You're not always alright.
Max knitted her brows as she went over the sets of menus again. For the life of her, she could not make up her mind as to which one appealed to her the most. She felt Logan sat next to her on the couch.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Max blinked and creased her brows further after hearing that. Dammit. Why do memories of him follow her around like a damn lost puppy looking for someone to adopt him? Tearing her eyes away from the menu she was looking at, she offered him a smile. A small one. "I just can't figure out which one is the best. I mean all of them are amazing…"
Logan smiled and draped his arm over her shoulder. "I'm sure we'll figure it out. Take your time." Leaning in, he placed a soft kiss over her temple.
Max closed her eyes when she felt his lips over her skin. Alec used to do that. Kiss her on her temple or on top of her head or her forehead. But it did not feel the same. Although there was this sense of security with Logan, it was nothing compared to what Alec made her feel. Alec made her so secure. So safe. So… complete. Quickly, she opened her eyes and turned her attention back towards the menu. No. She promised herself not to think about him anymore and that was what she was going to do. No matter what. Logan Cale was the one for her not Alec McDowell and that was that.
"Does pizza sound good to you tonight? I'm not really up for cooking…"
Max laughed softly at that before she turned to look at him and nodded. "Of course. You know I'm a sucker for greasy food." Smiling, Logan slid his arm off her shoulder and grabbed the cordless phone next to him. He stood up and dialed the number.
Max watched him silently. This was the man whom she was going to spend the rest of her life with. She smiled to herself. She had wanted Logan for so long and now that she had him she should be happy. So how come she felt like this was so wrong? Taking her eyes off the man who was pacing back and forth in the middle of the living room, she stared down on the menu before her.
Mrs. Logan Cale. Maxine Guevara Cale. Max Cale. It has a nice ring to it. So how come she wanted to cringe at the sound of that name? She exhaled softly. She shouldn't go there. She really shouldn't go there.
Maxine Guevara McDowell. Max McDowell. Mrs. Alec… Fuck. She gritted her teeth. No. That wasn't right. Her initials sounded like a damn movie production. That or a freaking popular chocolate. What the hell was wrong with her? She could not possibly, really love Alec right? It was crazy! Downright crazy.
"Earth to Max. Come in Max."
Blinking, she pulled her head back and turned to see Logan waving his hand in front of her face. Logan laughed softly. "I asked if pepperoni was okay with you." Max smiled and nodded. "Yes of course. Like I said, I'm a sucker for greasy food."
Placing the phone back to the cradle, Logan sat down next to her again and took the menus from her hand. "You should give these guys a break. Try looking at them again a few days after. You really don't have to stress yourself out over this." Max smiled back at him and nodded. She sank further into the couch and buried her head at the crook of his neck. She felt him place a soft kiss on top of her head. Tears started to burn her eyes.
"I love you Max."
She closed her eyes and let a lone tear fall down her cheek.
"I love you too Logan."
"How the hell does he do it?" Jake asked as he leaned further into his computer chair waiting for the transgenic open his COM link once again. Bobby smirked as he lifted up his hand and lightly patted the younger man's shoulder. "It's really simple Einstein. Ace is a charming young man unlike yourself." The rest of the group laughed out softly. Jake made a face. "Gee thanks bomber man for pointing that out." Hey, he was not that bad. Or well at least that was what he wanted to believe. The rest of the guys were still laughing when a soft beep resonated inside the small van. Flinch lifted up his arm to look at his wristwatch. "Dayum…"
"How long is it this time?" Bobby figured to ask as he turned to look at Flinch.
"One hour and forty-five minutes."
"Jesus, I can't last that long even when I was at his age."
Carlos shook his head at them, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. Well, boys will always be boys right. Tony Callahan also shook his head upon hearing the conversation. Moving over to where Jake was, he sat next to him. He reached for the small radio transmitter and pressed the button. "Tell us you got something Ace."
"Oh I got somethin' alright…" His hushed voice wafted through the air inside the van. The rest of the guys chuckled as Tony rolled his eyes. Carlos could not help but smile. It was finally good to hear the old Alec back. Still, he kept a close watch on the transgenic. He was sure the kid was trying his best to hide it. The pain. The longing. Talking about Max Guevara was still a sore subject for the transgenic, that much Carlos could tell.
"That was not what I meant…"
"I'm just kiddin' Chief. Gimme a minute…"
They all waited. It wasn't even into a full minute when a small message box appeared on the computer screen, and then downloading started. Tony smiled as he pressed the button of the radio once again.
"Great job Ace."
Alec smirked at that. Creasing his brows, he turned to look at the blonde that was lying fast asleep on the bed, he shook his head.
"The things I do for my country…" he muttered to himself before moving back towards the bed and carefully laid down next to her. Sighing softly, he stared into the ceiling. He almost didn't went through with this earlier. Kissing her, touching her, it totally did not felt right. His stomach was all twisted in knots in a bad way that it made him want to hurl. He kept seeing her face everytime he closed his eyes. Kept wishing it was her that he was kissing. Touching. That it was her that was squirming underneath him as he slid in and out of her. Alec blinked as he fought back the tears that were threatening to fall down from his eyes. No. He already promised himself not to think about her that way. They were friends and nothing more. Fuck. The ugly truth. They were just friends. Pressing his lips, he turned to his side and draped his arm over the blonde's waist and pulled her to him. The blonde sleepily snuggled closer to the warm body next to her. Alec forced to close his eyes and focus on the task at hand. He was not going to fail this mission because of Max. No way.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I am afraid
- Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
She always smiled, like nothing was eating her alive, like nothing was bothering her. Deep down inside she was dying. She felt like it and no one knew. She didn't tell anyone either, not even her very closest and best of friends. No one knew she was dying inside. That no matter how hard she tried, she longed for the kiss of another. She longed to be in the arms of another. That at night everytime she bolted up awake sweating and panting, it was from dreams of making love to him. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, no matter how hard she tried to fight it, truth of the matter was, somewhere along the way she had fallen in love with the man whom she used to hate and distrust. She didn't know when it happened and she didn't really cared how and why it did. All she cared about was to find the solution on how to end her misery. She didn't think this day would come but it did. Max Guevara was miserable without Alec McDowell. Her life was utterly miserable and empty without him.
How could I ever let you go?
Is it too late to let it know?
I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When I turn out all the lights
Even the night
It only reminds me of you
- Only Reminds Me Of You by Richard Marx
Everything reminder her of him. She can't be in one place without associating it with him, especially those that he had been at. Down at Crash, inside and out of Terminal City, inside their own apartment, up on the Space Needle, hell even just down the damn street. It was really tearing her apart. And being with Logan only made it worst. It only made her heart ache, so much that it hurts. Why couldn't she see it before? She was sure that she had fallen for him a long time ago. Maybe because her mind was too blinded by the fact that she really wanted Logan that she failed to recognize what or who was really in her heart.
Sighing softly, she turned her eyes on the man that was sleeping soundly beside her. Max turned to her side and just watched Logan. They said that if you can stand to watch someone sleep for hours then that person was your true love. Thinking back, she couldn't remember watching Logan while he was asleep. She pulled her head back, her eyes widened at a realization when a memory raced through her head.
Flashback
Five years ago…
Max sighed softly as she made her way back to the living room. With a hot mug of milk in her hand, she silently sat down on the chair adjacent to the couch. Lifting up the mug, she took a small sip before placing the mug on top of her lap. Her eyes drifted to the person sleeping soundly on the couch. She had been rough on him earlier tonight, but he didn't complain, not even one single whine, even when she barked orders at him like he was her damn slave. Leaning further into the chair, she tilted her head as she continued to watch him. She smiled softly as she took in the sight before her. Alec was lying on his back, his head turned to the side facing towards her, giving her a full advantage to stare. He looked so peaceful, so young even. Even when Alec didn't tell her anything that happened to him back at Manticore, she knew he had been through a lot. And most of the time she seemed to forget that he too was still young. At twenty-three, Alec was worrying not only himself but hundreds of other transgenics like himself as well as transhumans.
End of Flashback
Max blinked. That night, she never slept. She just sat there and watched Alec sleep. Creasing her brows, her focus went back to the man sleeping beside her. She finally got her answer. Why was she trying so hard to fight this anyway? Why was she so afraid to hurt Logan when being with him only made her miserable? Without Alec in her life, she was so lost. Hell she hasn't even been the same ever since he left all those four years ago. Four years. It took her four fucking years to realize who Alec was in her life. For a transgenic, she really was stupid when it came to matters of the heart. Oh God… She hoped she wasn't too late.
Sitting up, she sighed softly and lifted up her right hand. The lone diamond sparkled under the glow of moonlight that was streaming inside their bedroom window. Pressing her lips, she turned to cast her eyes back on the man next to her. She couldn't do this. If she did, she would only make both of their lives miserable. Logan deserved better than that. The man deserved to be loved, but not by her, at least not the way he expected her to.
Pushing the cover off her, she swung her legs over the side and got up. Silently, she made her way towards the bathroom and closed the door. She flipped the switch on and walked over to the sink. She looked at herself in the mirror, but only one thing caught her attention, the necklace that Alec had given her. Lifting up her hand, she fingered the necklace before she smiled softly. Her mind was already made up. It was finally time to set things right. Or at least that was what she hoped for.
Logan knitted his brows as he watched Max. She had been awfully quiet since this morning. She was forking the eggs around her plate but did not made any attempt to eat even just a tiny bit. He took his napkin and dabbed it on his mouth before he finally spoke.
"Max is there something wrong?"
Max lifted up her gaze and finally looked at him. There really was no easy way around this. Placing the fork down, she grabbed the napkin that was draped over her lap and placed it next to her plate. "We need to talk…" With that said she pushed the chair back and stood up and made her way towards the living room.
Creasing his brows, Logan could only push his chair back as well and follow Max towards the living room. How come he didn't liked the way she had said those words? Pressing his lips, he stopped when Max stopped and turned to face him. Logan placed his hands on his hips and tilted his head as he looked at Max. "Max what is it?"
Max turned to face him and folded her arms across her chest. "Logan, can you honestly tell me that through the years, your feelings towards me did not change?"
"Max what kind of question is that?"
"Logan just please, answer the question honestly."
Logan moved to stuff his hands inside his pockets before he shook his head. "I love you Max. I always have and I always will." Max nodded slowly in response. Slowly, she turned around so that her back was now facing him. She closed her eyes and exhaled softly. She can do this.
"Max, what is wrong? You're starting to scare me…"
Opening her eyes once more, she unfolded her arms as she turned around to face him once again. "I love you too Logan… just not the way I used to…"
Logan pulled his head back as he knitted his brows. What? Pulling his hands out from his pockets, he reached to grab the sides of her arms gently. "Max what are you saying?"
"I'm saying I can't do this anymore Logan." Lifting her hands, she slid the ring off her finger, grabbed one of his hands and placed the ring on the center of his palm and closed it. Tears fell down on her cheeks.
"I can't marry you."
Logan gritted his teeth. His nightmare had finally come true. He let the tears fall down his own cheeks as he pulled his hand back and opened to look at the ring on his palm. "It's Alec isn't it? You love him."
Max folded her arms once again across her chest. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did…"
"Always thought there was some truth behind Cindy calling him your boy. I just prayed you wouldn't realize it."
"Logan I'm sorry…"
Logan shook his head as he tried to offer her a smile. "Does he feel the same?"
"I don't know. I guess that's what I have to find out…"
He nodded in response. Sniffing, he took a step forward and circled his arms around her. Max didn't protest, instead, she let him hold her a little while longer. "I really hope he makes you happy Max. And if he doesn't, I'm still here. I'll take what I can get…"
Max pulled back and offered him a small smile. "Don't wait for me Logan. Don't be afraid to move on. You deserve to be happy. If it's not with me then give others a chance. You're a great catch you know…"
"But apparently not for you…"
"Logan…"
Logan forced a smile on his lips. "Sorry. Just give some time… I'll come around." Max knitted her brows at that. She really did felt sorry for him, but she didn't have the heart to lie to him and to herself anymore. Lifting up her arms, she snaked it over his neck and pulled him into a hug. A minute later, they both pulled back, awkwardness finally settling in.
"I'm staying with OC for a while…"
"Max you don't have to…"
"No Logan. It's okay. This is your place. I'm the one who moved in remember? I'm sure OC wouldn't mind. It's just for a few nights anyway…"
Logan nodded in understanding. She didn't have to tell him what her plans were, he already knew. She was going to look for him. Sighing softly, he stuffed his hands inside his pockets once again.
"I love you Max. Always remember that…"
He didn't even waited for her response as he turned around and headed for the kitchen. Max stood there for a minute or two before she finally moved and made her way towards the bedroom.
She was finally free and somehow a few weights were somehow lifted off her shoulders. Next step? Make a phonecall.
"Will you stop looking at me like that?"
Aliana laughed softly and shook her head. "It's just... I haven't seen you like this before you know. Miss feisty all in love and going gaga over some agent..."
"Lia he is not just some agent."
That only made the first daughter giggle some more. Max let out a frustrated groan before plopping right down the couch with an annoyed look plastered all over her face. Keeping the smile on her face, Aliana walked over towards the couch and sat down next to Max. She placed a hand on top of the transgenic and gave it a soft squeeze. "All this is new to you huh?" Max nodded offering her friend a small smile.
"You know I thought it was crazy back then with Logan, with all the wanting and longing..."
"Makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs hoping that somehow he can hear you huh?"
"Yeah..."
Aliana moved to pull Max into a hug to which Max allowed. She sighed softly as she closed her eyes. Max never really thought this would be that hard. That finding him would be this hard. Well the waiting part that is. The door opened and both girls turned to look towards the direction of the door as they pulled back. Anna, the president's secretary smiled at Max before handing her a small paper.
"The Chief said, they're on a mission right now and he does not know when the team will return but that's Agent McDowell's phone number and beeper number as well as their headquarters address. He would have given you his home add but none of the Agents really tell where they stay."
Max took the paper from Anna slowly and thanked her before turning her attention on the numbers and address written neatly on it. Her heart raced inside her chest. This was it. There was no turning back. She pressed her lips when she noticed that her hand was shaking slightly.
"It's okay to be overly nervous you know..."
Max turned her gaze to Aliana and offered her a small smile. "Thank you so much for this and please tell your dad and the Chief thank you for me." Aliana nodded in return. "I hope everything works out for you Max. You deserve to be happy."
"I just hope he feels the same way you know..."
"Max, with everything I heard from Cindy, I'm pretty much sure he feels the same way. He's just afraid to admit it, much like you were..."
Sighing softly, Max finally stood and grabbed her purse from the center table. She smiled at Aliana before giving the first daughter a tight hug.
"Girl you better call me too for updates."
Max laughed softly as she pulled back. "I will. Thanks again Lia."
"Anytime Max."
Placing the paper securely inside her purse, she smiled at Aliana one last time before she turned to walk out of the door. She had this new sense of hope down in the pit of her stomach which made her smile. She hoped to God that she was actually doing the right thing. She hoped to God that she was not already too late.